I was out of my seat and heading for the aisle before the lights came up for intermission. I knew what beer did to me, I knew I shouldn’t have had one before the show started, but there I was with an overladen bladder, shoving the other audience members aside as politely as plausible. There was a line outside of the downstairs’ ladies’ room already, so I rushed to the one upstairs, where the line was even longer.
I really, really couldn’t wait, and only two alternatives came to mind: run outside and hide behind something in the street or alley, or use the men’s room. A steady stream flowed in and out of the men’s side but there was no line, so I took a deep breath and marched in with the guys.
My long-sleeved, backless little black dress hugged my curves, and its pencil skirt hugged my knees even tighter. Between that and my four-inch stilettos, I was surprised at how well, and how necessarily fast, I got around (but damn, I looked good). I ignored, outwardly, the whistles and comments and headed straight for the stalls in the back. The first one was locked when I tried it, as was the second (whose occupant was rude as well).
Since crossing one’s arms and tapping one’s foot was the universal sign for being next in line, that’s what I did. Apparently, the novelty of a lady in the gentlemen’s lavatory wore off quickly, as the room transformed itself back into one full of indifferent men with their hands at their crotches (not that I was looking). I realized where my plan fell apart, though, with all those urinals and only two stalls.
“Miss? Hey, miss?”
Afraid to look but too curious not to, I glanced at the peeing man standing next to an unused urinal that hung only a foot or two above the floor. He nodded towards it and went back to his personal business. I surveyed the room and sure enough, all the rest of them were penis-height. I wondered whether that guy expected me to squat over it or something but my bladder made it very clear to me that it was there or the floor and if I didn’t choose, it would. I pounded on the stall door one last time and was told to “fuck-off-n-wait-yer-turn.”
Okay, the diminutive urinal it is.
My clacking heels drew some attention back my way. I stared at the stand-up potty, glanced (quickly – oh, my God, why did I look?) to my right, then looked down again, contemplating the second plan today that I hadn’t thought all the way through.
When in Rome…
I shuffled over the bowl and pulled my panties aside. I worked out the math and physics without the benefit of a pen (or penis), as loft and distance had never been discussed during my potty training, so where it all went was going to be a surprise to everyone. I hiked up the front of my dress in a way that failed at any sort of concealment and let loose. “Thank. You. God!” was met with polite laughter and light applause.
A slight adjustment of my stance and a lift of my hips was all that was needed to keep the flow in the splash zone. This wasn’t so bad – I could pee like this anytime, I figured, and, apparently, for a long time. I only had one beer, for crying out loud!
My neighbor zipped up and, pretending not to stare, said, “Damn, miss, you don’t know how hot that is.” I wiped myself with a scratchy paper towel and mimed zipping myself up to prove that I belonged. I washed my hands and nonchalantly checked my hair and makeup, then headed out toward my seat.
My pissing partner was waiting for me outside the door, but I strode past, dismissing him. He caught up and, without looking at me, asked if I had ever peed on anyone before. I shook my head and walked faster.
“You ever get peed on?”
“No,” I said firmly.
“I bet you’d like it.” He veered away, and I got another beer. At the end of the show, I was a bit disappointed that there was no line outside the ladies’ room.
That guy was right. That was hot as hell.
------------
Sean didn’t like the theatre, which was fine, but he hadn’t waited up for me, which wasn’t. I really enjoyed my night out and wanted to cap it off with some sexy time. I considered waking him up, but he’s always a grumpy lay when I do. I padded off, naked, to the bathroom and paused in front of the toilet. Listening for his gentle snoring, I was satisfied that he was still sound asleep, and headed out to the backyard through the patio door.
We have a small fire pit way out back where the two of us enjoy a small campfire now and then. If we were enjoying adult beverages, and if we were too drunk or lazy to go back into the house, we had no problem pissing off to the side. I wasn’t drunk and I certainly wasn’t lazy, having made the trek out there, but I really wanted, maybe needed, to pee outside.
I could see well enough once my eyes adjusted to the light from the partially covered quarter moon. Neighbors were out of the line of sight, even if any of them were awake, but the thought of being watched made my heart thump even harder. Closing my eyes and separating my feet, I answered the call in nature.
The usual relief that comes with relieving an engorged bladder wasn't enough for long, as my fingers disturbed the waterfall on their way into the differently wet spot between my legs and the similarly engorged button overlooking it all. The letdown that came when the stream ended was quickly replaced with the uplift of my climax. I wavered but dared to lick my fingers clean afterward.
I ran away from the moon that had turned into a spotlight shining down on me. Settling in next to Sean after throwing on a tank-top and panties, I made myself sleep before I could think about what I was feeling.
------------
Life felt normal in the morning and the following weeks until that one day I was running errands. The extra-large coffee had worked its way through, and the thought of using the men’s room nagged at me all the way to the back of the store. I was determined to relive my last experience and swerved without hesitation into the men’s side, where I froze after only two steps. Every face there turned to me – I couldn’t do it. “Oh! My mistake!” I claimed and rushed out.
I made it back to my car, praying that nobody had followed. What if someone I knew was there? I aimed the car for home and really didn’t think about what I was doing until after I had gotten onto the expressway, speeding away to a different town and to a store I had never been to, thinking that no one would recognize me. They didn’t. I went into a stall and peed in the men’s room, and they all knew that’s what I was doing.
------------
Sean rolled off me, both of us breathless and slick with sweat. I wove my fingers through his and found some courage. “You ever hear about people peeing on each other, you know, for sex?”
“Sure. That's some fucked-up fetish, huh? Why do you ask?”
