CHAPTER 13

In spite of her dubiosity, she had seemed to relax at my willingness to talk and visit her place in order to see the children.

“Good, I’ll call first, okay?” she said, “let you know that I’m coming.”

“Uh-I don’t have a phone,” I said. She reached into her purse which she had been holding and pulled out a cell phone.

“I didn’t know if you had one or not, so I got this one for you to use,” she said.

It was one of those new cell phone things that I’d seen around at the VFW.

“Okay?” she said. “My number is already programmed into it under contacts.” I gave her a look. It was clear to her that her assuming I couldn’t afford a phone was kinda insulting. She didn’t mean it that way, I knew, she was just making things more convenient for herself and for me too as an afterthought.

“Okay,” I said. “I guess I’ll have to use it for now until I can get one of my own. But I’ll get it back to you as soon as I can get one.” She gave me a sour look. I guess she thought that I was being petty. I wasn’t actually; I just didn’t want to be owing them anything, not anything.

“Okay,” she said.

We talked a little longer, and then we were joined by her husband and the kids, all of whom had been entertained by the seniors while she corralled me.

“Well, I guess we’re all ready to go,” said Owen. “Uh-Sam, I hope we’ll be seeing more of you down the line. I know that this meet up tonight must’ve felt a little strange. To be totally honest it did for me. But, well, anyway, I hope we can get to know each other a little bit better.”

“Yeah, sure,” I said, as disingenuously as I ever said anything. I know my look had to have been seen as very cold toward the man, and in truth it was meant to be. I couldn’t help it. I wanted nothing so much as to see the man dead. But, all in all the day had gone okay, better than I might have imagined it would. And I had gotten out of it what I wanted at least ostensibly. Would it all turn out to be a chimera? Well, we’d be seeing. Yes we would.

The seniors had been standing back letting things play out, but now our hosts came forward and saw the family Cord to the door. The kids were staring back at me as they were ushered out.

The door closed behind them. I had a look on my face that even I wouldn’t have been able to describe. But, Mister Williams seemed to be able to.

“You look pensive,” he said.

“Pensive? Yeah I guess. Like the man said it was strange me being here with them, especially him. It felt really strange.

“I would have liked it better if the children would have at least said goodbye to me, but I guess I understand why they didn’t,” I said.

“It was a first step, Sam. Don’t read anything into the kids not saying goodbye. It’s going to need some getting used to. I mean you being around them and they you.

“At any rate, this meet up needed to be done because you will be around them off and on in the future. I mean when you go to see them or they bring them down to see you,” he said. I nodded.

He was right. I knew he was right, but the kids getting used to me paled by the prospect of my needing to get used to being around the man who’d helped my wife make me a cuckold, and followed that up by taking her away from me. I just wasn’t sure I was ever going to be at a place where I could do that, get used to being around him, at least not comfortably.

“Yeah I guess,” I said, “maybe.”

******

“Well whaddya think,” she said.

“Abigail, I just don’t know. I feel so sorry for the guy. I mean his face! It’s awful. But . . .” he said.

“But?” she said.

“Abby, I do not want to give up my position, whatever it is, with the girls. Sam being around from time to time is fine. I’ve got no problem with that. But to officially and meaningfully give up being their father, really their only father, well, I just don’t know,” he said. “I know what you promised your dad, but...”

“Oh boy, that is going to be a problem, Owen. The man came to the barbecue because I assured Dad that we would be willing to give the honor of chief fatherhood to the man. If he thought that we’d played him, well, I don’t want to think about the fallout from that,” she said.

“I know. And, I do wish you’d talked to me first before you said anything to your dad. But, I guess we’ll just have to go forward and hope that things will work out for the best, and that includes for me, not just Sam,” he said.

“It will. I’m sure of it,” she said. “We just have to be—something.”

“You’re the eternal optimist,” he said. “How are you going to broach the fact that I’ve adopted the twins? Just meeting with him so briefly, I got the feeling that he is not the kind of guy to just take something like that in stride.

“Abbs, I’m the twin’s daddy, their real daddy. Okay, I’m not the sperm donor, but in every other respect I am the man who fills that role, the fatherly role,” said Owen Cord.

