The drill at my house is that in order to cum, I must first suffer by the cock and balls—no exceptions. Intense application of electroshock is the punishment of choice.
You see, I'ma slut, a lifelong CBT slut. I have a sincere passion for watching an attractive woman strip and display her body for me—while I endure intense, nearly unbearable torment of the genitals for the pleasure of masturbating to her. I’m now divorced but when I was married, my ex played with me—harshly—on a regular basis. She enjoyed using the shocker (a diabolically effective device called an Erostek 312), often bringing me to tears as I begged for permission to cum. She delivered my punishments in a small room in our basement, one we named the "Chamber".
After my ex and I split up, I felt that I needed to continue suffering for my orgasms. I outfitted the Chamber for solo play and refrained from masturbation that was not tied to punishment. For visual stimulation, I secured a number of tease videos, ones where a model slowly and sensuously removes her clothing, and I devised a special method for viewing them.
In the Chamber is a short stool with a 6" dildo protruding from its seat, a DVD player, a video monitor and the ErosTek-312. I typically enter the Chamber naked, wearing only a collar and wrist and ankle cuffs. I'm also well gagged, lest the sounds of my agony arouse undue attention from the neighbors.
Set firmly into a ceiling joist is a half-inch screw eye. When I’m sitting on the stool in the center of the room, I can easily reach the “eye” or “ring” protruding from the ceiling. Since it required considerable elbow grease applied to the end of a long steel bar to thread the screw home, however, there is no way on earth that I could possibly remove it using just my hands. Believe me; I’ve tried.
Yes, the ring is sturdy, immovable, as are similar rings screwed into the walls at baseboard level on either side of the Chamber. It is to those two rings that my ankle cuffs are typically padlocked. The room is roughly four feet wide, so during a session, my legs are uncomfortably and helplessly spread.
The most significant component of my bondage, though, is a cluster of knotted ropes divided into three strands, each one secured in turn to the ring overhead. The setup is elegant in its simplicity and while not particularly high-tech, is nonetheless exceedingly effective. Each strand of twenty knots is merely a series of half hitches, tied in such a manner that at its bottom are two loops of rope, one to be padlocked to my left wrist cuff and the other to my right.
For some time now, there have been three strands of knotted rope hanging from that ring. At first it took me quite a while to untie all 60 knots. Also in my frantic effort to release myself and turn off the shocker, one or more of the ropes always seemed to get tangled, making for a sometimes scary—and always painful—10-minute session. With practice, though, I became much more adept at untying the knots. On my last trip to the Chamber, for example, I was able to get loose in less than seven minutes. When I and pushed the shocker switch to “OFF”, I was relieved, even elated.
Shortly afterward, however, when I would normally have been stroking myself to a well-deserved orgasm, I began to feel guilty. I knew in my heart that I hadn’t paid a high enough price for that climax, so I denied myself the pleasure. Resolving to suffer properly the next time, I immediately retied the knots and added two more strands to the ring. Before leaving the room, I also increased the voltage on the shocker.
Anticipation
For the next several days I was out of town on business. Early in the morning on the last day of my trip, I was sitting at the desk in my hotel room. As is my custom when I’m on the road, I was jerking my cock to Internet porn and I was really getting into it. Not wanting to be late for my first appointment, though, I glanced at the time on my laptop—6:00 a.m. On the screen above the clock, a pretty redhead was lying back with her legs spread wide. She was looking into the camera and the middle finger of her right hand was gently tracing the outline of her pussy through her panties.
Just then it occurred to me that around that time the next morning I’d likely be viewing the same kind of scene but that my circumstances would be much different. Instead of sitting there comfortably playing with myself, I’d be in bondage and my cock and balls would be wired to the shocker. I’d be faced with the awful choice of whether to abandon my principles and just untie the knots or to pull the switch cord and fry like the slut that I am. It would be a tough decision but in the end, I knew I’d choose the shocker. I always had. Part of me really wants the pain—that searing, crushing pain that is my just payment for the pleasure of orgasm. As hot as I was right then, I was actually looking forward to it.
