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Neither of them mentioned the kiss after that. They did agree to Simon's idea of going on dates and acting like a "real" couple.
Connie found she couldn't keep her guard up all the time. More than once she realized she had forgotten the "pretend" part of the whole thing, and she gave up on trying to keep a mental buffer. She rationalized that it would make things look more convincing when they did go home for Thanksgiving.
Simon was in similar straits. He loved taking Connie out. He even insisted, most times, that he pay, even though they normally went dutch. "We have to make sure we get all the details," he had told her. "Wouldn't want something like that to give the game away." Connie had nodded and gone along with it.
There were more kisses, though they were different. After the first one that had surprised them both, they retreated back to light, cautious kisses, such as Simon kissing her hello or Connie kissing him good night.
They continued to have their movie nights—more of them as the weather grew colder—but now Connie snuggled up against him while they watched like a girlfriend would. She knew it would be difficult to stop pretending when the time came. Until then, she couldn't help herself.
The Friday before Thanksgiving, Simon had stumbled home late, exhausted from work, at nearly nine o'clock. Connie offered to him fix him some dinner, but he just smiled and shook his head.
"I don’t think I could stay awake long enough to eat it," he told her ruefully. "I need to brush my teeth and hit the sack. Good night, sweetie." He pulled her to him for a quick hug and kiss, then went to his room.
Connie sat on the couch, disappointed. She'd been hoping to cuddle up again while they watched something, because tonight she needed his company. Ever since the accident, she would have occasional nightmares about it. They were often brought on by stress, and right now she had plenty of that from both work and her parents. She had hoped to postpone the dreams by sitting with Simon.
She sighed. She could still watch the movie, then another one. Maybe if she watched enough of them and just let her brain roam, she would forget.
x-x-x-x
Simon's eyes popped open a little after one in the morning; he was awake, but slightly disoriented. He lay there for a few minutes, trying to remember why he was lying in bed fully clothed. Then it came back to him and he looked at the clock. Surprised at the time, he sat up and rubbed his eyes. He was hungry despite the hour.
He stripped off his work clothes and found some sweat shorts and a t-shirt, wondering if he was hearing noises in the other room. He opened the door and stood for a minute. Is that the television? He was still a little fuzzy. Connie could still be up, that wouldn't be like her, even on a Friday. She didn't generally fall asleep in front of the TV, nor did she forget to turn it off.
Curious, he walked into the living room. Connie was on the couch, in her pajamas, and staring rather vacantly at the screen. Even at times like this, he noticed, with no one around, she wore pajama pants that covered her legs. "Hey." He kept his voice quiet, not wanting to startle her.
She looked up. "Hi." She picked up the remote and began flipping channels.
Simon came and sat down next to her, running a hand over his face and then through his hair. "Couldn't sleep?"
Connie shrugged. "I haven't tried."
"Why not?" he asked, curious. She shrugged again. Simon sat up now, concerned. Connie rarely refused to discuss anything outright, but he knew the signs. When she shrugged, when she avoided eye contact—that meant something was weighing on her and she was trying to keep it inside. "Come on, tell me. You know I won't laugh."
"It's nothing." I should just tell him, she thought, but it seems so childish and silly.
"It must be something," he countered. "You never do this. I've known you for how many years now? And we've split this place for almost three years. I've never seen you up all night." She looked exhausted.
"It's all right. I just haven't wanted to go to bed yet."
"I'm your boyfriend, remember?" He smiled. "You have to tell me. That's what couples do."
Connie felt a lump form in her throat. He wasn't her boyfriend; they were just "rehearsing," as Simon had once called it. Sometimes she forgot, but other times, like now, she was hyper conscious of it. She shook her head. "No, you aren't, not really. But thanks for offering." She turned off the TV. "I'll try going to bed now. There's some leftover pasta in the fridge if you want it. I know it's a strange hour to eat but you didn't have dinner when you got home so late." Berating herself for babbling, Connie started to go into her room.
Simon winced when he realized he'd said the wrong thing, but he couldn't let her go like this. She was upset and he wanted to know why. He caught her hand and pulled her back to the couch. "I'm your friend, Connie, and I've never seen you like this. Come on, what is it?" He put an arm around her.
He nudged her head to rest on his shoulder and began to stroke her hair. It was wavy from being in a braid all day, but felt like silk and smelled faintly of strawberries. He took one of her hands in his and rubbed his thumb over the back, noticing for the first time how soft her skin was. "Talk to me, Connie."
Connie knew she would tell him, especially with the warm comfort of his body next to hers. As with any other situation, she knew he wouldn't laugh at her, or make her feel bad. She just felt embarrassed, although she didn't know quite why.
"Sometimes I have bad dreams," she said after a while. "About the accident."
Simon tightened his arm around her and kissed the top of her head. He leaned back on the couch and pulled her with him so that they lay next to each other.
"I get them when I'm stressed," she continued, "and between work and Thanksgiving, I can just feel myself getting worked up."
"It's all right," he said.