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marcosurbina
Over 90 days ago
Male, 75
Mexico
Forum
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A man was having problems with premature ejaculation so he decided to go to the doctor. He asked the doctor what could he do to cure his problem ...
In response the doctor said, "When you feel like you are getting ready to ejaculate try startling yourself".
That same day the man went to the store and bought himself a starter pistol. All excited to try this suggestion out he runs home to his wife.
At home his wife is in bed, naked and waiting on her husband. As the two begin, they find themselves in the '69' position. The man, moments later, feels the sudden urge to come and fires the starter pistol.
The next day, the man went back to the doctor. The doctor asked, "How did it go?".
The man answered, "Not that well ... when I fired the pistol my wife shit on my face, bit 3 inches off my penis and my neighbor came out of the closet with his hands in the air!"
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"Uggh! That was just starting to get interesting when you finished it.
FIRST
THIRD
MISUNDERSTANDING
WIFE SCARED TO DEATH
In response the doctor said, "When you feel like you are getting ready to ejaculate try startling yourself".
That same day the man went to the store and bought himself a starter pistol. All excited to try this suggestion out he runs home to his wife.
At home his wife is in bed, naked and waiting on her husband. As the two begin, they find themselves in the '69' position. The man, moments later, feels the sudden urge to come and fires the starter pistol.
The next day, the man went back to the doctor. The doctor asked, "How did it go?".
The man answered, "Not that well ... when I fired the pistol my wife shit on my face, bit 3 inches off my penis and my neighbor came out of the closet with his hands in the air!"
%%%%%%%%
"Uggh! That was just starting to get interesting when you finished it.
FIRST
THIRD
MISUNDERSTANDING
WIFE SCARED TO DEATH
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I often feel guilty
Sheri, the pert and pretty nurse took her troubles to a resident psychiatrist in the hospital where she worked.
"Doctor, you must help me," she pleaded. "It's gotten so that every time I date one of the young doctors here, I end up dating him. And then afterward, I feel guilty and depressed for a week."
"I see," nodded the psychiatrist. "And you, no doubt, want me to strengthen your will power and resolve in this matter."
"NO!!!" exclaimed the nurse. "I want you to fix it so I won't feel guilty and depressed afterward!"
%%%%%%%%%
Doctors meeting
A group of psychiatrists were attending a convention. Four of them decided to leave, and walked out together. One said to the other three, "People are always coming to us with their guilt and fears, but we have no one that we can go to when we have problems." The others agreed.
Then one said, "Since we are all professionals, why don't we take some time right now to hear each other out?"
The other three agreed.The first then confessed, "I have an uncontrollable desire to kill my patients."The second psychiatrist said, "I love expensive things and so I find ways to cheat my patients out of their money whenever I can so I can buy the things I want.
"The third followed with, "I'm involved with selling drugs and often get my patients to sell them for me.
"The fourth psychiatrist then confessed, "I know I'm not supposed to, but no matter how hard I try, I can't keep a secret..."
%%%%%%%%%%
Sheri, the pert and pretty nurse, taking her troubles to resident psychiatrist Shameless009
Sheri, the pert and pretty nurse took her troubles to a resident psychiatrist in the hospital where she worked.
"Doctor, you must help me," she pleaded. "It's gotten so that every time I date one of the young doctors here, I end up dating him. And then afterward, I feel guilty and depressed for a week."
"I see," nodded the psychiatrist. "And you, no doubt, want me to strengthen your will power and resolve in this matter."
"NO!!!" exclaimed the nurse. "I want you to fix it so I won't feel guilty and depressed afterward!"
%%%%%%%%%
Doctors meeting
A group of psychiatrists were attending a convention. Four of them decided to leave, and walked out together. One said to the other three, "People are always coming to us with their guilt and fears, but we have no one that we can go to when we have problems." The others agreed.
Then one said, "Since we are all professionals, why don't we take some time right now to hear each other out?"
The other three agreed.The first then confessed, "I have an uncontrollable desire to kill my patients."The second psychiatrist said, "I love expensive things and so I find ways to cheat my patients out of their money whenever I can so I can buy the things I want.