“Yes, you are, and you will have your place with those girls no matter what happens or how much the other guy’s around. But, at least for now, and at least in name, he’s got to be allowed to believe that he’s the main daddy. The man’s sacrificed a lot. And we stole his life. He’s got nothing else but those girls. And worse, he may never have anything that means anything to him ever again apart from those girls. Letting him have a little of his own is little enough,” she said. The man nodded.

“I guess you’re right. And, we do owe the guy. So, okay, I’ll play along. Okay?” he said.

“Thank you my husband. I love you,” she said.

******

The big do had been over the Labor Day weekend. That had been almost a month gone. I’d not gotten any calls or messages or visits in all of the time since. I wondered at that. Abigail had seemed very interested in meeting with me for some reason; hell, she’d given me a phone so she could contact me. But, apparently I’d misread her intentions in that regard. Well, that’s what I’d thought until two hours ago. Because two and a half hours ago I’d hung up the phone, her fancy phone; she was on her way here, to Tucson, and that without either the children or her husband.

I was tilting back an IPA. I’d discovered that I preferred it to regular lagers. It was stronger for sure, but also less bloating. One had to love the ingenuity of today’s brewers.

I heard her pull up outside. Right on time; well, I’d judged the time since the call and I was off by exactly four minutes.

I wheeled over to the door and opened it, well, I left it ajar.

I waited for her to come up and knock. She did and the door opened slightly for her.

“Oops, Sam, your door was open!” she said. “I didn’t mean...”

“No, no, come in,” I said. “I heard you pull up outside. I knew it was you. It makes it a bit easier to leave the door ajar if I know someone is going to visit is all.”

“Oh, okay, and thank you, Sam,” she said. She came in. She looked good, real good. Boy could I sure use some of what she looked like. But that was something that would likely never be coming my way again, and certainly not from her.

“Have a seat,” I said. I indicated the little love seat that filled the role a couch would have if my place had been a larger.

She smiled and took the seat. “Thanks, it was kind of a tiring drive,” she said.

“Like something to drink?” I said. I decided since the barbecue that I would be making an effort to deal with my hang ups and to try to move on emotionally. Any number of my pals at the VFW had advised me to do so, and I was getting to the point where I was actually listening to others advice. Feeling sorry for myself was not getting me anywhere, so what did I have to lose. And the two of them had, apparently, given me the one thing I had to have, my fatherhood back.

“Actually, yes,” she said. “Got a beer?” I smiled. She’d be getting an IPA.

“For sure,” I said. I wheeled into the little attached kitchenette and retrieved the asked for beverage. I returned to her and handed her the beer.

“So,” I said, as I watched her take a sip. I decided to do the same and did.

“To what do I owe this unexpected visit?” It was clear to me that it wasn’t to take me to visit my babies.

She seemed to deflate. And, now I deflated. Her body language indicated that whatever she was about it would not be especially good news for me. She seemed to sense my feelings and made to ameliorate the impact of whatever it was that had brought her to my doorstep; she smiled.

“Sam, I am so sorry for just deciding to drop in like this. Please forgive me,” she said.

“Yeah, yeah, sure,” I said. “It’s bad news isn’t it. I mean bad for me.”

“No, no, no, not really. It’s kind of neutral, but it is kind of important or maybe meaningful would be a better way to describe it,” she said.

“Okay,” I said, “So?” She swallowed. I knew that this was going to be bad in spite of what my ex-wife was saying.

“Sam, when you disappeared, now seemingly so long ago, and no I don’t mean for the military. You left both me and our babies kind of out there. Being a parent, well that job carries with it a lot of responsibilities and legalities and problems and well all of it,” she said.

“Abigail, are you trying to tell me, oh so gently, that I am not the babies’ main daddy?” I said.

“No, no, no, no!” she exclaimed. “Please let me get this out there, okay!”

“Okay,” I said. I was feeling a little bit more confident that, that whatever this was, it was unrelated to my fatherhood.

“Well, like I was saying. When you disappeared, or more accurately didn’t appear in the first place after you returned from the war, I was forced to make a lot of decisions on my own, so I did,” she said.

I was nodding. So far I had to allow that she was making sense. “Okay?” I said.

“Well, I agreed to allow Owen to adopt the babies, our babies yours and mine. And he did, we did,” she said.

I leaned back in my chair. Well, I sure as hell was wrong about this, whatever it was, not having anything to do with my fatherhood. She just got done telling me that in fact her current husband was my babies’ father and that legally. And of course, also in fact, I actually had no legal rights regarding them whatsoever, not anymore.