Atonement
The very next day I knelt naked in the chamber. The cuffs were already in place about my wrists and ankles, my leather slave collar was buckled around my neck and a locking penis gag filled my mouth. I was ready, very ready, to make up for getting off so easy the last time.
On the screen in front of me a lovely brunette was slowly raising the hem of her skirt. She was wearing thigh-high stockings and, as I recalled from a previous session, a pair of tight thong-style panties. Once uncovered, those panties would clearly outline (but also hide) the tempting cleft between her luscious thighs.
I knew that it would be quite a while before the thong came off and her pussy came into view. There was plenty of time for the slut in the Chamber to finish preparing himself for punishment. I watched intently as the skirt rose past her stocking tops, allowing me my first glimpse of the smooth and delicate flesh above them.
On the floor near my knees lay a six-foot length of black rawhide lace with a 4-inch diameter single overhand loop tied in the center. Just before the woman’s skirt reached her panty crotch, I pressed the “Pause” button on the DVD player. I reached down, picked up the lace and slipped the loop over my cock and balls. I pulled on the lace at either side of the loop, drawing the loop down snugly around my sex. The effect was much like that of a cock ring, letting blood flow easily into the cock but restricting its passage backward.
I looked up at the screen and pushed “Play”. Immersed in the scene unfolding before me, I slowly stroked my cock, every so often adjusting the rawhide loop, tightening it and pushing it closer to my body. I felt my arousal build and my cock begin to stiffen. I pulled the loop tighter and pushed it firmly against my pubic bone. The loop was now in that sweet spot at the very base of the cock. Tying a member off in that location binds it permanently erect, making it incredibly sensitive and a fine conductor of electricity. It also puts it in grave danger. Tightly binding an erect cock (and the swollen balls beneath it) effectively cuts off the circulation. Left bound that way for too long, a slut could incur serious damage and perhaps altogether lose his precious genitals. I was aware of that but remained undaunted.
To be honest, I personally find it incredibly compelling and, yes, highly erotic to put myself in a situation where through my own folly I might actually lose my genitals. You see, the risk of disaster, with its accompanying adrenaline rush, is part of the overall draw. In a way, it’s a little like rock climbing or race car driving, with the added benefit that the whole process is sexually charged. I figure that if I do end up one day castrating myself, it will likely be at the end of a long and very wild ride, one comprising elements of both extreme pleasure and intolerable pain.
I continued looking at the woman on the screen, while ever-so-gently running my fingers up and down the length of my cock, striving to reach maximum hardness without pushing myself over the edge. Just as the woman’s skirt reached her waist, I had the cock just how I wanted it—firm and throbbing but in no danger of spewing its juice.
Again I pressed “Pause”. I riveted my eyes on that telling indentation in the front of her panties and viciously jerked the loop closed around my cock and balls. I then passed the free ends of the lace underneath my balls, did another overhand loop and jerked that one tight. Working quickly, I followed that with four more overhand loops—one on top of the balls, one on top of the cock, one underneath the cock and another on top of the cock. Over this last one I tied a square knot, sealing the deal. I then brought the ends of the cord around my waist and tied them together at the small of my back.
The visual effect was impressive. My cock was perfectly rigid and, like a teenager’s, stood proudly out from my body. My balls, too, were firm, the pair almost a single sphere in their bondage. It was time.
I reached for the ball electrode, a roughly six-inch by one inch strip of shiny brass bent into a horseshoe shape and connected at its ends to a ring of conductive elastic. I slipped this unit over my balls, pushing the elastic ring as far on as it would go. As expected, the metal strip pressed into the surface of the balls, making for good electrical contact.
The cock electrode came next. Although similar in design to the one for the balls, it is somewhat smaller and made entirely of brass. Its securing ring is made to fit just behind the glans of the penis and is closed with a captive bolt and wing nut.