"The third followed with, "I'm involved with selling drugs and often get my patients to sell them for me.
"The fourth psychiatrist then confessed, "I know I'm not supposed to, but no matter how hard I try, I can't keep a secret..."
%%%%%%%%%%
Sheri, the pert and pretty nurse, taking her troubles to resident psychiatrist Shameless009
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Watch this!! They vanish, then show up again on the other corner of street.
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Quote by shameless009
I do agree.
More wonder panties
The problem here would be the panties getting in the high heels way!!
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This lady is having a bed wetting problem, so she decides to go to the doctor. The doctor tells her to go and get undressed and wait for him in the other room. When the doctor goes into the room he tells the lady to stand on her head facing the mirror. She figures he is a doctor and gets in front of the mirror. The doctor goes over to the lady and rests his chin between her legs and looks in the mirror.
After a few minutes he stands up and tells the lady to go ahead and put her clothes back on and he will talk to her when she is dressed.
The lady puts her clothes on and asks the doctor what is wrong with her. He tells her, "You need to quit drinking before you go to bed."
The lady asks, "Why did you have me get naked in front of the mirror and stand on my head?"
He replies, "I wanted to see how I would look with a beard."
After a few minutes he stands up and tells the lady to go ahead and put her clothes back on and he will talk to her when she is dressed.
The lady puts her clothes on and asks the doctor what is wrong with her. He tells her, "You need to quit drinking before you go to bed."
The lady asks, "Why did you have me get naked in front of the mirror and stand on my head?"
He replies, "I wanted to see how I would look with a beard."
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One day a woman walked into the bar. She was the ugliest thing you have ever seen. Sweaty, covered in spots and smelling of piss. She also had the hairiest armpits you have ever seen. Suddenly she raised her arm, hairs sticking out of her pit, and said, "What man out there will buy a woman a drink?"
Everyone ignored her apart from a little drunken guy in the corner. "Bartender!" the guy shouted, "I want to buy that ballerina a drink!"
The bartender gives the woman a whiskey and knocks it back in one gulp. Instantly, the woman raises her arm again, hairs sticking out of her smelly armpit, points at all the men and again says, "What man out there will buy a lady a drink?"
Again the little drunken guy says, "Bartender, buy that ballerina another drink!"
The barman gives another whiskey to the ugly woman and then turns to the little drunken guy and says, "I know it's none of my business if you want to buy a lady a drink, but why do you keep on calling her a ballerina?"
"Sir," replied the drunk, "any woman who can lift her leg up that high has to be a ballerina!"
Everyone ignored her apart from a little drunken guy in the corner. "Bartender!" the guy shouted, "I want to buy that ballerina a drink!"
The bartender gives the woman a whiskey and knocks it back in one gulp. Instantly, the woman raises her arm again, hairs sticking out of her smelly armpit, points at all the men and again says, "What man out there will buy a lady a drink?"
Again the little drunken guy says, "Bartender, buy that ballerina another drink!"
The barman gives another whiskey to the ugly woman and then turns to the little drunken guy and says, "I know it's none of my business if you want to buy a lady a drink, but why do you keep on calling her a ballerina?"
"Sir," replied the drunk, "any woman who can lift her leg up that high has to be a ballerina!"
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A midget is riding a bus when a blonde in a skirt steps on him. "Hey you, brunette, watch where you're going," yells the midget.
The blonde looks down and says, "I am not a brunette, I am a blonde."
The midget replies, "Not from where I'm standing."
%%%%%%%%%%
SILVER SPRING, Md. - Pictures taken by a Ride On bus passenger in Montgomery County appear to show the driver reading a book while behind the wheel. ABC 7's Richard Reeve spoke exclusively with the woman who took the photos.
The woman, who does not want to be identified, says she took the photos because she feared for her life. She said she got on the bus only to see the driver reading while operating the bus.
"I was hoping we weren't going to get in any accident or hit another car, or end up on the sidewalk or something," the passenger said.
The woman says she uses the service nearly everyday and got on at Nicholson Lane in Rockville. She says while riding the bus for 20 minutes or more, the operator continued to drive and read.
"She was looking down for awhile, then would glance up, look down - I couldn't believe it," the passenger said.