The odd thing was that what she’d just laid on me had been that which I had assumed was the case before I had ever laid eyes on any of them, after my return to the states, well until the barbecue. And, a second odd thing was that I knew exactly how I was going to respond to the news. I’d gone over it in my head ten thousand times over those few years. Oh yes, I knew exactly what I was about to say. The tone of her response to me would tell the tale.

“Abigail, how is this thing you are laying on me today going to affect my place as the decision maker for my children going forward?” I said. She gave me a look that could have been interpreted any number of ways. I chose not to interpret it at all.

“Sam, in real terms it won’t have any effect at all. But...” she said.

“But?” I said.

“You live far away. You won’t be there for them all of the time. The children are living with me. So, in practical terms, there will be times when Owen, well, he will be the one to make this or that decision, sign this or that paper, well whatsoever. And frankly, Sam, he deserves to be included in the mix here, the decision making mix. I mean what do you think?” she said.

“And if something comes along that I disagree with, I mean with a decision he makes, what would happen?” I said.

“We’d listen to you and likely go your way,” she said. I nodded.

“Likely, you say. Well I guess we’ll be seeing,” I said. Her turn to be nodding.

“Sam, you and I can’t just cut Owen out of his place in the family. Since the adoption he is their father too, not just their stepfather. Can you and I agree on that much? I mean you’re their main daddy, and Owen and I and everybody recognizes that, but . . .”

“But?” I said.

“But, he has been there for them. You didn’t come home to us when you should have, and that was your bad. But, that said, I surely do understand your reasons and everything. So, I guess what I’m hoping for here is a little understanding from you too,” she said. I stared.

“Like I said, we’ll be seeing,” I said. “But you need to know or realize, that all I’ve got are those babies. If you or that man of yours plans to take them away from me on any level, not just in terms of practical matters, I’ll see through your games real fast. Got that?”

“Okay, Yes, I got it. And I assure you no one wants to come between you and the children especially not me nor really Owen either,” he said.

We talked a little bit more. She offered to pick me up in a week’s time and bring me to their place. I agreed.

CHAPTER 14

It had only been a week since seeing her, smelling her, being around her, listening to her—wishing it was me in bed with her. I needed the woman, but, as I kept having to remind myself, I would never have her again, probably not any woman ever again. Even prostitutes would be avoiding me, making excuses to not be with me because I was so ugly. And now the woman, the one that used to be my woman was coming to pick me up, so I could be with our children. It would be a two hour drive if we didn’t stop to get coffee or anything. And now I was scared.

Could I do this? And what if I couldn’t. I didn’t have the money to get home by cab if it turned out that I could not do it. I was going to be trapped. But maybe it would be all right. God I hoped it would be all right.

I looked across the room to where my little clock radio announced that it was 10:00 a.m. She would be here shortly. Butterflies in my stomach ran riot in their fleshy cage. I felt like I was going to be sick. I wheeled myself fast, very fast to the bathroom. I leaned over the commode and lost the previous night’s TV dinner.

I wiped my mouth and tried to relax for a moment in my chair. I heard her knock. Talk about bad timing. I didn’t even flush the toilet as I half way raced to answer the door. It was locked; I had forgotten to unlock it and leave it slightly ajar: something I always did anymore when I knew I would be having a visitor.

“Hi,” I said, opening the door for her. She gave me a look. I must have still looked pale or upset or something.

“Uh-hi,” she said. Boy she sure did look pretty, the absolute opposite of me. I turned and wheeled back inside.

“Sam, are you okay?” she said, concern evident in her tone.

“Yeah, I’m fine,” I said. She nodded, but did not look convinced.

“I need to use the bathroom, okay?” she said.

“Uh—it doesn’t smell too good, why don’t you let me flush again,” I said.

“Don’t worry about that, I’ll flush it if it needs it.” She was already striding down the short hall to the bathroom.

“She was in there for what seemed a long time, but in reality was actually only a very few minutes. And she had flushed; I’d heard it.

“Sam, that was vomit in the toilet are you all right?” she said.

“Yeah, just something I ate last night,” I said. Her look was dubious.

“Sam...” she said.

“I’m fine, Abigail, okay?”

“Sam, I’m nervous too, probably more than you,” she said. She’d found me out.

