I replace the receiver of the phone back into its base. I watch my hand, surprised to see it steady. I sit quietly on the edge of the bed for a few moments. I stare unseeing at the phone. Everything I believe in suddenly called into question. My reality and whether or not I can trust my own memories, mind and judgment. All changed with the simple ring of a phone.

This was the second call I had received in less than a week to challenge my feelings and memories. Let me start with the first one.

I arrived home from work last Friday to the chaos of my husband to packing for a fishing trip. I laugh as I watch him try to stuff an assortment of clothes into a too small suitcase.

"You know we have bigger ones in the attic? Do you want me to go get one for you?" I ask my husband.

"No, I am going to make everything fit."

"Whatever you say, but remember I offered to help. I'm going to go take a shower now." As I start to leave our room he tells me there is a message on the answering machine for me.

"Who called?"

"I'm not sure, I heard a woman's voice and part of the message. She said something about a friend from the past. Probably one of your past lovers," my husband jokes.

He is always joking about things. I didn't think this was particularly funny. He knows that I only had one past female lover. It was a very long time ago in college. He does like to hear about it, but at times I think he wonders if I am sorry I never pursued that avenue of my sexuality.

 I go into the kitchen to play the message. I push play and I hear a woman's voice on the machine.

"Hi, Anna, it's Heather. I know it's been a long time but I wanted to give you a call."

I have to push pause and sit down in a chair. My mind is suddenly thrown into overdrive. My husband unknowingly was right. It was a lover from my past. The only female lover I have ever had.

Heather and I had been room mates our freshman year at college. We had gotten to know each other quite well during that year. I had never thought until meeting her that I had any bisexual feelings. She had changed all that. After spending a night with her, we had gone on to have a year long relationship. Not exclusive, I still had a boyfriend as did she. We just had fun together and with our boyfriends. It had lasted until I left college in the spring. Neither one of us returned to the same college. We each transferred to new schools for different reasons.

We had promised to stay in touch, but that promise didn't last. We did have the obligatory Facebook connection. I knew where she lived and some basic information about her life. I was sorry that we had lost touch. Especially with some one who I was sure I had loved.

I know on my part some of it was guilt. I always assumed I would attend college, graduate, work and then eventually marry (a man). The thought that I could give that up and choose a woman was something I never wanted to consider. It was easier after leaving school to let our connection slowly fade. Like the memories we shared. To be truthful, those memories never faded. I just tucked them away in a safe corner of my mind.

I take a deep breath and push play again on the machine. Her message continues.

"I know it's been a long time and I just wanted to say hi and catch up. I am going to be in DC for business this week and thought if you were free, maybe we could meet for coffee." ( I hear her giggle on my answering machine)." I'm sorry, I forgot about you and coffee. No coffee, but maybe a quick lunch?"

 That sound alone (her giggle) brings a flood of memories pouring out of that safe corner where I store them.

The rest of the message is a blur to me. Something about where she will be staying and her cell number.

I sit and stare at the phone. Pushing save before I look up and see my husband standing in front of me.

"Who was that Anna? You look like you've seen a ghost."

"Not a ghost, but it was a blast from my past. You'll never guess who that was?" I challenge my husband.

"I'm tired and still need to pack. No guessing games, just tell me sweetie." His hand rubs my back softly. Concern begins to show on his face.

"It was Heather, my room mate from school. I know I've told you about her before."

"You mean 'the Heather', the one you experimented with before we met?"

"Yes, that Heather," I answer. My husband knows all about her. I had told him everything about our relationship after we met.

"What did she want?"

"She's in town this week and wants to get together and catch up." I answer, my voice almost a whisper.

My husband pulls me up places a finger under my chin. He looks me in the eyes and asks me how I feel about meeting her.

"I really don't know. I have mixed feelings about it. I know she probably just wants to have a casual lunch and girl talk. It's not like she said 'hey let's get together and see if we still have feeling for each other'."

I know from Facebook that Heather is also married and just like me has three grown boys. She also has her own business. She designs office spaces for companies and specializes in developing green work spaces. From her Facebook profile she looks happy in her life.

