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SereneProdigy
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SereneProdigy
Cryptic Vigilante
I thought sharing this here rather than in that other thread where people are simply enumerating the latest movies they've seen, because well, this is a proper comprehensive review. Plus, I appreciated DamonX's initiative of creating an oasis of movie recommendations and would hate to see it completely fade away in the arid desert of Lush.

In any case, I felt like reviewing the movie Beauty and the Beast. Now I can already hear everybody protesting: "That movie is the 12th highest grossing film in the history of cinema and everybody has already seen it, you fucking moron". Hell no, I'm actually reviewing the Franco-German version which was released in 2014 and which only grossed 1/25th of the revenues at the international box-office despite being a dozen times more commendable.





I watched both the Franco-German and American versions in the last few weeks and figured it would be interesting to compare the two. I'll get this off my chest right away however: I really didn't appreciate the American version all that much. It's not that I have numerous reasons to criticize it, but rather that I definitely didn't seem to fit into the targeted audience. Let's face it, it was quite literally a remake of the 1991 Disney movie and therefore extremely childish/simplistic in nature, plus I just happen to thoroughly dislike these musical films. To me those sporadic (and totally absurd) bouts of singing never ever bring anything of value to the narrative and completely ruin any dramatic escalation that the overall plot is attempting to convey: "Tis a dire situation, let's all sing a buoyant song to truly highlight all that torment!". Yeah right.

With that out of the way, let's compare the two movies point by point:


Cinematography and mise-en-scène

The Franco-German version wins hands down despite relying on 1/4th of the budget. The American version appeared extremely artificial and plasticky to me; I felt like being transposed into a CGI studio much more than in a fantasy realm. I get that the producers were shooting for a cartoonish ambiance (to obviously hint at the previous Disney picture), but I still just didn't get any feeling of wonder or amazement while watching it. The Franco-German movie was a lot more atmospheric, nuanced, mature and immersive by comparison. Both mainly relied on CGI renderings to set the environments, but the Franco-German version managed to feel infinitely more real and tangible. As an example, here are the main towns of both movies side by side. American left and Franco-German right:





The overall CGI effects of the Franco-German version were also surprisingly quite professional, especially regarding Beast himself which I much preferred to the American one (who literally creeped me out at times with his overly agreeable expressions). And I say 'surprisingly' because in contrast to the American studio, that was achieved with 1/4th of the budget by a production team that didn't exactly emerge out of the #1 entertainment country in the world. Just a few odd subpar effects here and there where the lighting/blending wasn't 100% perfect, but still very engaging and pleasant to watch.

If you also watch it in the original French language as I did myself (with subtitles if you don't actually speak French), you'll also be a lot more immersed into the original story and the intended setting. Let's be clear, 'La Belle et la Bête' is a French fairytale which is also set in regional France, so needless to say, all those actors with a strong British accent in the American version didn't exactly pay a rightful tribute to the original tale for me. In this particular case, I say go French or go home, haha.


Plot and narrative

I guess you'll already see a pattern emerging here: the American version was extremely childish and simplistic compared to the Franco-German version. Inevitably, both versions ended up telling the exact same story, but the way a tale is told can still massively impact your appreciation of it. So what's the main theme of Beauty and the Beast exactly? Easy, appearances can sometimes be misleading and true love toward someone often requires deeper scrutiny.

The American version miserably failed at the whole 'digging deeper' aspect of that universal narrative: Beauty feels threatened by Beast (well kinda) until Beast saves her from a few wolves and she abruptly/radically changes her perspective toward him. In the Franco-German version, Beauty's affection is much more of a slow-burn: Beast's intentions are a lot more obscure and sketchy, Beauty is a lot more wary and reluctant toward him, and the romantic development is spread through the entirety of the movie in an engaging 'one step back, two steps forward' fashion. Moreover, both characters are significantly more fleshed out: Beast appears a lot more villainous and menacing by bitterly conforming his personality to his hideous appearance, while Beauty inevitably has to transcend her superficial appeal to put her foot down and resolve her unfortunate predicament.

