"If I'm going to suck a guy's cock, I'm not going to do it at the novice level."

I'm trying to get around to asking Candy for the use of her strapon so I can get some practice before trying to complete my ordeal of self-abasement.

"Well, I don't think I've ever seen Cocksucking 101 on the night school curriculum Of the Dupage JC. You'll just have to learn like all us mere mortals, by practicing.

"That's where you're wrong I hope. If you'll let me borrow Little Charlie, I hope I can strap him on and get trained by an expert."

"Who...? Oh, Rondella the lady-fella."

"Don't call him that."

"Why not? It's his stage name. He dances and sings at The Baton Show Lounge."

"Really? And how would you know that?"

"Marcy has some lady-boi friends who took us there once, just to see what it was about. It was a blast. Rondell's picture was on the wall, dressed as Rondella. He's quite convincing in drag."

She makes me feel like I'd been missing out on life while I spent so many nights in the dance clubs, but she loans me her toy, insisting that he doesn't have a name and would not ever be called Little Charlie. I take him with me to my next dance lesson.

"Good, Sugar. Very good. We still need to work on that pirouette, but that's enough for tonight. We don't want to overtax those ankles."

"Thanks, Rondell. Um, I'm hoping you can help me with another kind of training."

Rondell is a slightly taller slender guy. He's flamboyantly gay, but we only see each other when were dressed in dance training cloths, so he's never really looked feminine to me. He's some kind of mixture of Black and Hispanic and maybe some Asian, but he mostly looks like a light-skinned Black. He's from Biloxi, Mississippi and has a rich southern charm to his speech.

"You can ask, Sugar. I'll let you know if I can."

"This is kind of embarrassing, but I don't really know how to suck a guy off and I kinda have a good reason to learn."

"What? You just put it in your mouth and pretend your mouth is your a..., uh, your vagina."

"Rondell, be real. If somebody came in here and said they wanted to learn how to do the Foxtrot, would you tell them to just start moving their feet? If I wanted to dance at that level, why would I be here?

"Um, you got a point there, Sugar. But I'm not sure how I can help you."

"Well, I assume you know a little something about the subject. I was hoping you could demonstrate what you would do on this." I pulled the strapon out and Rondell started laughing. I start laughing, too. We shared a lot of sexual innuendo through the years and our hands and other parts have touched just about everywhere on each other's bodies, but I suppose this was kind of abrupt. "Hey! This isn't funny. If I ever want to be able to please a special guy. I'll need at least an intermediate level of skill with a real one of these. Can you help me?"

"Sugar, you know I'm always up for a new experience, and since you and I won't be competing for the same guys, I don't mind sharing my techniques, but it ain't as easy as holding a dildo up to my mouth and going down on it." He mimes doing exactly that and we're both laughing again.

"Well I was planning to wear it while you demonstrate. I'll try to act like a guy, but you'll need to coach me there."

Rondell starts laughing again. "Me? Coach anybody on how to act like a guy? Shee-it girl. This is gonna be fun if we can keep from laughing too much."

I see his point and start laughing again. When we both stop, I say, "We'll work together on that part. I don't think I need to be that convincing as a guy. Can we start tonight? And um should I be naked for this."

"Sure Sugar, I got an hour to kill. You can get nekkid if you want, it won't affect me, even with you wearing that thing. I mean, I know you're beautiful, but I'm just immune to what you got."

"Thanks Rondell."

I start stripping out of my clothes and he surprises me by also stripping out of his.

"Um... Rondell, what if I'm not immune to your beauty." I'm half joking, but he does have a male dancer's body and that is what I like to see.

"Oh, Sugar, don't worry." He lifted his limp dick and let it drop. "It takes two to Tango. You know it's just the way we move don't you. You're the only woman that I dance with that I can say this about. We don't get ready for each other, like when I dance with my man. We just get ready to get ready, because our bodies respond to the rhythms and the movements we see each other doing. That's one of the reasons I insist on teaching you both the woman's and the man's side of the dances. It gives a greater appreciation for what we'll see. But, even as beautiful as you are, and even wearing that, if you ever got me beyond ready to get ready, you would be the first."

