1

Laura looked at herself in the mirror for the umpteenth time.

She suspected she might already be late, but she allowed herself a few more minutes. To try to admire her own image. To gather her courage. To try to convince herself that she wasn't behaving like a fool. To convince herself that she needed this. She needed tonight. She needed everything to go well.

She checked her makeup one more time. Simple. Just a little foundation on her cheeks and forehead, eyeshadow and eyeliner on her eyes, and a soft lipstick on her lips. Nothing over the top, even though it took longer than she had anticipated to correct all the mistakes from her previous attempts. She was out of practice with these things. It had been a long time since she had gone out like this with someone, after all. With someone else, that is.

To her satisfaction, the balanced colors on her face (not so discreet as to make her look like a middle-aged housewife, not so bold as to make her look like a call girl) suggested that she had gotten it right this time. Third time's the charm, as they say.

Her dress was brand new. She had bought it especially for this occasion. A long, black bodycon dress with a V-neckline that accentuated the shape of her breasts just the right amount, and revealed just enough to arouse curiosity, while still maintaining the mystery.

Laura took a few steps back and turned sideways in front of the mirror, so she could get an idea of the whole picture. She looked okay, she thought. More than okay, perhaps. Elegant. A fitting look for a woman who wants to convey confidence, even though she was as nervous as a teenager about to have her first kiss.

She smiled. Yes. She looked beautiful. She was ready. It was time.

The other accessories she had set aside to complete her attire were on the bed in the master bedroom: her wristwatch, a petite silver necklace, her evening purse, and a pair of sandals that matched the dress and the purse.

She left the bathroom and returned to the bedroom to finish getting ready. There she saw her husband, sitting on the edge of the bed and looking at her with a calm composure. He was wearing his usual work clothes: a worn closed-collar shirt, jeans, and shoes. And, as always, he was holding his Tim Horton's coffee cup in one hand, with the lid still in place.

“You look stunning, Laura Courtier,” he said with a smile.

Laura was a bit startled seeing him there. She would have preferred him to be somewhere else, to tell the truth. At least for now, she didn't want to deal with him. That way, she wouldn't feel so guilty about what she was about to do.

“It's Laura Meyers, Neil,” she corrected him. “You startled me. How long have you been sitting there?”

“Not long. Just long enough to see you touch up your makeup. Don't worry, I didn't see you naked,” he said, trying to sound irreverent. “It's a stupid question, I know, but… are you going out?”

Laura sat down on the bed next to him to put on her sandals. “I... I have a date tonight.”

“Hmmm... A date. May I ask who he is?”

“Does it make any difference, Neil?” she retorted, somewhat irritated by the futility of her husband's question. “I said I have a date. With another man. Does it matter who he is?”

Neil lowered his head, staring at the red coffee cup he was holding on his lap.

"I'm sorry, I didn't mean to pry. But it does matter. If the woman I love is going out with another man, I'd feel better knowing that at least he's not some pervert who might hurt her. I don't want to ruin your night, Laura, but I don't want you to put yourself in danger either."

Laura sighed. She already had her sandals on and her watch on her wrist, but she couldn't bring herself to get up from the bed. Going out with someone tonight was one thing. Ignoring her husband's concerns was another. Neil deserved an explanation.

“Okay. His name is Dean Hart. He's a math teacher at Winter High School. I met him last weekend, at that family barbecue my sister wanted to host. He was her husband's guest. We talked a little, he asked me out, and I said yes. He's not some pervert, Neil. I'll be fine.”

“So, this isn't the first time you two have been together.”

Why does this have to be so difficult?

“No, it's not. But it's the first time we're going out together. On a date, I mean.”

Neil nodded, still staring at his coffee cup. “I see. And what have you planned for tonight? Are you going out for dinner? Dancing? Are you planning on sleeping with him, Laura?”

Laura stayed silent for a moment, thinking about how to answer this. Thinking if there really was an answer for a question like this. She let her hand rest on the comforter, almost reaching for Neil's leg. She hoped he would take her hand, like he used to do when he knew she was distressed. But Neil didn't move, of course. It was too much to ask of him. To be her support when she was about to give herself to another man.

“I'm sorry,” Neil said, noticing her hesitation and discomfort. “I'm intruding again.”

