"Really, Mr Bennet, I do not think I can stand it any longer,” wailed his wife. “I just caught Kitty in the bushes again, this time with two officers. She seemed to have lost most of her clothes again, and whilst one of the officers had his big weapon down her throat, the other one…”
“I think I can imagine the scene well enough,” interrupted Mr Bennet hurriedly. “It is most regrettable that Kitty really has no sense of decorum, or indeed any sense at all.”
“It’s all too much for my poor nerves,” continued Mrs Bennet, collapsing onto the sofa and fanning herself vigorously. “I think I will summon Doctor Donaldson and ask for some more laudanum.”
“Really, my dear, do you think that is wise? Doctor Donaldson seems to think laudanum is a cure for all ailments, from a headache to full-on lunacy.”
“But it calms my nerves so much, and nothing else seems to work.”
Further argument was clearly useless, and Mr Bennet promised to drop in on Doctor Donaldson during his visit to Meryton the following morning.
~~~
“I have some news for you,” said Mr Bennet to his wife the following day on his return from town. “Doctor Donaldson is away, tending to an ailing aunt in Edinburgh, and a young fellow named Palmerston has come all the way from Bath to manage his practice during his absence. I must say he seemed a most intelligent and practical man. I described your symptoms to him, and he promised to drop in during his rounds this afternoon.”
“This afternoon? Well, that is promising,” said Mrs Bennet, mollified by this evidence of attentiveness. “I do hope he brings an ample supply of laudanum with him.”
~~~
The clock was just striking four when the maid announced that Doctor Palmerston had arrived to see the lady of the house. Mrs Bennet admitted him to her dressing-room, where she was languishing on the chaise-longue with the curtains drawn. She was surprised to observe quite how young he was, but even in her weakened state she found herself taking in his fine figure and handsome countenance.
“My dear Doctor,” she said faintly, “it is so good of you to call. I am so sorry I am not well enough to rise and greet you properly. Doctor Donaldson always prescribed a daily dose of laudanum when my nerves were bad, so if you were to leave an ample supply, then I’m sure I need not detain you any longer.”
“I dare say that when Doctor Donaldson was at medical school north of the border, laudanum was the recommended treatment for practically everything,” said Doctor Palmerston sharply. “However, these days that is by no means the opinion of the most advanced medical minds. At Cambridge, where I completed my studies last year, cases such as your own have been successfully treated with other far more efficacious methods. Firstly, I must ask you to remove all your clothing other than your chemise and lie down again on the sofa.”
Mrs Bennet was somewhat taken aback by this somewhat improper suggestion, but the young doctor’s confident and decisive manner made her feel compelled to obey him. She removed her dress and petticoats and lay down as he had requested. He meanwhile was washing his hands with some form of oil.
“Now, Mrs Bennet,” he said firmly, “what I am about to do may strike you as somewhat unorthodox. But I must beg you to remain calm whilst I carry out some internal manipulations. Is that understood?”
Mrs Bennet was by this time willing to do whatever the doctor requested and nodded in agreement. Doctor Palmerston proceeded to pull up her chemise above her waist, exposing her private parts to his view, before easing her legs apart. He then placed his fingers on the fleshy folds of her quim and examined them carefully.
“Excellent, excellent,” he muttered, and then without warning slipped two of his fingers straight into her passage.
Mrs Bennet let out a little gasp, of both surprise and pleasure. Doctor Palmerston’s fingers appeared to be moving about inside her in all sorts of interesting ways, stroking the soft internal walls of her passage before curving up and rubbing at a particular spot.
“Oh my goodness, Doctor, what are you doing?” she gasped.
“How does that make you feel?” asked the doctor, stroking his fingers back and forth with great expertise.
“Most agreeable,” Mrs Bennet admitted. It really was making her tingle delightfully, and she was extremely impressed at how the doctor seemed to know exactly where to press his fingers to elicit the maximum effect.
“And how about this?” he continued. Using his other hand, he began to rub at the hard little button just above the entrance to Mrs Bennet’s quim.
But now Mrs Bennet was too overcome with pleasure to answer. However, her gasps and moans made it clear that she was enjoying the doctor’s ministrations very much indeed. So much so that she was quite dismayed when he withdrew his fingers, and begged him to carry on.
Doctor Palmerston had other ideas, however. “You should now try it for yourself,” he instructed. “Once you have found the same soft spot that I did, you should then rub your own fingers against it. Do the same with your little button. You will soon work out what works best for you and will then be able to pleasure yourself even more satisfactorily than I did.”
Mrs Bennet did as he advised. She slipped two fingers inside and curved them upwards just as he had done. She let out a little gasp of delight as she found the absolute best place to touch. Next, she sought out the hard little bud, and began to rub her fingers across it. Very soon she worked out which was the best combination of fingerings and was bringing herself to the very heights of ecstasy. Doctor Palmerston watched all of this with great satisfaction.
“Thank you so much, Doctor,” she eventually said, once she had finished pleasuring herself in this way. She had become quite pink in the face and was glowing all over as a result of her exertions.
“You are a very quick and willing learner,” smiled the doctor. “However, I do have one further question. Pray do not be offended, for while it may seem impertinent, I can assure you that your answer is important. When did you last undertake congress of a sexual nature with your husband?”