Lushies, I have done you an injustice in not telling the whole truth. The situation is not as straight forward as I would have had you believe in my OP so I'm going to tell something of a story now.
This girl that I mentioned, let's call her R, I've known her for over a year now. From the first time we met (and it sounds cliché but it's true) I was sure we were perfect for each other. Initially I really thought it was going to go somewhere - we got on great, she seemed really into me, her friends liked me, my friends liked her (most of them, anyway). There was one big problem - her boyfriend.
Before she came to uni (where we met), she had been seeing this guy (a semi-professional wrestler, no less) back in London. I was given the impression that this relationship was all but dead, or else I would not have pursued her, but it turned out that he was still on the scene and, despite their problems, they were going to give things ago.
This was a really difficult time for me, emotionally, especially because we had resolved to still be good friends. It was tough being around her when all I wanted to do was kiss her and at times I resented her for making me feel so lousy. One of the most awkward moments in my life was when I met her wrestler boyfriend - I didn't stick around for long.
We did manage to maintain our friendship (she really need a good support network) and I eventually learned to accept that that's all it would ever be. She has since broken up with said boyfriend but there was never another opening for me. Since then, I've had quite a defeated attitude towards potential relationships and there's never really been another girl that I've liked enough to give something a go. I kept myself busy with societies and political campaigning and religious activities and I thought I was happy being alone. I wasn't.
Loneliness really started getting to me, although I would never have admitted it to my nearest and dearest. I decided the only way to make it better was to throw myself wholeheartedly in Buddhism, chanting and praying earnestly every day for a cure to my loneliness. My practice became strong and other obstacle arose which I easily overcame, but still no sign of the future Mrs Clum. I did not despair, as my life was going so well in every other aspect so I had a lot to be grateful for.
A couple of weeks ago, I jointly hosted a big house party in St Andrews (11am until 1am - it was epic) as part of an annual tradition of our university. R came to the party later on, by which time I was pretty far gone, and stayed for a while. When she said she was going, and the party was quietening down, I decided I could still catch the last bus home rather that pull up a floorboard and so I walked with her. We chatted and dandered and I ended up missing my bus by 5 minutes so R invited me to crash at her house.
We talked the whole way home (most of it my drunken nonsense, although I was sobering up) and it was really nice but there was no real sense of anything romantic at that point. When we got there, we lay on her bed and talked some more and, somehow, the topic of 'us' came up. We hadn't discussed it in a long time but I guess there was just enough liquor left in my system to have no fear of talking bluntly about it. If I may paraphrase, part of the conversation went like this:
R: I kind of thought you'd be the guy I ended up with eventually.
C: So why don't you end up with me now?
---
R: I'm looking for a guy to have a more serious relationship with, that's not just about sex.
C: It seriously sounds like you're looking for me.
There wasn't much said after that, but we cuddled together and fell asleep. I had to leave early the next morning for a class so we didn't get to discuss anything in the light of day but she texted me a lot that day. We were a bit flirty but we seemed to be skirting around what was both clearly on our minds until she finally just said, "Can we talk about this." We set up a coffee date because I'm worse than useless on the phone. We got there, got a coffee, and talked.
I told her I was all in, I really thought we could make a proper go of it. She seemed less sure but she was definitely not saying no. We had been friends for so long now that she didn't know if we could take it up to that level without some sort of weirdness. I tried my best to allay her fears and agreed, by way of trial, to let me take her on a proper date to see what we would be like as a couple - enter this forum topic.
From then, we spent the night together a couple of times (with minimal relations but a little 'testing the waters') and things seemed to be going well. Just about everyone we knew was really rooting for it to work out (there was a sizeable 'Team Callum). I decided to take her out to see some live comedy but it wasn't going to be for over a week so, to keep her interest, I invited her to my flat for dinner, making clear that this wasn't the date that I had promised her and that there was more to come.. It turns out (and it really could have gone either way) that I'm a pretty decent cook, so that won me points. That was last Saturday.
