It was 105 in the shade in the small Australian outback town.

Saturday night, and the pub was throbbing.

Beer flowed like a river.

Ted was thick-set and covered in hair like a yeti. Inebriated, he was wobbly on his feet. His clothes long discarded.

"Bet none of you can do this,” he slurred as he lit up his chest.

It spread upwards like a forest fire up a mountain.

But it also went downwards!

The quick-thinking barmaid grabbed a jug of beer and threw it at his Catherine Wheel.

“Hottest cock I've ever seen,” she said with a grin.