You aren’t here anymore. For more than a year already. Maybe I should have started earlier with this, now my notes about you start today. I don’t know what this is going to be. Or what it is good for. Maybe for everything, maybe nothing. Maybe it should be therapy for me. I had thought that I was cured. I imagined it. To be healed of you. How ridiculous.

Obviously, nobody can close the gap that you left behind. It is completely hopeless.

Through you I have experienced what love is. Love is when you win the lottery and don’t have the urge to leave your girlfriend - but to share the profits with her. And then maybe even marry. And that's exactly what I would have done.

I don't know what you are doing right now and how you are doing. But other things I was able to find out. Where you moved to, I know from the internet. The way you're looking now as well. I miss you, everything else would be a lie. None of the things that you and I did wrong, could ever change that. Nothing that went wrong and nothing that I've seen, makes me miss you less. Nothing. I miss you. Maybe more than ever.

I dream of you almost every night. Realistic dreams. I dream of you when someone else is lying next to me. I dream, I would be with you again. I dream of having sex with you. Sex with you is unparalleled. Your body is unparalleled.

Never before have I desired someone as much as you. Your grace, your timidity, your care, your voice. I've never been so crazy about a body before. Your dark eyes, your perfect lips, your black, unruly curls, your perfect skin. Your breasts, which are sagging a bit because of their sheer size, but that makes them all the more attractive. This incredibly exciting smell of yours, your gorgeously sweet smile. A fleeting touch was enough and my excitement knew no limits. I was not used to that at all. With all the women before you, it was never like that.

I remember the many summer evenings in your old attic flat that felt like a sauna on hot days. On one of these evenings a thunderstorm gathered over the adjacent cornfields. The air was flickering like in the Sahara. All the windows were wide open, we could feel the electricity of the approaching storm in the apartment. After a cold shower you and I were lying on your bed, our huge playground, in this oppressive heat. For me, your bed was an almost magical place where things happened that were completely new to me. When we touched it was like sparks were flying. It did not need a particularly intimate touch, casual skin contact was enough. Back then so little meant so much.

The first roll of thunder followed a huge lightning, the storm came closer. I kissed you, softly, sweetly, tugging at your lips with mine. You smelled of jasmine. I cupped your breasts. Your breasts have always been incredibly exciting to me. Heavy and hanging, just as I like it. Your body was flushed with the extreme heat and your areolae were pink and round. I brushed and circled your nipples with my thumb until I started to feel them swell. I looked down at myself – at my own round breasts, my hard nipples.

When I felt your fingertips on my legs, my arousal was almost painful. Everything cramped between my legs. I felt myself getting wet. Your fingernails gently stroke the inside of my thighs, to my pussy and my labia. I groaned. You wet your fingers, ran them up the lips of my pussy, wetting the wings of my labia, spreading them, circling my clit and flicking it. I felt dizzy. Blood rushed to my head and to my clit.

I could not wait to feel you everywhere.

Your hand followed an invisible trail on my skin, over my hard nipples, slowly down my side again, down back to my trembling thighs, to take the direct route to my heated centre. Your fingers pushed into me, just enough to bury the tips. You held them there. Not in, not out. Just waiting, teasing. I felt my clit throb. Then you pushed into me. Your fingers stretched my hole. And I felt my pussy close around them. I could feel them pressing against my fleshy wall.

Our lips were pressed together to a hungry and never-ending kiss. My excitement grew way too fast. I suddenly could feel that I was about to come. My fingers now also forced their way between your thighs and penetrated into you. Unbelievable the feeling of being taken in and being enclosed. I moved my fingers inside you, brushing ever so slightly against the inside of your soft and wet pussy. My fingers were slick with your juice, thick and sticky. I sank them inside you as deep as they would go. Fortunately, I also felt your first contractions. I tried to push deeper and more intense. I wanted you to be overwhelmed. I wanted you to come with me. Then it actually happened, you and I exploded together. Our pussies tightened their grip around our fingers and we juddered and bucked as the orgasm shocked through us.

 At the same moment, the thunderstorm came back, which I had not noticed before. It suddenly seemed to be right over your apartment and made for breath-taking thunder.