"I love you."
You said those words in disregard
Of what they'd evoke in me
Casually dropped them
Seemingly.

And yet...

I felt it
Your hesitation
Your backpedaling
Your insecurity
The way they were meant
The honesty in your voice
It left no doubt.

And yet...

I hated hearing it
That's what I thought
I denied it
Automatically
I rejected it
Like a reflex
...wanted to, anyway.

And yet...

The tears come from alone,
Silencing me
Years of repressed emotion
How could you?
Through this misty veil of my walls
The real me
The me I keep hidden
From everyone
From you.

And yet...

In that moment
That one moment
I want to hear it
Although I despise it
A lifetime of Self-neglect
Self-doubt
Self-hatred
Self-disregard
Put in question by all of three words
Earnest words
Leaving no doubt.

And yet...

My heart melts
From the sound of your voice
From how easily you disarm me
How easily you break my defense
How easily you seduce me
Into believing in myself
Being proud of myself
Loving myself
For you.

And yet...

The shadow of doubt
Governing my every thought
My every move
My every word
Words that threaten to burst out
If I forget to be vigilant
If I forget to be careful
If I forget to keep my walls up
If I forget to...
I'm not even sure of that anymore
Any of it.

And yet...

I still retort to it,
In disregard of the pain
In disregard of the tears
In disregard of your feelings.

And yet...

You still say those words
As if I knew what they meant
As if I understood how
As if I comprehended why.

And yet...

Do I need to know?
Can I not just accept it?
Because I love you, too
Just the same
I wouldn't disappoint
I wouldn't let you down
I wouldn't want to hurt.

And yet...

I do anyway
But you're still here
Enduring it all
Enduring my moods
Enduring my flaws
Enduring me...

And yet...