I was safe in a home of people, that genuinely cared about me. Beverly and her husband, Carlos, had taken me in when I literally had no place else to go. I was relatively happy, I was having regular sex with both Carlos and Beverly, I had a place to sleep and eat, and I didn’t have any worries.

Something was missing; I didn’t have a direction, I didn’t have any goals for the future.

The first thing was my transition. I was assigned male at birth, but I have always known I was a female. That was never in question. I am bisexual and find both males and females sexually attractive, that was always for sure in my mind.

What I have struggled with was my body. I sometimes wish that I had large breasts, curvy hips, and of course, a vagina, but I do very much enjoy my cock and balls.

I know that every person has some time in their life disliked their bodies, and I am no exception. I hated being different, but I also love being different, being unique.

I discussed it at great length with Beverly, medical doctors, my therapist, and other trans men and women.  I weighed all the options, and they convinced me to take the female hormones.

Beverly and Carlos said they wanted to help me. They had been there with emotional support; Beverly came with me to every appointment and every therapy session but couldn’t help with financial support.

The cost of this was going to be more than I could handle with my job at the restaurant, so I thought that I wouldn’t be able to do it, regardless of my decision.

It was Beverly’s son, and my best friend, Greg that reached out to my sister and my mother and convinced them to meet with me.

My grandmother joined my mother and sister, and I came with Beverly, Greg. We all met in a park near my parents' house. It was an extremely awkward and tense meeting, and my mother barely spoke and seemed like she wanted to get far away from there. My grandmother listened as I explained to them I was a girl inside and wanted to be a girl on the outside.

I told them about the hormones and then the procedures. To their credit, they listened and didn’t argue or try to change my mind. My mother left without saying a word, but I hugged my grandmother and sister. When they left, I figured it was a waste of time, but it was nice to see my grandmother and sister again.

Carlos and Beverly were talking about getting a second mortgage on their home, but that was ear-marked for Greg’s education. I told them I would not take their money, and they had done more than enough.

I was depressed. I thought that there no future for me when I got the surprise of my life. My sister called and told me my grandmother was going to give me the money for my hormone therapy!

I called my grandmother to thank her, and she told me that although she didn’t understand or agree with my decision to, “be this way,” she wanted to support her grandchild in any way she could. My grandmother’s gesture was not without retribution. When my parents found out they didn’t speak to her for two years.

I started hormone therapy. I took the hormones for eighteen months, my breasts got slightly more prominent, my voice a little higher, and my skin became a little smoother. My body was definitely changing. Everything for the first eight months was going fine, just the regular effects, but then I started to violently ill.

It began to get progressively worse. I tried to carry on for the next few months but, I never got any better, and my Doctor and I decided to stop. I slowly started to feel much better. I was depressed for a while, wondering why this was happening to me and then I became very introspective. 

I came to the realization that I am a girl, a woman, and my body parts do not define me. I truly feel my body was telling me to stop after that initial hormones and re-evaluate. I listened to my body, and I am thrilled I did.

The other significant change I wanted, was the need for a career path in my life. I was always an excellent student, and my physics teacher Miss Stromberg, suggested I look into engineering. I honestly thought that was out of my reach. She helped research universities for me, and to my surprise, I got accepted to a few. Of course, my lack of finances made it seemingly impossible.

That is when the next surprise came.  I casually told Max, my older lover, about my dilemma, and to my surprise, he told me he could help. Within weeks his company had set up a scholarship for me that paid for my tuition!

I had always called Max, ‘Daddy,’ and now he was indeed my Sugar Daddy.

If I am, to be honest, it still bothers me that I had sex with him for the money. Max still insists that the scholarship came without obligation or strings attached. I did pick a University that is closer to where Max lived, and there was a different feeling when we were together. 

Leaving Beverly to go to university was the hardest thing I ever did. We bawled as she hugged me tightly, not wanting to let go. She was more like my mother than my own flesh and blood, she definitely was more of a parent.  I could never thank her enough for everything she had done for me. 

I cried for the next hour as Greg drove with me to my university.

That door was closing for me now. What adventure awaits me next?