Here I was again, ringing Josh’s doorbell in desperate need of his friendship and consolation. I don’t know what I would do without him. We met five years ago when I was twenty-two and instantly became close friends. He's always there for me when another relationship falls apart. He hugs me and listens as I carry on about my latest failure. He has never once judged me or lectured me. He listens and supports me. He is an awesome friend.

It had been a couple of months since I had seen him, and I hoped he wasn’t too mad at me. I get involved with some new guy, and the time flies until the relationship fails, and I’m ringing Josh’s doorbell again. I really do feel bad about it, and I know I need to make a better effort to talk with him more often. It seems like life happens, and I haven’t gotten around to it.

I know I’m spoiled. Men like me a lot, and I do like men, but I'm not very good at picking the good ones. I’m considered to be a hot woman, and that gets me a lot of attention. I’m blessed with a rocking body and, I’m told, a beautiful face. I’m a 5’7”, 34-23-36 c-cup-wearing hottie. I keep my curly brown hair long and my body in shape. While I dress nice, I rarely wear more than a little makeup around my hazel eyes. I’m really not vain, honestly. It’s just that I’ve been told so many times how great-looking I am that I have come to believe it.

I’m not very good at relationships, and maybe that’s why I keep hooking up with losers. I know it’s my own fault because I can't have the one guy I really want more than anything. He doesn’t know how I feel, and I can’t bring myself to tell him. If it went wrong, I’d be lost, and I don’t know how I could go on. So, I settle for good-looking assholes that quell my urges but are often shallow and self-involved.

I’ve never met one of Josh’s girlfriends. He’s never talked to me about his relationships, and as far as I know, he might not have ever had one. That is impossible to believe. He’s a gorgeous man from head to toe with curly blondish-brown hair and the brightest blue eyes. Eyes that are full of joy and compassion. I’m always surprised to find him home alone when I arrive unannounced.

When Josh opened the door, he didn’t give me that wonderful smile of his. He seemed melancholy for some reason, but he didn’t hesitate to let me in. I moved into his arms for one of his patented hugs, which always felt like coming home. This time, it felt different, and that scared me. He held me as if something horrible had happened, and instead of reassuring me, he clung to me like I was his life raft. That had never happened before.

I looked into Josh’s wonderful blue eyes and saw them dimmed by tears. I’d never seen him like this, and it was frightening. “Josh, what’s wrong? I’ve never seen you this way.”

He huffed a deep breath while fighting the tears. “Sherry, I can’t do this anymore. It’s killing me.”

I took his hand and led him to the couch. Suddenly, my shit didn’t matter anymore. His does. Whatever is bothering him is way more important to me than my latest mistake. Once we were seated, I held his hands in mine. “Tell me, Josh. What can’t you do anymore? You know I am your friend and will do anything for you.”

He shook his head, trying to clear the tears. “I can’t. It would only make things worse.”

He abruptly stood and turned away from me. “Your room is just like you left it. I’m going to bed.”

He walked away without another word. I’d never seen him this way, and it scared me. I needed to do something, but it was easy to see he didn’t want to talk about it. I could only hope that we could talk tomorrow when he calmed down. I went to the room he set up for me when he bought the house.

Over the years, I have come to him when things got crazy, my latest relationship failed, or when I just needed my friend. One of the guest bedrooms became mine, and he decorated the walls with pictures of us from happy times. The room always made me feel good, and I normally slept like a baby. I tossed and turned forever before falling into a restless sleep. I was worried about Josh and, for some reason, really scared.

I woke in the morning to a quiet house. Josh was either sleeping or out and about. I went to the kitchen for coffee and saw the box sitting on the table. I saw a sheet of paper lying on top and picked it up.

Dearest Sherry,

You are my dearest friend. I’ve watched you go from one bad relationship to another for years and have done my best to be there for you when they fell apart. Each time you walked back through my door, I died a little more. Seeing you so sad and broken crushes me. Every time you came back, I wanted to tell you, but I couldn’t. I couldn’t risk losing you.

I couldn’t risk not having you in my life, but I can only take so much. I hated all those guys. I didn’t want you near them. I wanted you with me. I have been in love with you since I met you, but I knew I was just a friend to you, nothing more. I was willing to accept that for years, I guess, in the hope that maybe one day you would love me too.

Now, I know that will never happen, and I can’t take the torture anymore. Knowing those losers were with you, holding you, making love to you, crushes me a little more each time. I can’t take the pain of watching you leave again to be in someone else’s arms. Somehow, I have to find my way without you. Being near you is pure agony, knowing that you will never be mine. I can only hope that being without you will, in some way, eventually ease that pain.

Please go and don’t come back. Disappear from my life so that the pain will stop. I am truly sorry if this hurts you. I never wanted that, but I don’t know what else to do.

I love you,

Josh

PS: I put some things I want you to have in the box. They remind me too much of you, and I know that if I keep them, I will never be able to let go.

I was on the floor crying so hard I could barely breathe. NO! This was not happening! I cried until I couldn’t anymore. I finally pushed myself up off the floor and went to the bathroom to wash my face. I got myself together and went back to the kitchen.

I stared at the box for what seemed like forever before I got up enough nerve to open it. The items inside would have looked rather mundane to anyone else, but each one was a treasure to me. Everything in that box was a memento of our friendship. Some made me laugh, while most just made me cry again.

