She turned back, smiled and watched me walk away. I don’t think either of us knew what else to say.
I woke up the next morning all kinds of confused. I know that Grant and Justine were trying to help. They were also in need of help. Christ, they had really been there for me since Jenn died. They just went along with my charade of saying the right things all the time to not worry them, when they knew the whole time that I was hurting. They didn’t call me on it, they just supported me the best they could.
My head was spinning now. I should support them in their time of need as they supported me. I just couldn’t figure out how fucking J was going to help. I mean what the fuck would that do to a relationship. I certainly wouldn’t want anyone to fuck my wife. I’m sure I’d be thinking about if that person was better than me, or if she was thinking about that other person every time we had sex for the rest of our lives.
I pulled out the card with the on-call number Dr. Atkins had given me yesterday, grabbed my phone, and called. The call service operator took my number, after repeatedly asking me if this was an emergency and if so I should call 911, and said that someone would call me back within thirty minutes.
I immediately started to panic about talking to someone other than Dr. Atkins and hadn’t considered that it was going to be an on-call doctor and not her. I hadn’t thought that through before I called. I also hadn’t thought through how she was going to treat me after what had happened in her office yesterday. I shouldn’t have called at all. No more than five minutes after the call, my phone started buzzing and my stomach sank.
“Hi Matt, it’s Amanda. Is everything OK?” She seemed genuinely concerned. I was genuinely relieved to hear her voice and not to have to explain the situation to someone new.
“I’m fine. Really conflicted, but I’m fine.” I was trying to play this down a little, but I needed to talk it through. “Before I get to that, I’m sorry for the way I acted yesterday. I burst out and said some personal things I shouldn’t have and that wasn’t fair to you in any way. You’ve done nothing but try to help me and I lashed out at you. I’m sorry.” So spontaneous, but so true.
“Matt, you’re not the first, and will not be the last patient to react like that. I appreciate the apology but it isn’t necessary. What’s going on?”
I spent the next five minutes recounting the interaction with Justine the night before and as I got to the part about the hug, she started asking questions.
“Did you act on any of this, Matt?” she asked.
“No. I was embarrassed, weirdly turned on, and generally confused. I knew better than not to act on an impulse. I love my friends and can’t imagine ruining that.” I’d been bullshitting her for a year and now I was, all of a sudden, just straight honest with her.
“Are you really not planning on acting on any of this?” she followed up.
“I’m not sure yet. They need help, but I’m not sure this is the help they need from me.” I was still not fully comfortable being completely on the level with her yet.
“Alright. Matt, can I assume you are not going to act on this right now? I think the fact you have not already told me that you know the right and wrong of this. I completely get that this is more complex than that, but for right now just be supportive of them in a non-physical way. We can talk about the details and some strategies around this when we meet next week. If this comes up again, try to get as much detail from their end to better understand where they are coming from. I’ll also give you a reference for them to a colleague that specializes in this specifically.”
“Sure Amanda, that would be great,” I said and she quickly relayed the information.
“Dr. Samantha Tucker, 555-893-0023 and they can tell the office that I referred them. Let’s keep our normal appointment next week, but if you need to talk again, call the on-call number and I’ll get back to you as soon as I can.
“Matt, I’m glad you are finally being honest with me and sharing all of this. This will go a long way toward recovery for you. See you next week, I believe it is your last scheduled visit as well?”
“Yeah, just one more. See you then,” I said as she hung up.
*****
The rest of the weekend and most of the following week were uneventful. Thoughts of what had transpired that Friday had started to fade and I went back to the routine of daily life.
I was picking up groceries at Whole Foods down the street when I ran into one of Justine’s work friends, Renee. We had met a couple of times at Justine and Grant’s house for different events over the years. She was nice enough and had her young toddler daughter in tow today.
“Hi, Matt!” Renee said enthusiastically as she stopped the cart abruptly, “I haven’t seen you in ages,” she continued.
“Well, I haven’t been in the social scene much since well, you know…” Always awkward getting past this point. Her daughter was orbiting around her and her shopping cart which made for a nice segue out of this conversational track.
