For many years, the thought had crossed my mind about being gay. I had thought about it whilst playing with myself but could never get the courage up to try it. That added to the fact that I just didn’t find most men attractive. Very occasionally I would see a guy and think, maybe?

I had dressed up in lingerie for a long time and had only once put some makeup on. The fear of being caught was just too much. I had also tried swallowing, but I hadn’t liked it and thought that I never would. For many years I had bought soft porn magazines and had found the pictures of girls in stockings, panties and bras much more sexy than those horrible pictures of wide open legged girls. I had thought about getting a gay magazine and seeing if it turned me on or off.

After many years of thinking about it, I realised that I was used to be away from home for a couple of days four times a year and would stay in a travel lodge type hotel. I would be in a place where no one knew me and if I was seen it wouldn’t get back to anyone who knew me. So I decided to do it.

I drove to Barcelona and on my way back, late morning, I stopped to have lunch and stay in a hotel. During the journey on the motorway, I couldn’t stop thinking about what I was about to do. The thought process was complicated. If anybody saw me buying a gay magazine they would know I was gay and that I was probably going to wank over it. That made me feel a bit scared. Then I thought, so what? If someone who didn’t know me, who I would never see again in my life, thought something bad of me, it didn’t matter. I was doing this to find out if I could wank over pictures of naked gay men. I had wanted to do this for years. This was my chance!

When I got to the hotel about twelve o’clock I booked a room and then went next door to the restaurant to eat. I had a drink and ordered half a bottle of wine with my meal to give me courage. I finished and left feeling really anxious. I went to the big shopping centre and straight to the newsagent. What if they didn’t have any gay mags? I was so worked up that that would have been a real let down. What if I got one and there were no pictures of guys with hard ons.

I went in and the shop was not very busy. I looked around and the porn mags were right next to the counter. I walked up to the place and looked up. On the top shelf there they were. A whole row of gay porn mags. I didn’t want to be seen flicking through them so I just took one out called ‘Hommes’. I went to the counter, shaking and handed it to the lady. With a big smile, she said, ‘hello’ and looked at the price and put the mag straight into a bag. I think she knew that I was nervous and was kind and friendly. She wished me a nice day and I knew that it would be a good afternoon.

I walked out of the shop feeling so elated. I had done it. I had bought a gay mag and I was going to have a great afternoon. I had decided to get some lingerie at the same time so I could really do it properly. I just walked into the store, passed the guys who steal your bag and headed for the women’s section. I found a nice pair of stockings and a teddy and a sexy pair of panties. Then I went to see if they had any baby oil but they didn’t, so ended up getting some aftersun. That was okay and smelt nice but didn’t last too long. So there I was, in a super market with a basket full of ladies underwear, a bottle of lube and a bag with a gay porn mag in it.

As I approached the counter it suddenly struck me that if they asked to look in the bag they would know immediately, that not only was I gay and was probably going back home to wank over pictures of gay men, but was also a transvestite. My god, this could be terrible. Keep cool and relax. Remember, you are going back to the hotel and are going to fulfil a lifelong dream., So what if I was found out? In fact, secretly, this would make my wank even better thinking that those people would tell their friends about this gay wanking transvestite that had come into the shop. 

So I got to the checkout and put the lingerie and the aftersun on the belt.

I got to my hotel, entered the room and put the stuff on the bed. I ripped my clothes off and had a shower. Then I put on the stockings, teddy and slipped on my new panties. Nearly ready. I had bought some gear so I skinned up and thought I would smoke it before I opened the mag.

Then the moment arrived. I hoped there would be pictures of hard-ons. Little did I know what I was in for. I took a deep breath and opened it up. The first page was the contents and underneath the words was a picture of two hard black cocks being wanked at each other, the helmets almost touching. Oh wow, fucking wow. Is this what it was going to be like? It was. Page after page of naked gay men with hard-ons. This was going to be great. I had to look through the whole book and I had a hard on myself. My cock bulging in my sexy girly panties. There was one picture that took my attention.

It was of a guy who looked very horny, with just a little bit of hair on his chest and he was sitting on the edge of the bed. One leg on the floor the other up on the bed, revealing a little bit of his arse and a big hard cock. This was the one I was going to wank over. I put some pillows in front of me so I could just look at this great picture. I moved my panties to one side and got out my very hard cock and lubed it up. I put my hand around it and started moving it up and down. I pictured myself kneeling in front of this man and running my tongue up his thigh and licking his arse before sinking his manhood into my mouth. It felt so good and did not take very long before that feeling of the juice rising inside me. I put my hand out and shot into it. As I licked it off I imagined that it was his cum that I was swallowing and loved every drop.

I lay on the bed and thought to myself that I had just wanked off over a picture of a gay man while dressed in stockings and had drunk my own spunk. It felt amazing. I had done it. Yes, I could get turned on by pictures of naked gay men and wank. I had a little sleep then and after an hour and a half woke up and suddenly found myself in the same position wanking like mad over a different picture of the same guy. I wanked, I came, I swallowed, I loved it. I got dressed to go back out and have a meal and a drink. It was a secret celebration. I loved the fact that as I sat alone in the restaurant, drinking and eating, and I was the only person who knew that I was a gay, wanking, cum swallowing, transvestite and had just done it twice and was going back to do it again.

I did do it again and again, and again. I had cum five times in a few hours. I knew this was special because I had had two wanks at home the night before, hadn’t slept very much, had drunk quite a lot, had driven a thousand kilometres and had basically spunked up seven times in about twenty-four hours. It did prove that I could wank over pictures of guys and that it did turn me on. In fact, it turned me on like crazy. So I must be gay or at least bisexual. I did know one thing, though.

I was so turned on and had never, ever wanked so many times over pictures of girls.

I had done it and felt very proud of myself. I was very happy and sexually satisfied. I loved wanking off over pictures of guys and when I did I alway swallowed my own cum, imagining that I was swallowing their cum. Well done, I thought and agreed with myself.