My name is Nick and I’d be remiss if I didn’t share a remarkable Spanksgiving story during this horny holiday season. You probably remember me as the guy lucky enough to explore the murky depths of my teenage niece's mystery cave. Or perhaps you know me as the man with the thick cock and gorgeous head of hair, even though I’m in my 40s. Either way, I’d like to share a story about my more sensitive side.

Just kidding.

This story is about sticking my sneaky snake into a couple of the finest serpent silos in South Florida. But before we get to the man-meat of this story, I need to tell you about one of my favorite holidays of the year - Spankgiving.

Every year for Thanksgiving, my wife Margaret travels to Minnesota to visit her father, Al. What I’m most thankful for is that my wife lets me stay home. You see, Al and I do not get along. Back in 2014, he tried to stab me with a carving fork over a dispute about the best Lethal Weapon movie.

Anyway, ever since that fateful day, I’ve celebrated Spanksgiving. What is Spanksgiving, you ask, dear reader?

With the house all to myself, I fix myself a Hungry Man TV dinner with turkey, mashed potatoes, and that delicious nuked brownie. After downing a 12-pack of Natural Light, I turn on my favorite porno and pound my dick harder than Charles Bronson beating the hell out of a prison guard.

What is my favorite porno, you ask? I’m proud to say that it’s my own creation. I edited the best dirty parts out of my favorite Hollywoody movies and recorded them into one perfect penile-pumping video. It’s a beautiful compilation including Sharon Stone’s hip lips, Phoebe Cates's teenage bikini bumpers, and Mila Kunis using her tongue to part the fleshy fire flaps on Natalie Portman’s furry female furnace. Among other genital gems, of course.

After Margaret left for the frozen north, I headed to the store to stock up on Hungry Man dinners. Imagine my dismay when all that was left in the frozen section were vegetarian options.

Fuck a duck, I thought to myself. Yet another sign this country is going straight to hell in a handbasket.

Fortunately, there was still plenty of Natural Light left on the shelves. When I got home, I used my phone to look for local dinner delivery options. I ended up ordering the “beef stick in a bun” sandwich from Marty’s Meathole, a local diner known for its slogan, “Never let your meat loaf at Marty’s Meathole.”

After putting a bottle of Jergens and a box of tissue on my coffee table, I popped in my video, settled into my Lay-Z-Boy recliner, and popped open a cold one. Lifting my can, I toasted myself by saying out loud, “Happy Spanksgiving to me!” Then I whipped out my purple turkey baster and let the festivities begin.

By the time the pool scene from Wild Things was playing, my splattering ram was about to break the fourth wall. Suddenly, there was a knock at the door.

The food!

I put my veiny meat dagger back in the sheath and answered the door. There, holding a plate of chocolate chip cookies, was my neighbor’s wife Natalie.

She smiled, held out the cookies, and said, “Hi, neighbor! Happy Thanksgiving!”

Natalie looks like she could have stepped off the set of Stepford Wives, complete with the vintage 1950s dress, high heels, and blonde hair all done up like a pinup model. She’s always so dolled up, I was never able to figure out whether she was in her twenties or thirties, but it was hard not to notice Natalie’s hourglass figure testing the integrity of the seams holding her dress together.

Taking the plate of cookies, I said, “Well, hello there Natalie. Happy Thanksgiving to you. How’s your husband?”

Natalie clasped her hands and looked down at her feet, “Oh, well… I guess you wouldn’t know… Larry left me about a month ago.”

“Holy fuck, Natalie, why the hell would that nerdy little fuck leave a looker like yourself?”

“He left me for his secretary.”

“Holy hell, he’s a fucking janitor. Why the hell would he have a secretary?”

“Well, Nick, he’s the maintenance manager at the largest hotel in Central Florida, but thank you, I appreciate what you’re trying to do… It’s okay.”

But it wasn’t okay because Natalie started crying.

Fuck a duck, here come the waterworks.

Being the gentleman I am, I invited Natalie inside and sat her down on my living room sofa. I set down the plate of cookies on the coffee table and grabbed her a tissue, doing my best to hide the bottle of lotion behind a wedding photo.

I’d never really noticed before, but Natalie really was a looker. Toned long legs, full lips, and perfectly manicured from head to toe. I began to wonder whether she manicured her slobber pocket with the same precision care.

Consoling jilted wives isn’t exactly my strong suit, so I said, “Can I get you something? I’m drinking a beer if you want one.”