"You should see her. There's no harm in that and I know you have always felt bad about not keeping in touch," my husband reminds me. "Leave it alone for now and I'll let you help me pack. I'll also let you give me a good bye blow job too if you behave."

Laughing, we leave the kitchen together, my husband swatting me on the ass. I finish helping him pack and I do give him that blow job he asked for. He returns the favor and we spend an enjoyable night pleasing each other. Eventually we fall asleep with the sheets tangled around us.

In the morning I hear my husband get up. I had intended to get up and make him breakfast, but I start to fall back asleep. I do feel his lips on my forehead as he leaves. "I love you, have a good time and enjoy the quiet house. You should call Heather too, I think it would do you some good."

I mumble something back at him and mouth the words, I love you and promptly fall deeply asleep.

I awake mid morning, the sun shining on me through the windows. I feel a bit guilty about sleeping in but I shake it off. I have enough to do. Feeling guilty isn't something I have much time for. I shower, dress and head into the kitchen to get some breakfast. As I walk by the phone I see the number one glowing red. It reminds me there is a saved message on the machine. Those stored memories start to fill my head again.

I hit the play button. I write down Heather's number. I've made my decision, I am going to give her a call. I sit down and stare off into space. I remember how funny Heather was. She and I had shared the same sarcastic sense of humor. It often got us into trouble.

 She was one of the prettiest girls I had ever seen. Dark, long, shiny hair and expressive dark eyes, with little laugh lines around them. Even at age nineteen she had those lines. In her pictures posted on Facebook, I could see they were still there, just a little more pronounced. Her hair was still a beautiful shade. It could be from a bottle, but it's still long, wavy and shiny. Mine however is no longer strawberry blond or long. I have a short bob and it's all grey/white. I often blame my sons for that. I went all gray by the time I was 35.

Memories are a funny thing. I sit in my kitchen and look around at all that is familiar and comforting to me. As my memory corner opens, I feel a sudden stirring I haven't felt in years. At least not when thinking about another woman. A tingling is growing between my legs and I swear I can feel my panties beginning to dampen. In college just a hug from her or seeing her across campus had my body react this way.

My fingers shake now as I push in her cell number. It rings four times and just as I am expecting to hear a voice recording Heather answers.

"Hello," she says.

I almost drop the phone. She still has that slightly husky voice I remember so well. I compose myself and tell her it's Anna and that I got her message.

"Wonderful, I'm so glad you called me back. I know it's been forever but I have been thinking about you a lot lately. I thought I'd give it a shot and hope you'd give me a call back," Heather responds brightly.
"I'm in town now but don't having any meetings until Monday. How does your weekend look?"

"It just happens to be a free weekend for me. My husband just left for a week long fishing trip and the boys are away at college," I answer.

 A silly grin is slowly appearing on my face. I hadn't realized how much I had missed hearing her voice.

"That's great, would you like to meet in town for lunch or dinner? Whatever you want, I can make it work."

On the spur of the moment, I ask her if she would like to come to my house. We used to love to cook together. I'm thinking maybe we can prepare a meal together, like old times.

Heather readily agrees. "As long as it isn't macaroni and cheese or ramen noodles," she laughs.

Sometimes that was all we could afford. I assure her we can have something a little more elevated.

"It's a deal, as long as you let me bring the drinks and dessert," she answers.

I agree and give her my address and directions to the house. She says she'll be over at seven tonight. That gives me a few hours to shop and tidy up the house. I have this sudden desire to get a pedicure and manicure as well. You're just being silly, I tell myself. She's here to catch up, not for anything else. My mind though has begun it's travels down into the memory corner where I keep thoughts of her.

My day flies by quickly. I finish up my errands. I buy steak. We never could afford beef while in school. Some potatoes and the makings for a Caesar salad finish off my shopping. Heather will be bringing dessert. I do find the time for a pedicure and manicure. I choose a deep purple for my nails. I remember it was Heather's favorite color.