The passenger says the bus would veer out of its lane occasionally and then the driver would straighten it out. While riding, one rider reportedly tried to get the driver's attention unsuccessfully by saying out loud, "Is she reading?" Still, the passenger ABC 7 News spoke with says no one confronted the driver directly.
The blonde looks down and says, "I am not a brunette, I am a blonde."
The midget replies, "Not from where I'm standing."
%%%%%%%%%%
SILVER SPRING, Md. - Pictures taken by a Ride On bus passenger in Montgomery County appear to show the driver reading a book while behind the wheel. ABC 7's Richard Reeve spoke exclusively with the woman who took the photos.
The woman, who does not want to be identified, says she took the photos because she feared for her life. She said she got on the bus only to see the driver reading while operating the bus.
"I was hoping we weren't going to get in any accident or hit another car, or end up on the sidewalk or something," the passenger said.
The woman says she uses the service nearly everyday and got on at Nicholson Lane in Rockville. She says while riding the bus for 20 minutes or more, the operator continued to drive and read.
"She was looking down for awhile, then would glance up, look down - I couldn't believe it," the passenger said.
The passenger says the bus would veer out of its lane occasionally and then the driver would straighten it out. While riding, one rider reportedly tried to get the driver's attention unsuccessfully by saying out loud, "Is she reading?" Still, the passenger ABC 7 News spoke with says no one confronted the driver directly.
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Quote by shameless009
I do agree here Rocco ,,,, But I am waiting for the day that women don't even wear them at all !!!!
I'd rather see them wearing panties!!
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Short circuit inside the revolution
Venezuela is going through a grievous power –electrical energy- emergency but the so called revolution is also having difficulties to conceal it, while the motto “To stick to one’s hands” pretending not to understand, ignoring this problem, isn’t paying any results.
Frequent black outs would reach even to the farthest country geography, consequently affecting its inhabitants. There’s no getting around it: government officials are definitely not ruling this South American country efficiently and again, back to the old tricks, they don’t attend their office duties, and clerks fail to come to work either for the well being and people’s welfare and to bring this country on the road to a fair progress and steady growth.
But wages these bureaucrats earn are justified since they support and secure Chavez president at office and of course at power. This explains vacant minister offices as public administration clerks abandon their jobs just to attend to campaign parades.
We would expect an outcome: the basic, elementary maintenance overhaul given to dams is neglected, overlooked and careless by negligent office clerks, who obligated to wear red clothes -men in red- are forced to attend to these parades -assistance is checked- even humiliated if refused, so Venezuela won’t get out of control.
The country’s infrastructure, communication, transportation, and roads, has become impaired, wearing out, causing damage to citizens. This is what has happened to power plants, despite huge budgets approved by president Chávez to deal with these problems.
In only just a decade, over 950.000 million dollar bugged of calculated proceeds without control authority or instrument have been handed out to energy board, without authority control, except for the ostentatious, showy governmental expense squandering. This has been augmented by the new attention, courtesy contributions and donations given for the sake of the Bolivarian Revolution to allied countries, plus purchases of obsolete weaponry for non existing wars.
The biggest and only dam in Venezuela is “Guri” or “Raúl Leony,” once a major outstanding engineering masterpiece, and still is today, standing as one of the best in the world, lacks appropriate maintenance and safeguarding creating some problems along the years. So it shows the fact only half of total turbines working presently is responsible for 70% of power going to Venezuela’s energy necessities.
Nevertheless, 11 years since Chávez got power and enough resources were not sufficient to build more dams -or alternate energy plants. At the same time other ways for generating energy have been abandoned -like thermoelectric plants powered by orimulsion fuel. These latter depend greatly on oil -Venezuela has plenty of this- and would be much more manageable than depending on rain hazard.
The country is now under the worst leadership crisis, blaming others for the power shortage, ranging from “El Niño,” to blame the IV Republic, ruined by almighty chavismo, it has the government way out.
Everybody would question if too much power given to a president has been effective to solve Venezuela’s problems, or if random, hit and miss is the rule here instead. Venezuelans cannot accept any political project hat would let collapse public utility and risk the nation budget in arms and propaganda expenses on the rise.
