“Hey, what’s up, Allan?”

“Bro, you gotta hear what happened to me the other night.”

“What, no hello? No how’s your day going? You don’t have the best phone manners.”

“I’ve got a story and you’re not going to believe it.”

“I don’t believe most of the shit you say.”

“No, this is real. And it’s fucked up.”

“Go on then.”

“She spanked me.”

“What? Who?”

“Didn’t Kev tell you about the woman from the bar on Tuesday? The redhead I fucked?”

“The cougar?”

“Yeah.”

“She spanked you?”

“Yes.”

“Why?”

“I have no idea!”

“You must have done something.”

“What, to deserve a spanking?”

“Yeah.”

“I’m twenty-four. What the fuck could I possibly do to deserve a spanking?”

“I don’t know. But apparently you did something.”

“I didn’t!”

“People don’t get spanked for no reason.”

“I didn’t do anything.”

“I’m not going to lie. I’ve wanted to hit you before.”

“My ass?”

“No. Not your ass. But I get why someone would want to hit you.”

“We just finished fucking.”

“Maybe your skinny ass was a disappointment.”

“Tommy, this is serious.”

“Alright. Walk me through it.”

It started at our regular place, the Broke and Thirsty. It’s a college bar, and even though I graduated last year, it’s still where we hang out. It’s not that we’re afraid to move on to a real bar. It’s because college girls are easy, and when you’re twenty-four, apparently you qualify as an older man. All you have to do is put on a nice sweater or something and suddenly you’re in the running to fulfill Becky from Iowa’s fantasy of fucking a professor. And if, over the course of the night, she somehow gets the impression you’re a TA, you’re going to find yourself sneaking out of a dorm room before sunrise.

Anyway, it was a couple of days ago, like I said Tuesday night. That’s never a busy night, and it’s reading week, so there weren’t many people at the bar. But the ones who were there stayed in town, and that probably meant they were a little homesick. After a few drinks and a little bit of empathy, you’d be surprised how quickly a college girl missing home starts calling you daddy.

Easy, right? So that was the plan. Me, Kevin, Dylan, and Tommy show up around eleven, after other guys had been buying them drinks all night, and we swoop in dressed a little better, looking a little smarter, and get the pick of the litter.

The only problem was the place was dead. Like zombie apocalypse dead. Three guys gathered around the pinball machine, two couples playing pool—

“Dude, I know. I was there.”

“You told me to walk you through it.”

“Yeah, but I already know this part. Skip to where the redhead and her friend show up.”

Okay. Where was I? Right, the place was empty. We were going to turn around and leave, but since we were already there, we figured we’d grab a beer and—

“Bro. Jump to the redhead.”

“Fine.”

We’d just finished our second round. Dylan and Tommy left after the first, so it was just me and Kevin. We were deciding whether to grab a third or call it a night when this absolute bombshell walked in. She was hot as fuck. Tall, slim, big tits. The perfect woman. And she was with a redhead who wasn’t half bad either.

They were older. Like actually older, maybe thirty-five, and when they walked in, they looked around, then looked at each other. I don’t think they realized they’d showed up at a college bar. The blonde, whose name turned out to be Vicky, checked her watch and said something to the redhead. She shrugged, and a minute later they took a seat in the corner.

“Ever fucked a MILF before?” Kevin asked.

“I don’t think they’d be into us.”

“Why not?”

“We bang college girls. They’re like... adults.”

“Well, I want to do some adult things to that blonde.”

“If we’re going to do this, I want the blonde.”

“I called her first.”

“No you didn’t.”

“I just said I want to do adult things to her.”

“So do I! That’s not dibs.”

Kevin was already out of his chair and heading straight for their table before I could stop him. I had to play catch-up without looking like a loser trailing behind him.

“Got it. So you and Kev head over to their table, introduce yourselves, and the charm offensive is on.”

“Basically, yeah. He starts in on Vicky, and that leaves me with Charlotte.”