“No, it's okay. We're just going out for dinner, to talk and have a few drinks. I'm not planning on sleeping with him, because this is our first date, and I don't want to give the impression that I'm an easy woman who enjoys sleeping around. But I've got to be honest with you, Neil. If the situation arises and we both want it, I won't say no. Please forgive me for being so blunt, but that's how it is.”

“I understand. Thank you for being honest with me.”

“Why all these questions now anyway? Are you jealous?”

He smiled. “Yeah, maybe a little, I guess. But don't worry about me, honey. You're excited about your date tonight, and I don't want to get in the way. Really. It's alright. Everything will be just fine, you'll see. Now go. Don't keep your date waiting.”

Laura stood up. But she couldn't muster the strength to take the steps she needed to leave the bedroom yet. Her conviction seemed to be fading now that it was time to make her fantasy date a reality. She looked at Neil, who was still sitting on the edge of the bed with the coffee cup in his hands, probably forcing that sweet smile that looked so dim on his face.

“You don't have to let me go, Neil,” she said at last. “You can stop all this. Just say the word, my love. Tell me you want me to stay, and I'll stay. I'll call Dean and cancel this whole stupid thing in a heartbeat.”

Neil sighed and shook his head.

“It wouldn't be fair to you if I did that, Laura. I saw you while you were getting ready to go out. I saw the joy in your eyes when you were putting on your makeup and dressing up. It wouldn't be fair if I took that joy away from you now, my love. All I want is to see you happy. If this Dean guy makes you happy, then I'll be at peace.”

“I love you. You know that, don't you?”

“Yes, I know.”

Laura took a step toward the door, but stopped again. God, this is so difficult! I need to do this, but… it's so damn hard!

“Will you be here when I get back from my date?” she asked, dreading what her husband's response would be. “Even if I have sex with Dean tonight, will you be here when I get back?”

“I guess now it's my turn to be honest, right?” he asked, his tone too serious, even for him.

She nodded.

“I'm not sure yet, Laura. Maybe I will, maybe I won't.”

She nodded again. “I hope you will.”

“I hope too, honey,” he said, now with a sad smile on his face.

With her hands still shaking, Laura took off her wedding ring and placed it on the nightstand. She then turned around and left.

2

Laura took an Uber to the restaurant.

It was easier that way. Just a few taps on her cell phone screen and she already knew who would take her, which route they would take, and how much the service would cost her. And more importantly, with an Uber, she wouldn't have to get behind the wheel. Her fear of driving was something that, by all indications, would stay with her for the rest of her life.

Dean had suggested picking her up at home, like a gentleman would. But she thought of Neil and decided it would be less disrespectful to him, and their marriage, if she met Dean there. A hypocritical thought, of course, but it was the right thing to do.

The Highliner-Wine Rooftop Bar & Restaurant was a fine choice. Set atop the Highliner Hotel downtown, it was a well-regarded venue with a great wine list, excellent cocktails, and an award-winning menu. Soft background music, balanced lighting, and modern decor. It was the ideal place for the romantic first date she wanted to have tonight.

She took a deep breath after getting out of the car. I'm ready, she thought. He's a good guy, and I'm going to do this. She entered the hotel and took the elevator to the top floor.

Dean was already there, obviously. He was at the bar, enjoying a glass of red wine and nibbling some appetizers on the counter. He didn't notice her at first, and Laura took the opportunity to observe him from afar.

He was a handsome man, no doubt about that. He was in great shape for a high school teacher approaching his fifties and had a personal magnetism of his own, which naturally attracted all eyes to him, like a trace of color on a black-and-white canvas. He was wearing dark, straight-leg jeans, a well-fitted white shirt and a black sport coat, which gave him a sober yet casual look.

He was physically attractive, yes. Intellectually, too. Still, he wasn't Neil.

For tonight, however, he would be close enough.

Dean waved to her as soon as he saw her standing at the rooftop's entrance. She smiled, waved back, and walked over to him.

“I'm so sorry, Dean. I'm late, I know.”

He dismissed her concern with a gallant remark. “Fashionably late, I would say. But it was worth the wait. You look beautiful.” He stood up, greeted her with a kiss on her cheek, and pointed to the stool next to his. “Join me for a drink while we wait for our table? This place is way busier than I expected.”

