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Funny Fuck

""Hell no, Elmer! I mean, yer fun, and good, but I'm a 'need dick all day kinda girl' honey!"

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Author's Notes

"Never been on a porn set. Maybe some woman who has can educate me? The reality of someone being in a porn and not getting their real name out there is a bit of a stretch, but "A little suspension and disbelief ain't never hurt nobody!""

Her friend Cheryl made porn for women and sold it on her website. They'd had conversations about making a tape, but Natasha was a bit worried about it, something like that could ruin her career if it got out there. 

"No one will ever know who you are, sweetie. I'll pay you guys, and you'll have a keepsake. I promise I'll make it fun. I want to do something different, just for shits and giggles."

"Okay. Let me talk to John about it."

After Natasha had broached the subject with John, she was surprised at how quickly he agreed.

“Okay,” John said with a smile. “I’ll fuck you on camera."

Jeez, that was easy Natasha thought to herself.

The shoot went better than expected. It was a little weird coming onto the set and meeting the other actor, a paunchy guy about fifty, the camera guy, and the people, men and women, working on set. The thought of being watched by so many people while she fucked was kind of exciting.

When John got there they’d done makeup and laughed about it. Sometimes Natasha would play with John’s dick while his was being put on, which made Cheryl laugh and make rude sexual comments.

The makeup girl used several different colors on her eyes, blue on her eyelids, heavy on the mascara, giving her 'tails.' Natasha thought she looked like an Egyptian chick from a Hollywood movie, but she liked it, it looked so tawdry. Then they slapped a wig on both of them, and a fake mustache for John.

By the time they starting fucking for the camera they were both giddy and horny.

Cheryl told them to fuck for a bit before she started directing. After fifteen minutes or so John had gotten Natasha properly worked up.  She was loose and completely into it.

While they were fucking, looking at each other in costume had cracked them up, but it was exciting. John’s black wig with tiny wisps of blonde and gray sticking out and his bad fake mustache had her giggling now and then. Glancing in a mirror, she'd loved the whorish way her platinum blonde locks made her look. Not that her black hair didn't excite John, he loved her hair, it was just different.

She was being evil, but it was a game and no one was getting hurt. Perfect. Living someone else’s fantasy added a dimension to it as well. They’d fucked in different positions for a half hour. John had to hold his load. Normally, he'd be fine, he'd cum, and stay hard, or get it up again pretty fast, but Cheryl said sometimes dudes would have trouble the second time on a set full of people, and made him hold off. Fucking, and holding it so long would allow Cheryl to get a good 'money shot' of John cumming on Natasha's face, and holding it for a while would guarantee a big, juicy load for the camera to catch.

Natasha, on the other hand, was free to get off as much as she wanted! 

Natasha sat back at one point and had John watch her get herself off.

She was good at this!

The set had all kinds of accoutrements so the few weird positions were comfortable. And she was getting filmed while she fucked. Ooooo. And watched! OHHHH!

The basic premise was Natasha was Bernice the slutty wife, and John was Elmer, her redneck side dick. Her hubby, Bert, was at work, but it was close to his time to come home, and her character didn’t care.

Cheryl had them do different nasty things on the couch, then other places set up for it. On the DVD, it would be cut to five or ten minutes before her 'hubby' got home.

Natasha had even suggested a few things that made Cheryl raise her eyebrows and mutter, “Jesus, Girl, You’re nasty!” and laugh.

They had opened this cinematic masterpiece with Bernice calling Elmer up. “Come give me some afternoon dick.”

She’d said it with what she thought might be a Texas drawl. That had taken quite a few cuts. Between the giggling, and some pained looks from a few of the folks on set who were actually FROM Texas. The nice thing was, once the fucking started, she always had John’s dick in her while they waited for different poses. The Cheryl would have a jar coconut oil on hand to keep that pussy ready and happy. She didn't usually need it until she and John had been fucking for a very long time, but you never knew. John, or 'Elmer', would grease some on every now and then, just in case.

It was going to be a long shoot after all!

When everyone else was looking at the 'Script' or playing back video, she and John would just smile at each other and fuck while everyone wandered around doing stuff. It was casual nasty.

I could really learn to like this, Natasha thought to herself.

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They had to cut a lot after Bert walked in on them fucking on the couch because their lines made everybody occasionally lose it.

Cheryl promised she'd give them a "Behind the Scenes" tape later.