“And who is this?” I said as I knelt down and looked at the little girl changing the focus completely.
“This is Angela. Say hi to Mr. Matt young lady.” The little one shied away with that.
“Hello, Angela! She’s very cute, Renee. How are things with you and the family?” I’m not a big fan of the small talk, but here we were.
“Things are good. Funny I should run into you. Have you seen Justine lately? I worked a couple of overnights with her over the weekend and she seems a bit off,” she said looking at me curiously. I stood there wondering what she might know about this whole situation.
“We get together every Friday night for dinner, and I haven’t seen her since. She was fine then,” I lied.
“Everything OK at the hospital?” I asked. Both Renee and Justine were nurses on the same floor at one of the big teaching hospitals in town.
“Mmm, things are fine there, you know night shifts grind you down. She was just acting funny. You sure everything was fine? She hasn’t been returning my texts,” she asked.
“Yeah Renee, but you know I’ll try to catch up with her later today. She can’t avoid me since I live right up the street.” I was trying to keep this upbeat.
“Thanks, Matt. Could you let me know that she’s OK if you catch up with her? I think you have my info from coordinating Grant’s birthday party a couple of years ago. Just get in touch to let me know she's fine?”
“Sure, no problem,” I replied.
“Look, Josh and I should have you over soon and catch up. We miss seeing you around!” I could see the look of concern on her face.
“Just let me know, I’d be happy to stop by.” We parted ways with Angela bouncing down the aisle looking for her cereal.
That was worrisome. I drove home and put away the groceries and when I was done, I set out for a run, planning to end at Grant and Justine’s house.
A number of things were floating through my head on my run. I was running through every possible scenario and every way a conversation could go. I was hoping for the best and trying to plan for the worst, but what was the worst? Well, I was about to find out one way or another.
Still out of breath from the run and sweating from the combination of the late summer heat and exercise, I rang the doorbell. I heard footsteps of someone coming down the stairs and Justine answered the door. She must have been getting back from the hospital as she wore a navy blue scrub top with a white shirt underneath with matching navy pants tight enough to show a hint of her toned body underneath.
“Hi Matt,” she said without a hint of anything wrong or anything different. “Come in. Are you just finishing a run or something? Do you want something to drink?”
“Sure, cold water would be great.”
“So, what’s up?” she asked as we walked towards the kitchen.
“Well, I haven’t talked to you or Grant since Friday and I just wanted to make sure everything was OK. Where is Grant?” I asked.
“He’s at a meeting in DC for work. He’s heading back tomorrow,” she said matter-of-factly. “As for us, we’re fine. More than fine in fact," she said with a curious smirk. "I know it was a lot all at once, but it doesn’t change us or anything. Right?” Was she looking for some validation here?
“Uh, I guess. Like you said, it’s a lot. You’ve both been there for me in what has been the bottom of the barrel in my life the last year. I just want to be supportive. I got really concerned when I ran into Renee at Whole Foods this afternoon and she said she was worried about you and that you weren’t returning her texts. I thought I might have precipitated that?” I questioned, and she turned a bright shade of red and quickly looked away from me.
“Look J. I’m not mad, I’m not upset. I care about you guys and want the best for you. I...” she quickly cut me off.
“This has nothing to do with you, Matt. Well, maybe just a little bit I guess. What the hell did Renee tell you?” she asked in a very annoyed and urgent tone.
“Uh, just what I said, that she was concerned and you weren’t yourself. She was with little Angela and we didn’t have an in-depth conversation,” I said wondering where this was going.
“What the hell is going on here?”
“I’ve been trying to avoid her,” she said still flushed. “And she sure as hell knows it.”
“OK, I think I’ll take the water for the road. I was just concerned I had done something.” I didn’t want to get in the middle of something else at this point.
“No, it’s not you. It kind of relates to you and what we talked about the other night though. You have to hear what happened. It’s kind of crazy.”