“I would love to,” she said, taking her place beside him. They sat at the bar counter, facing each other, and close enough for their legs to touch slightly. Okay. So far, so good. “What's good to drink here?”

“Well, they have very nice wine, that's for sure,” he said, raising his glass from the counter. “I would recommend a fine prosecco or champagne, if you're feeling romantic. But they also serve shots and a uniquely strong Smoked Manhattan, if you're feeling more… adventurous.”

“You sound like the poster boy for this place,” she said and laughed. “Why don't we start with romantic? Then, we'll see what kind of adventure is in store for us.”

Dean nodded with a smile. “Fair enough. Romantic it is.”

First dates are always a little awkward at first, and Laura was never very good at them. Having been married for nineteen years, she was definitely out of practice. But Dean was a pleasant person and easy to talk to. Before she knew it, Laura was feeling comfortable with him. Neil popped into her mind from time to time to remind her that she shouldn't be there. She didn't worry about it too much, though. When feelings of remorse crept in, she promptly drowned them under a sip of red wine.

Tonight, it was all about her and Dean. She would deal with the remorse later.

Although they had already spoken during her sister's barbecue, it was only tonight that Laura got to know Dean better. During their chat at the bar, he made clear his passion for math and for his job as a teacher. It was one of the things she discovered they had in common. Although her job as a real estate agent had nothing to do with the exact sciences, she also loved her work as much as he did.

Neil always admired her resolve and dedication, and never missed an opportunity to tell her how proud he was of his wife.

Another memory. Another twinge of remorse. Another sip of wine.

“And what about children?” she asked, trying to conceal a moment of silence with the first thing that came up in her head. “Do you have kids?”

He nodded. “Twins. A boy and a girl. They are both young adults now. Corey is an intern at an engineering firm in the capital, and Melanie works in event production these days, I think. I never really know what she does for a living. That girl changes her mind all the time, just like her mother.”

“Do you see them often?”

“Now more than when I got divorced. My ex-wife got custody, and I used to see them only on weekends. But now that they're grown up, we always arrange to have lunch, dinner, or even travel together when we have the chance. What about you? Any kids at home?”

“I have a son, yes. Gabriel.”

She picked up her phone and opened the photo gallery. She showed Dean a picture of herself and her son posing next to the Fontana di Trevi, on a trip they took to Rome. He was a teenager at the time. Neil took that picture of them.

“He's a very handsome young man,” Dean said.

“Oh, he's a grown-up now, just like yours,” Laura said, putting her phone back in her purse. “And he's not at home anymore, sadly for me. He just got into college, with a business and finances scholarship, and he lives at least three hours away by car from here. So, I guess I'm all alone now. An empty nester, as they say.”

“You must be very proud of him. Is his dad in the picture?” Dean asked.

It was precisely the subject Laura wanted to avoid tonight. “I… I don't want to talk about his dad, Dean. Do you mind? I wouldn't like to ruin our date by bringing him up.”

“Bad divorce, huh?”

Laura lowered her gaze back to her almost-empty glass of wine and nodded. “Yes, something like that.” She lied.

Dean held her hand tenderly. “I apologize, Laura. I didn't mean to upset you. No more exes, then. Only cheerful topics from now on, I promise. Cheers?” He raised his glass.

She smiled at him, and they clinked their glasses. “Cheers.”

They finished their wine at about the same time the hostess called them to their table.

3

The view of the city at night was wonderful from the terrace, and from their table, they saw a beautiful set of skyscrapers on the riverbank, all decorated for the end-of-year festivities. Under the flickering light of a tiny artificial candle resting between their glasses, Laura and Dean enjoyed each other's company.

They talked a little more about each other's lives. Only cheerful things, like Dean had promised. And they shared a nice evening meal. Laura had the tomato soup; Dean, a Caesar salad; and they ordered a serving of chicken wings for two people and another two glasses of red wine.

Laura couldn't remember the last time she'd had so much fun with anyone other than Neil, and she wished that it could last a little longer. No worries. No sadness. No loneliness. But all good things must come to an end sooner or later, she knew. By the time Dean ordered the check, it was a little past ten, and only then did she notice they were already holding hands.

“I had a great time tonight,” he said, caressing her arm over the table. “Thanks for letting me take you out on a date, Laura.”