Bert, “Whut the hell are you doin’ Bernice!”

Bernice, “Whut does it look like Bert, hell, I’m gettin’ fucked, Jesus! Go git yerself a sandwich and leave me alone til I’m dun gettin’ fucked!”

Crew cracks up.

Cheryl, laughing, "Cut!"

Everyone regroups.

Cheryl, "Action!"

“Goddammit Bernice! Goddammit! I wunted some pussy after work.”

“Yer just gonna have to wait til ol’ Elmer here is done with me!”

“Goddammit!”

“Yew should be used to me fuckin other fellers by now. Fuck, just sit down an’ watch. That makes me excited.”

"Cut!"

John never pulled his cock out of her. He'd stay inside her, lightly stroking. Then Cheryl would start them up again.

“Goddammit Bernice, you whore!”

“Yew knew I was a whore when you married me, Bert!”

“But goddammit, this is the fifth guy this week!”

“Hell, Bert, five! What the fuck do you think I do all day when you’re not here?”

"What?" Said Elmer.

Then he fell off the couch laughing. John/Elmer stood back up, and slipped his dick back into her before 'Bert' said his next line.

“Shee-it Bernice! No wonder you’re so wet when I git home!”

"I ain't the only guy you're fuckin, Bernice?" Elmer said, looking away from the camera to hide his barely suppressed laugh.

"Hell no, Elmer! I mean, yer fun, and good, but I'm a 'need dick all day all day kinda girl', honey!"

"Who all else yew fuckin', girl?" John/Elmer badly drawled.

Well, Billy, Jed, Abernathy, Ph.."

Elmer interrupted her, "Abernathy? Hell! He's seventy years old?"

"So what! He's gotta dick!"

"Well who else dammit?"

"You got all day? And I can't remember all their damn names!"

It was surreal having John's cock inside her, having numerous strangers watching them fuck, and laughing and giggling all the time. Natasha marveled at how John had stayed stiff when he was laughing so hard.

"Well, Bernice, I gotta be honest, I been fuckin' your friend Nadine," Elmer said.

Bernice pushed him away and his dick slid out of her, "What? She's a truck stop whore! Charges ten bucks a head! Lit-er-a-lee!"

"Well, little girl, she makes her money by volume!" Elmer drawled.

"She'd fuck a snake!" Bernice yelped.

"Look who's talkin', Bernice!" Bert chimed in.

Natasha lost it again, giggling at the absurdity of it all, regained her composure, "Well, uh, line!"

A smiling Cheryl looked at the script, and started to reply. Natasha cut her off.

"Oh I remember, uh, Well, I guess yer right, Bert, but Nadine fucks a bunch of smelly fat truckers. All my men are in shape and clean!"

"Whut about Abernathy, that is one nasty old man!" Bert replied.

"I like fuckin' old guys now and then, they take my clothes off like I'm a Christmas present or somethin.' You never get romantic anymore, Bert. And yew eether, Elmer! Now get back to fuckin' me!"

She ad libbed a 'yee haw' for the hell of it, cracking everyone up.

After that Natasha threw the script out the window, saying things that would make John stop fucking, and pull back and look at her with surprised eyes.

Natasha always liked the way he did that when they talked, having him give her that look right now made he feel warm and fuzzy.

"Damn," John said, dropping out of character, "My nasty baby girl."

"Time to finish, baby," she heard herself say.

John pulled out, and jumped up as Natasha pushed herself forward towards him, mouth open and tongue extended. John fired into mouth, and onto her face, chin, and neck. Cheryl was right, it was a really fuckin' huge load.

Natasha smiled up at a shaking John, taking his dick into her mouth, sucking it lightly. He tried to pull away, and she grabbed him by his ass to hold him while she milked him further.

Natasha heard someone on set mutter, "Jesus."

That made her feel really good.

Natasha heard Cheryl say, "Nice, really nice, Nat."

Natasha smiled up at John, making a show of slowly licking cum off her lips.

Everyone on set clapped.

John looked down on her like she was some kind of vision from nasty heaven.

Natasha felt golden, and nasty.

"Fuck." He said, staring into her eyes. "I could get to like this."

Natasha giggled, "Me too."

Cheryl gave them $2000 in 50’s, and a copy of the DVD.

Natasha and John just HAD to fuck in her car one more time before he sent her home.

Published 
Written by JamesGarrity
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