Quote by Leesi
Saying that I don't care what anyone thinks is not being flippant or dismissive, you are going to judge me no matter what I do. We need to step away and look at our actions before passing judgement on everyone else. If you've never done anything you should be ashamed of, I think that's amazing. I absolutely cannot say that, and I am capable of owning my mistakes, and feeling shame.
We don't know why a person is seeking love and affection outside their marriage/relationship. There are many people who cheat because they can, and because they like it, but not everyone is the same. Not everything is black and white, and I will deal with God when my times comes.
Peace.
p.s. (using one of my favorite things V and I always do when we tack on something to our emails) Why do I stay? Because my daughter is a happy and well adjusted kid, who is being raised in a happy home. I will not be selfish and leave my husband because I need affection.
nyth
Before all hell breaks loose here, please let me comment that I am not judgmental about these types of things. Somewhere in the mess of these forum threads, way back, there was a thread about "have you had relations or fuck a married person" or something like that. I answered that I had been a mistress for over 3 years. Did I regret it? AFTER the fact I did. Mostly because I had the thinking at the time, I'm single and it's all his problem if he wants to carry on a relationship with someone other than his wife. What I learned was, after 4 years of therapy: I fell in love with a man I could never have, the real losers in the whole thing was his wife and myself, and I wasted over 3 years of my life with someone that I lost (time and love). Time is so precious. If you've ever had a harrowing life-or-death situation, you know this is a fact.
The other huge point, spelled out fully to me, via the wife was this: physical fucking is one thing, and it can be forgiven but the intimacy - the talks, the wishes, the dreams, the connection that is deep and like an umbilical cord, changes the loyalty and respect in the "marriage" (for lack of a better word). Nothing is ever the same. She told me that many times, during the normal family stuff, she'd look at Winston and notice that his mind had gone somewhere else. She wondered where he went, and that hurt her greatly.
so now that I have provided my own history on this subject
, the original posters question was:
Quote by Porgy87
QUESTION: If I'm having a rich sexual fantasy in writing with someone, and I keep that from my partner, am I cheating? There's no physical sex; there's no interest from either side in meeting IRL; each of us is wearing a persona that may be 99% real, or 1% real (including a misrepresentation of gender). Am I cheating?
It appears that many people believe that if your spouse or significant other does not know about the
relationship, the intimacy between the two people, it is cheating.
Many people seeking relationships outside of their marriage are missing something in their marriage (obviously). There's always justification for seeking and finding what one is missing.
Lush is a blessing for many. Sometimes it helps clarifies what's missing or helps one figure out how to make things better .... and the route is entirely subjective.
So ... have at it. Absolutely no judgment on my part. It matters zero to me. I just wanted to clarify my initial post.
Best of luck,
Van