“Fair enough. He did call her first.”

Anyway, we’re at their table and they invite us to have a seat, so this shit’s on. Kev doesn’t give me a chance to talk to Vicky. He’s on her from the start, so I play wingman and chat up Charlotte. She’s got a nice smile and I start to think, yeah, it wouldn’t be so bad to fuck her, but Kevin nearly ruins everything.

“So, you ladies have kids at Penn State?” he asks them.

Vicky shoots back, “How old do you think we are?” and looks offended. Like, seriously offended. Charlotte just kind of laughs. Kev starts scrambling and Vicky’s not letting him off the hook. Charlotte gives me a look, and suddenly we’ve got front row seats to Vicky roasting Kevin. He keeps trying to talk his way out of it, but every time he opens his mouth, he makes it worse. Then she drops a bomb.

“It’s a good thing my husband isn’t here...” Whatever she said after that, I wasn’t listening, and Charlotte was looking a lot better.

“Okay, so Kev struck out. How’d you end up with the redhead then?”

“To his credit, Kev realized I still had a chance. So once things calmed down with Vicky, he asked her if she wanted to shoot some pool, and she was ready to beat him at anything. That left me alone with Charlotte.”

I got her another glass of wine and grabbed myself a beer, then went into damage control mode.

“Sorry about my friend.”

She laughed. “Sorry about mine.”

“Nah, he had it coming.”

We looked over at them, and Vicky was still egging him on at the pool table.

“So, can I ask, why are you guys here?”

“Here at the bar, or here in Scranton?”

“Both, I guess.”

“Well, Scranton for a medical supply convention, and here because our hotel bar was full of old men. I think the bartender got the wrong idea when we asked him to recommend somewhere with a younger crowd.”

“I’m not a college kid.”

“I can tell.”

We just kind of hit it off from there. I think maybe it went well because I wasn’t super trying to fuck her. I talked to her like she was a person.

“How novel.”

“No, I mean it. And she was really hot too.”

“Wait a sec. Two minutes ago you said she wasn’t half bad. Now she’s really hot?”

“She wasn’t half bad when I was looking for a nineteen-year-old with perky tits and fake ID. Charlotte was a more sophisticated kind of hot. It took me a bit to catch on.”

“So how do you go from her magically being really hot to getting spanked?”

“Well, I fucked her a couple of times and I thought everything was cool. Then she grabbed me and pulled me across her lap—”

“No. Don’t go right to that. How’d you get there?”

Okay, well Kev and Vicky were actually starting to get along. Not cheat-on-her-husband kind of getting along, but he took all the shit she threw at him and I guess she kind of respected him for it. Or maybe she felt sorry for him. Either way, they were talking, and so were Charlotte and I.

I didn’t get the vibe that she was into me. It was more like I was a curiosity to her, like a new species she’d just discovered. The worst part was, she saw right through me.

“So what, you come here and prey on younger girls because they think you’re mature and you think they’re easy?”

“No. I mean, yeah, but not like that exactly.”

“How then?”

“Actually, it’s exactly like that.”

I made her laugh again, and that time I saw a little something in her smile. She looked at me, looked away, then looked right back at me and shook her head. I think that’s probably when she realized she was going to fuck me.

Kev and Vicky came back to the table, and it was cool for a bit, but it kinda felt like they were interrupting something. I think Charlotte felt it too, because she did that thing girls do. You know when they look at one of their friends and do something with their eyes, and somehow the other one knows exactly what they’re thinking? Well, she did that, and like two minutes later Vicky announced that she was walking back to the hotel and told Kev he was coming with her to make sure she got there safe.

That’s when I realized I was going to fuck her.

“I’m not buying it.”

“What?”

“You chat up this sophisticated-hot MILF and she’s all into you? Was she a hooker? Did you pay her?”

“No! I mean, I don’t think so. I didn’t pay her.”

“That’s probably why she spanked you. They don’t work for free.”