“Oh, no reason.” I shifted onto my side and played with his discharged penis: his wee-wee, his pee-pee. “I just overheard someone talking about it while I was out, is all.”
He chuckled a little. “Okay.”
I buried my cravings for as long as I could but eventually resumed making the rounds of remote men’s restrooms. The riskiness made the taboo even more exciting, which is probably why I wandered into that park that afternoon. I squatted at the edge of a wooded patch where no one could be seen, but there was a thrilling chance that I could get caught.
I was.
Exhilarated and mortified, I accepted the officer's admonitions and appearance ticket. Part of me was glad that maybe now I would stop all this nonsense.
Sean wasn't home yet, so I tossed my keys and purse onto the table and took a long shower, but he startled me afterward when I found him sitting on our bed, holding up my summons.
“Would you care to explain this?”
I was embarrassed and angry. “Where did you get that?”
“Half your purse was dumped out on the table. What did you do?”
I broke down and told him everything, including how he shut me down when I wanted to tell him. He asked me some more questions which I answered honestly. I couldn’t read him. I could always tell or guess what was on his mind, but I couldn’t that time. Maybe I didn’t want to. He said he had to process everything and went out to his car but he didn’t go anywhere. I peeked at him now and then as he stared out the windows.
When Sean finally came back inside, he found me and kissed my cheek. I followed him into the kitchen, where he retrieved two tall bottles of seltzer and a half-gallon of store-bought margaritas. “Let’s do this,” he said, and I rushed to give him dozens of kisses all over his face.
“Really?” He nodded and I kissed him some more.
Dusk was falling and we were a little drunk – the extra tequila shots helped with that. Sean actually laughed a little when I told him about some of the expressions and comments from the men’s rooms. He admitted that he liked my new exhibitionism, but was scared for my safety – I mean, really scared.
“If we’re going to do this, we need to do it now,” he announced. I was already wet with anticipation, and I shivered when he said it. “What next? We get naked in the bathtub?”
“Outside!” The word escaped my lips. “I mean, can we do this outside?”
Sean shook his head. At first, I thought he meant, ‘no’ but then he said, “It’s dark enough, I suppose. Weirdo.”
We stripped right then, and that’s when I found out he wasn’t completely disinterested. I snatched his hand and dragged him to the patio door. He stopped me before we got far. “Would you at least pretend that you care if anyone can see us?”
I tugged on his arm. “No, I won’t,” I answered, and tugged harder, but he was stuck at the threshold, so I let go and ran alone to the back, giggling and shushing myself. He cautiously followed, looking both ways as if he was crossing a busy highway. “Hurry!” I whispered loudly.
Sean dashed to join me, his mostly-hard dick bouncing with every stride. I could see his smile, which was a good sign. “Okay,” he panted, “How do you need to do this?”
I had fantasized about this for a while. “Okay,” I swallowed hard, “I’m going to pee for you and, and, I want you to tell me how sexy I look, and try to say it like you mean it, okay? Then I want you to pee right on my pussy so that our pee splashes and falls together.” My finger was already deep inside me and I almost came just by saying all of that out loud. “Okay? Ready?”
“Ready. Weirdo.”
I took a deep breath and squatted just a little. My bladder was full to bursting but it still took a few seconds to get started. Grateful for the release, my eyes pleaded with Sean to do his part.
Nothing.
“Sean!”
“Hang on. It’s not easy peeing with a boner!”
I was halfway done when a jet hit me between the tits. He fixed his aim and peed on my puss.
“Baby, you look so hot and sexy – so hot.”
Telling myself that he meant that, I frigged myself with two fingers while his piss and mine mixed and fell from my hands and onto the ground. You know how good it feels when you finally get to pee, right? Now imagine that and a mind-blowing orgasm at the same time – not twice as good, but ten times as good! I doubled over with the last of the waves and the end of my stream.
Sean was still pissing strong, so I fell to my knees and aimed his cock onto my face. I splashed some into my mouth, swallowed some, and sucked him as he shook out the last few drops. I worked my mouth and tongue to get him as hard as he could be, encouraged by his groans until I felt the telltale pulse that he was about to cum.
Then I did something I had never done before: I took my mouth off that magnificent cock of his and let him shoot his wad onto my face. His spurts turned to dribbles which I squeezed onto my tongue and kept blowing him again until he told me to stop.
“Enough! Oh, god, that’s enough!”
I collapsed to all fours, winded, and he stood tall with his fists on his hips, looking up at the night sky. “I love you so much,” I declared. He helped me to my feet but wouldn’t let me hug him.
“Uh, uh. C’mon.” He comically gripped my hand with his finger and thumb and walked me back to the house where he gently rinsed me off with the garden hose, using his hand to wipe his seed off my face.
“Time for a shower before bed, alright?” he asked, taking my hand firmly in his. Inside, we slipped and slid against each other’s soapy bodies, necking under the hot spray.
“I need to pee again. I mean, really, I need to go.”
“Yeah, so do I.”
We pressed our hips together and blended our piss with the rivers of steamy water trickling down our bodies. It didn’t take much to lather his cock hard again and we balanced ourselves for slippery, soapy, risky shower sex.
“I’m going to cum,” he moaned into my mouth. “Where do you want it?”
“Wherever you want it, baby,” I replied.
He lifted my leg and grunted his cum deep inside my pussy. I came right after, and we cuddled there long enough to rinse our fluids down the drain.
------------
I woke up horny before dawn, kissed his shoulder, and massaged his dick. “Piss off,” he muttered, not in the good way, and pulled the covers closer. I spooned him and tried to go back to sleep. Maybe later.