I clean up the house and get the dinner ingredients ready. I shower, taking more care than usual in shaving my legs and doing my hair and make up. I want to look good for her. I feel a bit like a teenager getting ready for a date. How silly I think. I'm a grown women with grown kids and a husband. Those butterflies just won't leave my stomach. I do some deep breathing and check myself in the mirror. My hair looks okay I decide. I'm wearing a short sweater dress with stay up stockings and grey suede boots. I think I look pretty good for someone on the other side of fifty.

Promptly at seven I hear the door bell ring. Another deep breath in and I answer the door. I find Heather on my front doorstep with her hands full of packages. She really does look almost the same as I remember. A few more lines here and there. She is still as slender, maybe a little more so now. I give her an awkward half hug and invite her in.

Laughing at my attempt at a hug, she drops the packages and gives me a proper hug. It feels good to have her arms around me again. She gives me a quick kiss on the lips and holds me at arms length to look at me.

"You look good. The short hair suits you and so does the color. I can't believe you had the good luck to get that shade of grey. I pay good money to keep mine this shade."

"It is cheap to maintain and looks blond so I decided to keep it," I tell her.

Any nervousness melts away and soon we are in the kitchen prepping dinner and chatting away like old friends. Heather fills me in on her life and I do the same. We talk about that year in school and our boyfriends at the time. We discuss for awhile why we stay in touch with some people and not others.

We talk all through dinner. I cook the steaks on the grill with the potatoes and Heather makes the salad. She's brought two bottles of the Proseco I like to drink. She has also brought chocolate mousse for dessert, another of my favorites. I'm touched that she remembers those things, I thank her.

"Oh don't thank me, I didn't really remember. I just went on your Facebook page and found some of the things you had listed you liked."

At that revelation we start to laugh. It's a good comfortable laugh between two friends. We did have many nights in school where we laughed until we cried, tears just running down our cheeks. It feels right.

As we finish dessert, we stop talking and Heather reaches out her hand to mine. I let it settle into hers. She brings it to her lips, turns it over and kisses the palm. I can't say I'm startled. If I am honest with myself, it is something I have craved over the years. Her touch again on my skin.

"I know we are both happily married and settled in our lives Anna.

I just want one last chance to spend some time with you before it's too late."

I'm not sure what to say. "Too late, what do you mean?" I ask Heather.

"Oh nothing much, just that we live so far away from each other. I know you aren't looking for a new relationship. Neither am I. I just realized the other day that we never really got to say a proper goodbye. Maybe we can take this time and do it right?"

She's right, I'm not looking for anything new. My husband and I are very happy together. He does inquire at times if I ever want to have another relationship with a woman. I thought I had answered him honestly when I said no. Now with Heather in front of me holding my hand and my panties stuck to my skin totally soaked, I am changing my mind. Maybe if we spend one night together, say goodbye properly, I can happily go back to my life.

I tell Heather my thoughts. "I don't want to hurt anyone, but I really want to do this for me. I think I owe it to myself. A gift we can give each other. Old friends saying hello again and then goodbye for a final time."

My life I have now is too important for me to believe it can ever be more than that.

The air feels heavy and I suddenly feel awkward. Heather can sense this. She gets up and retrieves one of the packages she brought.

"Here I brought you a present. I saw it online and I had to order it for you."

She hands me the present and I unwrap it. I lift the lid and see what is nestled in the tissue paper. I start to laugh. I can't believe what's in there.

"Oh my god, it's Pinky! Where the hell did you find this?" I ask her.

"On one of those online sex toy shops. It does look exactly like the dildo you had at college. I saw it and that's when I knew I had to call you. I think it was a sign"

 We are both laughing uncontrollably. That bright pink dildo brings back a lot of memories, all good.

I take Heather's hands in mine and we stand up. I lead her into the bedroom. "I think it's time we said hello and good bye now."

Smiling Heather answers me, "I thought you'd never ask."

We are almost to the bedroom when I let go of her hand and run back to the kitchen. "We can't forget Pinky,"

Still laughing I return to the bedroom and I push her down onto the bed. I have Pinky in my hand. "Mmm, I wonder what we can do with this?"

I pull off my sweater dress and stand next to the bed in just my bra, panties, stockings and boots. Heather looks up and smiles at me.

"You look just a good as you ever did," she tells me.

"Even with all the stretch marks and scars?" I ask her.