“Yeah, maybe,” I said, “or maybe not.” She was eyeing me and looking—suspicious.

“Sam, last week when I visited you; well, I did it to kind of clear the decks so that we could go forward and begin doing things rightly. Know what I mean?” she said.

“Yeah, I guess,” I said. “But can I ask, what does your husband think of all of this? He and I didn’t talk a lot at the barbecue. And you didn’t say anything that was actually meaningful regarding him last week.”

She seemed to squirm in the seat she’d taken at my little utility table. “Look you got any coffee in there?” She nodded in the direction of the kitchenette.

“Yeah, sure,” I said. I started to wheel myself to get her the coffee, but she raised her hand to short shank me.

“I’ll get it; I’m desperate,” she said. I nodded for her to go ahead.

“You can pour me one too,” I said, to her retreating backside.

“Okay,” she said. She was back and handing me my cup in a little under a minute and a half.

“I bought them,” I said, in answer to her questioning look relating to the Denny’s cups I’d gotten for three bucks each at my favorite local diner. She nodded and smiled.

“Well good. I was afraid you’d stolen them,” she said. She was clearly kidding; well, I thought that she was kidding.

“To answer your question, Sam, he’s even more nervous than I am. Sam, we, he and I, are well aware that you feel screwed over by me. And, Sam, I will own that I did screw you over. But it’s done, and I can’t take it back nor would I. I love the man. I still have feelings for you too, but they are not the same ones I had when we were kids. I need you to know that and accept it so that we can go forward like I said, and maybe begin to feel good about each other again,” she said.

She seemed to get it that she’d stung me. The truth that I agreed with her on most everything she’d said notwithstanding.

“You still haven’t answered me,” I said.

“Sam I didn’t mean to hurt you just now, but I did need to get out into the open what my feelings are and what I think that we need to do,” she said, ignoring my last attempt to get an answer to my question about the other man position on things.

“You gonna answer me or do we just break this up right now and you go your way and I go mine,” I said. She looked taken aback at my strident insistence that she answer me.

“Sam, okay, you’re right. But, I wasn’t trying to change the subject. I was just...” She started.

“Now or never!” I said.

“Okay, okay,” she said. “So what are my husband’s thoughts in all of this? He’s worried and afraid and nervous that you will take his place, or try to, with the girls,” she said.

“Or try to? You mean that if I tried to he’d steamroll me?” I said.

“No!” she blurted. “You got that all wrong!”

“Okay then, just what is his place with the girls?” I said. I could feel my eyes narrowing. She sensed my feelings and was about to lie to me to ameliorate them.

“The truth, Abigail, the real truth. Do not try to snow a snowman,” I said. She sighed.

“The truth is he’s their daddy too. He’s been there for them since the beginning, you not so much,” she said. Her tone was strident, determined, and hurtful.

“And as relates to me? Is he the main daddy? Is that what you’re trying oh so delicately to impart to me?” I said. I wasn’t quite snarling, oh hell, yes I was.

“It’s a matter of perspective. But yes, that’s how he sees himself. He knows that you have a right to be in the babies’ lives. But he loves them too. So...”

“So I get lip service and he gets to be the real daddy, not me, right?” I said.

“It’s not like that. He will not get in the way of your relationships with the children. He will not nor would I allow that to be the case, not ever. But, he does feel that he has rights too. And he gets it Sam, he does,” she said. “He gets it that you are in tough with your disabilities, he does. But he feels that the question of fatherhood, or fatherhoods in this case, is not related to any of that.

“You’ll allow, he’ll allow or not allow. I’m just some loser who has no hope of competing with his majesty. Well, fuck him and fuck you Abigail. I get it, and I don’t like it and we’re done here!” I said.

“Sam, no! Owen’s willing to make your life as easy as it is possible to make it, and yes I do mean with a major money settlement. He’s got money, a lot of money and he can make you rich. And, he wants to. He’s sees it, I mean helping you out, as making the playing field even. But, he is also quite certain, having heard all about you, and having met you though briefly, that you would not take the money regardless of your need. So he’s in a tough spot too,” she said.