“Thanks for asking me out,” she said.

And the moment of silence that followed, in which the two just stared into each other's eyes, could not be filled with words. Dean brought his face closer to hers, and Laura welcomed his invitation. She closed her eyes and leaned towards him, happily accepting the kiss he offered her.

The kiss was divine; there was no denying it.

To Laura, however, it represented more than just mutual affection between two people. That kiss was a turning point. Until then, her date with Dean had been a fantasy, an unresolved desire for another man's companionship. But from that moment on, the fantasy became reality, and she realized that she was officially breaking her vows. Officially betraying Neil.

Feeling Dean's soft lips on hers, the delicate taste of his tongue against hers, divided her in two conflicting parts: her rational mind thought about Neil, and it was in agony with the remorse for betraying him; her body, however, desired it. It craved for Dean's touch, just like a lonely wanderer in the desert craves for a glass of water.

“I didn't want this night to end so soon, Laura,” Dean said, after breaking the kiss, but still holding her trembling, cold hands. “Would you like to go to my place? If nothing else, we can have one last glass of wine and chat a little more before I take you home.”

And her body won the struggle this time as well. “I'd love to.”

Dean insisted on paying the entire bill. In the elevator, he held her, wrapping his arms around her waist. His arms were a comforting reminder that he was still there, beside her, and wasn't going anywhere. In the hotel parking lot, he kissed her one more time next to his car before opening the passenger door for her. Such a fine, old-fashioned gentleman, she thought.

They were silent for most of the way to Dean's house. He sometimes turned his face toward her and smiled. Sometimes, when they stopped at a red light, he would lovingly caress her leg. It was his way of showing he wanted her as a woman, but in a way that still maintained the feeling of affection and respect, and she appreciated that. She felt desired, but she was also safe.

Her mind was racing, though, trying to keep up with the rapid, loud beating of her heart.

What the hell are you doing, Laura?!, her mind shouted inside her head.

What I should have done ages ago, her body promptly replied.

The jabs between those two were endless.

Dean's house was exactly what you would expect from a fan of the exact sciences: tidy, cozy, with all objects arranged symmetrically and evenly. It was clearly a bachelor's pad. According to him, he had bought the place and moved in right after his divorce.

“My ex-wife kept the house, I kept my peace,” he said. “A win-win situation, if you ask me.”

Laura sat down on the couch while Dean was in the kitchen choosing a bottle of wine. “Was the divorce difficult for you?” she asked.

“No, not at all. There were a few arguments here and there, mainly about our kids, but other than that, it was pretty smooth. I guess we just grew apart, you know? And in the end, we both wanted it all to be over.”

“Well, I can say you've done a great job in this place. You have a very nice home.”

Dean came back from the kitchen with two glasses. He joined her and sat right next to her.

“Thanks,” he said. “And with you here, it's so much better. You brought color to my bichromatic, square-rooted home tonight, Laura. It's corny, I know. You can laugh, if you want.”

“It's corny, alright,” and she laughed, truly amused. “But I like it. Do you say these things to all the women you bring here?”

He looked at her and smiled. “You are the only one, Laura. The only one I brought home since my divorce. The only one I actually wanted to be here.”

Laura took a moment to gather her words, but couldn't. “I… I don't know what to say, Dean.”

“Don't say anything.”

Dean took the wine glass from her hands and placed it next to his on the coffee table. Then he brought his hands to her face and pulled her in for a long, lustful kiss, which she eagerly returned.

There was no going back now.

In the middle of the kiss, Dean moved his hands to her knees. Then to her thighs. He slid them up the side of her body until he reached her breasts. He massaged them a little with the tip of his thumb, just until he felt her nipples become hard and erect. Then, he held her face again, with both hands, and broke off the kiss.

“I want you, Laura. You have no idea how much I want you.”

“Then take me,” she replied. Just for tonight. It was her body that was running the show now. Her rational mind had gone bye-bye, silent, unable to restrain her desire. Tonight, she would be Dean's. And no one else's.

Just for tonight. Please. I need this.

They kissed again. She touched his face, ran her fingers softly through his hair, and touched his chest. But she hesitated to go any lower. Dean noticed and gently guided her hand down to his crotch. And she felt him. He was so hard! And it was all because of her.