“She wasn’t a hooker. She was really into me.”

“I don’t believe it.”

“Dylan’s got stories about threesomes practically every weekend, and you never question him at all.”

“Dylan never tried to convince me that his dad was an astronaut.”

“We were twelve years old when I said that. You just told me your dad was a fireman. It would have been lame if I told you mine was a carpenter.”

“Jesus was a carpenter.”

“My dad wasn’t Jesus.”

“He wasn’t Louis Armstrong either.”

“You mean Neil.”

“No, I mean your not-an-astronaut dad Allan Sr.”

“You want to talk about my dad or hear about the spank-happy MILF?”

“Fuck it. I’m invested now. Keep going.”

We grab another drink and it’s just so obviously on. Like, we’re sitting closer, looking at each other differently, and I can just feel it. The thing is, my place is a dump. I can’t bring a lady like this back to my apartment. She’s not a sorority girl. She’s a woman who has the kind of career where she has to go to conventions and stuff.

“Hookers go to conventions. They’re hotbeds for lonely guys on the road with expense accounts.”

“Tommy, she wasn’t a hooker.”

“I’m just saying, they do like conventions.”

Whatever. I can’t bring her back to my shitty apartment. I can tell she’s got higher standards. And don’t fucking interrupt me to make a joke about already lowering her standards. The point is, we had to go back to her hotel, but I don’t think I can make that move. It’s her room. She’s got to invite me, right? So, I bring it up casually.

“You must be staying at the Hilton?”

“Good guess.”

“That’s where the conference center is. They have a lot of conventions there. You know, we’re lucky. Scranton’s actually in a pretty good spot. You’ve got New York, Philly, Rochester, Albany, Pittsburgh, Buffalo—”

That’s when she grabbed the back of my neck and kissed me. Full tongue, right there at the table, out in the open. It would’ve been cooler if it was a busier night and more people saw it.

“Yeah, because the one thing this story needs is more witnesses.”

“Fuck you.”

We made out at the table, and get this. You know Darren, the server? Well, he sees what’s up and just comes over and puts the bill on our table, like he knows we’re about to split and doesn’t want to hold us up.

“My dude.”

“For sure.”

So we leave and head to the Hilton, and there’s no pretending about what’s happening. You know when you pull some chick and bring her back to your place, and you both act like you’re just gonna watch Netflix or whatever? It wasn’t like that. This was like, “You’re coming back to my room because I need some dick.” I think that’s what’s different about older women.

“Bro. You’ve got one dubious claim about fucking a MILF, and if it even happened, she might have been a call-girl. You’re not an expert on older women now.”

“I’m just going to ignore you.”

So, we’re walking through the hotel lobby and it feels so fucking weird. No one is paying attention to us, but it somehow feels like everyone is staring, and the whole time I’m thinking, I can’t believe a grown woman is taking me back to her hotel room to fuck.

“You’re not the only one who can’t believe it.”

I’m still ignoring you. It started in the elevator. She says, “Nervous?” and I’m like, “No,” and she doesn’t just kiss me again. She sort of pushes me against the wall and grabs my dick while she does it. She’s not gentle either. She full-on grabs it. Like, a handful.

“I guess she has small hands.”

Fuck you. When the elevator door opens, she pulls me off the wall and drags me down the hall. When we get close to her room, she lets go of my hand, digs through her purse, and finds her key card. Then she’s right back to kissing me the second we’re through the door. She’s got me against the wall again, her tongue’s in my mouth, and she’s kicking off her heels while she unbuttons my shirt. My hands go for her ass and I’m like, “Ho-lee-fuck.” I had no idea what she was hiding under that dress.

She points to the bed and says, “Get naked,” then grabs a bag and goes into the bathroom. My dick is hard already. She has no chill. She might as well be saying, “We’re fuckin’. Get over there,” and my dick is like, “Yes ma’am.”