On Tuesday, I ended up back at her house and spending the night again. We were kissing and cuddling and having a nice time when she stopped, looked at me and said, "I want to be your girlfriend." I was over the moon - I'd gotten the answer I was after before we even got to the real date.
So there it is; I'm in a relationship. It's quite a new experience for me but I think I'm doing not bad. We did go on that date last night and she described it as, "Probably the best date ever." Most agreed that it really showed how well I know her.
Needless to say, I'm a very happy man right now; having a beautiful woman on your arm does that to you. Things are great between us and I really have high hopes for the relationship - we're already lamenting the fact that we have to spend the Christmas break apart. You might see me around the forums from time to time looking for a bit of 'being a good boyfriend' advice, haha.
Thank you all very much for your suggestions, even though I didn't actually take any of them. I do want to comment on a couple:
MF - sounds like an interesting strategy and I'm sure it works for you but I only moved to this city a couple of months ago and so there isn't any place that fits your description for me.
Iceskating would be an utter disaster - I don't think making a complete fool of myself is how to win a girl's heart.
Strip club - no; I don't think I would be comfortable enough myself, never mind her.
'Getting to know you' dates are pointless - we know each other pretty well.
And to those who suggested picnics - it sounds terribly romantic but not when it's either below freezing or pouring with rain.
Thanks again and sorry for the essay, I just wanted to explain a bit more and shout from the rooftops how happy I am.
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clum
1 month ago
Bisexual Cis Male, 35
0 miles · Scotland
Forum
Clumeleon
I'd probably take the cash. I don't think there's one genre that I dislike enough to say no.
However, as a few people have said before, I probably wouldn't produce my best work if I was being made to write about, for instance, lesbianism* and so how long I would keep the job is another question.
*Note, I do not "detest" lesbianism, I'm just not comfortable writing about it.
However, as a few people have said before, I probably wouldn't produce my best work if I was being made to write about, for instance, lesbianism* and so how long I would keep the job is another question.
*Note, I do not "detest" lesbianism, I'm just not comfortable writing about it.
Clumeleon
Quote by Dudealicious
Before I can personally share advice in what you may want to consider doing, I would have to find out what some of your interests are (both of you) Are you football fans, do you both enjoy music / theatre / art?
Well, we're both mathematicians... not sure that helps. She's not very into art or museums and stuff but I know she quite likes live comedy so I've been scouting around to see who's in town soon.
Mazza (can we still call you that?), I really like a lot of your ideas. There is a nice aquarium in St Andrews, or maybe a picnic in Anstruther (Portpatrick sounds lovely but it's a bit of a trek from Fife/Dundee area).
She might well love paintballing or horse riding but I would not and, without wanting to seem selfish, I think I'd be bad company at something like that. I think I'll stick to something where I'm not required to be quite so hands-on.
Keep the ideas coming, please.
Clumeleon
I've just recently acquired a first date with this girl I've known for a while and am pretty much crazy about. I don't want to do the standard 'dinner and a movie'; I want to do something that stands out and will make her want a second date.
I'm looking for ideas for something fun or different we could do together that will show her I'm not just another guy trying to get in her pants.
I've never done much dating before and I'm a bit nervous because I really want it to go well. Any advice is appreciated.
I'm looking for ideas for something fun or different we could do together that will show her I'm not just another guy trying to get in her pants.
I've never done much dating before and I'm a bit nervous because I really want it to go well. Any advice is appreciated.
Clumeleon
Quote by DirtyMartini
I think that's a lesson too many learn the hard way, and too late...you're either forced to rush the next chapter to keep up the continuity, sacrificing quality in the process...or worse yet, I think...the next chapter doesn't post for months later after everyone forgot what the story was about in the first place...
Ahh, but I always try to make my chapters readable in their own right, especially where the series spans different categories (I'm just talking about erotica here now). It's clear in The Ethan Blake Story that there's more to come but I don't believe I've left readers in months of suspense and they should be able to fall back into it really easily. So while it's good advice in general, I think it's more relevant for those writing a novel-style series.