“Do you have any wine?”

“Yeah, I’m pretty sure Margaret has a few bottles of white zin in the kitchen. I’ll grab you a glass.”

As I’m walking back out into the living room, wine glass in hand, Natalie says, “What’s this you’re watching on TV?”

Right there paused on the screen, is Neve Campbell pouring champagne on Denise Richards’ naked mommy melons while Matt Dillon bruises her beef curtains.

Handing Natalie the glass, I said, “Oh that’s the Macy’s Day Parade after-party.”

The joke made Natalie laugh through her tears. I picked up the remote and turned off the TV.

Natalie said, “Is Margaret home?”

Sitting on the sofa next to Natalie, I said, “No. She’s up in Minnesota visiting her dad for Thanksgiving. I try to avoid her family like everyone else that’s ever met any of them.”

Natalie took a sip of her white zin. “I’ve seen that movie that was on your TV. You can turn it back on. I didn’t mean to interrupt you."

Natalie leaned back on the sofa, her breasts heaving, cleavage on display. She crossed her sexy legs, her dress riding up above her knees. Staring at me seductively, it was obvious that opportunity was knocking, so I turned the TV back on and pressed play.

After the Wild Things threesome finished, the sex scene from Body Heat played, followed by the one from Nine and a Half Weeks. If you remember, it’s the scene where Mickey Rourke attacks Kim Basinger’s pink fortress on a staircase in the pouring rain.

Natalie’s eyes were glued to the screen while she took small sips from her glass of wine. When the hot scene between Gena Gershon and Jennifer Tilly from the movie Bound started playing, Natalie began fidgeting in her seat.

Right about the time Gena was cleaning Jennifer’s fish tank with her tongue, Natalie looked over at me and said, “What movie is this?”

“It’s a little something I put together for the holidays… A best-of collection of hot movie scenes.”

Natalie’s husband may have left her, but it wasn’t because she was her elevator didn’t go to the top floor. Without missing a beat, she glanced over at me and said, “You were masturbating.”

“Well, it’s a special holiday for me, Natalie. I call it Spanksgiving.”

Turning her body to face me, Natalie said, “Can I watch?”

“Well, sure doll, but in this house, there are no free shows. If you’re going to watch me shake hands with the milkman, you’re going to have to let me watch you soften the peach.”

While the shower scene from Fifty Shades of Grey played on the TV, Natalie quickly reached under her skirt and pulled off her panties. Resting her back on the arm of the sofa, Natalie lifted one leg onto the cushion, her pearly gates on full display.

I took a moment to give thanks. Natalie’s cock pocket was a cornucopia of plenty. She was entirely clean-shaven, exposing perfectly plump pussy lips that begged for a mouth to tease them.

Natalie stared at me with a seductive gaze, waiting for me to take my turn. My Zamboni baloney was so hard, I struggled to pull it free from my zipper hole. When it was finally out, I grabbed it firmly around the base with one hand and used the other to start shucking the corn.

Natalie celebrated the season by massaging the pilgrim with her index finger. Slow at first, until her lickety slit started to glisten. Then she began paddling the pink canoe with her other hand before using two fingers to spread her love lips like a turkey waiting to be stuffed. When Natalie plunged her fingers deep inside her pumpkin pie, she let out a little whimper that made me want to slather it with whipped cream.

As the tension in her body raised to a fever pitch, Natalie aggressively pulled down her dress, revealing two of the most perfect buttered biscuits I’ve ever laid eyes on.

We were both about to cum, totally lost in the moment, when somebody knocked at the door.

Fuck a duck! NOW the food shows up!

Natalie and I quickly put ourselves back together, like two kids swapping gravy in the backseat of an Oldsmobile Cutlass Supreme when a cop unexpectedly shines a light through the window.

“It’s the delivery guy. I ordered some food, I’ll be right back.” I said reassuringly as I got up to answer the door. In the chaos of the moment, I forgot to pause the video.

Imagine my surprise when I opened the door and instead of a delivery guy, there was a delivery girl. In fact, the delivery girl was none other than Marty Meathole’s daughter Mariah, who I often saw shaking her fleshy seat pillows at the pool in our gated community.

One thing that always struck me about Mariah, was how devilishly delicious she looked in her one-piece swimsuit. It was one of those french cut numbers with a g-string that exposed her gravity-defying ass and a bikini top that barely covered her areolas.

