In a world where the internet is overflowing with well-endowed male porn stars who can fuck for hours and women across the globe are expecting an orgasm with every sexual encounter—where every spam folder is brimming with adverts for performance-enhancing drugs and men everywhere have started doing Kegel exercises—there is one man who will stand up and speak out against the injustice and discrimination the ordinary lover faces; one man who has made it his life’s mission to awaken delusional women to the disappointing reality of sex. That man is… Premature Ejaculation Man.
Once ordinary Jack McLeod from Glasgow, he had a perfectly normal growing up, never suspecting that he possessed such power. It was at the age of seventeen, in a grubby council estate, that he discovered his ability and set out on his life-long quest to destroy the illusion of stamina permeating through society thanks to the far reach of the evil Pornography Industry. In the back bedroom of a cold tower-block flat, Jack McLeod disappointed the first in a long line of women and began his journey to becoming the hero he is today.
His high-school girlfriend, Paula, had invited him back to hers while her parents were out—Jack was sure it was to be the night he would lose his virginity. Everything was going well; they kissed and caressed and said all the right things to get each other in the mood. Paula slid her hand slowly beneath Jack’s waistband and wrapped her fingers around his…
In an instant, it was all over and Paula was left with nothing but a sticky hand. With a look of devastation and anger, she ordered him to leave and he trudged dejectedly home, humiliated.
Though Jack was down-hearted at first, he soon realised that it wasn’t his fault that he ejaculated so prematurely, and that she wouldn’t have been so disappointed if her expectations had not been raised so high by the myths perpetuated by online porn and erotic literature. He determined then to expose the truth to the world and disappoint as many women as he could. This was to be his purpose—his duty to the world!
“I don’t usually do stuff like this, Mason,” Shelley lied, running her hand over Jack’s ripped torso and kissing his neck and collarbone. She went on her tip-toes to bring her mouth level with his ear and whispered, “I want you to fuck me senseless.”
The wanton bar-skank, promised so much by the confident Mason Bluewater, a favourite alias of Jack’s, was to be let down in a very big way. Jack had sniffed her out at a local watering hole and knew immediately from her evident promiscuity that she was in desperate need of his salvation. He set out to take her down a peg and show her the ugly truth.
Jack had trained for years to become the most charming, seductive and physically alluring specimen of man that he could in order to break down the barriers that would have stopped him disappointing an endless succession of women, as he had. His toned, tanned physique, coupled with a toothy, pearl-white smile, was enough to draw in any warm-blooded female, and his wit and broad intellect were enough to keep her captivated for the entire evening. It was an arduous task, but someone had to do it.
He grabbed Shelley by the shoulders and threw her forcefully onto the bed (the rough, dominant touch another thing modern woman had come to expect from a competent lover) and yanked off her skirt and g-string panties, exposing her shaved pussy, glistening with moisture. He didn’t like to say much during his brief sexual encounters, driving women wild with his air of mystery and intense stares instead. Shelley gasped as he ran his big hands roughly up the inside of her thighs and she threw back her head, commanding him, “Fuck me!”
Swiftly unbuckling his belt and removing his trousers and underwear, he released his hard cock from its confines, careful not to touch it just yet as he could already feel the imminence of his orgasm. The woman who ‘doesn’t usually do stuff like this’ tossed him a condom from the top drawer of her beside cabinet which he tentatively rolled over his throbbing member, knowing he was on the verge of filling it.
Grabbing her at the knees, he pushed her legs apart and positioned himself at her entrance. Flashing her that gorgeous smile, Jack pushed into her with one, forceful thrust and…
“What the fuck?” she screamed as Jack collapsed on the bed next to her, apparently spent and grinning from ear to ear. “Are you fucking kidding me?”
“All in the name of duty, ma’am,” he winked at her as he rolled off the bed to get dressed, “You’ll thank me one day.”
Shelley looked irate, still naked from the waist down and unbearably horny. She chased the chuckling Jack from the house, hurling obscenities at him, and slammed the front door behind him as he yelled, “Tell your friends!”
He placed his hands on his hips and gazed up into the starry sky, taking a deep breath of the cool night air, savouring another successful endeavour for Premature Ejaculation Man. Some thought he was a terror to society, a misogynistic vigilante, but he knew in his heart that he was performing an invaluable service, that he was a hero of the times.
As he strolled through the fine city of Glasgow, he tuned his sensitive ears into the sounds of the city, ready for his next call of duty. He knew that his arch-nemesis had been running rampant in the city and that he might strike at any moment. Such a villain was the very reason Jack had to stay alert at all times.
Just at that thought, he heard the pleasured moans of a young female coming from an open window three stories up, followed by the gallant grunt of her male companion. “Not tonight,” said Premature Ejaculation Man, looking upward determinedly, “Not on my watch!”
