Dear God! Was this what being drunk always felt like afterwards?

It was late when I finally opened my eyes the following morning. The rest of the night had passed in a fitful sleep which had done nothing to refresh me. My head was thick, my mouth dry, my tummy heaving.

I hadn’t actually been sick; if I had been more experienced in the world of drinking I might have made myself vomit; I would have forced myself to consume several glasses of water too and would consequently be feeling better. But I was a rookie in that respect and woke with for me, the grandmother of all hangovers.

The only thing that made my situation any better was the certain knowledge that my husband’s hangover was worse; much worse if the green-grey colour of his skin was anything to judge by.

The conference had officially ended the night before so there was no real need to go down to breakfast the next morning but, if I was to support my husband all the way, I needed to be present at every opportunity. William could not be seen publicly either to be unwell and could not afford to miss what would be the very last opportunity before the Board meeting for a little schmoozing so, reluctantly, we dragged ourselves from bed, showered, shaved, dressed and put on as brave a face as we could.

It wasn’t until I was washing myself in the shower and came across a small knot of semen in my pubic hair that I remembered what had happened in the night. A shiver passed through me; the way I had felt and the things I had thought and said had been quite out of character but at least had been in private. Only my husband and Monica had seen me drunk.

I soaped my flat tummy wondering whether my instincts had been right and there was indeed the earliest beginnings of a baby inside me. To my surprise, a warm glow replaced the shiver; the thought that I might now actually be pregnant was nowhere near as alarming as I would have expected only a day ago. In fact, the prospect had a real if unfamiliar appeal.

The way in which my putative baby had been conceived came back to me too. Vivid memories began to fill my mind; how it had felt to be touched and entered from behind; how the complete darkness had heightened all my other senses. How very different my husband’s erection had felt in this new position; how it had filled me so completely; how his technique had been so very good, bringing me to an entirely unexpected orgasm before filling my body with the seed I had wanted so badly.

If this was what being a more normal wife and mother felt like, perhaps it did have some advantages.

Most of the other conference attendees had taken the opportunity to have a lie-in too so the breakfast room was busy as we arrived late and waited at the entrance to be shown to a table. The state of my tummy wasn’t going to let me have much to eat but copious amounts of strong black coffee were an absolute necessity.

To my surprise, as we waited to be served and the diners began to notice our presence, the noisy bustle seemed to quieten down a little. Couples paused in their conversation and turned surreptitiously to look at us.

I glowed with pride despite my throbbing head; the rumour machine was working. My husband must have done so well last evening that his place as Senior Partner was being openly talked about. I swelled with pleasure myself, after all, I had played a part in this success.

***

The next few weeks passed in something of a haze. Both Will and I were badly hung over all Sunday so it was Monday evening before our lovemaking resumed. I was too embarrassed to talk about all I had said, done and felt in bed that Saturday night so pretended all had been normal. Fortunately for me, Will could remember little so my blushes were spared.

All the same, it was a new me that lay beneath my husband that Monday evening, a new, softer, more sexually aware me who was happy to go through the motions of being inseminated again but who knew in her heart she was already pregnant.

In our usual missionary position, my husband’s erection felt more like it usually did. As a result, I did not reach anything like the heights of pleasure I had reached at the conference but, as I could not conceive twice, I had not expected to.

All the same it was a bit disappointing.

Other good things happened in the coming weeks too.

The first was that, at the very next Board Meeting, William was confirmed as Senior Partner. We both glowed with pride as we read the announcement first in the company’s internal newsletter then in the National financial Press.

The huge increase in salary that this promotion included was going to come in handy too because very shortly afterwards I missed my period. A week after that a home test confirmed that I was indeed pregnant.

William actually cried when I told him the good news.

The warm feminine glow that filled my heart when I realised I was going to be a mother is something that will live with me the rest of my life. There could be only one possible moment of conception; I basked in the contentment of having recognised it at the time, however drunkenly.