It scared her a little to feel the firmness of another man's penis between her fingers, but it didn't stop her. It was so fucking good! The adrenaline rush was too great. She grabbed Dean's penis tightly over his pants, and jerked it back and forth a few times, while he kissed her neck and fondled her breasts over the dress.

“Do you have protection?” she whispered, between gasps of pleasure.

“I've got one in my wallet,” he said and shrugged. “Just in case.”

Dean reached for his wallet, still in his pocket, and took one condom wrapper out of it. He then unzipped his pants and lowered them down to his ankles, revealing his hard cock to her for the first time. And, for the first time in years, Laura saw a penis that wasn't Neil's. She took it in her hands and kept jerking it off slowly, while Dean tore open the condom wrapper. And while he put on the condom, Laura got up from the sofa, reached under her dress, and took off her panties.

That's it. That's what you were waiting for. She thought to herself.

She then sat on Dean's lap and, with her hand, she guided his penis inside her. Everything went blank after that. Every mundane problem, every sorrow, and every frustration. It was as if she had begged all her anguishes for a little respite, and they had answered her plea. During those moments, while Dean was inside her, they stepped aside to allow her to feel the pleasure she had given up for so long.

4

Later, when it was all over, the first thing Laura did, after getting off Dean's lap and sitting back down on the sofa next to him, was to push the hem of her dress down, trying to cover her thighs as much as she could.

With her body satisfied, her rational mind was able to emerge from its slumber and brought to the surface the image of Neil's face. His smile, his striking and calm voice, and his affectionate gaze. With those memories came an unbearable feeling of shame and guilt.

She looked at Dean beside her and forced her face into a smile.

He was taking the used condom off his penis, completely unaware of what was going on inside her head.

“Wow, that was great!” he said, catching his breath. “Give me a moment to throw this away?” He asked, holding the filled condom between his fingers.

“Uh-huh,” was all she was able to answer.

“I'll be right back.”

And he left the living room, comfortable enough to leave his pants and underwear behind. Laura took the opportunity to put her panties back on. She drank the rest of her wine in one gulp.

Dean came back after a few minutes. He sat down again on the sofa next to her, naked, not seeming to notice that she was avoiding looking at him.

“Aren't you going to get dressed?” she asked, shyly.

“Oh, okay.” He put his underwear and pants back on. “Would you like some more wine? Or something to eat perhaps? I think I have some cheese in the fridge and some dried fruit, if you like.”

“No, thanks,” she said.

“Chocolate?” he tried again.

Laura sighed, and only then did she bring herself to look at him. “I have to go, Dean. I need to get back home.”

She saw the confusion printed in his eyes.

“I thought you might want to spend the night here with me. We could take a shower together. I have a TV in my room. We could watch something, a late-night show perhaps, before going to sleep. I promise I don't snore. And I can make pancakes for breakfast. So? Have I piqued your interest?”

He reached out to her face, to caress her, to try to close the gap she had created between them, but she instinctively leaned away from him. It was subtle. But undeniable. He withdrew his hand immediately.

Laura lowered her eyes again. “I… I can't. I really need to go home now.”

And then he asked, after an awkward moment of silence. “Did I do something wrong, Laura? You're barely looking at me.”

She shook her head. “You did nothing wrong, Dean.”

Another moment of silence. “So why are you treating me like I'm infectious, all of a sudden?”

There wasn't anger in his tone. Just disappointment. It wasn't his fault. He was wonderful tonight. Romantic, affectionate, a perfect gentleman. And the sex, although quick, fulfilled her completely. Then again, it wasn't Neil's fault either. Neil didn't deserve her breaking her vows. He deserved a little more respect from his wife.

“I… I just can't, Dean. Please, let's not drag this out.”

“I don't know if this is what you're worried about, Laura, but you weren't a one-night stand to me. When I asked you out at your sister's barbecue, I meant it. I really thought we could be more, you know?”

It's best to get this over with.

“Yes, but you were a one-night stand to me, Dean,” she said. “I'm so sorry. I… I need to go. I need to get back home to my husband.”

Laura placed her empty wine glass on the coffee table, picked up her purse, and stood up, ready to leave. Dean followed her.

“Your husband?” he asked, dumbfounded.

“Yes, my husband,” she said. “Please forgive me for letting you think I was single. I feel horrible. The truth is: I am married, and I have just cheated on my husband.”

