So, I was somewhere over the Atlantic, piloting my personal jet from Europe to Clinton City, bringing back a shipment of rare medicinal supplies for the sexually impaired. I’d received them from a secret Satanic monastery hidden deep in the bowels of Luxembourg, where I’d spent the past three months learning the secrets of demonic communion. I’m sorry, but I won’t be able to say much more about that business at this time, except to say that I’ve almost certainly managed to postpone the destruction of the universe for at least the next four to six months, if not indefinitely, I think. Fingers crossed.

The only other passenger on the plane was my trusted lady sky-butler, Lana (so much more than a mere flight attendant). Engaging the autopilot, I’d sent Lana to the back of the plane to fix us some drinks. She returned to the cockpit carrying two glasses with a faint green tinge. She’d also discarded her uniform somewhere in the main cabin, and was dressed only in a set of sexy, revealing undergarments. Her body was beautifully curvy, with her breasts practically spilling out of her red lace bra. There was a desperately thirsty look in her eyes that seemed less interested in the drinks than in me. 

“Lana!” I shouted with alarm, immediately deducing that she’d confused the medicine bottles for liquor. I slapped the drinks from her hands to avoid further poisoning. The liquid went flying across the control panel and seeped into the cracks. The electronics made sizzling noises that couldn't possibly be mistaken for good news. The smoke and flames that spilled out of the control panels a moment later were even worse indicators that something was going horribly wrong.

However, I didn't get a chance to consider the peril we were in as Lana pounced on me like a ravenous tiger, tearing at my clothes and slobbering all over my face. Though I put up token resistance, she still managed to overpower me. Perhaps the drugs - sorry, ahem, the medicine - had given her super-human strength to dominate me, or perhaps I'd always fantasized about a situation like this and without thinking, voluntarily shed what remained of my outfit and submitted to her lusty aggressions. Who can say for certain?

All I can say is that I was torn between the desire to give into our wanton passions and the feeling of panic creeping up my spine as the condition of the airplane rapidly deteriorated around us. Lana seemed to have no concerns of her own except taking my cock as far inside of herself as it would possibly fit and squeezing the very essence out of me. Her movements became so vigorous, she knocked into the controls, opening the throttle to full power. The engines made a torturous screeching noise as they wound up to an unsustainable level. I watched the needles of several synchronized dials leap into the red and remain firmly pinned there. A moment later, there were two loud bangs (not counting Lana’s wails as orgasm after orgasm flooded her body). The sex-jostled controls demanded more effort from the plane than it could provide. Preferring hara-kiri to the dishonor of failure, the engines burst into flames, trailing a thick dark stream of smoke behind us.

"I think we're going down," I warned Lana.

"Going down?" Lana repeated with an excited look in her eyes.

"Not like that," I corrected her. "We're crashing! We've got to get out of here!"

It took all my strength and willpower but I managed to push Lana off me, slipping out from between her sopping wet thighs. She followed me back to the main cabin, making annoying attempts to clutch my cock again. However, I was in search of the emergency parachutes. Unfortunately, someone had been negligent in their flight safety preparations. There was only one chute. I held it up by the straps.

"Damn it! We're gonna have to share," I shouted to Lana. "You'd better hold on tight to me."

Lana's eyes lit up. The catastrophe unfolding around us had done nothing to diminish her crazed horniness. She clung tight to my body, rubbing her pelvis against mine while I released the cabin door, which was instantly ripped away by the roaring wind. I had a brief second to reflect that we were about to skydive completely naked (cross another one off the old bucket list) before we, too, were sucked out of the plummeting airplane. We free-fell through the empty sky with nothing but a vast blue expanse stretching out in all directions below and quickly rushing up to meet us like an over-eager lover. 

I pulled the ripcord as soon as we cleared the plane. The parachute leaked vertically out of the pack and took shape above our heads. There was a rough, sudden jerk, and Lana cried out as my cock slipped forcefully back into her desperate hole. Her fingers dug into my back as she began grinding wildly on me again. The juices of her arousal dripped from her pussy, down my balls, and fell to Earth like sweet, slick drops of mana from the heavens. We drifted suspended, making passionate love for only a minute when I heard another large explosion above us. Soon, flaming wreckage was raining down around us, threatening to burn holes in our chute.

"Fuck me harder, Lana! We may not survive this!" I cried out in terror. If I was going to die, I wanted to get in one last good orgasm before I went.

Lana wrapped her legs around my waist and pushed her ample tits even more firmly into my chest as her pussy squeezed and milked my cock for all it was worth. I was almost at the point of cumming when we splashed down into the ocean. Even with the parachute deployed and somehow unpunctured by burning shrapnel, our rate of falling was still too fast. The force of the impact with the water knocked me unconscious.