“I’m not sure I want to get involved in this, J.” Honestly, I was kind of curious now.
“You’ll see how it relates. Let’s take this into the living room,” she said as she handed me the glass of ice water.
“J, I can see that you’re fine and we’re fine. I’m soaked through my shirt from the run and I must smell like hot garbage. Let’s do this Friday at dinner instead?” I felt disgusting and didn’t want to sit on anyone’s furniture.
“How about you go home and take a shower and come back for dinner? I was going to have the leftover lasagna from the other night?” As she finished the sentence her phone started to ring.
She pulled it out of the side thigh pocket of her tighter than they should be scrub pants and answered it. “Hey, babe. I got a hot and sweaty Matt in our kitchen and I can’t talk right now!” She was laughing now. “No, he stopped by after his run. He’s just leaving to go get a shower and then he’s going to come for dinner, then he’s going to cook me one of his delicious mushroom omelets!” she said looking and smiling at me the whole time.
“He ran into Renee today so I’m going to fill him in on that whole thing.” There was a long pause as Grant was talking.
“Who knows, babe? We’ll play it by ear.” Her smile got bigger. “Like I said, Matt was just leaving,” she said as she pointed towards the door.
I was dumbfounded and just let myself out without arguing as she continued to talk to Grant on the phone. I was worried about what kind of situation I would be walking back into later, but I was more curious about the story behind Renee now.
******
I took my time showering and heading back to Justine’s house. As I walked back to her house, I wish I had driven. Even though the sun was just setting, it was still hot and I was already sweating again. Not knowing what was ahead of me tonight probably didn’t help that either.
Justine answered the door and ushered me inside. She was still wearing her scrub pants from work and the tight white t-shirt that she had on underneath earlier today, minus the bra… great.
The smell of bacon hit me as I went inside. “Something smells good, J.”
“I figured if I was having breakfast for dinner, I’d have bacon with my omelet! I cut up the mushrooms and onions for you. All you have to do is whip it up, right? Isn’t this great how I invite you over to cook me dinner?” she said with a chuckle.
“I think I’ll pass on the lasagna and make myself one as well. Someone ate mine the other night…” I gave her a smirk with that remark.
“Drinks?” she asked.
“Sure, what do you have?” I replied.
“I’m making vodka tonics. I believe I remember you drinking quite a few of these on more than one occasion?”
“Sure, I’ll take one but take it easy on me. Vodka and eggs don’t exactly go together.”
We spent the next few minutes making small talk, sipping from my drink and I was asking how Grant’s conference was going. I had sautéed the mushrooms and onions and added them with a little cheese into two expertly done French omelets. As I dished them out we ate right at the kitchen island. Justine took the bacon out of the oven and dinner was had.
“So Justine, are you going to fill me in or what? Renee got me worried and now I feel there is a pretty good story to go with it. I’m not sure how it involves me though.”
“Ha, you’ll piece it together pretty quickly I think. Let me freshen these up first though.” She grabbed my almost empty glass and her empty glass and went about making another round. She hadn’t listened to me about going easy and this round she looked to be a bit heavier handed on the vodka with both of our drinks.
As she handed me back my glass she started in, “So, Friday night after our conversation, I went to work. Typical 11:00-7:00 overnight shift. Most of my patients were asleep, so there was not a heck of a lot I needed to do. Renee asked me if I’d cover her patients while she headed down to the hospital coffee shop. She told me she was going to be a little while as she needed to hit the ATM and kill some time off the floor. I told her it was fine and she went on her way."
“Well, forty-five minutes later I realized she wasn’t back and Laura, our floor secretary, had been down and back to get coffee in about five minutes, and that was thirty minutes ago.”
I interrupted, “So if this is going to be a catty story about pawning her patients on you for half the night, I think we can just get to the endpoint here, as I don’t see how this has anything to do with me.” I was being a little impatient, but she had told these types of stories before. I was thinking about how disappointing the story was about to be.
“Look, buddy. This story is nothing like that, so take another pull off that drink, shut up, and let me talk,” she said rather seriously.