As well, the whole movie felt a lot less formulaic than most American productions, which all seem to be built on the exact same profit-making frame and invariably end up being so goddamn clichéd and predictable. The only moment where the Franco-German version somehow felt a bit cheesy is near the end where there's an action sequence featuring gigantic live statues, but even that wasn't all that bad and still rather original and refreshing.


Bonus comparison: Emma Watson vs Léa Seydoux




Don't get me wrong, I happen to love Emma Watson: she's immensely talented, she manages to be both cute and gorgeous simultaneously, and she even vaguely resembles my girlfriend. But damn, Léa Seydoux. Léa Seydoux! Who could potentially resist that perplexing vulnerable-yet-blasé air which those French actresses always seem to master so wonderfully without even trying. And let me remind you, she was the sexy Bond girl in the latest movie Spectre. Spending a night with her would concurrently scratch three items on every sane man's list of sexual fantasies: a seductive Bond girl, an upscale French model, and an adorable little princess. I actually got tired of constantly biting my lips while watching that movie with my girlfriend and at one point I just inadvertently exclaimed: "Sorry to say, but I'd trade you for a cute little French princess in a fucking instant". To which my girlfriend cleverly retorted: "Well buddy, I'd trade you for a hideous beast in a fucking instant too". Ouch!

Seriously though, the movie stars Léa Seydoux and Vincent Cassel, two great actors who really elevated the film beyond my initial expectations.


The verdict

Let me be clear, that film neither was the greatest in the history of cinema nor completely blew me away. However, considering that the American version ended up being one of the most successful movies ever and that to me the Franco-German one was in fact superior in just about every way, I thought I'd offer credit to that unrecognized underdog. This isn't a movie that you will watch on the edge of your seat nor that will utterly transform your life, but if you're looking for something to transport you into a dreamy contemplative mood while reliving a universal parable, that version of Beauty and the Beast will definitely achieve that for you, with an extra-dose of exoticism if you happen to watch it in the original French language.

If I had to provide a rating where 5/10 would be an average score representing an uneventful movie that's neither deplorable nor praiseworthy, I'd give the American version a generous 4/10, while the Franco-German version would earn a 6.5/10 coming from me. Here's the trailer for those interested:
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SereneProdigy
Cryptic Vigilante
On a more serious note, I actually had long wavy Eddie Vedder-esque hair in my early adulthood (around 20-year-old). And I mention Eddie Vedder among all that plentiful history of long-haired musicians because my first girlfriend happened to be an enormous fan of Pearl Jam and I mostly grew/maintained that haircut at her own [s]sexual coercion[/s] demand. I remember using Garnier Fructis shampoo/conditioner quite a lot back in those days and it always seemed to keep my hair looking very nice and healthy.




Note: I actually completely shaved the sides of my head to sport the coolest Mohawk in town just a few weeks after breaking up with that girl, mwahaha.
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SereneProdigy
Cryptic Vigilante
Quote by Buz
Whatever my wife gives me to use. My hair is short and no fuss. When I was single I'd use any bargain brand. Now I find shampoo and conditioner placed for me in the shower.


My girlfriend actually started buying bottles of Head & Shoulders for me to use when I shower at her place. At first I thought that she did this out of pure love and consideration toward me, but soon realized that the little scoundrel was simply tired of me constantly wasting her oh-so-expensive coconut shampoo just to wash my head and pubic hair.

The naive romantic in me is getting more and more disillusioned with each passing day spent as her lover.