It is something I'll bear in mind and I'll probably write at least the next few parts before posting again.
Clumeleon
The first time I wrote a 'multi-chapter' story, it was unplanned and came about because of the popularity of the first 'chapter'. I was quite unsatisfied with the sequels and sort of wish I hadn't written them. I learned from this that planning is very important.
The current series I'm (supposedly) working on, The Ethan Blake Story, is very much planned out and I have a basic outline for 16 further instalments (whether or not I write them all is a different matter). The idea is that each story introduces a new sexual experience for Ethan; my challenge is to write in almost every category. I have a good idea what I'm working towards and what I want to achieve on the way, but the exact path is liable to change as I go.
You can't be too rigid with your plan or you'll back yourself into a corner. After the first story was written, I loved one of the characters so much that I decided to keep her as a recurring character and have since had a great idea for a reappearance. My point is, stories and series evolve as you go but without a general direction, you're likely to become distracted and erratic and not produce your best work.
You're right about keeping the 'edge' - it can be difficult to keep readers interested in the same ongoing story. The important thing, in my opinion, is to try to do this without making the stories ridiculous. You might decide to introduce new characters from time to time to keep it fresh, take your characters out of their comfort zone, throw in occasional surprises, or any number of other things; it really depends on you and the stories. In erotica, I would advise against having the same kind of sex act in story after story or you risk becoming boring.
Other challenges? Getting the writing done. I'm so busy just now and haven't written a full story in about two months. I just really hope there aren't people who are patiently awaiting the next instalment.
The current series I'm (supposedly) working on, The Ethan Blake Story, is very much planned out and I have a basic outline for 16 further instalments (whether or not I write them all is a different matter). The idea is that each story introduces a new sexual experience for Ethan; my challenge is to write in almost every category. I have a good idea what I'm working towards and what I want to achieve on the way, but the exact path is liable to change as I go.
You can't be too rigid with your plan or you'll back yourself into a corner. After the first story was written, I loved one of the characters so much that I decided to keep her as a recurring character and have since had a great idea for a reappearance. My point is, stories and series evolve as you go but without a general direction, you're likely to become distracted and erratic and not produce your best work.
You're right about keeping the 'edge' - it can be difficult to keep readers interested in the same ongoing story. The important thing, in my opinion, is to try to do this without making the stories ridiculous. You might decide to introduce new characters from time to time to keep it fresh, take your characters out of their comfort zone, throw in occasional surprises, or any number of other things; it really depends on you and the stories. In erotica, I would advise against having the same kind of sex act in story after story or you risk becoming boring.
Other challenges? Getting the writing done. I'm so busy just now and haven't written a full story in about two months. I just really hope there aren't people who are patiently awaiting the next instalment.
Clumeleon
I can totally buy into innate bisexuality and the idea of being sexually (if not romantically) attracted to/aroused by members of the same sex. Certainly I often enjoy reading about men having the kinds of experiences you have described (I might just have to read a few of your stories) because it addresses many of the thoughts and feelings I have had in the past (and still do from time to time).
I identify as heterosexual, in the sense that I would like to spend the rest of my life with a woman and almost certainly not with a man. However, I have definitely been 'turned on' by attractive men and fantasised about them and even had a homosexual experience. As my eloquent friends would say, I'm "not impartial to a bit of cock". I am, for the most part, happy to discuss and explore this aspect of my sexuality but a lot of men are not and get really defensive and 'macho' when the subject comes up.
The first erotic story I wrote (before I joined Lush) is now in the Gay Male category and I already have plans for others of this nature (although I don't know when I'll get the time to write them). I am perhaps an anomaly amongst men in that Lesbian stories, or stories featuring female-on-female 'action', put me off a little; it's not something I can identify with, not something that turns me on and not something I have any desire to read or write about.