Energy supply has been a hard trial for Chavez and his admirers, yet they have mismanaged these damned catastrophe. The only way out of this in resolving the current power crisis would be a proposal bound to execute and carry out new alternate ways to get Venezuelans out of the existing electric shortage.
Chavez producing smoke from oil.
Venezuela is going through a grievous power –electrical energy- emergency but the so called revolution is also having difficulties to conceal it, while the motto “To stick to one’s hands” pretending not to understand, ignoring this problem, isn’t paying any results.
Frequent black outs would reach even to the farthest country geography, consequently affecting its inhabitants. There’s no getting around it: government officials are definitely not ruling this South American country efficiently and again, back to the old tricks, they don’t attend their office duties, and clerks fail to come to work either for the well being and people’s welfare and to bring this country on the road to a fair progress and steady growth.
But wages these bureaucrats earn are justified since they support and secure Chavez president at office and of course at power. This explains vacant minister offices as public administration clerks abandon their jobs just to attend to campaign parades.
We would expect an outcome: the basic, elementary maintenance overhaul given to dams is neglected, overlooked and careless by negligent office clerks, who obligated to wear red clothes -men in red- are forced to attend to these parades -assistance is checked- even humiliated if refused, so Venezuela won’t get out of control.
The country’s infrastructure, communication, transportation, and roads, has become impaired, wearing out, causing damage to citizens. This is what has happened to power plants, despite huge budgets approved by president Chávez to deal with these problems.
In only just a decade, over 950.000 million dollar bugged of calculated proceeds without control authority or instrument have been handed out to energy board, without authority control, except for the ostentatious, showy governmental expense squandering. This has been augmented by the new attention, courtesy contributions and donations given for the sake of the Bolivarian Revolution to allied countries, plus purchases of obsolete weaponry for non existing wars.
The biggest and only dam in Venezuela is “Guri” or “Raúl Leony,” once a major outstanding engineering masterpiece, and still is today, standing as one of the best in the world, lacks appropriate maintenance and safeguarding creating some problems along the years. So it shows the fact only half of total turbines working presently is responsible for 70% of power going to Venezuela’s energy necessities.
Nevertheless, 11 years since Chávez got power and enough resources were not sufficient to build more dams -or alternate energy plants. At the same time other ways for generating energy have been abandoned -like thermoelectric plants powered by orimulsion fuel. These latter depend greatly on oil -Venezuela has plenty of this- and would be much more manageable than depending on rain hazard.
The country is now under the worst leadership crisis, blaming others for the power shortage, ranging from “El Niño,” to blame the IV Republic, ruined by almighty chavismo, it has the government way out.
Everybody would question if too much power given to a president has been effective to solve Venezuela’s problems, or if random, hit and miss is the rule here instead. Venezuelans cannot accept any political project hat would let collapse public utility and risk the nation budget in arms and propaganda expenses on the rise.
Energy supply has been a hard trial for Chavez and his admirers, yet they have mismanaged these damned catastrophe. The only way out of this in resolving the current power crisis would be a proposal bound to execute and carry out new alternate ways to get Venezuelans out of the existing electric shortage.
Chavez producing smoke from oil.
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A black guy was praying one day when God, for some reason, decided to answer him.
"Lord," asked the black guy. "Why are my legs so long?"
"So you can run like the wind through the jungle."
"Lord, why is my hair so kinky?"
"So it won't get caught on anything as you run through the jungle."
"Lord, why is my skin so dark?"
"So that you won't get burned by the sun's intense rays in the jungle."
And then the black guy asked, "Lord, why am I in Chicago?"
"Lord," asked the black guy. "Why are my legs so long?"
"So you can run like the wind through the jungle."
"Lord, why is my hair so kinky?"
"So it won't get caught on anything as you run through the jungle."
"Lord, why is my skin so dark?"
"So that you won't get burned by the sun's intense rays in the jungle."
And then the black guy asked, "Lord, why am I in Chicago?"
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One day Bill Clinton was jogging through the streets of D.C. with two of his Secret Service agents. He turned to one and stated "I can't wait to get back to the White House...I'm going to rip Hillary's panties off".