But that's not entirely true either, is it?

With his eyes to the ground, Dean nodded in agreement. “In a way, you have cheated on me as well. For what it's worth, this was one of the best nights I've had in a long time, and I'm sorry it has to end like this. Let me take you home, at least.”

“No, thanks. I already called an Uber while you were in the bathroom. Don't worry about me.”

Dean nodded and opened the door for her. “Can you at least send me a text? Just so I know you got home safe?”

“I'm not sure that would be a good idea,” she said, and regretted it soon after. Dean was just trying to be nice, and, as he had pointed out, she was treating him like a leper. It wasn't right. “But I'll try to, okay? And for what it's worth, I had a great time as well. You were perfect tonight, Dean. It's just that… my life is all over the place right now. Please, forgive me.”

Visibly distraught, Dean agreed. “Good night, Laura.”

“Goodbye, Dean.”

Laura lied when she said she had already called an Uber. But of all the lies tonight, this was the smallest one. She looked for a driver as soon as Dean closed the door, and thankfully, there was one just four minutes away.

As soon as her ride arrived, she promised the driver a generous tip if he got her to her destination as quickly as possible. Money wasn't important now. All she wanted was to get home fast. To try to make amends. With Neil and with her own conscience. To try to fix her horrible mistake somehow. She wasn't sure she could do it. Neither of them.

She could almost hear Neil say, “Was it worth it, Laura?” with a look of sheer disappointment, if not disgust. Why wouldn't he feel disgusted? She took all the good memories of her marriage - the wedding day, the trips, Gabriel's birth, buying the new house, and so on - and threw them all away in exchange for a date and twenty minutes of sex, didn't she?

After the driver dropped her off at her doorstep and went away, her urge to hurry suddenly disappeared. There was no longer any need to rush. As much as she wished otherwise, she knew with absolute certainty that Neil would not be there.

She opened the door to her house, went inside, turned on the lights, and locked the door again. Everything was silent. No TV tuned to sports channels. No sound of the shower. Not even the sound of his soft snoring, which she had grown accustomed to so long ago.

Laura went to the bedroom upstairs. Her wedding ring was still on the nightstand, exactly where she had left it. The bedspread was neat and tidy, just as she had expected it to be. She went to the closet for a moment. Only her clothes were there, taking up space that was now too big. In the bathroom, only one toothbrush was in the holder. Her own.

Laura undressed and got into the shower, staying under the hot water longer than necessary. Cleansed of her sins, she returned to her room and put on clean underwear and a long nightshirt. She sat down on the edge of the bed, next to the nightstand, and put her wedding ring back on her finger.

“I'm sorry, Neil,” she said, tears already filling her eyes, ready to fall. “I'm so sorry. Please, forgive me.”

But it was pointless to ask for forgiveness from a wedding ring. She needed to be face-to-face with Neil. To ask for forgiveness from him in person. Neil wasn't at home, but she would go to him first thing in the morning, and everything would be just fine.

Neil wasn't at home, but she knew where he was.

He was in the same place he had been for almost two years now. She would go there first thing in the morning. First thing in the morning, my love, I swear. And then everything would be alright again.

Tonight, however, the only thing Laura could do was lie down in bed and cry herself to sleep.

5

Neil Anthony Meyers

1978 - 2023

Loving father. Devoted husband.

Almost two years now. He would be 47 years old today if it weren't for that damn accident. Laura and Neil were returning from a trip when they decided to stop to fill up the car at a gas station located on one of the busiest avenues in the city.

Laura was behind the wheel that day. She asked Neil to get them some coffee and some pastries at a Tim Horton's coffee shop across the avenue. He went, while Laura paid for the gas at the gas station cashier. And then, a driver, who was probably drunk, lost control of his vehicle just as Neil was crossing the avenue on his way back to the gas station.

Death was instantaneous, they said.

To Neil, that is. To Laura, his death was an eternity.

“I'm so sorry, Neil,” she said. She was kneeling before his gravestone, with a humble bouquet of flowers next to her. She felt like buying some flowers to place on his grave. The right thing to do after everything. “Please, my love. Forgive me.”

“There is nothing to forgive, Laura,” Neil answered, with his usual soothing voice. He was kneeling beside her.