For many years, I felt bad for noticing, but Mariah had blossomed into a 19-year-old flower ripe for picking. She was short, not even five feet tall but thick and curvy, yet somehow firm and fit. Long curly brown hair, big blue eyes, full red lips, and skin so brown you’d swear she was roasted in the oven at 400 degrees for four and a half hours. For a frame of reference, imagine Kat Dennings but a lot sluttier.

Part of me felt bad for Mariah, she could have been a model but here she was delivering meatloaf for her old man on Thanksgiving. At least dear old dad didn’t make her wear a uniform because she was dressed in form-fitting yoga pants and a tank top that showed off her juggernauts.

“Mariah!” I said as she handed me the food. “Why the hell are you working on Thanksgiving?”

“Hey, Nick. My old man was short-staffed today so I’ve been helping him out but at least I’m done for the day.”

I pulled a wad of cash out of my pocket and handed it to her, “Any plans?”

“Nah. My mom is out of town and dad has to clean the flattop at the restaurant…” Mariah cocked her head sideways. “Are you watching a porno in there?”

It was the scene in Blue Vantine where Ryan Gosling does a little pearl diving inside Michelle Williams’ happy clam.

I answered, “No. It’s a remake of Miracle on 34th Street. Now They have Kim Kardashian playing Natalie Wood’s character so it’s nothing like the original.”

Mariah gave me a confused look as she poked her head in the door, straining to hear the fuck noises coming from the living room. Then she strolled right into the house and made a beeline for the living room. I followed right behind, trying to stop her but we both walked in at exactly the same time.

Natalie was entirely nude and laying provocatively on the sofa auditioning her finger puppets, watching the video playing on my big screen TV. There was little point in trying to convince Mariah that my naughty neighbor and I were engaged in anything other than illicit sexual relations. She knew my wife Margaret very well.

We were caught with our hands on the nookie jar. Natalie didn’t even try covering herself up.

It seemed like good ol’ Nick was finally going to get busted doing what he loved most. Before sundown, word would spread around the gated community that Nick was a no-good cheat who took advantage of his neighbor in her moment of weakness.

Mariah’s mouth was agape as she took in the whole sordid scene. Then she looked me in the eye and said, “I love this movie. Mind if I join you?”

Fuck a duck! Let the fur burger feast begin!

Natalie sat up on the sofa, still nude, and Mariah plopped down next to her.

I shrugged and said, “Wine or beer, Mariah?”

“Beer!”

“Attagirl!”

While I went to the kitchen to grab beers, Natalie and Maria struck up a casual conversation. I heard Mariah say Natalie had a nice body and she replied with a simple, “Thank you.”

The whole scene was a little weird, even for me, but I figured nobody likes being alone during the holidays. Especially when a virile man like me is home alone.

When everyone had a fresh drink in hand, I sat on the sofa to Natalie’s right. Mariah was on her left. The next movie scene was the scene from Titanic where Leo DeCaprio gives Kate Winslet a belly full of man marrow in the backseat of a classic car.

Imagine being on a luxury cruise and figuring out a way to do the four-legged foxtrot in the backseat of a fucking Coupe de Ville. That James Cameron is one perverted genius.

But I digress.

Mariah was confused when the movie scene changed so I had to explain Spanksgiving all over again. Meanwhile, she downed her beer like a frat boy at a kegger and cracked open another.

Natalie, who had already knocked back a bottle of my wife’s white zin added, “When you knocked at the door, Nick and I were masturbating together.”

Mariah was older than her years. She said, “It’s pretty obvious something was going on. Don’t let me stop you.” Then she put her hand on Natalie’s bare thigh.

That was all the prompting I needed, so I pulled my cunnie-carving utensil out of my pants and beat it like I was making mashed potatoes. Natalie spread her legs, draping one over my left leg and the other draped over Mariah’s right leg. Then she started orbiting Venus with her index finger.

Mariah lifted her shirt, unleashing her young snuggle pups so they could frolic in the park. With one hand she played with her nipples and with the other she caressed Natalie’s thigh, slowly inching her way toward my neighbor’s fish mitten.

Suddenly, real life was a lot more interesting than the movies. Right in my own living room, two flesh-and-blood wild things were about sitting down at the table, ready to fill their mouths with the horn of plenty. I planned on making sure I got my own mouthful.

