k, real life threesomes....

Since you've already stated that your not big on the whole sponteneity thing, i'll give you my thoughts on having a planned threesome, something i have had a bit of experience with - my last partner and i had an open relationship, and indugled in a number of 3-ways. for the record, she was female, and they all involved either another girl, or a guy.

1. A simple yes. I would suggest, once finding a parnter that you were BOTH interested who has agreed to be involved, you should set up a dinner date or such, find a comfortable enviorment and discuss what everyone is comfortable with. Be honest here. if you THINK you might be comfy with something, but aren't sure, then yellow light it. Make sure you are all on the same page as far as what is allowed and what isn't allowed, as well as what you all particularly enjoy. If Bob loves anal and Linda loves anal, but Fred hates it, then decide if Fred is ok with Bob giving Linda Anal, etc. Be very clear on this. If it's an ongoing thing, everyone will also pick up on the little things, such as what underwear pleases both your partners, positions, etc. But that comes with time. The first time, just make sure the big issues are covered. Nothing is more of a turn off then having someone screaming bloody murder over being tickled when the tickler had NO idea it was a no no.

2. i think it all depends on the dynamic of the couple approaching as to who actually asks. That said, i recemend both parites being present when approaching a third party, even if only one does the actuall talking. That way, your potential party knows you are both interested and he can get a good look at the two of you and know if he's physically attracted to both.

3. i am more comfortable with someone i am at least familiar with - if it's a friend of my partner, and not mine, that is enough for me, but one of us should know them well enough to trust them.

4. with me, i am open to anything. i like both men and women, so MMF MFF, or FFF are all perfectly fine. That said, if it's MMF, those work better with bi-boys. i prefer that all parties are equally into each other - rxtales summed it up perfectly. it's pretty easy to let your insecurities or jealousies take over if you begin to feel like the third wheel. i still remember one instance of rolling out of bed and making a sandwich in the kitchen while my partners went down on each other like cats in heat. Good sandwich, btw, but not good sex.

5. hmm... how do you search. With us, it has been someone that one or the other had been physically attracted to, often a fuck buddy - easy enough since we had an open relationship... she or i would simply say 'hey, i think so and so would be open to playing with us, mind if i ask?' if the answer was yes, we'd simply bring up the subject and see if they were interested. we eventually come up with a pair of trios that worked quite well, up to a point, one MFF and one FFF.

A few notes on trust:

Always use protection! obvious, yeah, but can't say it too much. :)

in one instance our our play mate was someone that i began to get vibes of envy from over time, she was very subtle about being cruel to me - it was someone my partner really enjoyed playing with too. the next time it was suggested she join us, i told my partner i was uncomfortable with her. nothing more was said, and she was never invited again. you need to trust that your partner will speak up if some one isn't right for them, and you have to trust that if you speak up, you'll be heard and paid attention to.

you had better be pretty secure about your relationship, cause don't forget, your partner is going to be fucking someone else, and usually, the 'new shiny partner' is going to be a HUGE turn on as opposed to the 'comfortable always there' partner.

if you don't trust your third enough to be in your house when you and your partner are both asleep, then you shouldn't trust them enough to have sex with them. if you are worried about them stealing your credit cards from your wallet while you're sleeping, forget it.

yes, there will be nervousness, but let it all go, relax, have fun, joke around a bit... a sense of humor BELONGS in the bed no matter how many people are sharing it. if you need a glass of wine to relax, then by all means, but don't get drunk.

think that exhausts my brain for now - hope that helps. :)

xoxo
kitty =^.^=

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