Where am I? Better yet, what am I?

I heard a voice in my head say, 'You are a human. You are a woman. You are Eve.

I rolled my eyes and thought, well, that helps me a whole bunch.  

I'd better look around this forest. I seemed to know a lot about everything for someone who had just arrived, but why argue? Just go with it.

What's that I see? It looks like a creature much like me, but different somehow.

I will take this tree branch and club, whatever it is. A girl can't be too careful running around nude.

The creature waved at me and said, "Hi there. I have been expecting you. My ribs really hurt so I walk slowly."

It walked out from behind the bushes, and I began to laugh.

I pointed down at its crotch and asked, "What the fuck is that? It's so small, do you breathe through it?"

It said, "No, I don't breathe through it, I breed through it. What are you laughing about anyway? Look at your chest, did a snake bite you and make you puff up like that? You're just jealous because you lost yours and it left a hole in you."

I got mad and said, “I did not lose mine. I just got here, wherever here is.

I asked, "Can I hold that trunk of yours? I want to know if I am missing anything."

He replied, "Sure, go ahead."

I walked towards him and grabbed his trunk.

I felt it and said, "It's soft. What does it do?"

It said, "I pee through it is all I know."

Suddenly, it began to grow. I let go of it and said, "What the hell. Why is it growing?"

It said, "I don't know, but please grab it again, it felt good."

I took his trunk in my hand, and now it was at least twice as big as it had been.

I asked, "If I rub it, will it get bigger?"

He shrugged his shoulders.

I rubbed it, and indeed it did get bigger. I kept doing it, and it stopped getting bigger, but suddenly, it spewed all this milky white stuff all over me.

I thought I had broken it.

It's face changed, and it said, "That felt so fucking good. Please do that all the time for me. I never said my name, but I am Adam."

I said, "I am glad I did not break it, but now, somehow I know I need food."

Adam said, "Follow me. I know where we can eat."

We went to a clearing, and there stood many trees bearing fruit.

Adam told me, "Be aware there are snakes around here."

The first tree we came to had a sign, and a snake was leaning against it.

The sign read, "Don't eat the fruit from this tree or suffer the consequences."

The snake said, "Pay no attention to the sign. It means nothing."

Adam went to grab a piece of fruit, and I said, "Are you stupid? Don't trust that damn snake."

The snake hissed at me as we walked away. 

We ran across many more trees, shrubs, and vines that were bearing fruit. There were pears, strawberries, oranges, and watermelons. There were also some vegetables like potatoes, onions, and asparagus which no one likes.

I thought I had walked into a Lowe’s Garden department in the spring.   

I ate till I felt satisfied. On the other hand, Adam ate till his stomach blew up. He fell asleep in a pumpkin patch.

I decided to investigate this place and see what other things it had to offer.

I arrived at a cool little stream and had a drink. I saw my reflection in the water and thought, 'Hey, you are a babe.

As I sat there, another one of those creatures like Adam showed up on the other side of the stream.

I grabbed a rock, and as I said before, a girl just can't be too careful running around nude.

The guy walked over towards me, but I noticed this one had a bigger trunk. It was way bigger as he got close.

I looked at him and said, "Hi there. I am Eve. Who are you?"

He said, "I am Even. nice to meet you."

I replied, "Your name is Even? Not Evan?" 

He said, "Yes. I did not know what an "A' was, so I used another "E”.

I rolled my eyes and thought, are all these things with trunks this stupid? 

I replied, "I am glad I have two "Es" in my name. Do you know Adam?"

Even said, "I know him. He is as dumb as a rock."

I thought, 'Look who's talking, Mr. double Es.

I then asked, "You have a much bigger trunk than he has. Do you know what it does besides spit white creamy shit?"

Even looked down at his trunk and said, "If you think my trunk is big now, come over here and stroke it, and you will see how big it gets."

I walked over to Even and took his trunk in my hand. He was right, it did get bigger.

Even watched me stroke it and said, "If you want to see my trunks' full potential, suck on it."

I asked, "You won't shoot the white shit in my mouth, will you?

He replied, "Nah. I would never do that."

I took his trunk into my mouth, and not that I have experienced a lot of food ever since I arrived here, but I bet this could be some good eating."

I sucked on his trunk for some time, then Even asked, "Have you ever had an orgasm?

I stopped sucking on his trunk and said, "No, I have not. I don't even know what that is."

Even said, "Go lie down on those fig leaves, and I will give you an orgasm, or at least I will try to. It will bring you pleasure you have never known."

I did as he asked, and I sure did wonder about this orgasm thing was. It sounded like fun.

Even got down on the ground with me and said, "Now spread your legs, I am going to plug into you."

I replied, "The hell you are. What do you mean, plug into me? Are you crazy, along with being dumb?"

Even said, "Trust me."

Even slowly put that trunk of his into my hole. Now it all made sense. My hole was a warmer for his trunk.