Sigh.
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SereneProdigy
Cryptic Vigilante
Just regular Head & Shoulders shampoo, though the one that I'm currently using has almond oil in it. Dandruff can be problematic for me and my hair isn't exactly long enough to benefit from any of the fortifying/volumizing/shining features of high-end shampoos. My hair is in fact much similar to how Ryan Reynolds had his while filming the movie Deadpool: buzz-cut on the sides and just long enough on top to apply some putty whenever I seek a more stylish look (which is actually most of the time and only requires 2 minutes or so). I cut my own hair with a clipper once every 2-3 weeks, by the way; free tips available on request.
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SereneProdigy
Cryptic Vigilante
Quote by noll
Aren't you just referring to French people? They tend not to speak any other language than French or make an attempt to understand people who don't speak French flawlessly it seems. #généralisationsauvage ;)


I'm not exactly sure what you mean by that. Are you suggesting that French people specifically from France are usually snobbish regarding their language? People from France have a reputation for being snobbish regarding just about everything, saying that they're pretentious concerning their language really isn't any singular, haha. These folks came up with Louis Vuitton, Coco Chanel and libertinism, you'll definitely have to look elsewhere if you're looking for any modesty. Funnily enough, of all the cultures around the world, we Quebecers are actually the ones who tend to reinforce that stereotype the most since the comparison with us is extremely easy and we're essentially a lineage of poor submissive peasants ourselves.

But no, in all seriousness, the few people from France that I knew here in Quebec really weren't any arrogant and always attempted their best to adapt to our own peculiar version of the French language (which is easily achievable after a few weeks of adaptation). I'm afraid that the onus really is on us in that case, our way of speaking is extremely different from written French and unquestionably improper. It's really not like comparing British vs American English, educated people from Quebec know full well what 'proper' French is (since the written French that we learn is still 100% proper and identical to the one of France), but we still can't help but to fall back to our linguistic idiosyncrasies whenever we're speaking.
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SereneProdigy
Cryptic Vigilante
Quote by Buz
I cannot tell the various French accents apart, yet. I can recognize a Cajun speaking French, though. I have several Cajun in-law relatives. I also wear expertly tailored suits.


Funny, to me the French accent from France always sounds waaay stronger and much more noticeable than the one from Quebec; just think of the infamous 'ze' when they mean to pronounce 'the' (eg. "Ze man is walking on ze sidewalk."). You'd never ever hear Quebecers pronounce things in such a conspicuous manner; maybe it's because we're much more exposed to the English language here in Quebec, but most of us will at least try to get the pronunciation right rather than displaying such a shameless exaggerated accent.

Somehow, whenever I hear English people expressing that the French accent is 'sexy' I just don't tend to assume that it applies to the Quebec accent all that much. I'm not quite sure how biased I am, but I mostly only discern the awkward faults when I hear a Quebecer trying to express himself in English and just can't perceive any of the 'exoticism' that you guys seem to cherish, haha.
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SereneProdigy
Cryptic Vigilante
Quote by PhilU
I had two teachers in high school French lessons - one who was born in France, and one from Quebec. Their accents did sound quite different in English and en francais. And my accent while speaking French (badly) is part France, part Quebec and (the largest) part just plain awful.

I don't have an accent when speaking English. Okay, maybe just a little bit strine (i.e. an accent where "Australian" can be made to sound like "strine").


If you only learned French from school lessons, chances are extremely high that your way of speaking it would be much closer to the French of France as opposed to the one of Quebec. I say this because whatever you learned through lessons most definitely was 'proper' French, and the language that we speak here in Quebec happens to be immensely 'improper'. Our way of speaking is essentially a slang language where we implement all sorts of weird and nonsensical contractions/expressions. Most people who only learn correct French in a school just can't understand what the fuck we Quebecers are saying when they come to visit us. And ironically enough, a lot of those visitors actually speak a better French than we do ourselves.

For example the sentence:
"I am going to retrieve my car from the garage sometime soon this afternoon."

Would sound like this in proper international French:
"Je vais aller chercher ma voiture au garage sous peu cet après-midi."

But in Quebec we'd say:
"M'a aller chercher mon char au garage kek part st'après-midi."
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SereneProdigy
Cryptic Vigilante
I've lived in Quebec all my life and was raised in the French language only. I obviously have a French accent while speaking in English, although I rarely ever have to actually converse in English. The French/English languages are still rather segregated here in Montreal, so I'm only forced to speak in English around 1% of the time in a few specific downtown areas/venues.