The best part, well, other than the sex, the best part is when she comes out of the bathroom. She’s not wearing cotton panties and a sports bra like half the girls I pick up at Broke and Thirsty always have on. No, like I told you, Charlotte’s sophisticated hot. She’s got stockings on and she’s wearing a negligee, I think that’s what they’re called. It’s all black silk with lace trim. Fucking hot, whatever it is.

I’m sitting on the edge of the bed totally naked with my dick sticking up, and she comes right over and straddles me. Her tits are in my face, my boner is poking under her negligee thing, and she’s not wearing any panties. It’s all pussy, just waiting for me. And know what’s weird? She isn’t wrinkly like I expected a thirty-five-year-old to be. Her skin is still smooth and nice.

I pull her in close. We’re making out and she’s grinding against my dick. I roll with her and end up on top. I’m getting ready to fuck this lady good, climbing into position, and she’s like, “You’ve got to go down first.” No college girl has ever said that before. They might have wanted it, but no one’s ever been bold enough to tell me I’m not getting my dick wet until I eat her out. I told you, she has class.

So I get down there and start licking. She has a nice pussy too, and I go to town. I’m not half-assing it. She gets the whole tongue treatment, and I suck that clit hard. If she’s making me earn my way in, I’m gonna make damn sure I pass. Ten minutes later, I get the shoulder tap. She’s ready for some dick.

“Alright, hold up. Let’s just pretend that this former consolation prize was actually a super hot, sophisticated woman and, for some strange reason, was all horny for you, and you went down on her with your porn-star skills.”

“That’s basically what happened.”

“But how do you go from that to her spanking you? Where’d you fuck it up?”

“That’s what I’m trying to tell you. I don’t know!”

“Tell me the next part then.”

I’m fucking her good, like headboard-slamming-against-the-wall good. No condom. Maybe she’s on the pill, maybe she’s too old for kids...

“She’s thirty-five, you fucking idiot.”

“Whatever. That’s not the point.”

I’m raw dogging her and she knows how to fuck. The girls on campus have nothing on her. They’ve all got hot bods, but most of them just lay there.

“Not when I fuck them.”

“Bullshit.”

Anyway, Charlotte’s taking it good and she’s got no shame. She’s not all timid like, “Okay, we can do that. If you really want to.” She’s like, “Bend me the fuck over and don’t you dare stop until I tell you to.” I’ve got her on her hands and knees and I’m hammering into her, just loving the way her ass shakes when my thighs smack into her. Suddenly she’s moaning like crazy and her legs start trembling. I don’t stop and she’s going, “I’m coming, I’m coming, oh my God, you’re making me cum,” then she does this death-rattle thing and goes limp.

“First time you made a woman cum?”

“I didn’t think so, but maybe, because no one’s ever been like that before.”

Anyway, I pull out and spray a load across her back—

“Don’t tell me about your jizz.”

“What if that has something to do with the spanking?”

“Then someone else can solve the mystery. I don’t want to hear about your cum.”

Okay, well, it gets cleaned up, and we’re laying next to each other all sweaty and breathing hard. Neither one of us is saying anything. She’s just looking at me and smiling. I’m thinking it’s time for some room service. A cheeseburger would have been so fucking good after that. But like two minutes later, she’s got her hand on my dick, you know, just touching it a bit. Then she starts stroking it and I realize she’s already looking for round two. And I’ll be damned, but my cock is up for it.

So we go at it again. She gets on top this time and I slide right in. She’s still wet from—

“Fast forward. I don’t need to hear you brag about fucking some old lady a second time.”

“You sure? It was wild. We didn’t stick to the bed. At one point I had her out on the balcony, and I’m pretty sure some medical supply reps smoking a joint down in the parking lot watched me fuck the shit out of one of their colleagues.”

“I’m positive. Get to the spanking.”

After the second time we just hung out in bed for a bit and it was chill, ya know? Like we just talked and shit, made each other laugh. Charlotte was actually a really cool woman. And I kept thinking, damn, why you gotta live in Baltimore? I could get used to this.