"Yes, especially with all of those. They show you've lived. I have my fair share too." She sits up then and pulls off her sweater and wiggles out of her jeans. Her skin is still that olive sun kissed shade. She's right, I don't see age or imperfections. I just see the first woman I ever loved.

"Come her and say a proper hello, Anna."

I kick off my boots and shrug out of my bra. I lie down next to her on the bed. I lean over and place one hand on her face and another over the fabric of her bra. My lips settle on hers and I hear my own sigh. It feels so right to be with her again. Heather returns my kiss more deeply. I feel her tongue probe my mouth, eagerly entwined with mine. I think our tongues remember this dance. My hand goes behind Heather and I unhook her bra. Revealing that her tits are still as marvelous as I remember. Firm and full with dark aureoles I always admired.

My hands cup both of them and bring one to my mouth. I let my tongue trace the outline of her nipple. It's her turn to sigh now. I remember what she likes. I lick both nipples alternating between them, adding little nips and small bites. Heather's sighs turn to moans and she takes one of my hands and places it between her legs. I can feel how wet she is already. I'm not sure who is wetter at this point.

I stop playing with her breasts and help her slip off her panties. I smile at her and begin kissing my way down her belly. As I get closer to her center I can begin to smell her. That scent brings back even more memories. I remember the first time I smelled her. I fell in love with her aroma. I happily spread her legs and dive in. Licking the inside of her thighs softly at first, then I slowly make my way to her lips. I feel Heather's hands in my hair, gripping it tightly. I let my tongue slide between her outer lips and find the center of her soaking wet. I lap at her like a desert traveler discovering water. I can't get enough of her taste and scent.

Hearing her moan is just a bonus as I slide one finger inside of her drenched pussy and then another. I slide them easily in and out as I continue to lick and suck on her lips. Her little clit is just peeking out from under it's hood. I suck it into my mouth as I feel Heather's hips start to rise off the bed. She is sliding her pussy across my face. I glance up at her and see her head thrown back and her mouth open. Moans come from her in little gasps. I take that as my cue and slide a third finger inside of her and give her clit a little harder nip. Just like I remember, Heather howls and pulling my hair comes on my face and fingers.

I have a big smile on my face as I drink in her juices as she shakes and moans. I slide my fingers out of Heather and give them a lick and slide back up to lie next to her. My face is shiny and wet, covered in her juices. She licks my lips and gives me a deep kiss. "Your turn now."

I stand up and slide my white panties with grey polka dots down and kick them off to the side. I leave on my stockings. Heather always liked the way I looked in them. I lie back down on the bed on my back. Heather just sits next to me and watches me for a bit. Finally, I ask her what she is doing.

"I just want to look at you for awhile and remember every detail about tonight."

"Okay, but don't look too long or I'll have to do your job." I tell her as I slide one of my hands down between my legs.

Laughing, she grabs my hand. "Not so fast, Anna, be patient. I'm getting there."

I move my hand and replace it with hers. I think I'm almost as wet as she is. I almost came myself, as I felt her cum on my face. Heather's fingers move with knowledge around my pussy. She lets her fingers trace the outline of my lips and slides them up and down my inner thighs. The touch of her hand sends shivers up and down my spine. I let my legs open more for her. She leans over and picks Pinky up off of the night stand where I had laid it. She puts it in her mouth and slowly moves it in and out, getting it wet. With that knowing smile on her face, she holds it up in front of me.

"Is this what you want Anna?"

"You damn well know it is. Or you wouldn't have brought it. You remember everything, don't you?" I ask her.

"Of course I do. Those were some of the happiest times of my life. I loved being with you and I think I was always a little bit in love with you too."

I have to admit the same. I know and remember it all, even if I keep those memories hidden away.

"Okay, enough traveling down memory lane. Are you going to fuck me or not?"

Heather stops waving Pinky around and slides it between my legs. I'm so wet and slick by now that it slides easily in. I shift my hips to accommodate it's girth more comfortably. She begins to thrust it in and out slowly at first. She uses her thumb and rubs circles around my clit as she fucks my pussy with my old friend. I watch her in fascination as she pleases me. Seeing her smile and feeling her touch are more than enough to make me cum. I scream out and I push against her thumb and fingers. My inner muscles gripping Pinky tightly I cum more strongly than I have in a long time. As I shiver and moan, tears begin to leak from my eyes. Heather leans down and kisses the tracks that my tears are making.