When I came to, I was floating weightlessly under water in a submarine garden of bioluminescent fish and brightly colored aquatic plants. Lana was nowhere to be seen, but I did find myself in the company of a young voluptuous mermaid with her hair and bare tits floating hauntingly in the water.

"Am I dead? Where's Lana?" I asked, still feeling dazed. I wasn't looking forward to searching through stacks of job applications for her replacement.

"Who's Lana?" The Mermaid asked in return, her arm jiggling. 

"Who are you?" I countered. I looked down curiously to see that I remained naked, and her hand was firmly gripped around my still-erect cock, stroking it at an unhurried, sensuous pace.

"My name is Guinevere. Or Gwen, if you like. This is my home. You don't belong here, human," the mermaid answered, poking me in the chest playfully with her free hand. 

"How am I not dead right now?" I asked.

She shrugged and replied, "Mermaid magic. As long as we're connected, you share my life force."

"What? Like mouth-to-mouth?"

She giggled. "Not exactly." With a flick of her wrist, she sent waves of excitement shooting down the stem of my penis right into my sacral root. 

"Oh!" I exclaimed.

"I've been so lonely down here for so long. Make love to me! Please!" Gwen pleaded.

“But,” I said uncertainly, and then failed to follow it up with another coherent thought.

“All the Mermen down here have little fish-dicks. I want to feel a big, satisfying man-dick inside me for once in my life. Please!” Gwen continued begging.

"But how? You're not exactly anatomically equipped, yourself,” I objected. “I mean, you're all fish down there."

"But I'm all woman up here," Gwen argued, pointing to her lips. She pitched forward in the water, her tail swaying back and forth in a way that was weirdly seductive, and let herself drift downward until her gorgeous mouth was level with my persistent erection. She wrapped her lips around my length, sucking me into her mouth and taking me down her smooth, warm throat.

"Give it to me! Give me all your cum, human!" she coaxed me greedily. “I want to taste it! Fill up my belly!”

Strangely, her blowjob skills simultaneously took my breath away and somehow allowed me to breathe beneath the waves. Yes, I can testify that Mermaid magic is indeed real! What Gwen lacked in experience, she made up for in enthusiasm, delivering one of the most intense blowjobs of my life. After just a few delicious moments, I came hard, releasing all my pent-up stress, not to mention a huge load of cum directly down her throat. She sucked every last drop from my pulsing cock until there was nothing left to take. 

"Thank you, human! Thank you!" Gwen kept saying. "You may not realize it, but you've given me the greatest gift today."

"A gift?" I sputtered, already struggling to take another breath. The orgasm had passed, and therefore so had the Mermaid magic.

"There's no time to explain!" she shouted. "We have to get you to dry land before you drown!"

Gwen grabbed me by the wrist and pulled me behind her. All the way, she fretted and chastised herself, “Oh, bad Gwen! Bad! I was too greedy. I should have just edged you until you were safe. Don’t drown. Don’t drown. Please don’t drown. Okay?” Her tail swished powerfully as we ascended towards the surface. I felt myself beginning to lose consciousness from lack of oxygen.

Fortunately, there was enough mermaid magic left from our coupling to prevent decompression sickness, and after a few minutes, we broke the surface. My body reflexively gasped in lungfuls of air, and I opened my eyes again. There was a small deserted tropical island nearby. Gwen dragged me towards it until the water was too shallow for her to go any further. She wished me luck and left me to wash up on the sandy shore where I kissed the solid Earth, grateful to feel its hard bumps and bulges firmly beneath my hands again.

I spent four days naked on that island with only my memories of Lana and Gwen for company, until a passing ship caught sight of the smoke from my signal fire and rescued me. As it turned out, it was a pirate ship called The Murdering Mantis, and the crew were entirely female. The captain was a tough old woman with bird-like (though not unattractive) features named Persephone. Despite her age, she had an exquisite body with buxom breasts and a thick ass. Her silver hair was long and flowing, and she wore a black eye-patch over her left eye. The right one was as gray as a sea storm. She carried a dagger on one hip and a pistol on the other. Both communicated without words that she was a serious businesswoman, not to be trifled with. Hanging behind her desk in the captain’s quarters was a large hand-woven tapestry featuring an intricately detailed psychedelic mandala. Along the edges of the mandala was written the aphorism: ‘Cash, grass, or ass, no one rides for free.’

The Captain nodded to the tapestry, and then to me. “So?” she said, holding my gaze with her own as she spun her dagger between her palms. I was still naked without any money on hand, and all of my hard-earned intoxicants had burned up in the plane crash. Seeing that I was also pretty much useless on the water with no real nautical skills to speak of, there was really just one thing of value I had left to offer these sea women: My semen.