The Secret Service Agent asked him "Why Bill? Does jogging make you hot, make you horny?
"No" said Clinton..."they are creeping up the cracks of my ass!"
%%%%%%%%%%%
Creeping up the cracks of her ass!!
The Secret Service Agent asked him "Why Bill? Does jogging make you hot, make you horny?
"No" said Clinton..."they are creeping up the cracks of my ass!"
%%%%%%%%%%%
Creeping up the cracks of her ass!!
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She must have the new wonder panties because it's a wonder how she got all that ass in them.
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Panties
Q
What is the difference between panties of 1970 and panties of 2004?
In 1970 you have to pull down the pantie to see the buttocks. In 2004 you have to seperate the buttocks to see the pantie.
Q
What is the difference between panties of 1970 and panties of 2004? In 1970 you have to pull down the pantie to see the buttocks. In 2004 you have to seperate the buttocks to see the pantie.
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A clit barely sneaking out, about to get the guy's condolences.
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Quote by redhotmommacita
Marcos why do none of your girls ever match their upstairs and downstairs do you not teach them you always have to match the upstairs and downstairs....
Mami, can't afford to by a new bra. I'm saving.
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Sandie lost her husband almost four years ago and still has not gotten out of her depression - mourning as if it were only yesterday. Her daughter is constantly calling her and urging her to get back into the world.
Finally, Sandie says she'd go out, but didn't know anyone.
Her daughter immediately replies, "Mama! I have someone for you to meet."
Well, it was an immediate hit. They took to one another and after dating for six weeks he asks her to join him for a weekend in the Catskills. And we know what that meant. Their first night there she undresses as he does. There she stood nude except for a pair of black lacy panties. He in his birthday suit.
Looking at her he asks, "Why the black panties?" She replies, "My breasts you can fondle, my body is yours to explore, but down there I am still in mourning."
He knows he's not getting lucky that night. The following night the same scenario. She's standing there with the black panties on and he is in his birthday suit; except that he has an erection, on which he has a black condom.
She looks at him and asks, "What's with this...a black condom?"
He replies, "I'd like to offer my condolences."
Finally, Sandie says she'd go out, but didn't know anyone.
Her daughter immediately replies, "Mama! I have someone for you to meet."
Well, it was an immediate hit. They took to one another and after dating for six weeks he asks her to join him for a weekend in the Catskills. And we know what that meant. Their first night there she undresses as he does. There she stood nude except for a pair of black lacy panties. He in his birthday suit.
Looking at her he asks, "Why the black panties?" She replies, "My breasts you can fondle, my body is yours to explore, but down there I am still in mourning."
He knows he's not getting lucky that night. The following night the same scenario. She's standing there with the black panties on and he is in his birthday suit; except that he has an erection, on which he has a black condom.
She looks at him and asks, "What's with this...a black condom?"
He replies, "I'd like to offer my condolences."
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In the United States, "bathroom" commonly means "a room containing a lavatory". In other countries this is usually called the "toilet" or alternatively "water closet" (WC), lavatory or "loo". The word "bathroom" is also used in the U.S. for a public toilet (the more formal U.S. term being "restroom"). In some U.S. markets, a toilet, sink, and shower are considered a "full bath".
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Shameless009 forgets what he was going to complain about!! Human memory is one of nature's most fascinating phenomena. Serious memory loss disrupts function.
Improve your memory: wiggle your eyes back and forth.
Moving your eyes from side to side can help improve the accuracy of your memory. That's according to psychologist Marcos Urbina who say the beneficial effect could be related to sideways eye movements increasing interactive neural activity across the front of the two brain hemispheres.
Improve your memory: wiggle your eyes back and forth.
Moving your eyes from side to side can help improve the accuracy of your memory. That's according to psychologist Marcos Urbina who say the beneficial effect could be related to sideways eye movements increasing interactive neural activity across the front of the two brain hemispheres.
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What did one saggy boob say to the other saggy boob?
We better get some support before people start thinking we're nuts!
We better get some support before people start thinking we're nuts!
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Perhaps the officer had touched something hard and enquired?
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