With three or four shoulder barges, the main stair door gave way to the buff hero and he thundered upstairs to where he had heard the young couple having far too good a time of it. He tried the handle and, to his great surprise, found the flat unlocked. The moans and grunts were louder and more frequent now as Jack charged down the hall to their source. The woman’s orgasm was close—he had to act fast.
As he flung open the bedroom door, he just managed to catch sight of his bitter rival, Doctor Stamina, plunging his huge, thick cock into a blonde lady with a look of excruciating ecstasy on her face, before…
Premature Ejaculation Man awoke, his head throbbing where he had been brutally clubbed by one of Stamina’s thugs, in the same room, his wrists and ankles tied to metal rings on the wall. Through blurred eyes, he discerned Stamina’s naked figure a few feet in front of him and, as he gradually came to, the smug grin on his face grew clearer. Behind him, the young woman whose moans had lured Jack into this trap lay casually pleasuring herself, smiling wickedly at him.
“Well, well; if it isn’t my old friend, Premature Ejaculation Man,” the bald-headed walking ego sneered, “Still running around thinking he can change the world.”
“I might have known you were behind this,” he spat back. “What do you want with me, Stamina?”
Doctor Stamina clicked his fingers and his little blonde slut jumped from the bed and promptly began to give him a blowjob, right in front of Jack. “I want,” he began, seeming to ignore the pair of lips attached to his cock, “To put an end to your meddling, Jack.” He gently patted the slut’s head, taking a sharp intake of breath as she took him deeper. “You have been quite the thorn in the Pornography Industry’s side,” he continued.
“You’ll never stop me,” Jack snapped, “Not as long as I have truth on my side.” He struggled against his restraints futilely.
Doctor Stamina chuckled darkly. “So young and so idealistic. Women don’t want the truth, Jack; they want hours of torrid fucking and mind-blowing orgasms.”
He removed his cock from its temporary abode and grabbed a handful of blonde hair to tilt the woman’s head toward his own. “Isn’t that right?” he asked her. She dutifully nodded and hungrily returned to the task at hand, noisily slurping on his veiny member.
“You’re exploiting ordinary, hard-working men by making them believe they’re not adequate.” Jack’s voice was filled with contempt and venom.
“They’re not adequate!” Stamina shouted, struggling to control his temper as he approached his climax. His breathing quickened and he pushed his cock deep down her throat, groaning as his thick load coursed through his shaft and down her gullet while tears streamed down her cheeks.
“You’re the scum of the Earth, Stamina,” Jack said, turning his head away from the repulsive scene.
“Shut it, runt! Now, obviously I can’t keep you here forever, so…” He paused, contemplating something while his cock deflated and the slut returned to the bed. “I can either kill you—”
“You wouldn’t dare,” Jack cut him off, knowing he had too much to lose. “Bit messy for my liking,” he remarked nonchalantly.
“The other option, and the one I prefer, is to strip you of your power—I’m going to train your body to last longer!”
A deathly silence fell across the room as the two men stared unblinkingly at one another. Jack knew that Doctor Stamina had been trained by the Pornography Industry to last hours and, though he didn’t know how, he was sure he could do the same to him.
“Do your worst,” he dared him, his quickening heartbeat the only evidence of his internal fear.
With no more than a nod, his two henchmen appeared at either side of Jack to lower his trousers and underwear to his knees and secure a black, metal cock-ring around his penis and testes. Premature Ejaculation Man held Doctor Stamina’s gaze all the while, not knowing what was in store for him.
Cock in hand, the Doctor turned his back on Jack and walked towards the bed and the beautiful plaything waiting there for him. They positioned themselves so that Jack, exposed from his waist to his knees, had a clear view of the proceedings.
“Relax,” said Stamina, parting the legs of the young beauty, “And enjoy the show.” With that, he lowered his head and began to vigorously perform cunnilingus on her. He licked and lapped at her wet pussy, teasing the nub of her clitoris and thrusting his tongue deep inside her. She wriggled and writhed and moaned with the sensations.
“NO!” Jack called out, twisting this way and that in an attempt to break free from his bonds and put an end to the heinous act. “Don’t be fooled, harlot,” he warned in vain, “The majority of men will never please you orally.” She just laughed and continued to enjoy the electric pulses Stamina’s tongue was sending through her body.
Jack’s cock began to stiffen at the sight and sound, just as Stamina had planned. Despite trying to block it out, he couldn’t avoid the erotic scene before him and his natural physical response to it. Indeed, the burly bodyguards at his side had already unzipped their flies and were unashamedly jerking off. The cock-ring felt uncomfortable and he could already tell it would keep his orgasm under wraps.
“That’s right, Jack,” Stamina snarled, lifting his head up for a moment. Jack could see the woman’s juices dripping down his chin and onto his hairy chest. “With that thing on, there’s no way you’ll be able to come. I’m going to deprive you of your orgasm until you beg me for it.”
“You’re a monster,” Jack seethed quietly.