"That's the girl I remember. Cumming so hard it makes you cry. I was sure I would never get to see that again. I'm glad I got to one last time."

"Oh stop being so morbid. I'm not crying except for tears of joy or pleasure. Take your pick," I tell her.

" I'll stop being so serious. I'm not going to stop fucking you though. Not yet anyway. I remember how many times you can cum in one evening. I always did envy you that. I cum a lot, but not that much. Lie back again and let me do what you know I am good at."

I really can't argue with her. Everything she says is true. I settle back on the bed and let her please me in so many ways. Before the night is over, Pinky got in quite a work out. I think he was in every hole we had. Some of the memories are just a blur. I do remember we finally had enough and fell asleep in each others arms.

I wake up in the morning to hear the shower running. I get up and find Heather taking a shower. I join her, as I remember all those showers we shared so long ago. I give her a morning kiss and offer to wash her back. She agrees and we both use my loofah to get each other clean.

We step out of the shower and get dressed. That awkwardness returns. We both know she has to leave and this is going to be goodbye. I start to say something but Heather stops me.

"I don't want to talk about anything. I just want you to remember this time and think of me sometimes. I hope they will be good thoughts and that I made you happy for a night."

I assure her that I will always think of her with love. How could I not. I realize now that I have always loved her. We just weren't meant to be together.

She calls a cab and we wait in the living room for it to arrive. When it pulls into the driveway, I give her a kiss and whisper, "Thank you," in her ear.

"No, thank you Anna. Just remember I love you and that last night was a real as it could get."

I'm a little confused by that statement, but I kiss her back and give her a hug, telling her I love her too.

As the cab pulls away, I return to the bedroom to clean up. As I strip the sheets off the bed I find Pinky laying on the bed. I take it and wash it and put it in my night stand drawer. I'm glad I have it now as a token of our last time together. I'll just tell my husband I ordered a new toy for us to enjoy. He knows how much I love playing with them.

I find I'm tired and decide to lie down for a nap. I didn't get that much sleep last night. The shrill ringing of the phone wakes me up. I look at the caller id and recognize Heather's number. I smile as I answer.

"Hi there, I'm glad you called."

A man's voice answers me back. "Hi is this Anna?" he asks.

Confused, I answer, "yes it is,".

"Hi this is Greg, Heather's husband. I'm not sure if she ever mentioned my name. I know she had been trying to get in touch with you. See has been reaching out to old friends these last few weeks."

I tell him yes she had phoned me and we had talked. I didn't want to share much else. I wasn't sure why he was calling and why he had her phone.

"I'm so glad she got in touch with you. I know she thought very highly of you and that you were special to her. She always talked so fondly of you and the time you spent as room mates. You were on the list she gave me of people to call. I really hate to be the one to tell you, but Heather passed away two days ago. She had been battling breast cancer for the last two years and she finally lost. I don't want to keep you but I thought you would want to know."

I am staring at the phone in horror by now. I think I stammered out something intelligible.

 Greg continued, "I will send you the details of her funeral so you can come if you'd like. I really am sorry to be calling you out of the blue like this, but I promised her. I have to go and make some more calls Thanks again Anna for making my Heather happy all those years ago."

With that we said good bye. So now I sit here at stare at the phone. My mind is unable to grasp what has happened. Did I subconsciously sense something had happened to Heather? Did I dream up the whole night? I don't know what to think. I start to cry and soon the tears are flooding down my cheeks. I reach into the drawer of my night stand for some tissues. As I pull out the drawer I see a flash of pink. Pulling the drawer all the way open I see Pinky sitting there. I pull it out and bring it to my face. I can smell the scent of a pussy that I know is not mine.

A small smile starts to form on my face. Maybe there are somethings beyond explanation. For now I don't care, I'm just happy to have these memories, real or not. I also have Pinky to remember Heather by now.