Snapping back to focus, yes, I think everyone's is at least a little bisexual. I can see it in just about everyone I know (in real life) even though almost all of them identify either as 'straight' or 'gay'. In my experience, men are much less comfortable with acknowledging this (it's that macho thing again). I'm with you in being surprised at the reaction from some readers on this site and that it shouldn't be something that affects your score, necessarily. I'm glad you're not letting it alter the way you write and neither would I. I think it's good for readers to see a character do something they weren't expecting now and again (I like it).
Don't know if that addresses anything you actually posted about, it was just a ramble really.
I identify as heterosexual, in the sense that I would like to spend the rest of my life with a woman and almost certainly not with a man. However, I have definitely been 'turned on' by attractive men and fantasised about them and even had a homosexual experience. As my eloquent friends would say, I'm "not impartial to a bit of cock". I am, for the most part, happy to discuss and explore this aspect of my sexuality but a lot of men are not and get really defensive and 'macho' when the subject comes up.
The first erotic story I wrote (before I joined Lush) is now in the Gay Male category and I already have plans for others of this nature (although I don't know when I'll get the time to write them). I am perhaps an anomaly amongst men in that Lesbian stories, or stories featuring female-on-female 'action', put me off a little; it's not something I can identify with, not something that turns me on and not something I have any desire to read or write about.
Snapping back to focus, yes, I think everyone's is at least a little bisexual. I can see it in just about everyone I know (in real life) even though almost all of them identify either as 'straight' or 'gay'. In my experience, men are much less comfortable with acknowledging this (it's that macho thing again). I'm with you in being surprised at the reaction from some readers on this site and that it shouldn't be something that affects your score, necessarily. I'm glad you're not letting it alter the way you write and neither would I. I think it's good for readers to see a character do something they weren't expecting now and again (I like it).
Don't know if that addresses anything you actually posted about, it was just a ramble really.
Clumeleon
Quote by nicola
Who's taking bets on the gift giving?
In the UK, it's traditional to offer a present made out of Tin, in the US (modern day), it's a Diamond.
I am thinking it wouldn't go down too well if Gav pulls this out of the suitcase tomorrow:
Ten years is diamond in the US? Man, they're fancy. I think diamond is 60 years in UK.
Best wishes for the next 50, Gav (I have no idea how old he is and therefore if that's feasible).
Clumeleon
I'm guessing this was the extent of The Sun's coverage of science news for that day. Farce of a newspaper. I'm surprised they even censored her nipples.
The concept of 'perfect' breasts is ridiculous anyway since they are a functional body part - they're perfect if they produce milk. Alright, I'm being a pedant; forgive me. Still, all the psychological research that has gone into what makes someone 'beautiful' hasn't meant that ugly birds can't get a shag. It's all totally irrelevant, even if you do buy into the idea of measuring attractiveness.
Spend some time trying to cure cancer or something guys, eh?
The concept of 'perfect' breasts is ridiculous anyway since they are a functional body part - they're perfect if they produce milk. Alright, I'm being a pedant; forgive me. Still, all the psychological research that has gone into what makes someone 'beautiful' hasn't meant that ugly birds can't get a shag. It's all totally irrelevant, even if you do buy into the idea of measuring attractiveness.
Spend some time trying to cure cancer or something guys, eh?
Clumeleon
In general, I'm usually more attracted to ladies of a certain vintage. A mature woman who holds herself well, knows what she's about and has an air of sophistication will always turn me to putty. In theory, that's the kind of woman I'm most likely to go for. There's no upper bound on age (although at 70, she'd have to really be something).
In practice, I'm a bullshitter. I'm twenty and my greatest desire is to raise a large family - I want to have lots of kids with a wonderful wife. For this reason, I would never actually pursue a relationship with a woman of the above description (in particular, older than my mother). At that age, it's likely they've already got a (possibly grown) family or simply don't want one (or can't). Someone my own age is a much more suitable partner for me, and I'm plenty attracted to a bunch of them, too.