Mariah looked over at me polishing my gun barrel and said, “Wow, Nick, you have a big dick. Your wife is a lucky lady. Well, except for all of this happening in her living room, I guess.”

The girl obviously possessed a keen wit. I said, “Well, Margaret’s been known to let another man clean out her cobwebs from time to time. Consider this a don’t ask, don’t tell kind of house.”

“Well, your secrets are safe with me.”

Just as Mariah said the words, she slipped two fingers inside Natalie’s giblet pouch. Natalie threw her head back and purred like the engine in a souped-up hot rod.

Mariah wanted more. She got up off the sofa, removed the rest of her clothes, got down on her hands and knees, and started giving French lessons inside Natalie’s girl garage.

The two exceptionally beautiful women were quite the contrast - the short curvy brunette getting her face wet in the tall blonde’s sugar cookie. Fuck all that Michaelangelo and Rembrandt bullshit, this was a true masterpiece.

I decided to show my appreciation for the arts by getting down on the floor behind Mariah and licking her teenage asshole like it was the last piece of pecan pie. Mariah seemed to enjoy the attention because she wiggled her ass in my face and demanded that I shove my tongue in her lady cake.

Holy hell! Mariah’s pussy was plumper and juicier than a Butterball turkey. Within minutes, my face was soaked with her bajingo juice, her muffled cries emanating from Natalie’s muff.

Speaking of Natalie, she was the first to cum. Apparently, Mariah had smooched the cootch more than once in her life because it was quite the orgasm. Natalie’s entire body vibrated like my mother-in-law’s 39-year-old washing machine while she screamed curse words into the air. I figured at least half of them were intended for her ex-husband.

Mariah turned around and said, “Stick your cock in me, Nick!”

I’m not one to turn a young lady down, so I slid my cock all the way inside her velvet lounge and made myself at home. Mariah’s cunt was the dangerous kind - so perfectly delectable that, if a fella isn’t careful, it could make him jettison his jizz before getting off the boat. I kept my pace slow to savor the flavor. Mariah seemed to approve, especially when Natalie shoved her bonanjo back into the teenager’s face and asked her to do a little finger-picking.

For good measure, I smacked Mariah's flesh cheeks a few times, which made her yelp like a dog getting smacked with a newspaper. The skin on her keester turned red and it brought me great joy because I'd invented a brand new Spanksgiving holiday tradition.

After a few minutes, Natalie and Mariah traded places and I finally got to shove Captain Stubing’s bald head in my lonely neighbor’s love boat. What a ride! She wasn’t as tight as the teenager, but the fit was so perfect, it felt like I’d found the peel that fell off my banana.

The ladies were orgasming so often, it seemed like Oprah was giving them out for free. We switched positions one last time. I laid on the floor with Natalie riding my face and Mariah going full rodeo on my Texas Longhorn. It was like being buried in sweet pussy and I decided right then and there that it was the only way I wanted to meet my maker.

Finally, the two girls switched places and it was all I could handle. Natalie sensed that my volcano was about to erupt. She demanded, “Cum inside me, Nick!”

Just as my fire hose began flooding Natalie’s candy cave with sperm juice, Mariah squirted love lava all over my face. It was the perfect end to a perfect day. We collapsed in a fleshy pile of titties, ass cheeks, and pussies, all on my living room floor with both women complimenting me on my sexual prowess and gorgeous head of hair.

Suddenly, my phone was buzzing. I looked around but couldn’t find the damn thing anywhere.

It was then I woke up in my Lay-Z-Boy recliner. The pool scene from Wild Things was playing on the TV. The remnants of my Hungry Man Turkey dinner were strewn about the coffee table where my phone was buzzing next to a used cum tissue.

Recalling the incredible dream I’d just experienced, I decided to rub another one out in honor of the Spankgiving holiday season.

Just then, there was a knock at my door. When I opened it, I couldn’t believe my eyes. It was my neighbor’s wife Natalie holding a shopping bag and a plate of cookies. I’d heard through the community grapevine that her husband had walked out on her about a month before.

She smiled, handed me the plate, and said, “Happy Thanksgiving Nick! These are for you. Is Margaret home?”

I took the plate and said, “No, she went up to Minnesota to see her dad so I’m here all by my lonesome.”

Natalie gave me a sideways look and pulled a bottle of wine out of her shopping bag. Then she said, “Well since the two of us are alone on Thanksgiving, would you like to get drunk and watch a movie?”

Fuck a duck! Dreams do come true!