He was crazy. He kept going in and out of me. How was he going to get his trunk warm doing that?

Then a new feeling hit me. Oh shit, what was happening? This felt so good.

The dumbass better not ever stop. I felt moist in my hole and did that ever feel good. 

He went faster and faster, and the more he did, the better I felt. My whole body was one big tingle. 

Then it happened. I am sure this was the orgasm thing he spoke about.

I yelled out, "You better not stop, Even. Fuck you are right, this is way over the top, and I love it."

Even said, "Here I come, Eve."

I had no idea what he meant by come. Is he so dumb that he doesn't know he is here already, and there is no need to come here?

All of a sudden, my hole was filled with that white creamy shit. 

I pushed him off me and asked, "Why did you shoot that white shit in me?"

He said, "I was told that is where I should shoot it. Some guy wearing a robe with a beard said that where it is supposed to go so that we can make new Eves and Evens."

I replied, "I don't care about what some hippy told you. Get your tongue down to my hole and clean that shit out of me."

He shrugged his shoulders and did what I had asked him to do.

As he was licking up his white creamy shit, I began those feelings again. Fuck this was as good as his trunk in me.

I held his head down on my hole and said, "Don't stop until I tell you to stop."

Damn, it was happening again. My toes curled, my body was one huge tingle. 

I sure liked this, Even guy.

He licked me for what I would guess were four more of those orgasm things. I sure liked orgasms and want to have those all the time.

I finally let him come up for air and stop.

His face was full of cream.

He stood up and said, "Did you like that, Eve?"

I replied, "Hell yes, I liked it."

Even said, "Don't use the word hell around here, the guy with the beard does not like it."

I replied, "Whatever. I could really use something to eat right now."

Even said, "I know a tree that has some apples, but you have to be careful of snakes."

Geez, this guy is really as dumb as Adam.

I asked, "You mean the tree with a warning sign?"

Even jumped up and said, "Yes, that's the one. It has those olive trees nearby."

I said, "I don't want apples that I am not supposed to eat, but that damn snake might make a hardy meal. Let's go there, snake hunting." 

As sure as shit, when we got there, that snake was leaning up against the sign.

I looked at the snake and said, "Hey, Mr. Snake, I have something for you. Come over here and get it."

The snake slithered over to me, and I whacked it over the head with my rock.

I was right. Snakes are good eating. All you must do is fry them in some olive oil, which you can get at a nearby olive tree, and fry them up. They taste just like chicken. I don't know what chicken is, but I am sure they taste like them.

Even and I were enjoying our snake fry when Adam walked by us and said, "That looks good can I have some?"

Even said, "Sure, Mr. Small Trunk."

As we ate, Even told Adam, "Did you know that Eve has gotten Even?"

Adam answered, "No, what do you mean she has gotten Even?"

Even replied, "I plugged into her, and it feels great."

I looked over at Adam and said, "He is right. It is the best feeling in the world."

Adam frowned, then asked, "Can I plug in Eve? Please."

I replied, 'I don't know what would Even do while you were plugged in?"

Even said, "I know what I can do. You have another hole on your ass, and I will plug into that hole, or let Adam plug in there. Your choice, Eve."

I had to think about it for a few minutes, then I concluded that if one hole felt that good, two holes would be incredible.

I told both, "Here is what I want. Adam, you start with the front hole, and Even you get the back hole. Then, after about five minutes, switch, and I can tell you what feels the best."

I went on all fours above Adam and slid his trunk into my hole and waited for Even to fill up my back hole.

Adam's trunk felt good, but not as good as Even's. When Even put his trunk in my back hole, it hurt like shit at first, but Even put a little olive oil there and it felt better.

They both had a perfect rhythm, and those orgasmic things began happening again.

I yelled out, "This feels so good, you two. I want you to switch now so I can tell what I like better."

They made the switch, and there was no doubt which one I liked better. Even size in the front hole felt better, and Adam's trunk in my back hole felt better. There was no pain.

What a place I now live. All the food you can eat and all the plugging in I could ever want.

I soon felt Adam shoot a load of that white shit in my ass. Soon followed by Even's load of white shit in my front hole.

They both fell off on me and went to sleep in a pile of fig leaves.  

For some crazy reason, I rolled up one of those dried fig leaves and lit it on fire using the same fire we had used to cook the snake. 

I took a big drag on that blunt. Then another.

Damn, that is just what I needed as I watched those two bums sleep.

All of a sudden, I began singing a song.

The words were something like "If I go chasing rabbits and I know I am going to fall. Tell them the hookah-smoking caterpillar just gave me a call."

It was crazy, but I sure enjoyed all the colors.

Then, through the mist of the forest, some old hippie walked up to me and said, "It was not supposed to be this way. Now I need to write one more chapter for my book, making it sixty-seven chapters."

I asked, "Was it something I did? All I did was get Even in me and a little Adam."