“Anyway,” she continued, “I asked Laura if she had seen Renee when she was down there. Laura told me she saw her on the way back, talking to Kyle by the on-call lounge.”
“Who’s Kyle?” I interrupted her again.
“Are you going to let me get through this or what?” she asked, again a bit miffed.
“Kyle was the on-call fellow for general medicine that night. I figured at this point she had stopped to talk to him to get orders for something a patient needed, but I didn’t remember her telling me about anything any of her patients needed when she left."
She continued, “The on-call lounge, which is just a fancy name for a couch they crash on and a desk with a computer to write notes, was at the far end of the floor, so I headed off to find her. I walked down the hall and the lounge door was ajar and I couldn’t make out the sounds coming from there.” She started to squirm in her high chair tucked against the kitchen island as she stopped to take a big gulp of her drink. She was getting drunk and her face was a bit flushed, or that’s what I thought was going on.
“I get to the door and I’m just about to open it and as I peek in, Kyle has got his scrub pants around his ankles with his back to me on top of a spread-eagle Renee on her back facing me on the lounge couch.” I almost spat the sip of the drink out as I heard this.
“Oh my god, J. What did you do? Wait, Renee, she’s still married to Josh, right? Christ, I met one of their kids today!” My head was spinning from all of this.
“Uh-huh, she’s still married,” she replied with an awkward smile.
“And then what happened? Did you freak out?” I asked.
“No. Matt, I don’t know what came over me. I just couldn’t move. Kyle’s tight young ass was right in front of me as he was just pounding away on Renee. It was just so… so… intoxicating. I mean the muscles in his ass and back just rippled with each thrust. That guy is an absolute specimen. Like he has always had that, 'I do CrossFit' thing that's a bit off-putting, but my god it works for him and he is chiseled!" She was reveling a bit too much on those points for my liking.
"Renee’s huge tits were flopping back and forth on her chest in tune with each thrust. She had one hand on his ass giving a playful slap and the other was clenched on the arm of the couch behind her holding on for deal life. I stood there and…” She was even more flushed now and I knew it was from much more than the drink as she continued to squirm in the chair.
“And what, J?” I said pulling her out of a temporary daze.
“And I got so hot. I mean you and I had just talked about the night in the ski condo a few hours before which brought back some, eh, exciting memories and this just sent me over the edge. I didn’t know what I was doing and next thing I know I was, uh… touching myself. Right there in the alcove next to the lounge door.” She wasn’t looking at me now and she was obviously quite worked up recounting the story. I was starting to feel a little warm as well, as my cock started to stir in my shorts.
“I don’t know how long I stood there, but at some point, Renee noticed me. I didn’t move. It was just like when you caught me that night with Jenn. There Renee was getting the absolute stuffing pounded out of her and I’m sitting there watching with my hand down my panties using myself like an amusement park.” I had to smile that only J would put a Seinfeld reference in recounting a story like this to me. It broke by just the tiniest amount of the tension for me and I softly hid a chuckle within a smile.
She continued, “Yeah, well I was on fire and I couldn’t stop. Renee saw it and started to get more vocal with him. I mean really nasty stuff. Like degrading herself and her husband stuff. She was telling Kyle how much of a better fuck he was than Josh. How much better his cock was. I mean really, dirty shit was just spewing out of her mouth.”
“Eventually, all of this started to send him over the edge. That made her even more vocal, but this time about cumming inside her! He lost it almost immediately after that comment and turned into a jackhammer of young muscle for what seemed like forever.”
“She was unintelligibly moaning and gasping at this point. It looked like she had just lost all control of her body. It was fucking hot, Matt. I was absolutely enthralled. He finally plunged into her without pulling back out and I saw his balls jump from behind and quiver. He fucking just came inside my friend right there in front of me! I had to shake myself out of a daze and slowly snuck off.”
“Wow,” was about all I could muster. This was so hot to hear, but this was not the conversation I should be having with Justine now. Somehow, I couldn’t stop myself from prodding her on.