I actually stumbled across this video quite a while ago and couldn't help but to bookmark it because the guy speaks exactly as I would in English. Exact same French-Canadian accent, exact same overall mastery of English, and I happen to talk in the exact same unhurried/composed manner (hey I'm an introvert, you'll have to look elsewhere for all those crazy inflexions). So yeah, I'd say that this guy is a pretty damn accurate representation of how you'd hear me speak in English. The only difference is that I either talk about science or sexual kinks instead of fancy suits, haha.

Question: Can you English speakers spot the difference between the French accent from either France or Quebec? It's always pretty fucking obvious to me...
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SereneProdigy
Cryptic Vigilante
The bourbon-bar has been losing quite a bit of its badass charm in the last few days. I even think that some weaklings pissed in my drink while I was busy ogling the outrageous titties of a few Dixie chicks.





Here's me fiercely kicking the jukebox and tipping my hat to the state that offered us all those wonderful bourbons...





Kentucky - Hermano (2007)

Gun it down
Oh, will you run it down?
He never slows it down
He never pilots down

Down on a boat on Havasu
Smoking bolt of thunder
Take a toast again
Drink to the couples at the edge of the lake

Rhythm and booze
I'm not in the mood to sleep, honey
It takes all night, only in the wake of
In the wake of, only in the wake of Kentucky

Smoked again
Let's take all night
No time to lose
50-to-1 never to lose
He never fought a man
With nothing to prove

I said lift him up, bring him down
Sing the song again
Only in the wake of
In the wake of, only in the wake of Kentucky

Gun it down
Oh, will you run it down?
He never slows it down
He never pilots down
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SereneProdigy
Cryptic Vigilante
Quote by DamonX
I thought you call them "bugs?"

Pacific lobster are quite a bit different than Atlantic. They have no claws so they are kind of just like big shrimp.

If you want the real lobsta experience you have to get those huge 50 year old atlantic ones from the North Atlantic. Crack those claws open and dip them in lemon butter.


I'm actually against using either crab or lobster mixed in with other stuff. It's such a delicate flavor that I find overpowering it with strong spices or rich sauces just overpowers the subtlety.


I've heard many times that larger lobsters tend to not be as flavorful as smaller ones. Regular ones are typically around 1.00 to 1.25 lbs. The ones I usually select myself are somewhat bigger and around 1.5 to 2.0 lbs, which I've always found plenty sufficient for each person. To me that's always been the best size to choose for both perfect flavor and perfect quantity.

And I fully agree about the whole 'not mixing with other stuff'. I always eat my lobsters with plain white rice, that way the taste of your lobster isn't tainted by any other flavors while your rice will inevitably adopt the flavor of your delicious lobster/butter. I think that many restaurants that serve elaborate lobster meals do so because they can't get their hands on 100% fresh lobster (or won't be bothered to keep a stock of live lobsters). Can't really blame them and I'm sure they can come up with great recipes nonetheless, but if you're in a region where lobsters are abundant, just buy them live and cook/eat them within a few hours.
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SereneProdigy
Cryptic Vigilante
Discover Rashad Alakbarov, Shadow Painter Extraordinaire

This is so fucking creative and evocative. Feel free to Google him and post additional artworks...





Biography

Rashad Alakbarov builds structures from everyday objects that, when lit from a specific angle, cast shadows of landscapes, portraits, patterns, and words. Built from common materials such as wood, metal, glass, and general detritus, Alakbarov’s works exist only when illuminated and viewed from a particular vantage point, causing viewers to question their perception of reality. Addressing childhood memories, Middle Eastern linguistic history, societal expectations, and gender roles, the artist evokes nostalgia while also critiquing widely accepted beliefs and cultural standards. Many of Alakbarov’s works—particularly text-driven pieces such as Do Not Fear (2015) and This is Not Chaos (2015)—project clear messages from seemingly chaotic assemblages, confronting the relationship between sign and meaning.
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SereneProdigy
Cryptic Vigilante
Nope, I absolutely love it.

