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clum
3 days ago
Bisexual Cis Male, 35
0 miles · Scotland

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Quote by ChuckEPoo
Took me ten minutes alone to figure out the bra catch.


My ex had this beast of a bra—absolutely stunning but completely impenetrable. I think it was actually supposed to be a Chinese puzzle.

That's definitely something I improved on in time. Gave us a good few laughs in the meantime.
The whole event, around 45 minutes, I guess. Actual intercourse, probably two minutes.

Very rough estimates. Who times it?
Quote by Pat278
I know there are a lot of guys out there that at time or another have thought about what would it be like, weather that is to get a blowjob from a guy or to blow another guy.

So how many out that are willing to admit it.


Wondering what it would be like to be with another guy, even fantasising about it, is not the same as being bisexual or bi-curious, in my view.
Quote by She
So, how is it going with increasing story views? Getting any closer to get new badge?


I've had twenty-odd views since I posted—slightly more than average. I think I need to offer people something in return.

Re. Bug Slayer badge... What I found wasn't so much a bug as a tiny little glitch, and I kinda sweet-talked Gav into giving me the badge for it (because, the same as you, I really wanted it). So I'm afraid I won't be much help.
Quote by silveranode
Hey Clum.
That video is just so PASSE.




EDIT: Just found this, which is even better:
Quote by Dirty_D
an entire other human passed through it .


Was it this guy?

My dearest fellow Lushies,

I want to ask you a favour. You don't have to do much; it will only take a second.

My story, Welcome To Kirkgate, is fewer than 500 views away from 30000, the requirement for the Famous Story badge. Maybe it seems silly to care about a badge, but I just really want it.

You can help by simply clicking the link below. You don't even have to read it (although it would be lovely if you did); just click the link and then go about your daily life.

Thanks in advance,

Clum

http://www.lushstories.com/stories/mature/welcome-to-kirkgate.aspx
Quote by Mazza
Lol, I'm sure it can't be THAT effective!!



Maybe I'm exaggerating a little. It is sexy though.
Quote by Mazza
I only read my first story of his today - haven't had the pleasure of his audio... yet


Make sure you're alone... and have a change of underwear handy.
They should listen to LUPUS! Man, that guy's voice is enough to get anyone a bit wet in the pants.
Quote by Lupus
This is kinda me a T, too.

My own problems? I can sometimes go missing. I'm still there and I'll always be there for my friends, but occasionally I'll just go into 'downtime' and disappear for a while before coming back. It's nothing against anyone I'm with, it's just that I sometimes need my own time and space, which obviously isn't good for some people.

Oh and I've had issues in the past with knowing the other a little too well. That might sound strange, but I have a great memory (for the most part) and I pay attention to things people do and say, so it doesn't take long to get into their head. Sometimes it's been an issue for others, with me knowing how they'll react or what they'll do. I guess they like the mystery.

*Whispers* Mystery's scary.


That's kinda freaky. I could say those exact same things.

Get out of my head!
Quote by Lupus
Or maybe I'm an opinionated cunt.


Maybe.
I feel bad for blind people if this is their "porn". I just listened to a preview and it was fucking awful. Not erotic in the slightest.
Quote by Lupus
I can't input here much more than has already been said...

*writes essay*


EDIT: Also, a fun game: For those of you who have been writing a while, go back and read something you wrote maybe a year ago and ask yourself, "Does this reflect my best work? Would I give this a 5? What could/should I have done differently?"

Be your own critic, and fuck the rest. Literally.
Maybe you could elaborate on why you would like a "western female friend"?

Are you looking for a friendship? Or a new relationship? Someone to practice your English with? A cyber/phone sex partner?

Are you interested in learning more about "western" culture?

I just think more details might get a few more people potentially interested.


Welcome to Lush, by the way!
When people ask me to do things, I don't tend to say no. I find myself getting involved in all sorts of things. As a result, my life becomes very busy and sometimes I have a lot less free time than others. I can imagine that becoming quite irritating for someone I'm involved with.