“So, did you just go back to your shift?” I asked hoping this might end the tale.
“Eh, no. I, uh. I, em. I went to the bathroom for some, uh, relief.” She was again not looking at me as she was telling me this. Her face was now fully flushed in pink and she was sitting awkwardly in her chair with her legs tightly crossed.
“I eventually pulled myself back together and headed back to the nurse’s station. When I got back there, Renee had the balls to ask me where I was. Wasn’t I supposed to be covering her patients? Like really, Renee? I didn’t know what to say and avoided her for most of the rest of the shift. That was until I was getting my patient’s medications in the locked med room and she corners me.”
“She was very forthcoming about the whole situation, uncomfortably forthcoming. She fucking told me she finds cute single residents, fellows, attendings, or whoever and sets up these rendezvous every once and a while either planned or spontaneously. She went on to tell me that Josh knew and was fine with it. He did his own thing on the side occasionally but gets off on hearing about his wife fucking other people. She asked about Grant and how we should be getting together with her and Josh sometime since I obviously enjoyed the show. I just stood there with my mouth wide open not knowing what to say.” She continued to squirm in her chair as she polished off the last of her drink.
I was as much floored as I was worried now. Here I was in Justine’s house without Grant and you could cut the arousal in the room with a knife. Was she setting a trap for me here? I had to get out of this before we were at a point of no return.
Despite that, I couldn't help myself to listen further, “And then...” she started back up.
“Wait there is an, ‘and then?'” I asked trying to interject some humor into this.
“And then, she reached down under her scrubs and into her panties! She pulled out two fingers glistening, with what I can only assume was a mixture of her and Kyle’s earlier tryst, and sucked them clean! What? I mean it was like it was a prize. Who does the fuck that? Do you know what she fucking said then?” She looked at me quizzically.
“She fucking said that she was going to make Josh take care of that mess for her when she got home before she let him fuck her! I was left standing there dumbfounded as she walked past me and out of the room. She said It just so matter of fact. Like what the fuck just happened?”
My dick was painfully straining against my shorts now. I couldn’t stand if I had wanted to. My mind was racing from this explicit tale.
“Uh-huh,” was all I could manage to say.
She continued, “Now my head was spinning. Renee was gone and all I could think about was her begging for Kyle to cum inside her. This was a couple of hours after you and I had talked about the ski house thing. I was just off somewhere else the rest of the shift and thank god, my patients were OK as I don’t think I could have responded to anything emergent. I tried to avoid Renee for the rest of the shift, but she just kept looking and smiling at me. That’s the worst but what was next was close.”
I had to stop her at this point. “There’s a next? Look J, this was quite the tale, and I’ll be honest this whole thing is pretty fucked up, but I think I need to go home,” I was able to say calmly as I started to sit up.
She took three steps towards where I was sitting in the nook of the kitchen and put her hand on my chest and pushed me back down in my seat.
“Oh no, you don’t! You’ve made it this far and this is what’s fucked up about her telling you that she’d been texting me!” I looked up at her noticing that she was either cold or pretty damn excited as her nipples might have well as been poking through her tight white shirt. She stepped over to the chair next to me and sat down. I was just about to say something when she grabbed her phone off the table and started again.
“So, I’m not even home from work yet and she starts texting me. I see it’s her and I don’t even look, but the texts just keep coming. Finally, I get home and all I want to do is get myself off again and pass out, but I looked at my phone.”
“And?” I asked
“And what? You just wanted to go home a minute ago and now you’re interested again?” She wasn’t even looking at me. She was doing something on her damn phone, but I did notice she was now even more flushed in the face and neck just as I had seen her the other night.
“And I looked at my phone and saw this.”
She pointed the iPhone screen at me sideways. It was a text from Renee with a picture of a well-manicured pussy with dark hair matter down and sticky with wet spots on the satin blue panties that a hand was holding open looking from above. I had to crane my neck to read the now sideways text: “Feeling fresh this morning, how bout U.”