The prospect of being a mother changed things around us and changed me too. My all-consuming job began to seem somehow less important; my studies and reading began to feel like trivial indulgences compared with the reality of bringing life into the world.

How could mediaeval literature possibly compare to motherhood? How could I write about the self-indulgent Beat Generation when the real next generation was growing in my belly?

The fact that the baby had been conceived during the most intense sexual experience of my life was icing on the cake, but how could I study the climax of Twentieth Century fiction when the greatest physical climax of my life was still so fresh in my memory?

My God! That orgasm had been intense! Did conception always feel that good? Why had I fought against it for so long?

I wanted to talk to Maggie about this wonderful change in my life but for some reason she seemed to have been avoiding me since the conference. I had no idea why this should be; I hadn’t been so drunk I could have upset her during the weekend and not realised it. Indeed I was sure I had not.

A possible answer came a few weeks later when I visited Will in his smart new office for the first time since the conference. By then I was a full ten weeks pregnant and although my bump wasn’t yet obvious, my clothes were definitely beginning to feel a little tight.

Pregnancy had transformed our relationship completely. Though we had always loved each other, the passion I now felt for the father of the child growing in my belly was beyond anything I had dreamed existed. In return, Will seemed to view me as some kind of Goddess, his adoration manifesting itself in gifts, concentrated attention and an extraordinary vigour to our sex life that we hadn’t known since our earliest days together.

I don’t think either of us had ever been this happy in our lives.

To get to Will’s new lair I had to walk through the sales office. Convinced that the world could see my swelling belly, I was more than a little self-conscious but in fact, the staff seemed to be avoiding my gaze rather than staring at my bulge. Maybe it wasn’t considered appropriate to stare at the Big Boss’ wife.

As I made my way along the walkway between the desks, I passed Phil Gibson’s office again. It was empty; he must have been out with clients so I couldn’t resist having a look at the frame full of cards hanging over his filing cabinet as I went by.

I froze when I saw it! On the extreme right hand side of the frame was a new card; the queen of diamonds.

My mouth dropped open. If the rumours were right, this meant Phil had added one of the two remaining Partner’s wives to his list of conquests. If Maggie had told the truth, until the conference she and I had been the only wives to have resisted Phil’s undoubted charms.

Now it appeared only one wife remained unviolated…

Maggie must have succumbed! Oh my God!

My heart sprang back into life and began to race. After all she had said to me about him, my chatty, gossipy friend had actually let the company’s worst lothario get into her knickers.

I had seen her talking to him at the conference but had lost track of her shortly afterwards. Maybe she had been with him. Maybe they had been in his room! They had certainly seemed to be getting on well the last time I had seen them together, but would she really have let him have sex with her?

The cards told me all I needed to know. And if I could tell this, the rest of the business would know it too.

No wonder Maggie was avoiding me; the shame and embarrassment would keep her away from anyone work-related for a long time. And what if it hadn’t just been a one-night stand? What if they were having a longer term affair?

Though older than me, Maggie was still a good-looking woman; a woman with a past too, that might mean she was better in bed than her nature would suggest.

My mind was spinning as I left the parcel on William’s desk and made my way back through the office. This time I could feel enquiring eyes on me as I passed, as if hoping to see my reaction to the revelation I had just experienced.

***

I didn’t see or speak to Maggie for nearly another month, and then it was only because she came up to me in the supermarket.

Me in a supermarket? Surely not!

Before my pregnancy I would always order groceries online and have them delivered to the house. Much of it was convenience foods to fit in with my busy professional life and of course I insisted on eating out often. Now, nearly sixteen weeks gone and with a noticeable bulge, I preferred to take a trolley around the store, looking for ideas for my husband’s dinner. I had even started cooking more and more from scratch.