This couldn’t be how it ended. I went to Josh’s home office. An hour and a lot of crying later, I was done. I showered and put on the sexiest underwear I had. Then I waited.

~~~~~{}~~~~~

Josh stayed away from the house until late evening. He walked into his silent house and tried to prepare himself for a life without Sherry. His grief was almost palpable, and he fought to keep from screaming. Josh rarely drank, and when he did, he drank in moderation. He decided that tonight, moderation was out the window. He went into the kitchen with the intention of getting the bottle of Tequila that had been gifted to him years ago. He was going to get rip-roaring drunk.

He opened the lower cabinet and pulled out the bottle. He turned toward the table to set it down, and that’s when he saw the letter. The box was gone, and at first, he thought the letter was the one he had written. He picked it up as he fought the tears.

Dearest Josh,

 I am the stupidest woman ever born. You have been the greatest friend in the world and way more than I ever deserved. You have been my rock through all of my horrible mistakes, and never once did anything but support me. You were always there for me, and I was so afraid of losing your friendship that I wasn’t honest with you.

You see, I fell in love with you soon after we met. I thought that you only wanted to be my good friend, and I was afraid that I would lose that friendship if I told you how I really felt. I was so stupid and wasted so much time. Time we could have spent together, loving each other.

I waited too long, and now I may have ruined everything. Please, please, know that I never meant to hurt you. All I ever wanted was to love you.

I’m standing in the hallway, ready to give you my love for as long as you want me. If you can find some way in your heart to forgive me, please look at me. If you can’t, please leave for a few minutes. I will be gone when you return, and you’ll never have to see me again.

All my love,

Sherry

Josh held the letter, unable to move while his brain and heart tried to process what he had just read. Then he heard her. Her rapid breathing had given her away. He grabbed the bottle of Tequila and walked around the table. She must have thought he was leaving because he heard her trying to stifle a sob.

His mind was racing at a thousand miles an hour as he neared the door. Turning away from the door, he bent down and put the Tequila back into the cabinet. He was so in shock that he needed that mundane moment to gather his thoughts. He stood, and his footsteps carried him toward her until suddenly, she was in his arms.

At first, they clung together, so overcome with emotion that neither of them could do anything else. Gradually, the intense emotion of pending loss began to fade, replaced by an increasingly shared hope.

Sherry pulled her tear-streaked face back from his chest and looked up into his eyes. “I love you, Josh. The last thing I ever wanted to do was hurt you.”

Josh didn’t say a word. Instead, he kissed her with a passion that nearly overwhelmed them both. Their first kiss was a mix of joy and tears. Their second kiss, minutes later, was full of love. Their third kiss was full of passion. After that, the count was pointless. Their future held too many to count.

Standing in the hallway kissing the love of his life was a revelation, and Josh didn’t want it to end. He wanted more, much more, and he forced himself to let her soft lips go. His mouth opened to tell her what he had wanted for so long, but she spoke first, “Josh, please make love to me.”

Josh wanted to lift her into his arms and run to the bedroom. Instead, he kissed her lips, then walked her to his bedroom, where their lips met again. Their kiss was filled with the passion both had held in check for so very long, a passion that threatened to overwhelm them.

Josh pulled back before he lost complete control. The last thing he wanted was to rush their first time together. He looked at her in an entirely new and wonderful way, drinking in her beauty.

At first, Sherry thought something was wrong, but then she looked into his eyes and knew everything was right. Humans aren’t supposed to be able to read someone’s mind by looking into their eyes, but she knew without a doubt what he was thinking. She felt the heat rush through her at his loving and lustful gaze. No man had ever looked at her like that. Lust was always there when men gazed upon her, but never love, not like this.

Josh caressed her cheek with his hand while trying to control his need for her. “I need you right now more than the air I breathe, but I don’t want to rush this.”

She leaned into his touch. “We’ll have plenty of time to go slow. Right now, I need you. I need you naked. I need to feel your skin against mine, and I need you to take me as yours.”

His growl of passion nearly made her orgasm right there and then. Suddenly, she was on her back, and his face was planted on her crotch, his fingers frantically pulling her thong aside as his tongue explored her. Oh my God! I’ve never...

One of his hands glided up her body and caressed her breast while the other slowly inserted a finger inside her. He found her G-spot and rubbed it with his finger while his tongue bathed her clit. Her hips thrust against his face, and in what was left of her rational mind, one thought was preeminent: I’ve never felt like this in my life.

It took a few minutes for her to let go of all the baggage she had accumulated over the years and to accept that this was real. When she did, her orgasm exploded through her, and she couldn’t contain the profoundness of it. “Oh, Josh! I’ve never… Please, Baby, please. Oh, God!”

He watched her, fascinated, as he moved up the bed. He hesitated to kiss her as she lay trembling. The last thing he wanted to do was interfere with her orgasm. She wasn’t having that, and her hands soon grabbed the back of his neck and pulled him into a kiss for the ages. “Fuck me, Josh. Please fuck me.”

Josh knew instinctively what she needed from him and would have given it to her without request. The fact that she told him she wanted what he wanted added fuel to the fire. He centered himself between her lush thighs, rubbed his cock against her labia, then began to sink his aching cock inside her.

Josh was astounded at the depth of his feelings for her. He struggled to maintain some mental balance as the sensation of being inside the woman he loved so deeply incited the animal in him. He wanted to possess her, to fuck her so thoroughly that she would never even look at another man. History had shown him that there had been many other men, and it would be understandable if that made him hesitate. It didn’t. He took her as his, and she surrendered willingly.

Their first coupling was frantic, intense, and so orgasmic that both were left breathless. Josh held her close in the afterglow, and they talked about how they felt and their mutual regret about so many missed opportunities. Then, Josh made love to her, and both let the past go. The future was everything. They would talk about their past, but would never let it inhibit their future.

The next morning, Sherry emptied the box and put the mementos back where they belonged. She then took down the pictures in the room that Josh had given her. She re-hung them in Josh’s bedroom, a bedroom they now shared and would continue to share throughout their lives.