“He’s in a tough spot too? You’re kidding right? He’s got my wife. He’s got my kids. He’s got millions of dollars. He’s got powerful big money friends and influence. And he’s in a tough spot? Excuse me, but no he’s not,” I said. “I cannot believe you actually said that to me. And with me sitting right across from you; you can see what I’ve got, what I am. You see my cheap ass apartment. You’re not even trying to conceal your contempt for me. He’s in tough? Give me a fucking break!”

“Sam please...” she started.

“You can leave now, Abigail, and never come around me again. I’m glad you came today. It clears things up real good for me. Now you and he can rot in hell!” I didn’t quite scream.

“Sam please...”

“Just leave. Make it easy on me, please. You’ve made everything else as hard as you could for me, so just get the hell out of here, and I mean now. Goddamn it please just go!” I said; and now I was screaming.

“Okay Sam, for now. But this is not over,” she said.

“Oh it’s over. I assure it’s over as hell!” I said.

She rose to go. I think she was actually irritated with me. The woman had no idea how destructive her attitude and words were to me. Or, if she did, she clearly didn’t give a damn.

I began to sob as soon as the door closed behind her. Money they wanted to offer me: money to give up my fatherly rights, my children. Well, they’d be able to shut me out of my rights I had no illusions about that. He had the money and the power. I had nothing. But I would not collude with them in the doing of it, not ever!

******

“So he hates me,” he said.

“Yes, pretty much, and as for being hated I’m not far behind,” said Abigail.

“So what do we do now?” said Owen.

“I guess we wait for him to cool off, and maybe have another go at him,” she said. “I do so want him to be there for his girls. I feel so guilty for what I did to him.”

“It’s what ‘we’ did to him, not just you,” he said.

“But, Abby, I do not feel guilty. Divorce happens. It happens all of the time. Families go through it and get through it. Sometimes the road is a little bit bumpy, but it’s still a road and it can get folks to a good place with just a little effort,” he said.

“Yes, but with his disabilities the road is a lot more than a little bumpy. The man has almost no chance for a decent life. Add into that mix his need to be number one with the girls, well...” she said.

“Yes, and you're right. But as you pointed out to him, we could and would go a long way to making his life better, way more than livable if he’d only allow us to. I get it that he has a gripe, but his level of bitterness is way beyond the pale, Abby, way beyond it.”

“I would agree with you were it not for the fact that his disability is at least in part because of me. I all but put a gun to his head to join the Army. If he hadn’t well . . .” she said.

“Abby don’t even blame yourself for that, I mean his injuries. True you encouraged him to join up because of the benefits, but he was and is an adult. In the end it was his choice, not yours. I mean it is the Army. Sometimes awful things can happen to soldiers. And, in this case it did, to your husband, to Sam,” he said.

“I know, I guess I know. But in spite of everything I still feel responsible. I pressured the man, Owen. I wanted more. And he... Well he...”

“He needed to man up and do better for his wife and family. He didn’t and that was on him. He could have. He should have, and now it’s too late. And now he needs help and help is what he can have if he will only reach out and take it. And, I’m not offering him a hand out just a hand up. The man sacrificed his body for the good of his country; he gets credit for that. Now his country and its citizens owe him a chance to rehabilitate himself and have a life. It might not be the exact life he wants, but it can be a good one if he will only bend a little. He has to bend a little,” said Owen Cord.

“Well that’s the hope,” said Abigail, “that’s the hope.”

“Abby, I’m going to go to him myself. I might get kicked out too, but I’m gonna try. I gotta try. I’m gonna make him an offer he can’t refuse unless he’s as dumb as he so far has indicated that he indeed is!” said Owen.

“Owen, no matter what don’t make it harder on the man than I already have. I mean really. If you go just be, well, gentle. I wasn’t and now we’re wherever the hell we are,” she said.

“All right, all right, gentle it will be, kid gloves and all of that. But, Abby he’s a man; I have to show him at least that much respect. He may be a dumb ass, and frankly I think he is, but he is also a man; and I will not disrespect that just in the interest of being super gentle. Okay?”

“Okay, sir, okay,” she said.

******

Well I’d kicked her pretty pink butt the hell out, and, I thought, now they’d leave well enough alone. That said, I had not counted on the degree of determination that the family Cord was possessed of.

He was striding, not merely walking, across the spacious VFW floor like a man who knew what he was about, a man of confidence. He pulled up right across from me. He smiled. He was, I considered, and arrogant asshole when all was said and done. I decided to say so.

