She worked for a law firm at the top of the skyscraper which we both worked inside of and apparently had been carrying on a romance with the fellow who was about ten years younger than she was. She was nestled up on the fortieth floor, I was situated with the peons on the eighth. We wouldn't see one another except for 10 to 15 minutes in the mornings and afternoons.
She propositioned me one Friday morning while we were both outside, smoking and mutually dropping innuendos.
"Come over to my place and and we can both not be lonely together."
It is true that I arrived at her house full of intentions and expectations, but I'd also read the horny cougar correctly, as she was practically throwing herself at me on the sidewalk in front of our building all that day.
"I'm so moist you'll probably hear me sloshing as I walk away after this cigarette!"
In other words, I wasn't receiving mixed signals...
Five minutes after she let me in her front door, we had both stripped one another of our clothing and I was pounding her, in missionary, on the carpeted floor near her bed. I picked her up (while still attached) and tossed her onto her mattress and prepared to mount and continue...as she certainly seemed to be in the moment as well... when she held up her hand, palm facing me and loudly exclaimed, "What the fuck are you doing? YOU ARE FUCKING. ME. LIKE I AM A PIECE OF MEAT!"
My boner almost immediately dropped and wilted back to flaccidity as I stood there, slack jawed and panting. I could almost feel my dilated pupils begin to normalize...as my vision readjusted and I heard her say, "Make love to me, tenderly, with affection...like it's our first time!"
Sirens almost went off inside my head as a klaxxon began repeatedly blaring: BACK AWAY SLOWLY, GATHER CLOTHING, GET THE FUCK OUT
As I began fishing around for my jeans she realized what I was doing and began first pleading with me to re-engage (lovingly) and then as I slipped on my shirt and sneakers, she began berating my masculinity.
It was all I could do to keep from laughing out loud. Seriously.
She was still yelling and cursing at me, from her open front door, with the comforter wrapped around her naked self...shouting out into the darkness of her front yard as I quickly walked to my vehicle parked in her driveway.
My only replies were spaced a few minutes apart as follows:
"I'm sorry, I misjudged..."
"I sure as fuck don't love you, nor do I want to learn how."
And finally -- "Fuck off, nut job."
And that's the only time I've ever regretted engaging during coitus.