Captain Persephone tied me to the mast and fucked me whenever the mood suited her. Given how long she’d been at sea without male company, that was pretty often. After receiving threats of mutiny, she also allowed the rest of the crew to make free use of me whenever it pleased them, though the Captain always received special preference. The journey took nearly a full week and I serviced every single member of the crew multiple times (and for some lustful ladies, multiple times a day!). I admit that I enjoyed exploring the variations between the women. Some wanted it rougher or gentler, with imaginative banter or in complete silence, and so on. I did my best to make myself useful to them all, and was honestly proud to see morale improve among the crew during my brief time aboard The Murdering Mantis.

As the days went on, though, it took more and more effort to satisfy all the women. Still, I pushed myself to continue to satiate my patronesses. I knew that if I didn't keep them pleased, they'd throw me overboard without a second thought and leave me for the sharks, as Captain Persephone liked to remind me after each session. I began inventing new ways to make them cum that were less taxing on my overworked penis, but still took care of what each woman needed from me. When we arrived in port a week later, the happy crew acknowledged that I'd held up my side of the bargain in exchange for safe passage home. I was released, and they even loaned me clothes to conceal my nudity, though their skirts and blouses fit awkwardly on my larger male body.

Finally back on dry land, I headed out to the road, enduring a number of stares and cat-calls from leering bystanders. I didn’t care. I was glad to be on the home stretch of my journey. I stuck out my thumb and waited. It wasn’t long before a black Charger pulled to a stop and picked me up. The driver was a sexy young woman in dark hair, dark makeup, and dark clothes. The stereo was blasting Highway to Hell by AC⚡DC.

“Hey baby, where’s a pretty little thing like you headed all on your own?” she asked, resting her forearm on the steering wheel as she leaned from the window, a cigarette cradled between her fingers, smoke spilling out around her.

“I’ve got to get home,” I answered, looking cautiously inside.

“Yeah? I bet I could get you home, alright,” the dark girl said, winking lecherously.

“Thank you,” I said, reaching for the handle and getting in. Then I flashed back to the tapestry behind Captain Persephone’s desk, and noted that my economic situation had only gotten worse. I wasn’t sure my dick would ever work again after getting gang-fucked for a week by a boatload of pretty lady-pirates. “I’m sorry. I don’t have any money or drugs on me, and I think my penis is broken,” I confessed miserably from the passenger seat.

“Oh, my sweet thing. Shhh. It’s not your cock I want, darlin’.”

“Then what?” I asked.

She didn’t answer, but placed her finger over my lips, and drove us to a nearby grocery store and pulled around to the quiet loading zone behind it. She put the car into park, then lunged across the seat at me, aggressively mashing her lips against mine and pushing her tongue into my mouth.

“Wait, wait! Hold on!” I said, escaping her kiss. “Aren’t you going to tell me your name before we do this?”

“Christie,” she said impatiently, peeling off her black top and showing her tits to the afternoon.

“Don’t you want to know mine?” I asked.

“Who gives a fuck?” Christie said, pressing my face to her breast. “Suck.”

I spent several minutes licking and sucking Christie’s nipples, before she stopped me. She told me to get out and go around to the driver’s side, where she waited with the door open, her pants off, and her legs spread. I dove between them and began to run my tongue along her slit, drinking up the hot, creamy juices there. With the experience I'd gained on The Murdering Mantis, I knew just what to do. I licked my way up to her clit, lightly teasing and warming her up with my breath, while bringing my fingers to her hot, needy hole.

As I tickled her G-spot and tongued her clit, Christie got hotter and hotter until she burst into dark flames. Crimson clouds began to spiral menacingly overhead. It was then that I realized exactly what she was and what I needed to do. I recalled my training from the Satanic Monastery, using their secret techniques to tame the insatiable succubus. I kept working at Christie’s delicious pussy, whispering incantations - Never mind, I’ve said too much. Forget it - Finally, with an unholy shriek that split the fabric of reality, she squirted all over my face, my clothes, and her own car seat. Her demonic juices dripped into a puddle collecting in a dimple of asphalt.

We had little time to bask in post-orgasmic bliss. Her supernatural cries of ecstasy and the impending hell-storm overhead had attracted the attention of the store security guards. We quickly jumped back into the car and sped off before they could call the real cops. By the time we hit the highway, we were both laughing. Her fiery need had finally been quenched by my talented tongue, further deferring the end of time by another few months. You’re welcome, world.

Completely worn out, I fell into a deep sleep in the passenger seat while Christie drove. I didn’t wake until she pulled up outside my place. Without even a goodbye, Christie peeled away, leaving me in a cloud of acrid smoke. I watched the Earth open up and swallow her entire car as she returned home to the netherworld, her destiny fulfilled. Finally, I entered my own home and jumped into my shower, washing away the remnants of my travels. Then I shaved, changed my clothes, combed my hair, and headed straight here as fast as I could.

And that's why I'm running late. Sorry for the delay, and thank you for your patience. Now, let's get started.