Quote by Shylass


Well done for being so honest!

I will say this, because I know it to be true, having been hurt very deeply myself: Never forget that other people do not always act the way that we act. I am the same as you. I think arguing and shouting and fighting is pointless. Sure, if you're angry, have a vent. But do not discuss things when you are worked up, because it will become distructive. Go away, calm down, come back and hear each other.

Just because you act like that, however, does not by any means guarantee others will. In fact, mostly they don't. We do not all think alike, and it is foolish of us to be surprised when others show that they don't.

You mention the money a lot. When I spend money on a friend, it is because I have it and I can. I do not tot it up and think, "I spent all this money on you". It is a gift I am willing to bestow, one tiny way to show that I care. It is not something I would list as that important (unless it was an unpaid loan).

We are often willing to overlook faults in those we care deeply about, but the hope is that they are willing to overlook ours too. They do not always. If, as you say, this lass was abusing your generosity (in whatever way), then she is either not the lass you thought she was, or you were hoping to yourself that she would change, or see your true value.

If she treated you like an option, whilst you made her a priority, it does not follow that she will change how she treats you. She was not the lass you were hoping for, because she could not/would not return the depth of feeling and life investment in her.

Besides the horrible news you had regarding your adoption, the relationship you have had with your friend is now a period of mourning and grieving. It is, quite simply, a bereavement. Either grief that she was not what/who you thought, or grief that she did not want you to be for her what you wanted/needed. It is emotional bereavement.

It is understandable that you would would go through crisis with the news of your adoption, and again, there will be grieving, anger and pain of a different nature to work through.

The physical pain (and I do understand long-term pain) will also drain all your resources, physically, emotionally and mentally, making it much harder to deal with. I understand that. What is not acceptable is overstepping boundaries because of it. I would suspect that you lashed out at the first place where blame and hurt could be directed - her. This in itself is a symptom of you knowing it had no future, in my opinion, and building frustration and resentment. It wasn't healthy, and I think you knew that.

You have many, many issues and griefs and traumas to cope with, and it is going to take you a long time to deal with and heal from it all. Tears last for a night, but joy comes in the morning. I have a saying, I wait for a Better Day. I know it is crap right now, and one day it will get better. I just have to wait for it. And the same is true for you. Feel the pain, accept the hurt for what it is and slowly work your way through it. Remind yourself, you wait for that Better Day. It will come eventually. And you will know it, because you will sit back and say, "Hey... this is Better..."

With regards to the acupuncture, I didn't think it would work for me, but my doctor treated me, and I am now able to walk. I still have to have it on a regular basis, but I can walk. I still have problems, but nothing at all like I used to. You will need at least three to four sessions to know if it does any good for you, and you will need to tweak the amount of time and places the treatment is given. I have little scars now so my doctor knows where to put them, and I have 7 minutes (most people there have about 15 minutes).

I do hope you are able to find some sunlight in this dark time, and that your Better Day is just around the corner.