Indeed I had taken to the role of current wife and future mother with an enthusiasm that surprised me. I now worked only three days a week and had halved the hours our cleaner spent doing the domestic chores I used to hate but now actually enjoyed. My severe work suits had already been replaced with softer, more feminine dresses and leggings and would soon be followed by real maternity clothes. The prospect actually appealed to me!

I could tell Maggie was a little taken aback by my appearance but looked pleased to have found me. We took our shopping into a quiet corner the shop’s busy café and sat down to talk for the first time since the conference.

The atmosphere was strange to begin with. I looked at the woman I confidently believed to have recently cheated rather publicly on her husband but could see no obvious sign of change. Indeed, Maggie seemed to be eyeing me with suspicion instead but I took that to be a result of my new shape and more casual clothes.

It took a good ten minutes of banal chat before either of us referred to the subject we both knew eventually had to arise.

“I haven’t seen you since the conference,” I said as casually as I could. “Have you been hiding from me.”

I made it sound as much a joke as I could but there was a frown on her face.

“It’s a bit… awkward,” she began slowly.

“I hope we can still be good friends,” I replied. “I know Will is Brian’s boss now but that shouldn’t affect you and me. We’ve been friends far too long to let that get between us.”

She looked at me strangely again. It unsettled me more than a little to the extent that my next words took even me by surprise.

“And that thing with Phil shouldn’t come between us either.”

Maggie’s mouth fell open in shock.

“Sorry Maggie,” I hastily added. “I can keep a secret, I promise. It’s your business after all.”

“YOU can keep a secret?” she asked, stunned.

“Of course. You’re my best friend, whatever happened that night.”

She paused then looked at me quizzically.

“What exactly do you think did happen that night?”

“Well… you and Phil obviously,” I whispered confidentially. “I saw the card in his office?”

“What card?”

”The Queen of Diamonds of course.”

“And you thought it meant he’d had ME?”

“Of course. I saw you talking to him in the bar. He looked like he was giving you the full works and that you were enjoying it. I didn’t see either of you again after that. Then I saw the queen of diamonds had been added and…”

“And put two and two together?” she offered.

I nodded.

Maggie took a long sip of coffee then sat back in her seat.

“Can you keep a secret?” she eventually asked.

“Of course.”

“You were right. Phil was trying to seduce me in the bar.”

I smiled in satisfaction.

“He’s a very attractive man; a woman my age is more easily flattered than someone younger and I was enjoying the attention. Brian doesn’t seem to see me as a woman anymore; our love life has been in the doldrums for years and it felt so good to be the centre of an attractive man’s attention again.”

I nodded but kept quiet, not wanting to break her flow.

“Deep down I knew he was only doing it as part of his challenge but I was a bit drunk and Phil is nothing if not persistent. Eventually I decided not to resist any longer. Phil had made it plain that he wanted me and I had actually decided to give in and let him have me.”

“Goodness!”

“Oh! I knew it was wrong, but life with Brian had become so unbearably dull that even a one night stand with a man that good-looking seemed a release. I’m not stupid Carole; I know what he’s like. I knew it wouldn’t be much more than a quick tumble but after twenty years of Brian’s deathly dull bedroom technique, even an hour in bed with Phil seemed irresistible.”

She blushed and leaned even closer towards me.

“I was so desperate I’d wet my panties before he even touched me.”

“Maggie!” I gasped.

“I know. I’m not proud of myself but it’s true. I might have been back in a school disco, I was so wet.”

This would have been an extraordinary confession if the memories of my Conference Conception that the conversation was generating hadn’t been having a similar effect on my own body. Even talking to Maggie in this way was making me lubricate.

Was this something that always happened to pregnant women? The books didn’t mention it.

“Phil said we mustn’t be seen leaving the bar together,” Maggie continued. “He said he’d go to his room and wait for me there. Brian might come back to ours at any moment.”

“I see.”