“You are an arrogant sonovabitch aren’t you, Mister Cord.”

“What?” he said. I think I’d shaken his confidence if not his degree of arrogance.

“Whaddya here for? I’m sure your wife clued you to the truth that I don’t want anything from any of you,” I said.

He swallowed and made to make his case. “Can I sit and maybe have a word or two with you?” he said.

“No,” I said. “I really mean I don’t want to have anything to do with any of you.”

“That include your children?” he said. I sneered.

“You mean your children don’t you, asshole?” I said. “Your woman told me about your demands, and how you’d ‘allow’ me to be in my children’s lives. Fuck you!”

“Sam!” he said trying to get my attention.

“I’m no fool. I know and you know that I can’t beat you in court. But, I don’t have to worry about that do I; you’d allow me to be in ‘your’ children’s lives. I’m broke and powerless to stop you, Mister Cord. So, I am cutting my losses and leaving you the clear field you’d take anyway if I even thought about contending with you. So get the hell outta here and leave me the hell alone.”

“One million dollars,” he said.

“What the fuck?” I said.

“One million dollars for you to sit with me and discuss a few things. You get the money even if I can’t convince you to lighten up,” he said. I think my mouth was hanging open a yard. There was only one possible answer to give the man.

“You arrogant asshole! Come a little closer,” I said. He leaned in as if to better hear me. I did it. I spit in his face.

He jerked back out of range of any follow up I might have been inclined to tender him.

“What the fuck!” he said.

“Am I getting through to you, Mister Cord? He leaned toward me once again, and he spit in my face.

“Yeah,” he said, “you are. Have an even more fucked up life than you already have.” He was wiping his face off with a handkerchief he pulled from the pocket of his fancy blue blazer as he said what he said.

“Yeah well, thanks to you I will,” I said, “You get your wish there too!”

He turned and strode out as he had in. I had to smile. It was a good moment. Well, it was for me.

CHAPTER 15

He fell into the seat across from her. It was clear from his look that he didn’t want to be pushed. She was anxious, but she held back waiting for him to get his bearings, calm down, whatever.

He looked up at her. “That man...” he started and stopped.

“It didn’t go well then?” she said.

“No, no, it didn’t go well. He’s in a very bad place, Abbs. And, he’s not like any other man I’ve ever met. Whether because of his injuries or the divorce or whatever, he’s in a very bad place. Listening to reason is not something the man is into, not now, not for the foreseeable future,” he said.

“So tell me,” she said. He shook his head and that in such a way as to make clear his frustration.

“I found him at the veterans’ bar he hangs at. He was alone, and I have to think that he usually is. I get a sense that he prefers it that way, or maybe people are just avoiding him because of his face or his attitude, or maybe both; I don’t know,” he said.

“My oh my,” she said.

“Frankly, Abbs, I’m ready to write the man off. He doesn’t want us around anyway. I’m at the point of giving him what he’s asking for,” he said. The woman across from him began to cry, silently cry. He noticed, stood, and went to her.

“It’s my fault, my words, the way I came onto him when I went to see him. He feels helpless and in point of fact he is. And he gets it, and in getting it he is despairing. Owen, I can’t write him off, I owe him,” she said. Her husband nodded.

“I know, I know, okay, we’ll keep trying, But, Abbs, I’m at my wits end. I just don’t know how I or we can get through to the man,” he said.

“So what happened? I mean you went all that way just to hear him tell you to get lost? What?” she said. “Did you get a word in edgewise? I mean nothing?”

“Not exactly,” he said.

“Okay?” she said.

“Well, I found him like I said. He was in that VFW bar. He saw me come in, and I was determined. I was going to make him listen, at least that,” he said.

“Okay?” she said.

“He saw me when I came in. As I came up to him, he was all but snarling at me. Before I said anything he jumped on me saying that you’d made it clear what his position was and he didn’t want anything to do with us, any of us,” he said.

“What about the children?” she said.

“I asked him that point blank. I asked him if he didn’t want to have anything to do with them either. I was thinking that that might have gotten him to loosen up a bit. He said he was sure that he would have no rights that you and I didn’t ‘allow’ him to have, emphasis on the word ‘allow’; and well, essentially that he didn’t and wouldn’t accept second class citizenship,” he said.

“But surely...”

“I went for broke. I said one million dollars.”

“Huh? What?” she said.