I'm a walking contradiction. The woman of my dreams is >45, the one I want to spend my life with is <25.
In practice, I'm a bullshitter. I'm twenty and my greatest desire is to raise a large family - I want to have lots of kids with a wonderful wife. For this reason, I would never actually pursue a relationship with a woman of the above description (in particular, older than my mother). At that age, it's likely they've already got a (possibly grown) family or simply don't want one (or can't). Someone my own age is a much more suitable partner for me, and I'm plenty attracted to a bunch of them, too.
I'm a walking contradiction. The woman of my dreams is >45, the one I want to spend my life with is <25.
Clumeleon
Quote by auntyliz
Sorry for the confusion, I was just stating the case that I never fancied my ex b-in-law, however I am now writing a ficticious story about a woman having a relationship with her brother in law and he is still married to her sister.
That's because it involves adultery. The (un)attractiveness of your brother-in-law doesn't change the fact that it's viewed by most as morally wrong to sleep with him.
Clumeleon
From the sounds of it, I would probably say Bisexual. However, some points to consider:
- Do you think of the male characters as identifying as homosexual or bisexual? I assume the latter if the third part is Group Sex. This doesn't, in itself, decide the category (I'm planning a Gay Male story where the main character is probably no more than a little curious) but if you were viewing it as these men finally embracing their homosexuality and beginning this new chapter of their life, then probably put it in Gay Male.
- How much of a part do the marriages play in your story? If these relationship feature heavily, then Bisexual would probably feel more right. If it were just mentioned in passing that these two men were married and then you plunge right into some hot and heavy man-sex, then put it in Gay Male.
- What readership does it appeal to? Most regular readers of one of these categories don't necessarily read much of the other. From what you've told us, your story would probably appeal more to readers of Bisexual stories, especially where they might be a little curious themselves. You are the best judge of that, of course.
Tags (although I'm not a huge fan, in general) can play an important role in situations such as this.
Good luck with the stories. I'm giving myself similar challenges (when I get the time). I'll try to give them a read when they get published.
- Do you think of the male characters as identifying as homosexual or bisexual? I assume the latter if the third part is Group Sex. This doesn't, in itself, decide the category (I'm planning a Gay Male story where the main character is probably no more than a little curious) but if you were viewing it as these men finally embracing their homosexuality and beginning this new chapter of their life, then probably put it in Gay Male.
- How much of a part do the marriages play in your story? If these relationship feature heavily, then Bisexual would probably feel more right. If it were just mentioned in passing that these two men were married and then you plunge right into some hot and heavy man-sex, then put it in Gay Male.
- What readership does it appeal to? Most regular readers of one of these categories don't necessarily read much of the other. From what you've told us, your story would probably appeal more to readers of Bisexual stories, especially where they might be a little curious themselves. You are the best judge of that, of course.
Tags (although I'm not a huge fan, in general) can play an important role in situations such as this.
Good luck with the stories. I'm giving myself similar challenges (when I get the time). I'll try to give them a read when they get published.
Clumeleon
On 'The Ethan Blake Story: Dave's Party':
Followed by,
The grin was wide across my face.
Quote by Buz
Clum! I was quite pleased to see that you took time away from hammer throwing, telephone pole tossing, eating haggis, lopping off English heads with claymores and all those other things you wild Scots are famous for and sat down and wrote another story!! haha And an excellent story it is indeed. You write with a thorough command of the English language. Your story builds up to an authentic erotic sensuousness. You should consider becoming a novelist. 5+
Followed by,
Quote by mazza
Wow, that was brilliant!! You've got an excellent style developing and I agree with Buz (not about the ridiculous Scottish stereotypes of course, Grr) But yes, you should be thinking about writing professionally... Loved it and really looking forward to reading the next installment. (hope I don't have to wait too long!) xxx
The grin was wide across my face.
Clumeleon
I think the original assertion is bullshit - guys don't only pay attention to "skinny pretty girls". There's way too much inaccurate gender stereotyping goes on in these forums.