I smirked at his confidence. To be honest, it was a little disturbing that I had no effect on him and I wondered if I could do anything to change that. "Sounds like a challenge."

"Well game on then, girl," he laughed. "Okay, Dude. Now the first thing we have to do is discuss position. If you stand there like that and I get on my knees like this, that will feed your dominance fantasy. It's even more powerful if my back is against the wall and you can pin me against it with your cock. But with a cock that long, you could really hurt my throat.

"On the other hand, if you're sitting or kneeling, I can crawl right onto that cock and take it all the way in. That's how sword swallowers do it. They line up their throat and swallow at just the right time. You got to pay attention to the curvature of the dick. If it curves up, you got to..."

Rondell goes on filling me with all kinds of technique and I soak it up like a sponge. I'm surprised by how the hand work and small details like sucking on his balls are what really separates the novices from the higher levels. He demonstrates a deep throat and he tells me how to minimize wrist fatigue and neck strain and sore knees until 'the point of no return', when I'm supposed to know 'the volcano is gonna blow'. He tells me that when I get to expert level, I can delay the eruption by stopping and starting a few times and then 'go for the lava'.

"Okay, Rondell. About that. What then? Do guys really want you to swallow?"

"Some do, Sugar, but I'll tell you what I've never heard a complaint about. I take the first blast in the mouth and the rest in the face. If I get cum in my hair or a nice pearl necklace, ain't no boy gonna complain about that. You just remember to keep stoking until it goes dry and then suck it in one last time to show him you're a cock-hungry bitch. That's how you get a satisfied customer with a happy ending."

"Okay, thanks for that. I think I've run out of questions. I would sure like to practice on you. Can I do anything to wake your snake?"

He tells me about prostate massage and tells me it usually works on guys who can't get it hard. He guides me through lubing two fingers with my own juices and inserting them into his ass. I expect to find a turd there or something, but he's clean as a whistle inside. I find his prostate and start massaging it and his cock rises. I'm able to keep it hard with this technique, while I try to swallow him down. His cock is about 8 inches long and thin enough that I doubt I would feel it inside my cunt, but I am able to swallow over and over after I master my gagging. Try as I might though, I can only get him close and not get him over the edge.

"Looks like it ain't gonna work, Sugar, you got me right there, but you just don't look right to me."

I pull my fingers from him. "What if I got behind you and gave you this processed meat?"

Rondell laughs, but he puts a big glob of spit on the dildo and gets into the doggy position. I push it into his ass and I immediately feel a tingle in my pussy. Candy told me that she almost never comes when she uses it, but I like the sight that I'm seeing and the sense of control that I have. I position it down low so I can get some stimulation on my clit. I grab onto his hips and start to stab into him over and over with my blunt little sword.

"That's it, Sugar. Don't talk. Just grunt. Low like a pig." He starts to stroke his cock with his hand.

"Uhmf, uhmf, uhmf, uhmf..." I grunt into him until my thighs start to burn, but I find myself right on the edge when he says, "Give it to me hard now, I'm gonna come." I ram in another three strokes and he comes, followed quickly by me. I keep jamming into him as he moans out his lava. My groin actually feels like I've pumped something out of it and I love the feeling. I ease down and pull my faux-cock from him and we start to laugh. It feels good to be his first.

He normally only charges me half price when we're both learning a dance, but tonight I pay him double. He protests, but I stop him with a kiss on the lips and say, "Thanks for being my first piece of ass." We both end up giggling as he locks up the studio and walks me to my car.

So now I've got some experience, and I've sort of accomplished the goal Carlo gave me, but I don't feel like I've completed the humbling I need. For one thing, I didn't make him come from the BJ. But he's also not interested in straight sex with me. If Rondell is sort of like Gina, someone I admire, I feel I need experience with another guy who is sort of like Candy, someone I just took advantage of.

Thinking of Gina reminds me of the night with her and that's when I remember Xavier. I really do owe him for getting that jerk off my back that time. I talked the cops out of arresting him and my threat of pressing charges against the jerk kept him from pressing charges against Xavier, but I know that wasn't enough. The jerk sued him and the club and their insurance company settled out of court.

Xavier almost lost his job, but I never got the idea that he regretted coming to my rescue or hurting that guy. I decide to try to pay him back.

