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lafayettemister
Over 90 days ago
Straight Male
0 miles · New Orleans
Forum
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Yes, I'm being a copy cat from an Ask The Guys thread. I just hope no one says "A Fish Called Wanda". LOL
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Calm The Fuck Down
I know many people want to stay current with the latest parenting trends -- attachment parenting, minimalist parenting, Tiger Mother parenting, et al. Well, I've stumbled upon a new technique that will guarantee your child grows up to be an exemplary student and citizen. It's called CTFD, which stands for "Calm The F*ck Down." And that's not a message to give your kids. It's for you.
Using CTFD assures you that -- whichever way you choose to parent -- your child will be fine (as long as you don't abuse them, of course). To see it in action, here are some sample parenting scenarios and how CTFD can be employed:
Worried your friend's child has mastered the alphabet quicker than your child? Calm the f*ck down.
Scared you're not imparting the wisdom your child will need to survive in school and beyond? Calm the f*ck down.
Concerned that you're not the type of parent you thought you'd be? Calm the f*ck down.
Upset that your child doesn't show interest in certain areas of learning? Calm the f*ck down.
Stressed that your child exhibits behavior in public you find embarrassing? Calm the f*ck down.
Yes, using the CTFD method, you'll find the pressure lifted and realize your child loves you no matter what, even if they've yet to master the alphabet. You'll also learn that whether or not you're the best parent in the world, as long as you love your child, they'll think you are and that's what matters. Plus, CTFD makes you immune to those that prey upon the fears of new parents, like pseudoscientists and parenting authors.
To use CTFD, just follow these simple steps:
Calm the f*ck down.
There is no second step.
So, ignore all those other parenting trends and stick to CTFD. You'll be glad you did and so will your kid.
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I sooo fucking agree!!!
I know many people want to stay current with the latest parenting trends -- attachment parenting, minimalist parenting, Tiger Mother parenting, et al. Well, I've stumbled upon a new technique that will guarantee your child grows up to be an exemplary student and citizen. It's called CTFD, which stands for "Calm The F*ck Down." And that's not a message to give your kids. It's for you.
Using CTFD assures you that -- whichever way you choose to parent -- your child will be fine (as long as you don't abuse them, of course). To see it in action, here are some sample parenting scenarios and how CTFD can be employed:
Worried your friend's child has mastered the alphabet quicker than your child? Calm the f*ck down.
Scared you're not imparting the wisdom your child will need to survive in school and beyond? Calm the f*ck down.
Concerned that you're not the type of parent you thought you'd be? Calm the f*ck down.
Upset that your child doesn't show interest in certain areas of learning? Calm the f*ck down.
Stressed that your child exhibits behavior in public you find embarrassing? Calm the f*ck down.
Yes, using the CTFD method, you'll find the pressure lifted and realize your child loves you no matter what, even if they've yet to master the alphabet. You'll also learn that whether or not you're the best parent in the world, as long as you love your child, they'll think you are and that's what matters. Plus, CTFD makes you immune to those that prey upon the fears of new parents, like pseudoscientists and parenting authors.
To use CTFD, just follow these simple steps:
Calm the f*ck down.
There is no second step.
So, ignore all those other parenting trends and stick to CTFD. You'll be glad you did and so will your kid.
=============
I sooo fucking agree!!!
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In my younger days I ate a lot of fast food, now that I'm older I would rather cook my own meals. On occassion I'll have fast food for lunch, but not often. If I had to pick a favorite, it would be Popeye's Chicken or Taco Bell. Taco Bell is like crack for me, horrible for me but I fucking love that shit.
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Quote by slipperywhenwet2012
From his penis.
That's not what I heard.
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Quote by Sinful_Asiaa
Umm, this question is just ... ugh nasty. Not one DECENT female wanna be licking around some dudes asshole .. you SHIT out of there dude. Thats disgusting , and I might step on some toes when I say this but if you're a man and you like getting rim jobs then you're gay .. point blank period .. you dont need us to lick around your shit hole .. get a dude for that .. maybe you can 69 with that nasty shit . I just got chills thinking about that . Ewwe , wtf .
Quote by Sinful_Asiaa
No, speaking from a womens perspective.. im open to various things but a rim job? Seriously, that's just nasty
You're free to think it's disgusting. You're free to think that and to never ever want to do it, no one would begrudge you making your own choice. However, saying "not one DECENT female..." that's different. There are lots of women who enjoy doing it, and most of them are "decent". Nor does it make a guy gay if a woman licks his ass.
Feel free to comment your personal opinions on topics, but refrain from characterizing other people negatively according to your opinions. That's not fair.
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Quote by Sinful_Asiaa
Umm, this question is just ... ugh nasty. Not one DECENT female wanna be licking around some dudes asshole .. you SHIT out of there dude. Thats disgusting , and I might step on some toes when I say this but if you're a man and you like getting rim jobs then you're gay .. point blank period .. you dont need us to lick around your shit hole .. get a dude for that .. maybe you can 69 with that nasty shit . I just got chills thinking about that . Ewwe , wtf .
Close minded much?
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There are lots of stories on Lush, and other sites, with this theme.
Young girl can't make rent so she fucks or blows the landlord.
