I shift my body so that I face the ceiling. My nipples scrape the cotton sheets as I turn which only makes them stand out more. I have come to acknowledge that this bed is too big, too cold and too empty. I lay awake thinking of all the alternatives that never were or never could be. The mistakes I made and the hurt I put you through. Time will release me from the pain, I know that. But right now, all I have is memories of you.

Both of you.

My fingers search out those parts of my body that will drain all this nervous energy. I haven’t eaten in three days; living off sugary sports drinks and Gin and tonics. I always feel more aroused when I’m pissed, and I’m certainly in that state. My mind is swimming with memories that are both distant and diffuse.

I rub my hand over my nipples and feel them react to my touch but not in a way they would have if it were your hand. Those little electric pulses were always far more intense. Only one person electrified me more – a mistake I know.

Pinching at them makes me realise how stupid I behaved. My clitoris jumps at the sudden threads of pain that have made their way down my body. I keep pulling and pinching my breasts. Mauling them, like you used to do when your face was buried between my thighs. I’d suck my nipples in the same way if only I could reach them. It feels so wonderful, abusing my body in this way.

My fingers slowly make their way down my body. Crawling, caressing and tickling on their way, just like you used to do. My body flinches to the sleight of hand, the light touch, the tickle that you used to do against my waist.

My clit is aching to be touched but not for much longer. My fingers are there, teasing my pussy. Opening the folds to slip a finger inside. If only I could feel your tongue on my clit and mine on yours. I want my tongue on your clit so much, I miss it. I miss you.

Fuck, this feels like heaven with my finger circling my little bud. I know I’m going to climax. My mind is awash with your technique, your gentleness, your eagerness, your tongue swirling alphabetically over my sensitive bud, your finger in my arse, your thumb in my pussy and my lust, expectation and orgasm hovering as high as the ceiling. You made me convert all the pleasure you were giving me. You made me do it.

I loved the wonderful way you licked me.

Only one other made me bark like a dog under her control. She fucked me with her tongue. Lapping at my folds, eating me whole, sucking my clit into her mouth like a demented devil, finger fucking me like I was a whore. I was, of course, I was. She took me places you didn’t. Yet she always blindfolded me in the process. She never let me see where I was going, where I would end up. I was putty in her hands and believe me she had hands that knew how to mould me, my desires, wants and needs.

Once a month she visited me while you were out at work. She’d come around and plonk herself on the sofa and smile at me with her finger coquettishly hanging from the edge of her mouth. I was incapable of resisting her. I would make tea, offer her biscuits and then we’d chat a little.

But my heightened expectation soared. Then she would push her finger in my mouth, make me suck on it before leading me to the bedroom; looking intensely into my eyes as she walked backwards. She would strip me naked and devour me, body and soul. Fuck, she was hungry. You knew what she was like and you never warned me. Was it a game? A test? Well, it backfired and now I’m the one left suffering.

It was her that made the first move even though she was half my age. I was – helpless. Unable to deny her lasciviousness and the way she taunted me with her open thighs and knickerless short skirts. Her juices glinting off her smooth, tight pussy. My eyes were transfixed by her smuttiness.

When she finally fucked me – well, I thought I had died and gone to heaven. I knew it was wrong. I knew I did wrong.

I never thought I’d end up without you, but despite what you think of me, I never wanted your daughter either. She wanted me badly, and like a fool, I let her take me. I let her ruin everything we had. I'm so sorry.

My fingers press into my clit, I can feel my orgasm build and build. My body pushes it over that proverbial edge and there it is…Fuck, I’m cumming…Melissa, Melissa…my moans fade into the ether as my body bucks on the bed. Rocking to the sound of my orgasm.

I know that I need someone like you in my life. I’m empty without you. I always seem to be in a state of arousal without anyone to direct my filthy mind.

I hear a key rattle and struggle to open the lock of my front door and suddenly my eyes are open wide. Even in my intoxicated state, I begin to rise, rushing to the door to come face to face with you in the hallway outside. Your eyes as watery as mine. One step, then two. We close the gap and before we know it…

Kisses of forgiveness multiply on our lips. Tongues of need search our mouths. Euphoria followed by hope. Oh! how I have missed you.