“I checked Brian was still in the dining room then went back to our room and changed my panties. Then I slipped down the stairs to Phil’s room. I was very nervous in case someone saw me but no-one did. When I got there, something had gone wrong with the lights in the corridor. It was so dark I didn’t think anyone could see me.”

That made sense; the company had booked out the entire floor of the hotel. If something had gone wrong on our corridor, it had would probably have gone wrong on them all.

“I stood outside the door in the darkness. My tummy was rumbling really badly with nerves. I’d never cheated on Brian before and wasn’t sure I could go through with it.”

“But you did?” I hazarded.

Maggie gave me a sharp look.

“Don’t tease me Carole,” she frowned. “I was just about to knock when I heard the voices.”

“Which voices?”

Again she frowned at me as if in disbelief.

“Your voices, Carole. Yours and Phil’s. I heard your voices coming from inside his room. Then I heard the bedsprings.”

“What?”

“For Christ’s sake Carole, I heard the two of you. It was a bit muffled but the door’s not very thick. I’d know your voice anywhere. It’s very distinctive, even when you’re wailing. It was you all right!”

“No!” I exclaimed in horror. “It can’t have been! You must have been at the wrong door.”

“It was your voice,” she insisted. “And it was Phil’s door. You were begging him to make a baby in you. You wanted – what was it you said? Oh yes, you wanted your Conference Conception!”

My world stopped turning and a cold chill came over me. Incapable of speech or movement, all I could do was stare straight ahead.

It couldn’t be true!

Okay, I had been drunk and in near-darkness when I looked for my handbag, but could I really have stumbled into Phil’s room instead of my own. Had I really climbed into Phil’s bed instead of the one I was sharing with my husband? Had Phil found me in his bed when he returned expecting Maggie to join him later?

“That Queen of Diamonds is you Carole, not me,” Maggie was saying coldly. “When I came down you were already in his bed. Your room door was open and William was still in the bar. There’s no mistake. Phil fucked you that night instead of me. Christ! Who do you think carried you back to your room?”

The bitterness in her voice was horrible but it all made sense. No wonder the sex had felt so different; it had been with a different man. Phil must have fucked me believing I was Maggie. We looked similar in daylight; drunk and in the darkness had he made as big a mistake as I had?

No! My mistake was far, far worse!

My hands fell to my belly in horror. I felt sick. Maggie’s eyes followed them then rose until we were staring into each other’s faces again.

No wonder it had only taken one brief insemination to get me pregnant; it hadn’t been my husband’s half-useless sperm at all. I was carrying Phil Gibson’s baby.

“I thought that might have happened,” she said with an unpleasant tone in her voice.

“Does everyone know?” I stammered. There was no point even trying to deny it.

“Not yet,” she replied. “They all think it was me he had that night. Like you, they all saw me talking to him in the bar.”

“Will you tell the truth? Save your reputation?” I asked.

“That depends,” she said enigmatically.

“What do you mean?” I asked, genuinely nonplussed.

Maggie leaned back in her seat and took another sip of coffee before continuing.

“Right now only you and I know the truth. Even Phil thinks he fucked me that night.” She leaned closer towards me again, a lustful leer on her face. “He says I was really good too.”

I was stunned. Phil Gibson had thought I was a good fuck?

“Don’t you want to put things straight?” I asked, puzzled.

“That depends,” she repeated to my frustration. “At my age I could cope with the world thinking I was foolish enough to let a man twenty years younger fuck me. It’s a compliment in a way, especially if he thought I was good in bed too.”

“What about Brian? Does he know?”

“Brian thinks Phil fucked me though he hasn’t asked and I haven’t confessed – at least, not yet. Brian thinks it’s his own fault for neglecting me and in a way he’s right; I would have let Phil fuck me that night if you hadn’t got in the way. Brian’s working so hard on our relationship now, in and out of bed that I feel like a new woman. I could live with that too – for now.”

She paused.

“But I could only bear the shame long term if I was married to the Deputy Senior Partner.”

