I am a plumber.  I have the crack to prove it. That and an SUV full of tools and parts. The only better job, to my mind, is writing. I do that too.

Recently I had occasion to call on a new customer, a favour for a friend. The home was an old but cared-for double wide, better than many around here.

When I knocked, toolbox in hand, the door was opened by a beautiful black woman about my age. "Come in," she said, with a very posh English accent. "Take your coat off."

In the background, I could hear the squawkings of a CB radio.

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"Squawk squawk. One four the Whitelady. Squawk. Tank calling Whitelady."

Then after a short pause, I heard my client's voice. "Tank, I've got company. Catch you on the flip."

"Jean?" I shouted. I stood up so fast I banged the back of my head on the sink. Hard.

One thing a plumber learns very quickly is to back out of the cabinet first, _then_ stand up. The shock of hearing an old friend made me take leave of my senses; only for a moment, but that's all it takes.

Jean came rushing in to find me clutching my head and muttering, "Ow. Ow, fuck, ouch."

"Are you okay? And how do you know my name? I don't remember meeting you."

"No," I said. "We have never met, at least not in person. So they still call you Whitelady. I am Grace. Glass Cage."

"Gracie? After all these years? Last I heard, you got married again. Yup, they still hear what they want to hear. I've given up trying to correct them. Nightlady, Whitelady, whatever."

Jean came over and hugged me, and we just stood there for a minute until she asked, "How's the noggin?"

"Oh, the noggin will be fine. The marriage wasn't, though. Did Graham tell you?"

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Time flew by, talking about old friends we'd known, old friends who were part of our daily lives, even though many of them we had never met. Eventually, I steered the conversation to personal issues. "You were married once, I seem to recall. Did you ever marry again?"

"Good Lord, no," she responded. "Once was enough. He was a sweet man but bent as a nine bob note. We only married to make our parents happy. We still are married in fact."

"So you are ..."

"Also bent? Yes. I kept it quiet though. What about you? You said it didn't work. Your second?"

"I broke the first, he had a weak heart. I did so love him.

"Okay, pretend for a moment you are straight. Yeah, I know it's a stretch, but give it a shot. You meet this gorgeous hunk who knocks you up. I thought about it for a week before telling him. Not whether to have an abortion, I don't approve. Anyway, you tell the hunk you have a bun in the oven, and instead of asking 'Are you sure it's mine,' he asks 'Will you marry me?' Almost without hesitation. Would you or would you not think you had found possibly the last decent man on earth?"

"Honey, given your conditions, yeuch, I might think about it for a whole minute before saying yes."

"I gave it two minutes. I also gave him two beautiful sons before I realised just how much he hates women. That's when I came out. Another nine bob note. Swore off men completely.

"So is there anyone in your life now?"

"No, There was for several years, but she was offered a job she couldn't turn down in some far-flung corner of the universe. Idaho, I think. How about you?"

"I married again."

"But you said ..."

"I couldn't help it. Love at first sight."

"Did he propose on the spot too?"

"No, I proposed to him. Five times before he agreed, once a week. And yes, he knew I'm gay, that he was some sort of anomaly. Just as I knew he was ill and I'd wind up looking after him."

"So what do you do for sex?" Jean asked as she took my hand and kissed it.

"What's sex? It's been seventeen, eighteen years."

"Damn, Grace, just how horny are you?"

"If you really want to know I need to make a phone call."

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"Hello, handsome." "I will be late, I'm afraid. Hope you'll be okay." "No, it's not the job. Damn, forgot about that." "I met an old friend, from long before we met." "No, I'm not going to introduce you. You would steal her like you steal all my friends." "Yes, she." "Why don't you have a nap while she fucks my brains out." "I heard that. She doesn't know I don't have a brain." "I love you too. See you later, my darling."