Woman needs a new tire, oil change, new shoes, whatever... she receives and accepts an offer to show the man her tits or more, and accepts the offer. Or often times in stories, she makes the offer and the man accepts.
Does this ever actually happen? I'm thinking not? Have you ever or would you ever show your tits for a $40 oil change? Or a $200 new tire? Or to get that new Coach purse or whatever?
If you were about to be evicted, would you fuck the landlord?
Is this just a figment of our imagination and only in fantasy?
Young girl can't make rent so she fucks or blows the landlord.
Woman needs a new tire, oil change, new shoes, whatever... she receives and accepts an offer to show the man her tits or more, and accepts the offer. Or often times in stories, she makes the offer and the man accepts.
Does this ever actually happen? I'm thinking not? Have you ever or would you ever show your tits for a $40 oil change? Or a $200 new tire? Or to get that new Coach purse or whatever?
If you were about to be evicted, would you fuck the landlord?
Is this just a figment of our imagination and only in fantasy?
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I guess I'll have to see how many times I can make her cum.
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Quote by Mazza
You're wrong there - it's my MOUTH and ass that are the wrong way round - I've actually been talking out of my ass my whole life!!
LM loves getting it up his ass
Oh wait, it's supposed to be a lie that I tell??
My bad, LM HATES ass play ;)
Haha, there you go talking shit again. Figures Ms Assmouth
Mazza has three nipples. But the third on is where her clit should be. It gets hard like other nipples when she's cold.
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Mazza was born with a physical defect. Her pussy and anus are in reverse position. She's been taking it in the ass her entire life and didn't know it.
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Quote by Mazza
Yeah, I asked her to make sure and swat those dangly orbs of yours if she got the chance... Like a cat with a ball of wool...
You DO realise that she'll lube up the handle of the paddle next? You know where that goes, RIGHT??
From what I hear, she uses your sloppy wet cunt as the lube?
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Quote by Mazza
OMG I actually spat out my coffee!!
Another one is "I've got tortoise head" or "I'm touching cloth"
CG - as you know, I am ever grateful for my ongoing education... Do you have to be SO bloody strict though??? These handprints on my ass are taking FOREVER to heal...
(see I said 'ass' instead of 'arse, progress, right?)
She's still using her hand on you? Rookie. You're still a Level One in CG's World. Wait until you get to Level Three and she uses the paddle! Sometimes when I'm bent over, it will hit my nutsack. Talk about blue balls!
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I'm in agreement with part of what CG says. It would be way worse if she got up and said, "Brb, I gotta take a shit" or
Pinch a loaf
Evacuate my colon
Drop the kids off at the pool
Feed the rats
Let the paratroopers go
I have a turd honking for the right of way
Pinch a loaf
Evacuate my colon
Drop the kids off at the pool
Feed the rats
Let the paratroopers go
I have a turd honking for the right of way
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More than everything else? Nah
1. Equality
2. Freedom
3. Football
4. Boob size
5. World Peace
6. Eating
7. Masturbation
So no, I don't care about boob size more than everything else. It comes in at least 4th place.
1. Equality
2. Freedom
3. Football
4. Boob size
5. World Peace
6. Eating
7. Masturbation
So no, I don't care about boob size more than everything else. It comes in at least 4th place.
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I actually saw this when it was shown on television, with two Speech Therapists in the room. Both gasped at the same time. That little girl can and will do irreparable damage to her vocal cords if she continues to do this. As in permanent damage... as in permanent loss/use of her full voice. Her dad shouldn't allow it.
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Quote by Nikki703
Purple Lycra Boy Shorts, Cropped Black Megadeth T-Shirt and Flip Flops.....................Going Shopping!!
Quote by AngelHeart01
Bikini and jean shorts. (Cut-offs)
Pictures or it didn't happen.
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Quote by sprite
i walked out of the shower once and into the kitchen, naked, of course, not knowing that my wife had hired a circus. there was an entire circus in my kitchen! no animals, just lots of clowns and other circus people. they all stared at me cause i was naked. i didn't have an erection cause i'm a girl, but if i'd had a penis i would have and it would have been ten inches long and 7 inches around. my wife told me to get on all fours on the counter so they could all fuck me. there were like 60 of them (those clown cars hold a lot of clowns!). i came 300 times, squirting so much that i flooded the house. fortunately we had insurance. it was very nice. afterwards i made them lunch and then they all left.
Clowns? Clowns have big feet, don't they? You know what they say about people with big feet...?
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Confusious says "Man who walk into airport door sideways going to Bangkok."
Kiera is really Justin Bieber.
Kiera is really Justin Bieber.
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Now you're the one telling the truth. I CAN"T find anyone willing. And butter is WAYYYY better than margarine, and better for you.
Ginger's real name is Ginger68.
Ginger's real name is Ginger68.
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How about we rub our naked bodies together and see what comes up?
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Quote by ginger86
i sure hope so lm, i keep telling you that you that you don't look hot in a dress and i'd miss you.
My legs are way too hairy for a dress.
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Quote by LadyX
Well, aren't we always more upset when the murdered person was hot? Not that it's any less tragic otherwise; just bein' real witcha.
Not we. Killing is killing in my book, my upset-o-meter doesn't change depending on hotness level. But, as a societal thing I see whatcha sayin'.