French Onion Soup and breath mints
This entire thread peeves me. You bunch are entirely too judgmental. Myself included. We really need to grow up and not let something or someone on the internet bug us.
Once. Almost twice. I came to my senses and ran like hell with my shoes in hand before it progressed any further.
Dear Best Bud.
You're my favorite person (next to my kids) in the world. But honest to god, if you keep this pity party up for another fucking year, I'm going to snap.
Seriously? For the past 7yrs you've been a gawdamn buzzkill!
I can't believe I put up with your mind-numbing, life-draining, energy-sucking disposition.
Don't be so fucking depressing. I swear to god I need to go fill out a Zoloft prescription after dealing with ALL your shit.
Absolutely nothing makes you happy!
Loyalty is a bitch, but man, oh man... I'm gonna need therapy, twice a week, just to put up with you.
Cocksucking, brain dead, useless donut-dicked, fucking douche nozzle.
You're about as useful as a fork in a milkshake drinking contest.
Lasagna and fresh breadsticks and Caesar salad
Is it just me or should I just bang my head against the wall repeatedly until it all makes sense?
ONE
Recently, when I went to McDonald's I saw on the menu that you could have an order of 6, 9 or 12 Chicken McNuggets.
I asked for a half dozen nuggets.
'We don't have half dozen nuggets,' said the teenager at the counter.
'You don't?' I replied.
'We only have six, nine, or twelve,' was the reply.
'So I can't order a half dozen nuggets, but I can order six?'
'That's right.'
So I shook my head and ordered six McNuggets
(Unbelievable but sadly true...)
(Must have been the same one I asked for sweetener, and she said they didn't have any, only Splenda and sugar.)
TWO
I was checking out at the local Wal-Mart with just a few items and the lady behind me put her things on the belt close to mine. I picked up one of those 'dividers' that they keep by the cash register and placed it between our things so they wouldn't get mixed.
After the girl had scanned all of my items, she picked up the 'divider', looking it all over for the bar code so she could scan it.
Not finding the bar code, she said to me, 'Do you know how much this is?'
I said to her 'I've changed my mind; I don't think I'll buy that today.'
She said 'OK,' and I paid her for the things and left.
She had no clue to what had just happened.
(But the lady behind me had a big smirk on her face as I left)
THREE
A woman at work was seen putting a credit card into her floppy drive and pulling it out very quickly.
When I inquired as to what she was doing, she said she was shopping on the Internet and they kept asking for a credit card number, so she was using the ATM 'thingy'.
(Keep shuddering!!)
FOUR
I recently saw a distraught young lady weeping beside her car.
'Do you need some help?' I asked.
She replied, 'I knew I should have replaced the battery to this remote door unlocker. Now I can't get into my car. Do you think they (pointing to a distant convenience store) would have a battery to fit this?'
'Hmmm, I don't know. Do you have an alarm, too?' I asked.
'No, just this remote thingy,' she answered, handing it and the car keys to me.
As I took the key and manually unlocked the door, I replied,
'Why don't you drive over there and check about the batteries. It's a long walk....'
PLEASE just lay down before you hurt yourself !!!
FIVE
Several years ago, we had an Intern who was none too swift. One day she was typing and turned to a secretary and said, 'I'm almost out of typing paper. What do I do?' 'Just use paper from the photocopier', the secretary told her. With that, the intern took her last remaining blank piece of paper, put it on the photocopier and proceeded to make five 'blank' copies.
SIX
A mother calls 911 very worried asking the dispatcher if she needs to take her kid to the emergency room, the kid had eaten ants. The dispatcher tells her to give the kid some Benadryl and he should be fine.
The mother says, 'Oh... I just gave him some ant killer...'
Dispatcher: 'Rush him in to emergency right away'
*DISCLAIMER* I copied this from an email. I have no idea if it's all true or not, but it wouldn't surprise me in the least.
That little thing called your profile is an amazing tool when used properly. Fill it in.
We don't need a novel, but take a look around at a few of the members profiles to get a feel for it.
We don't want to do all the work when you start off with "Hey! How's it going?"
I've got a one word answer for that. "Fine." That's if I even answer it. I know I'm going to have to pull teeth to get this conversation started.
Now it's dead air. Nothing. This is when it becomes awkward. A conversation should flow smoothly. It shouldn't be hard work.
Now unless I ask a question back (and sometimes I'm just not in the mood for it) the beginning of the conversation has ended.
Or I might not know the person asking the question well enough to ask them a question.
You started the conversation... Now make it interesting.
Find something in common to discuss. Maybe a note about a story they've written if they're an author or a comment about their blog post.
Maybe their choice in music, if they've put together a playlist. Or like someone said before, interacted with them in the forums.
The tools are their for you... Now implement them.
I prefer to call them voyeurs instead of lurkers. If it wasn't for those quiet ones, who would the exhibitionists perform for?
"Smells Like Teen Spirit"
The only good thing that ever came outta Nirvana was Dave Grohl.