She looked at him, her eyes soaked in tears. He was wearing the shirt, the jeans, and the shoes. The same clothes he wore that day. And he was still holding that red coffee cup in his hands.

“If only I…” she stammered.

“Then it would have been you, honey, not me,” Neil completed the thought for her. “And I would be utterly devastated if it had been you. Stop punishing yourself, my love, please. We cannot change what happened, but you still have a whole life before you. And it pains me to watch you living this life in suffering.”

Her sobs were uncontrollable. “I miss you so much, Neil.”

“I miss you too, honey,” he said, with a tender smile. “But you have already grieved over me for far too long. It's time to let go, my love. It's time for you to enjoy your life, to enjoy your future. Keep our happy moments in your thoughts, and let them inspire you so that you can build new ones.”

“I don't know how, Neil. I'm so lost without you.”

“Well, if you'll allow me to take a guess, I think you have already taken the first step. You said you had a date last night, didn't you? With that Dean guy, if I recall. The math teacher, right?”

Laura wiped the tears from her face and nodded. “I felt so ashamed. I had a date last night, indeed. It was a mistake. He invited me to his place and we had sex, Neil. Please forgive me. I shouldn't have gone out with him. I broke our vows.”

Neil smiled again. “Those that said until death do us part? Those vows?”

Laura laughed, amid her tears. “It's stupid, I know.”

“You didn't break any vows, my love. You were the most loving wife a man could ever dream of having, and I will be forever honored to have been your husband. Now, all I wish is for you to be happy. So, let me ask you again: how was your date last night? Did you have fun? Is he a good guy?”

“He… he's okay,” Laura said, lowering her head.

“Laura?”

She knew she wouldn't be able to lie to him.

“I'm sorry. It's just that… It's so strange talking to you about this! But, yes. I did have fun last night. Dean is a good guy. A great guy, actually. But he is not you.”

“Of course not, honey. He is alive, remember? And so are you. Why don't you give him a chance? If he is indeed a great guy, and if you can see a happy future with him, then, as I said yesterday, I will be at peace.”

Laura sighed and shook her head. “I blew it last night. I ran away from him. After the things I said, he wouldn't touch me even with surgical gloves.”

“Then it's his loss.”

The two remained silent for a while, focused only on enjoying the rest of the time they had together. Laura knew that their chat would not last much longer. They never lasted long enough. But she also knew that Neil, whether he was an apparition or just the echoes of her own grieving mind, was right. It was time to let go.

“Can I ask you for one last kiss?” she said.

They both looked at each other.

“Close your eyes,” he said.

She did.

And then a breeze brushed softly across her face. She could swear that, at that moment, she felt Neil's lips touching hers. When the breeze died down and she opened her eyes again, Neil was no longer there. He was now a sweet memory of a wonderful past.

Only the red coffee cup remained. It was in her hands. It has always been in her hands. She kept it with her for far too long.

Laura removed the lid from the coffee cup, placed it in front of the gravestone, and then, as a tribute to her husband, arranged the flowers from the bouquet inside it.

“I love you, Neil,” she said. “You will always have your place in my heart.”

But now, it was time for her to live the rest of her life.

She stood up. Suddenly, she was in a hurry once again. It was still early in the morning. She could make it. She called an Uber before even leaving the cemetery. And within minutes, she was in the passenger seat, once again asking the driver to get her to her destination as quickly as humanly possible.

It was a different destination this time.

Her heart was racing, and rightly so. What was she going to say to him? How could she make up for the abrupt way she had ended their first date? She pondered, pondered, pondered, and could not reach any conclusion. Her heart suggested something spontaneous. Something honest and sincere. And, for the first time in a long while, her rational mind agreed.

She rang the doorbell. The look of surprise on Dean's face when he saw her was priceless.

“Laura?” he asked, standing in his doorstep, holding the door open.

“Sorry for coming without warning, but I was hungry and thought I might try your pancakes. I came as quickly as I could. I hope I'm not too late. And I'm not just talking about the pancakes.”

There was a brief moment of hesitation on his part. Those decisive moments that always last an eternity no matter how brief they are.

“I made pancakes for two,” he said, in the end, and smiled. “Just in case.”

He stepped aside to let her in. And then, Laura knew everything was going to be alright.

Thanks for reading!