“Oh, my god. Is that Renee’s dirty vag?” I couldn’t have been more shocked. I had expected a long drawn-out apology, not cum soaked panties and Renee’s recently fucked pussy. A fresh feeling of heat came over my face as I was obviously blushing.
“Ha!” she said as she pulled it back and swiped down further and then returned it to my view again. “Hit play,” she commanded.
Like some kind of trance, I did as I was bidden and hit the play button. The video was a bit from the side and down angle, but you could see a large boob and dark nipple very close up then as your eyes went down there was a belly button and… Holy shit! There was a dude licking that same pussy as was in the earlier text.
You could hear her moaning for a couple of seconds until her voice broke the silence. “That’s good honey. Yeah, lick that all up. I’m dirty, all filled up with some young doctor’s cum. Be a good boy and lick it all up so you can fuck me, right?” I’ve watched porn that was less raunchy than this. “Let me hear you,” the voice said. “Justine wants to hear you.”
The dude had stopped licking “Oh, I’m going to clean you up then fill you right back up, you whore.” It was fucking Josh talking right on the phone. “Oh, I heard, Justine. I heard you got a show last night and now you got to see this extra show. Well, isn’t it your lucky day?” And with that, his face shiny with his wife’s excitement and some other dude's spunk, crawled up past the phone and drove his dick deep into Renee. She must have dropped it as all went black and the viddy ended.
“What the fuck?” I said as I looked over at Justine just as she finished her second drink in quite an extended pull. “Did I just watch Josh lick cum out of his wife and then go to fuck her sloppy cunt? You gotta warn me about that shit! That’s awful!”
That wasn’t for me, thank you. I mean, hey, if it was mine and Jenn had told me to, I probably would, but this was a rando who had defiled his wife.
Justine had taken the phone back and was now watching the video again. “That’s so hot, I fucking hate her. This is almost Grant's exact fantasy, Matt. This seemed almost exactly ripped from his browser history. I broke down and told him the story and showed him the texts later that day. He was possessed, Matt, which was really, really good. And well, we may have recreated the scene a bit... I felt awful afterward. I made him do things, bad things. Bad things that I just loved. Bad things that I hated loving,” she looked down at the video of Josh liking the cum out of Renee and looked back at me. A wave of uneasiness came over me with what I thought that meant.
"Can we just stop there? It's one thing to tell me these things about Renee, it's quite another to hear you and Grant getting sucked into this!" The pun was certainly unintended.
"No, Matt." She leaned back into her chair, picked up the cool glass and put it to her forehead. “Is it hot in here? Wow.”
My head was swimming and I again was realizing I was in a bad spot. Justine was clearly aroused by watching Renee getting some stranger's spunk and then getting her husband to clean it up and fuck her. I was confused about my feelings here as, well, I saw Renee naked and fucked, but I wasn’t really into the whole encouraged cheating thing. On top of it, it sounded like Justine and Grant used it as fuel to drive their own pursuits. Looking over at Justine she was red from the neck up and her nips were pointing straight at me. Her legs were still tightly crossed and I think she was ever so slightly squirming to create a bit of friction below.
“There’s more,” she said in a low-toned voice leaning forward now towards me uncrossing her legs.
“No there isn’t. I’ve seen and heard enough.” I pushed her hand with the phone in it back toward her. The touch of my hand on her was electric and took me by surprise a bit.
“Look, this has gone far enough. It’s late and I think I need to go.” I grabbed my drink and gulped the last half down quickly.
“Just stay for two more minutes. I have one more thing to show you then you can go.” She bounded up out of the chair and practically ran out of the kitchen and up the stairs. I heard some rustling upstairs and in no time, I could hear her coming back down the stairs.
I was a little relieved that she was wearing the same scrubs and t-shirt at this point, as I didn’t know what to expect. She had her MacBook in her hands now. She sat back down where she had been sitting before, put the computer on the table, opened it, and clicked around a bit before swiveling the screen toward me.
I took one look at Jenn on the screen and all of a sudden I was trying not to cry.