Then, like an hour later, I wasn’t sure if I should crash or get dressed. I thought she made the decision for me. She got up and went to the bathroom, and normally that’s my cue to get dressed and start thinking about the door.

I had my shirt and boxers on by the time she came back, and she sat on the edge of the bed. For the first time it felt a little awkward because we weren’t saying much. I was looking around trying to find my pants when she grabbed my wrist and gave me a little tug toward her. I went with it. I wasn’t sure where it was going, but she kept pulling and I ended up across her lap.

Then, whack-whack-whack. Three quick slaps right on my ass. I froze because I had no fucking idea what just happened. What are you supposed to do when a one-night stand old enough to be your mother decides to give you a spanking for no reason?

“She’s not old enough to be your mother, dumbass.”

I took a minute to think about it and did the math in my head. Twice.

“Okay, probably not.”

“Definitely not.”

“Can we just focus on the spanking and not the logistics of teenage pregnancy?”

“She wouldn’t have even been a teenager.”

I was never good at math.

“Whatever. That’s how it happened.”

“You’re leaving something out. You didn’t go from balcony sex with spectators to corporal punishment.”

“I think we did.”

“You said you didn’t say much after she came out of the bathroom. You must have said something.”

“I don’t really remember, but nothing bad. It was just like we fucked, and sort of realized that was it. My buzz was wearing off and it was getting late. When she stepped away, I figured it was time to get dressed, time to go. Next thing I knew she had me across her lap.”

“What happened after she spanked you?”

“I mean... nothing.”

“That’s a suspicious-sounding nothing. What happened?”

“Nothing. I got up, finished getting dressed, gave her a little kiss goodbye, and that was it.”

“I’m calling bullshit on everything that happened after Kevin left.”

“It’s all true.”

“It’s either all bullshit or she said something or something weird happened after she spanked you. No woman is going to randomly spank some guy then let him kiss her goodbye and walk out the door.”

“No, for real. There was nothing else.”

There was a long silence.

“You’re fucking impossible.”

That was it. The line just went dead. And to think he was lecturing me about phone manners. Anyway, I don’t blame him, because I was holding back. What I told him was true, just not the whole truth.

Charlotte did say something. The problem is, I don’t remember what. No clue. It went something like:

“...because you...”

Whack.

“...all night...”

Whack.

“...thought you could just...”

Whack.

The first slap surprised me. I felt, I don’t know. I remember how Dylan reacted when someone called him short. He’s five-ten, and he said he was indignant. I think that’s what I was. The second one landed harder than the first, and that’s when something happened that was way more concerning than whatever the fuck Charlotte was saying.

I was getting hard again. And not just a twitch. I could feel the blood rushing back to my cock.

There was no way I was going to tell Tommy that. There are some things your friends don’t need to know. After the last slap, Charlotte let her hand sit there for a few seconds, then slowly rubbed my ass. Those slaps with that gentleness? She had me hard as a rock.

She noticed but didn’t say anything about it, not directly. But the look she gave me... it was different. There was something real in it. That look and the little smile that came with it, and suddenly the whole night wasn’t about picking up or banging a MILF.

Maybe that’s what the spanking did. It woke me the fuck up enough to realize she wasn’t just some college girl whose name I’d forget before morning.

I didn’t finish getting dressed and give her a kiss goodbye like I told Tommy. We fucked again, for the third time that night, and somehow it was the best one. It wasn’t fast and furious like the first two. We took our time and kissed more. I held her close, and I don’t know. It was just different. The scary thing is, I don’t think I should even call it fucking.

I hate to say this because it makes me sound like such a dweeb, and I don’t even understand it, but after getting spanked, it felt like we made love. And I’ve never done that before. I don’t know what the fuck all of that says about me. Whatever it is, Tommy doesn’t need to know. And I still don’t know why Charlotte spanked me.

I just know I wouldn’t mind if she did it again.