“I said, to him, one million to just sit and talk civilly with me for a few minutes and no strings. His look was something. I don’t think he believed me. But if he did he didn’t care. He told me to fuck off. We had a few more words, and then he asked me to come a little closer, like he wanted to say something private maybe,” he said.

“Okay and?” she said.

“He spit in my face,” he said.

“He did what!” she said. “What did you do?”

“I spit in his face! And I felt good doing it,” he said.

‘What the hell!” she said. “And that’s your definition of kid gloves.”

“I had to do it, and, I guess so did he. Abigail, it was matter of respect. Believe it or not, it was a matter of respect. If I’d just rolled over, or, in his mind if he had...” he said.

“Men!” she said. “You’re all nuts!”

“That is likely an accurate assessment,” he said, and he wasn’t smirking.

“I’ve got to do something. You know, I think I’m going to visit his dad. Aaron’s got a good head on his shoulders. At worst it’ll be evidence to our man that I care, which I do, and at best maybe Aaron can help us out. I’m going to try,” she said. Her main man nodded.

“Yes, that definitely can’t hurt, and like you say, it may actually give us a place to start,” he said.

“Yes,” she said.

******

It was dark in the back of the place. The VFW was busy, which was good. No one was paying attention to him and his bud.

“So, the man came to see you. And you traded spit and not in the way one usually trades spit,” said Jeff Michaels.

“About right,” I said. “I hate the sonovabitch. You know what he told me?”

“What?” said Jeff.

“He said that if I would talk to him for a few minutes he’d give me one million dollars. Bullshit of course, but that’s what he said,” I said.

“Yeah, but he is rich; we know that much. Maybe he was telling you straight,” said Jeff, and then he laughed.

“It doesn’t matter anyway. I would never take anything from the man, nothing. Not ever,” I said.

“So that’s it then. You’re writing the bunch of them off for good,” said Jeff.

“Yes, and I’m thinking of moving, leaving town, not just yet, but one of these days.

“Jeff, one of these days I might need a ride, I mean if...” I said.

“Not a problem. And I can get a couple of the other guys to lend a hand too,” he said. “Just say the word,”

“Okay, I will,” I said. “I’m gonna miss the kids, but it is what it is. They’re going to be putting up roadblocks all over the place; it wouldn’t work, not for me. So, yeah, I’m done with the bunch of them.”

“I can dig it man. A lot of guys were dumped on by their women. Hard to find one a body can trust anymore. Damn near impossible, actually. If you don’t have the scratch you don’t get the ass,” he said.

“Yeah us poor guys got no chance,” I said. “And if you’re ugly they actually laugh at you when you do try to get close, kind of a double whammy.” His friend was shaking his head, slowly but he was shaking it.

“Sam, you gotta stop thinking that way. Yeah, you’re messed up, but you got it in battle with some very bad guys. You saved a bunch of us. To us you’re beautiful. I mean it man. Is there a woman around who gives a shit? Maybe, maybe not, who knows. But your brothers do, all of us,” said Jeff. I nodded. I knew what he said was a true thing. One could always count on his brothers.

******

He wasn’t expecting anyone. But someone was knocking on his door. Aaron Bradshaw got up, got up slowly, and went to answer it.

“Abigail!” he said, his look one of hard core surprise.

“Aaron?” she said. She looked a question at him. The older man looked down.

“I’ve not been feeling too good,” he said.

“My goodness, sir, are you going to be all right?” she said. It was more than clear that he wasn’t at least not soon.

“Yes, yes, I’ll be fine. Just taking a little time off to get over this, whatever it is,” he said. “But come in, come in.”

She entered and passed him into the living room where he indicated that she should have a seat on the couch. He fell into his rocking chair across from her.

“Aaron, yes, Sam and I are divorced, but you and I aren’t,” she said. “And I’m here for you, sir. And I need for you to give me the straight of it.” He sighed.

“Abby, I’ve got prostate problems,” he said. She stared straight at him.

“Cancer?” she said, quietly, sympathetically. He nodded.

“Abby, I do not want my son to know. That’s why I mentioned it to you just now. He’s got enough problems without my illness adding to them. So, I’m asking you to not tell him. Can you do that for me?” he said.

“Aaron, do you really think that that’s best? He is going to be very upset when he finds out you’ve kept this from him,” she said.