I always see it that way: if anyone asked me to perform an activity that I normally enjoy in my free time in a forced schedule of 7+ hours a day, like playing the guitar, or working out, or reading stuff, or playing poker with friends, or playing video games, or even fucking my girlfriend, it's actually extremely likely that I'd be goddamn tired of it after only a few days. The fact that I can accomplish my job day after day, week after week without ever becoming exhausted or exasperated just hints that it's probably the activity that suits me the best and that I enjoy performing the most in my entire life.

Sure sometimes I'd simply prefer to stay at home and do something else, but hey, that's part of work and that's what makes weekends so refreshing and fun. I've been without a daily job a few times in my life (a few months when I joined Lush actually), and I genuinely missed that rewarding 'Friday feeling' that you get after a devoted week of work; 'free time' just really isn't the same without all those recurrent periods of committed work.

And in case anybody is curious, I pretty much spend my entire days staring at these plans. It suits (and soothes) my detail-oriented mind, haha:
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SereneProdigy
Cryptic Vigilante
It's been a long while since I've offered comments on anybody's pictures, but when I did it was nothing more than a friendly gesture just to tell those people:

"Hey I took notice of your pictures and now know what you look like."

Mind you, some of those pictures were mildly suggestive, but the few friends that I've made here weren't the type to post dozens of explicit pictures. I'm simply not interested in that part of Lush, if I'd want to masturbate I could just open a new tab in my browser and find thousands of pictures that perfectly suit my fantasies and that absolutely no one here could ever offer me as plentifully (or remotely compete against).

Note: I didn't vote in your poll because none of the options represent my reality.
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SereneProdigy
Cryptic Vigilante
I'm clearly a lobster-enthusiast between the two, although I frankly can't establish a fair lobster/crab comparison as I've always eaten them in completely different circumstances: lobster always fresh and eaten in full (ie. from a live lobster), crab always pre-prepared and eaten as part of a meal that incorporated many other seafood (eg. paella or similar dishes).

The Maritime provinces of Canada are pretty much a lobster-paradise, and we do have our fair share of lobster fishing here in Quebec too, mostly from either La Gaspésie or Les Îles de la Madeleine. My neighbors before I moved to a new apartment were an old retired couple from La Gaspésie and huge lobster connoisseurs. Oddly enough, they always told me that lobster from Les Îles de la Madeleine was better because it mostly lives in rocks rather than living in sand. I've never bothered to investigate the rationale behind it, but considering that this advice essentially forced them to betray their own native region, I've always trusted their recommendation.

Anyway, I usually have 1-2 lobster meal(s) per year during the season (May to July). I obviously favor lobsters from Les Îles de la Madeleine and usually buy rather large live lobsters between 1.5 and 2.0 lbs. If I buy them at an appropriate time when they're being sold for around $10/lbs, that normally translates to no more than around $15-20 per lobster. I'm admittedly a somewhat shitty cook (or rather I'm not all that invested in cooking), but cooking live lobsters is just so ridiculously easy: you just have to cut the rubber bands around their claws and dump them in salty boiling water for around 20 minutes. And I'm naturally writing in the 1st person to express my own undertaking when I'm hosting a lobster evening with my girlfriend (at either of our places), but I'm honestly just as likely to be invited to one myself by either friends or family.

Like DamonX the claws are my favorite part to eat; the legs taste just as good to me but they're quite a bit more trouble for the tiny amount of meat that you get. I usually start by eating the legs to get them out of the way, then the tail, then I finish my meal with the delicious claws. And I totally eat the tomalley too (wow that's a lot of Ts), that green stuff that lobsters have inside their bellies; and the roe if my lobster happens to be a female.

Simply delicious.


Extra bit of trivia: I once read that lobster was considered rather shitty food prior to the 19th century and mostly offered to servants and prisoners. Isn't that so goddamn ironic and hilarious?
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SereneProdigy
Cryptic Vigilante
Aside from the obvious titles that plenty of others have already mentioned (eg. Pulp Fiction, 12 Monkeys, The Jackal, Sin City, The Fifth Element), I was actually pleasantly surprised by Surrogates. That movie didn't get the love/attention it deserved, in my opinion. I totally should watch it again:
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