“But William doesn’t have a Deputy…” I began then stopped.

“William…” Maggie pondered aloud. “He’s a lovely man, but I wonder how lovely he would be if he found out that not only has his wife been unfaithful, the baby he wanted for so many years is not actually his? That the father of the child in his wife’s belly is actually the man he hates most in the whole business?”

“Maggie you wouldn’t?”

“Why not? It’s all true. A simple paternity test would show that within days. I hope you’re good at explanations.”

There was a long pause during which I wanted the earth to open up and swallow me whole.

“But maybe he never needs to find out. If I say nothing, the fuss will have died down in a few months,” she eventually continued. “By the time your baby’s born the scandal machine will have moved on. If I can stand the world believing I was bedded by Phil until then, I can stand it forever. That kind of shame passes.”

She looked me straight in the eye.

“Bringing up another man’s child takes a lot longer. Do you think William would be up for that?”

“Go on,” I said, feeling trapped and dreading what she might demand.

“What if my husband was, say, promoted to Deputy Senior Partner within the year? What if his tenure in that role was known to be because of his personal affinity with your husband? That would give Brian and me a real incentive to make sure William’s boat didn’t get rocked by, let’s say, some form of scandal involving his wife.”

I nodded my understanding, my tummy hollow with anxiety as she continued.

“And if Phil Gibson had to be fired, how much easier would it be if it was done by the new Deputy, a man whose wife was believed to have been seduced by him?”

The logic was impeccable. I was trapped. Even if William did believe I had slept with Phil Gibson by mistake – and that was a very big if – the baby would still not be his.

Maggie was offering me a way out of the worst dilemma of my entire life.

I had no choice but to take it.

***

A year later, all was well in our household. I was a full-time mother of a healthy baby and a part time lecturer having given up all but a few hours a week at my job.

Will had no suspicions about his status as a father; I was as happy as I had ever been. We had even started trying for a second baby while we were both still relatively young - though so far without success.

With a small child in the house I had found I did indeed have much more in common with the WAGs. Freed from my job, I even started joining them for coffee during the week and watching some of the soaps and reality TV they enjoyed so much. Within a few months I had become addicted to several of these programmes and was almost as well connected to the company gossip as I had been before though Maggie.

It was surprisingly satisfying, unlike my sex life.

Having had so few lovers in my life, I had naturally assumed that sex with every man would be like sex with my husband had been. Phil Gibson had emphatically if unintentionally shown me otherwise. Now, every time my husband’s cock entered my body, all I could think of was how poorly it compared to my one act of infidelity and the extraordinary pleasure that had brought me.

With one single copulation Phil had ruined me as far as sex was concerned.

And he hadn’t even known he was doing it.

Though sometimes I could forget my night of extreme sexual pleasure, it wasn’t easy with a constant reminder in the house. Phil’s son grew more like his real father day by day. Fortunately the rumour mill was silent on the matter too so I had escaped the consequences – at least so far.

Maggie’s plan was working. Given the amount on his plate, it had been surprisingly easy to persuade William to promote Brian to the newly created role of Deputy Senior Partner six months later. A loyal and trusted ally was just what was needed during the company’s big expansion into the US.

It had been easier still to point out the advantages of having Brian take charge of the new US division Will was creating. Maggie and Brian moved across the Atlantic a matter of weeks later. I had lost my closest friend and main provider of gossip but I had also moved myself further out of the danger zone.

To everyone’s surprise, instead of firing him, Brian offered Phil Gibson the position of Head of Sales in the US branch. The rumour machine worked overtime, believing the new Deputy had deliberately brought his wife’s lover to be closer to her. Phil had of course accepted; with his undoubted charm, irresistible eyes and nearly two hundred million American girls to go for, he must have thought he had been invited into heaven.