One problem I had with my ex, although I probably had more of a problem with it than her, was that she was really extrovert and I really wasn't. Anywhere we went she would either meet people she knew (because she knew EVERYONE) or she'd make new friends, and I'm not a very sociable guy so I probably seemed a bit awkward in those situations. Like I say, I think it bothered me that I was like that more than it did her.
Lisa. Hands down, the best on the site.

And a lovelier lady you never could meet.
Quote by ChrissieLecker
The bad thing is that a few dunderheads can vote down a story enough so it gets skipped by readers. I'm a sucker for numbers and statistic, so I did a bit of counting and comparing, and its already more than just noticeable when you have a 4.5 average after four votes compared to a perfect five. It cuts your views by half. That's the thing that sometimes grates on my nerves, not the exact number written under my story.


Ahh, I don't get that many views anyway, so I guess it just doesn't bother me. I like that anyone, especially friends, will take the time to read my work.

Quote by ChrissieLecker
There's the often-recited saying to write only for oneself. Bollocks, at least for me. I write to put smiles on people's faces, to make them thoughtful, surprised and aroused. I write to share emotions and discoveries and, what it boils down to, happy moments. And I want to improve. Votes don't tell me how.


I'm with you on that—I don't only write for myself. Sure, I don't let the anticipated response of readers dictate the content of what I write, but it's certainly written with a view to impress people and bring some happiness into their lives.

I want to improve, too, and I actually do feel that votes tell part of the story. Over time, most of my stories have settled to an average of 4.8–4.9. Even a small difference in score gives me a reasonable indication of what worked and what didn't. Sure, specific comments are more useful, but I have to be own worst critic; I've got to go to that story with a 4.76 and think, "What was it about this story that didn't quite make the impact I wanted it to?"

In an ideal world, it's the stories where we're averaging 2 or 3, not the seemingly high 4.76, that we look at, but that's just not how Lush works, so you adapt.
Quote by Robguy
It's crazy at the guys who embellish here!!! 5.5 inches here and fine with it!!


It crazy that guys think they have to qualify their average penises with statements like "fine with it", "does the job" and "never had any complaints".

Why wouldn't you be fine with it? Why wouldn't it do the job? Why would women complain?

Eye Roll Level: Liz Lemon

Sadly, in my experience, authors don't ACTUALLY want to know why I felt their story deserved less than a 4.

Everyone claims to want constructive criticism, but they really just want people to blow smoke up their ass. Comments of mine have been labeled as negative and unnecessary when all I did was offer an opinion on how the story might have better captured me. I've even seen some of my more critical comments go missing.

Now, when I leave comments, I try to focus on the specific aspects of the story that I enjoyed (there's almost always at least one thing). That way, I'm still being constructive (because if I didn't comment on something, then it wasn't an outstanding aspect of the story) but running a lower risk of offending anyone, which is the last thing I want to do.

I don't think every 1 or 2 vote is "malicious" (which, in itself, if quite a dramatic word)—sometimes people just don't like it. I would NEVER assume someone had given me a low vote out of spite. I like to think I don't do things that would cause others to act so spitefully towards me. A story being awarded an RR doesn't exclude it from low votes from others—an RR is awarded by ONE person.

Bottom line, though, is that some people are cunts on the internet. You just gotta take the good with the bad, and remember that it doesn't really matter what your average score is—it doesn't actually change the quality of your story.
Quote by Jayne33
I'm pretty sure you can already opt out of messages sent to all friends in your settings. ]


You learn something new every day. Thank you.
Quote by Buz
Thanks Danny. I didn't know any of that stuff. If I suited up and went out on that field I'd tackle somebody. I guess that's a no no isn't it? smile

I'd love to see the USA win another game though. At least we won one so far. That's a lot better than usual.


Tackling means something slightly different in football. There's a lot less contact.
Quote by gav
So you want to send a PM to all friends, excluding a few (annoying ones) ?


What about, taking that idea further, being able to set up personal mailing lists?

Then, for example, when people are sending out spam about their new stories, those of their friends who REALLY don't want to receive them (me) could politely request to be removed from that list.