“Yes,” he said. “It’s not good but it is best. I know he’ll be upset for a bit after the fact, but he’d just be upset sooner than need be if he found out now. He doesn’t need to deal with something he can do nothing about, Abigail. And, frankly, I don’t want to be dealing with his sympathy. I know the man loves me, loves all of us. He’s having a hard time of it because of that love and concern. He does not need to have my illness add to it all. So please...”

“Okay, Aaron. I won’t tell him. I’m still not sure it’s best, but I will honor your wishes,” she said.

The talk went on for some time. The upshot was that Aaron Bradshaw had maybe three months to live. Abigail fought back the tears, but in the end it was a losing fight. The old man comforted her, and then she had to leave.

“I will be back with the children to visit,” she said. “And, Aaron don’t even think of telling me no to that,” she said. He nodded his surrender.

The ride back to castle Cord was slow and sad. She actually felt shaky. She had to tell Sam, but she couldn’t. Her promise was one she dared not break. Her broken promises had been at core responsible for everything bad that had happened to her and to her used to be man. It would be on her husband now to decide how to handle things. Yes, Owen would have to be the one; he’d think of something. He had to.

******

She pulled into the drive and sagged back into the car’s seat. There was nothing she was realistically going to be able to do for her Sam let alone his dad. And, just as bad there was likely nothing that her Owen would be able to do in any real sense either. It was not going to be a good time. But it would be a time that she would not be able to avoid.

Getting out of the car she keyed the locking mechanism and went inside of the two story five bedroom mini castle.

Putting the coffee on, she dropped into the chair she always did at the kitchen table and listened to the calming sound of the coffee maker doing its thing. The clock on the wall announced that it was almost 5:00. Her man would be home soon. It wouldn’t be soon enough.

She downed the last of her cup of coffee just as she heard the garage door engage. The master of the house was home.

He saw her looking hangdog and seated at the table. “Abigail?” he said.

“He’s dying, Owen. Aaron Bradshaw is dying,” she said. His look morphed from a question to serious concern.

“Oh my,” he said. “Does Sam know?”

“No, and there’s a problem,” she said. “Aaron made me promise not to tell him.”

“Oh boy,” he said. “And, you’re thinking that you have to break your promise to Aaron, is that it?”

“No, just the opposite, Owen. I can’t break my promise to the man,” she said.

“Okay, okay, tell me, tell me all of it,” he said.

“After our talk, like I told you, I made the decision to talk to Aaron to see if he could help us out. You know get the man to lighten up. So I did. I mean I went to visit him. Owen the man’s a skeleton. Less than two months since the barbecue at mom and dad’s and he’s turned into a veritable skeleton. At least that’s what he looked like to me,” she said.

“Okay, I’m guessing you surprised him showing up like you did,” said Owen.

“To say the least, but as for that I’d have to say of the two of us that I was the more surprised,” she said.

“You say he’s dying, but from what? Did he say?” he said.

“Prostate cancer,” she said. “He’s got a few months at most. I need to tell Sam, but I daren’t. I just don’t know what to do. According to Aaron he just doesn’t want to add to the man’s problems. He’s aware that when he dies that Sam will be bereft and probably upset with him for not telling him, but he, Aaron, sees that as the best of bad choices.”

“I see,” said Owen. He had taken a seat opposite his wife, but now he stood and began pacing back and forth.

“Owen?” she said, as she watched him. He was clearly lost in thought.

“Is there any reason that I can’t talk to Sam about this?” he said, finally stopping across from her.

“Well I...” she said.

“Did Aaron ask you not to tell me?” he said.

“No, not specifically, but if you told Sam, Aaron would without doubt see it as me doublecrossing him regardless,” she said.

“That may be so. But, Aaron is in the wrong here. Yes, he’s doing what he can to minimize the man’s problems, but he is also disrespecting the man, who he is. And Sam is a man and a brave man. Yes, it will add to his pain, Sam’s, but it will also lessen the pain that Aaron is feeling and in that lessen the pain that Sam feels. At least that’s what I think.

“Abby, I’m making the unilateral decision to tell Sam. You know this might actually have the effect of closing the gap between all of us. I mean if we can be seen by Sam as caring enough to show him the respect he deserves. It’s not a for sure thing; I understand that, but it’s a pretty strong maybe at worst,” he said.

******