Leaving many tearful eyes behind him, Phil left the country a matter of days before I gave birth to his son, still oblivious to his status as a father and my only lover. It felt very strange the day we all bid him goodbye and wished him luck. Though within days of giving birth, I couldn’t let the father of my unborn child him leave the country without seeing him once again so found an excuse to be in my husband’s office at the end of the day.

Phil kissed all the girls before he left, me included. Part of me wanted him to do something to acknowledge the special thing we had created but apart from his usual attempt at flirtation and a kiss on the lips rather than the cheek, there was nothing to suggest he knew it had been me in his bed nine months before.

It was crazy but in the confusion, I sneaked the picture frame containing the line of playing cards out of the office as a memento and hid it under the insulation in our loft when I got home.

My baby was born shortly afterwards. It was a truly amazing if painful experience that changed my life again. If I had felt like a real woman while getting pregnant and being pregnant, actually giving birth to a child cemented my place in womankind. There was no way I could possibly play the cold professional after all that.

William and I named our son Alex. From the moment I set eyes on my baby’s penetrating green eyes any remaining doubt about his parentage disappeared. Alex is unquestionably Phil’s child. I thanked God there were three thousand miles between father and son so wagging tongues might not notice the resemblance.

But I knew and Maggie knew.

A month after the birth I received an envelope in the post bearing an American stamp. The address was written in Maggie’s handwriting but it contained only a playing card; the King of Diamonds. On the back of the card was a post-it note with a few words also in Maggie’s handwriting.

‘To the real Queen of Diamonds. Please put this card where it belongs alongside the others. Yes, Phil has finally completed his set. It was well worth it, as you know yourself. I should have given in a long time ago. Now you and I have another secret to share. Love from your very happy and very satisfied friend. M xx’

So Maggie had succumbed at last. Although he didn’t know it, Phil had now fucked the wife of every Partner. From the tone of her note it sounded as if my friend had become more than just a one-night stand too.

It worried me how much I envied her the pleasure of that surrender.

Later that day I retrieved the picture frame from its hiding place in the attic. I unhooked the back and fixed the last card into place. The King of Diamonds lay proudly alongside the Queen; Maggie’s card lay contentedly alongside mine; one well-fucked blonde lay alongside another.

As I looked at the neat row of red-printed cards the memories of my impregnation flooded back. It had been without doubt the most important sexual experience of my life; a completeness of surrender, a profoundness of joy and an intensity of arousal that had transformed me into the real woman I now was.

Sadly, however much I loved William and despite trying for a baby once again, it looked unlikely ever to be matched by any copulation with my husband.

A wave of sadness and dissatisfaction washed over me. Tears began to roll down my cheeks.

I had been lucky; I had cheated on my husband – albeit unintentionally – but had escaped the consequences. If I hadn’t got drunk; if I hadn’t gone into the wrong room; if I hadn’t been so jealous of Monica I might not have let the man in my bed fuck me. In that event I might have gone through my entire life content with the sex my husband supplied, not knowing what extraordinary pleasures could be enjoyed with the right man.

But I had got drunk; I had gone into the wrong room and Phil had given me the fucking of my life, leaving me both pregnant and permanently dissatisfied. It was the worst possible combination, like being shown a feast or banquet but allowed only to taste the starter.

I had never intended to cheat on William but having done so and tasted sexual heaven, could I really turn my back on paradise forever?

I had been asking myself this question ever since.

On a completely unrelated subject, we’re going on a family holiday in the summer. There’s a conference for the new US team and as Senior Partner, William’s presenting the strategy so we’re all going, including Alex.

Afterwards we’re renting a Winnebago and travelling around the US for two weeks. On the way we’re going to call in on Maggie and Brian in their new home. I’ll get to see the new US offices for the first time.

I might even see Phil at the conference; Maggie says he still asks about me. Maybe I’ll have a few drinks with him too while William’s working.

You never know, maybe I’ll be lucky and there’ll be another Conference Conception.

After all, as far as he knows, Phil still has one last card left to play!