I make my move on a Tuesday night, usually the club scene's slowest night. I'm dressed down in tight jeans and a small flashy top under a small flashy jacket. I have no intention of going in to dance and I want to look fun but sincere. I pride myself on the fact that I was nice to him after he rescued me, but I think I treated him like a peasant before that, so I don't want to be way better-dressed than he is. I catch a cab and I'm delighted to see him on the job.

"Harvey! How are you doing amigo?"

"Hi Cindy. I haven't seen you since that night with that new girl."

"Ah yes, Gina. That was uh... an interesting night. Next time you see her, please tell her I said 'hi'"

"Not your usual um.. date? Are you dancing tonight?"

"No, I just stopped to see you."

"Me? Why me?"

"I'm kinda moving on now, Harvey. I think I'm done with the club scene. I wanted to say goodbye and thank you. Would you like some company for a while? It looks kind of boring out here."

"That would be nice. You don't need to thank me for doing my job."

"Xavier, please." I know enough Spanish to pronounce his name 'Ha-vee-air' instead of 'Zay-vee-er', but he tells most people to call him 'Harvey'. He seems pleased that I didn't. "We both know your job ends at this door. I heard your boss bitchin' you out that night. You left your post and rescued a damsel in distress." I got up close to him like I wanted to hug him and he backed up against the door. I was surprised to see an almost scared look on his face.

"You almost got arrested." I got closer. "You almost lost your job."

"Cindy, don't. You don't need to thank me, really."

"You remember my name. You call us all 'Chica' but you remember my name for the same reason I remember yours. That night was special. Before I walk away, I want to give you a special thanks. I want to suck your cock." As he stands there looking stunned, I boldly reach into his crotch, expecting to find a hard cock, but there's nothing. I reach up a little higher and find it, a hard stump, less than two inches long. I'm sure I suddenly look shocked.

"You fuckin' bitch!" He grabs my arms hard and moves me back to arm's length, where I can't touch him, as if I weigh no more than my pair of thong panties. It is so sudden and so violent that it scares the crap out of me. Actually that's a lousy expression. Almost everybody who's afraid they're going to die closes up. You couldn't have pulled a straight pin out of my asshole with a tractor. There is nothing going in or out of me, not even breath, except for what I can see and show with my eyes.

I know I'm looking into the eyes of a man who could kill, a man who probably has. He's searching for something in my eyes. Maybe judgement. Maybe derision. Maybe disgust. Something perhaps, that would make him feel humiliated by me. I'm pretty sure that all he sees is fear and guilt and maybe forgiveness for what I'm afraid he's about to do to me, because I've gone where I should not have. I've violated him. In his eyes I see anger and pain. The anger slowly fades.

We both take a breath at the same time. We both say, "I'm sorry," at the same time. He lets go and looks away in shame. "You shouldn't have done that, but thanks for the offer."

"I shouldn't have done that. I know. I really am sorry. But it's okay, my friend. You're my hero."

"I'm not a hero. I'm just what's left of a man who left his dick in Iraq."

"Harvey, no. You are my hero. My paladin. You are a good man... and my offer is still open. I don't care what I see. Scars... don't scare me. Not anymore."

"It won't work. There's too much nerve damage to what's left. I can't even jack off."

"Oh you poor man. What do you do? For relief I mean."

"There's some women I pay. They work with veterans. They know how to..."

"Prostate massage? I can do that."

He says nothing for a minute, then I hear a quiet chuckle. "You're not what I expected."

I step close and hug him and he lets me.

"You don't need to, Cindy. Really."

"I want to, my friend."

"I have a half-hour break in about half an hour."

"I'll be happy to wait."

We talk and let the anticipation build. I don't have any reservations about staying or what I might see or what I might do. He slowly becomes more comfortable with me. He tells me he's a marine and it's clear that he's not in the service, but I remember one of their beliefs. 'There are no ex-marines.' It would be like me being an ex-Sawyer. When his temporary relief comes out, we go inside to a small office in the back of the club.

I quickly take my jacket, top and tiny bra off while Xavier drops his trousers. He sees the bruises on my arms from where he grabbed me.

"Ah fuck, Cindy. I am so sorry about those."

