Larry Kink Live This is a parody of Larry King Live that was on CNN
(Larry Kink) "Tonight! What happened to Nadine Ridinghood? With my guests, Nadine's mother, Rose. Plus a panel of experts and viewer calls. But first, we turn to GGN investigative reporter, Gerweirdo Rivera, for a background on this intriguing story."
(Gerweirdo on location) "Thankyou Larry. It started out as typical Sunday afternoon for the Ridinghood family, when nineteen year old college student, Nadine, basket full of goodies in hand, headed out to her grandmother's house. Only this Sunday, unlike all the other previous Sundays, Nadine would never make it to her destination. A search was conducted, but authorities could find no traces of her. It was as if Nadine, also affectionately known as, 'Little Red,' for the red, hooded cape she liked to wear, had vanished from the face of the earth."
"Days passed before authorities caught what they believed to be their first break. It was learned that a retired watchmaker, a Mr. Henry Dumpty, AKA Humpty Dumpty, liked to sit on a wall, observing the comings and goings of anyone who passed by on the path below. It was thought that he may have seen something that could be useful in the investigation. However, before authorities could question him, they ran into a wall of their own, when it was learned Mr. Dumpty had suffered a fall. And not just any fall, but a great fall, resulting in injuries so severe, he remains a fractured shell of his former self, even after heroic efforts by all the king's horses and all the king's men to put Mr. Dumpty back together again. Perhaps the only positive to come out of this, is that legislation was introduced, forbidding horses from ever practicing medicine again."
"Two more days passed before authorities got a promising lead. Three eyewitnesses claimed to have seen a Mr. Horace Wolf, AKA Big Bad, lurking around the path on the same day that Little Red vanished. It made sense. Big Bad had a criminal record and had served time in prison for huffing and puffing and blowing two houses down, and for attempting to huff and puff and blow down a third. However, that lead blew up in its own huff and puff of smoke, when it was learned Big Bad couldn't have been on that path that day, since he was still in prison, serving additional time for attempting to huff and puff and blow his way out of there. Something that was, apparently, not known by the three eyewitnesses, who, as it turns out were the victims of Big Bad's crimes."
"With that, authorities turned their attention to the three eyewitnesses, who, as it turns out, are brothers, Hans, Hamlet and Sage Pig, AKA The Three Pigs. It was thought that maybe they were trying to put the blame on Big Bad to cover up for their own crime. However, that thought came to a squealing halt, when it was learned that The Three Pigs couldn't have been involved since they were at a police station in a neighboring county at the time of Nadine's disappearance. They were being questioned about the death of a young couple, Jack and Jill, AKA no AKA. What was originally ruled an accident, is now being investigated as a homicide when an autopsy revealed that Jack's crown had been broken before he fell down and that Jill did not come tumbling after, but was rather thrown down and possibly sexually assaulted beforehand. That case is ongoing, but it is not known if The Three Pigs are suspects or merely eyewitnesses."
"With every lead not panning out, authorities turned their attention to recently released criminals and found one name which really stood out. A Mr. Harold Spider, AKA Big Harry. If that name sounds familiar to you, it's probably because you heard it during the landmark Supreme Court case of Earth vs The Giant Spider. As you may recall, a young woman, Mary Muffet, AKA Little Miss, was sitting quietly on a park bench, when along came Big Harry, standing a good fifteen feet tall and weighing close to a ton, who sat down beside her and literally frightened the curds and whey Miss Muffet had been eating earlier, right back out of, for lack of a better word, her tuffet. Police arrested Big Harry and scooped up the mountain of evidence which was used against him, resulting in a conviction. It was during his prison stay, that Big Harry challenged his conviction all the way to the Supreme Court, which he won when the court ruled that Big Harry did not intend to frighten Miss Muffet and that he shouldn't have been convicted based on his appearance alone."
"Even though Big Harry won his case, authorities believed he may have become angered by his long prison stay and since it was a woman who put him there, he may have wanted to seek revenge on all women and not just Miss Muffet. However, that belief was flushed down the toilet when it was learned that Big Harry had passed away, exactly one day before Little Red's disappearance. With little to go on, authorities are at a loss as to what happened to Little Red. The only thing they say about the case now, is that Little Red is likely the victim of foul play, being held against her will by one or more perpetrators doing God only knows what, to her sweet, little sexy, nineteen year old Ridinghood ass. This is Gerweirdo Rivera reporting. Back to you, Larry."
