I had an accident, I fell off my bike on my last ride in Novermber.  The pedal caught something and over I went.  No damage other than my pride and a couple of scrapes.  Two months ago the cold weather hit and my bike stays in my unheated garage.

I don't go out there often, it's cold.  Today I found a dildo stuck to my bicycle seat with a sign: "To help you stay on."

I need to figure out which of my lunatic friends did that so I can kill them.  I've been looking for that toy for weeks!