He ignored him and continued, “Once I’m done with you, you’ll never be able to disappoint another woman again.” He returned to ravishing her pussy with his talented mouth, pushing her closer and closer to orgasm, seeming to delight in the taste of her sweet nectar.
Her body convulsed in a violent orgasm and she let out an almighty wail that would wake the whole street. Stamina held her tight at the hips as he continued to tongue-fuck her through the climax, prolonging her ecstasy. It really was like something straight out of a porn movie.
Jack’s cock twitched but its constraint stemmed the build of his orgasm, frustrating him. Ejaculating was what he was best at and now that ability was being denied him by his evil nemesis. It was torture of the worst kind for the hero and with each passing second he feared more and more that it would leave permanent damage. The situation seemed hopeless.
Doctor Stamina’s impressive dick was once more fully erect and ready to do some serious fucking. He smirked at the helpless Jack, stroking his prick tauntingly as he allowed the exhausted woman to catch her breath. The guards were beating their meat furiously now, taking very little heed of the captive Jack now. He envied them their ability to masturbate and, soon, come.
Flipping the naked tart onto her front, Stamina squeezed her tight arse-cheeks before giving them each a playful bite. She rose up onto all fours, presenting herself to him; offering herself. Glancing across at Jack from under her brow, she sensually licked her lips then closed her eyes tight as she prepared for the violation of her pussy by Stamina’s massive cock.
He teased her for a minute, poking at her entrance with his bulbous, purple head, reprimanding her with a sharp skelp each time she tried to back onto him. At length, he gave her what she craved and pushed deep into her, stretching her lips wide and eliciting a prolonged groan. With no further ado, Stamina began to pump with increasing ferocity and velocity into her sopping cunt, the sound of flesh on flesh echoing about the room. The heady aroma of sex wafted through the air and up the nostrils of Jack, now at his wit’s end.
The henchmen shot their loads simultaneously and unceremoniously onto the hardwood floors, leaning back against the wall Jack was tied to as their bodies relaxed. Stamina started to really go for it, losing himself in the heat of passion, his manly grunts drowned out by the yelps and wails of the poor woman on whom he was inflicting such pleasure. She would surely reach another orgasm soon if Jack did not intervene.
Premature Ejaculation Man could not, would not let this come to pass. From deep within his being, he summoned strength he never knew he had. His body began to tremble with the tension and power, his cock bigger and harder than ever before and directed straight up to the ceiling. The two thugs looked at him, confused and worried.
With an almighty scream, the metal cock-ring burst open and flew across the room. Jack ejaculated with unprecedented force, firing one powerful shot in the eyes of each of his captors—
—knocking them flat on their arses and temporarily blinding them. He broke free from the ropes binding his limbs as come continued to spew forth from his liberated cock.
With jelly-legs, he stumbled across the room to the bed where the cries of the harlot were now loud and shrill, teetering on the edge as she was. Stamina was completely oblivious to his approach and exclaimed in surprise as the strong, sausage-like finger of Premature Ejaculation Man entered his anus and immediately found his prostate.
The unexpected intrusion caused him to come immediately into the girl on the bed, cutting their fucking session short by about an hour and, consequently, depriving her of her second climax. She looked back at him, disappointment evident on her sweat-soaked face. Premature Ejaculation Man removed his finger from his rival and stood triumphantly with his hands on his hips, semen still dripping from his now flaccid cock.
“Not on my watch, Stamina.”
The porn-quality stud looked utterly embarrassed. Gathering up his clothes, he quickly fled the scene without so much as a word to the slut he had been balls deep in only moments prior. She looked up at Jack and realisation dawned on her face.
“You were right all along, Premature Ejaculation Man! Women shouldn’t expect the men in their life to fuck like pornstars and deliver orgasms on demand. A man can’t help it if he comes too quickly, or can’t get it up, or has a small prick. You’ve opened my eyes.”
“Then my work here is done.” He pulled up his trousers and fastened his belt, preparing to go.
The blonde slut stood up next to him and placed her hands on his chest, going up on her tip-toes to kiss his cheek. “Can I give you a BJ, to say thank you?”
“I’m afraid I won’t be good to go for at least another hour, wench.” He made his way to the door, turning to her to add, “Remember to give your man plenty of time to recover,” before disappearing into the night.
Premature Ejaculation Man had defeated Doctor Stamina this time, but he would return, more determined and more stamina-y than ever. A hero’s work is never done; he must be constantly vigilant in order to protect the world he serves. Onwards he would fight until every woman on Earth knew the truth and the Pornography Industry was destroyed. Until that day, no one was safe.
If you’re ever in need—if you’re ever being ridden like a blue movie whore—just cry out in pleasure… and Premature Ejaculation Man will come, faster than the speed of light!
If you suffer from premature ejaculation, please call our helpline on 1-800-SUKS-2-B-U or visit our website at www[dot]unhappywife[dot]com/comes2fast.
No man should have to suffer in silence.
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