Yes, a slender lady with an nice figure will catch the eye, but so will someone with very striking features or a cute face or a nice round ass. And very few guys are superficial enough to not give a chunky bird the time of day. It's rarely a factor when developing feelings for someone. And for some guys, any hole's a goal.
I think the reason "thicker" girls think this is the case is because of their own insecurities. In truth, people are barely paying attention to anything or anyone most of the time. I don't even remember if my bus driver was male or female this morning.
Eesh.
Yes, a slender lady with an nice figure will catch the eye, but so will someone with very striking features or a cute face or a nice round ass. And very few guys are superficial enough to not give a chunky bird the time of day. It's rarely a factor when developing feelings for someone. And for some guys, any hole's a goal.
I think the reason "thicker" girls think this is the case is because of their own insecurities. In truth, people are barely paying attention to anything or anyone most of the time. I don't even remember if my bus driver was male or female this morning.
Eesh.
Clumeleon
You sound like a really good friend to this girl, Kyle, and that's exactly the advice I would be giving in that situation.
However, be careful not to come across as jealous or like you're trying to break them up for your own benefit. Trying to give relationship advice to someone you used to have feelings for (perhaps still do) can be very tricky. I've fallen foul of this myself a few times and it took a lot of fixing.
She'll listent to you eventually. Be there for her when it all goes to shit (I'm sure you will anyway).
However, be careful not to come across as jealous or like you're trying to break them up for your own benefit. Trying to give relationship advice to someone you used to have feelings for (perhaps still do) can be very tricky. I've fallen foul of this myself a few times and it took a lot of fixing.
She'll listent to you eventually. Be there for her when it all goes to shit (I'm sure you will anyway).
Clumeleon
I mostly write out my numbers because it feels more proper, but there are a few instances of numerals in my writing. An example I looked out: "a 24-pack of [beer]" seemed more natural to me than writing "twenty-four-pack".
I would never stick with any hard and fast rule like 'everything under 100 in words'; I just go with my gut. It could be viewed as a literary technique and depend on how you want it to be read, e.g. I think there's a difference between "she was a hundred and two years old" and "she was 102 years old", if only in the reader's mind.
There are lots of issues to explore here (most of which Jeff pointed out) and, in most cases, there's no right or wrong answer. Sometimes Roman numerals might be appropriate.
A comment on height: 6'2" would be read (by most people) "six foot two". Technically, in written English, one should include the word "inches"; otherwise it doesn't make mathematical sense. I'm wary of this, although it's a minor point.
Direct speech is an area I do have a rule for: always write it out! A person doesn't say, "Let's meet at 2:15." They say, "Let's meet at two fifteen (or quarter past two)." Similarly, they don't say, "There are 2000000 people in this city." (They say "two million".) This is because they are actually saying the words, not the numbers. People might say numbers differently but if there are quotation marks then it's exactly what they said. I could probably even find a few exceptions to this as well, though.
I would never stick with any hard and fast rule like 'everything under 100 in words'; I just go with my gut. It could be viewed as a literary technique and depend on how you want it to be read, e.g. I think there's a difference between "she was a hundred and two years old" and "she was 102 years old", if only in the reader's mind.
There are lots of issues to explore here (most of which Jeff pointed out) and, in most cases, there's no right or wrong answer. Sometimes Roman numerals might be appropriate.
A comment on height: 6'2" would be read (by most people) "six foot two". Technically, in written English, one should include the word "inches"; otherwise it doesn't make mathematical sense. I'm wary of this, although it's a minor point.
Direct speech is an area I do have a rule for: always write it out! A person doesn't say, "Let's meet at 2:15." They say, "Let's meet at two fifteen (or quarter past two)." Similarly, they don't say, "There are 2000000 people in this city." (They say "two million".) This is because they are actually saying the words, not the numbers. People might say numbers differently but if there are quotation marks then it's exactly what they said. I could probably even find a few exceptions to this as well, though.