I look at them and dismiss them instantly. "I've had far worse from dancing mishaps. It's a small price to pay for the pain I caused."

I push him back against the door and I feel hard muscles through his shirt. He feels like a bouncer should. I know that he could never be a dancer of the caliber I desire, but he is all man and my pussy responds to that. I drop to my knees, guessing that he might want to feel dominant and he might want me to be in a submissive position, even though he is dependent on me to make this work. I slide his boxers down and look, only briefly, at his stump of a cock. It's hard and scarred and his pubic hair is cut short. I slip my mouth over it and suck noisily, hoping he can feel something, but mainly just to prove to him that I can do it.

I pull a tube of lubricant from my purse and put some on my middle finger. Xavier spreads his feet apart and lowers himself a little so there's a good gap between his legs. I slip my finger into him and when he relaxes I push my index finger in next to it. I take his balls into my mouth and suck on them.

"Ungh. God that feels good, Cindy." Small details.

I look up into his eyes, release his balls, and smile. I find his prostate and begin to massage it. I suck his cock and caress his balls as his breathing becomes increasingly more ragged. I feel his little nugget start to pulse. His hips jerk and a stream of hot cum hits the back of my throat. There's so much that I almost gag. I pull back and the next stream sprays across my nose. It's followed by two more. His hot, sticky, wet cum starts to run down my face and neck and onto my chest. I suck his cock back in and take the last few small spurts into my mouth, swallowing them. I slowly lighten my stokes on his p-spot as his breathing steadies and then I pull my fingers from him.

"Wow! Cindy, that was fan-fuckin-tastic."

"Thank you for letting me do this, Harvey. It means a lot to me."

He quietly chuckles again. "I should be thanking you, Cindy. And I do. I'm gonna remember this night for the rest of my life."

"That's so sweet." I pull some tissues from my purse and start to wipe my fingers, face and chest. Xavier quickly pulls more from a box on the desk and hands them to me. We dress and I get him back out to his post with only a minute to spare. A cab mysteriously shows up as soon as his relief is back inside. I guess that he sent some signal to the bartender or maybe to his relief before we went inside. I kiss him.

"Goodbye my hero."

"Goodbye fair damsel. Good luck in the real world."

At home in my bed, I enjoy my toys and try to drift off to sleep, but my wandering thoughts keep me awake. I wonder why I feel so good. Without the nightclubs, I wonder where I will find beautiful men. I surprise myself by not worrying about that. I am confident that I can live alone and take life as it comes. I get back out of bed and announce my success to Carlo.

Subject: Mission Complete August 8, 2006
To: carlogatXXXXXXXXXXXX
From: sinfullkindeeatXXXXXX

Carlo, mio amore,

Regardless of whether this fixes my dysfunction, I'm glad that I've accomplished these goals. Grazie. You have been a wonderful professore. It is already helping me at work, where my female coworkers are much more interested in talking with me, inviting me to lunch, etc. I find myself asking "What's next?". For some reason, I'm not at all eager to get out and hunt cazzo. I find myself looking toward my future and hoping I can bring joy to good people, if I can find any that I am worthy of. I look forward to seeing you in October. I'm so glad that you will be arriving early. We should be able to get a few days of rehearsal in. It will help us to totally wow the happy couple.

Tua con amore,

Cindy

Subject: RE: Mission Complete August 8, 2006
To: sinfullkindeeatXXXXXX
From: carlogatXXXXXXXXXXXX

Bella Cynthia, carceriere del mio cuore,

Congratulations! My heart soars with pride, affection and desire. I had a similar time in my life, a time where I 'hit bottom' and, upon recovering, I felt myself free of the chains of pride. It passes and life becomes richer, more colorful, more delizioso. I look forward to seeing you again, not only for dancing, but for the pleasure of your company. Please dine and converse with me as much as you can spare when I visit. I want to drink the new Cindy in.

Tuo con fierezza,

Carlo

Again, Carlo is awake after midnight and responding quickly to email. I become very curious about his lifestyle, but I enjoy the mystery. I also fear that if I learn the truth, I might be disappointed. But I sleep and dream that I am on my knees in front of him, returning one of the gifts that he gave to me. It is a very satisfying dream.