Hello Ladies,
I love my fiance with all my heart. She is an amazing woman in so many ways.
But her love making skills aren't the greatest. I am a very attentive lover, spending lots of time with caressing, massaging, teasing. I love foreplay and love to go down on her (and will spend lots of time doing it). She is a squirter, and has multiple orgasms while i am doing it. I know she is turned on and i love to pleasure her.
But she really doesn't reciprocate. She will rarely go down on me and when she does, she will only do it for1 or 2 minutes. I know it isn't a hygiene issue as i always make sure that i am trimmed, showered, and smelling good. She also hardly ever touches me.
Any advice?
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How do I get my fiance to be a better lover
Big-haired Bitch/Personality Hire
Tell her.
Is she aware that she's not all that great at sex-making? Most people are oblivious until someone tells them.
So communicate to her where she needs improvement (delicately, of course). Or better yet, show her. Put her hands, mouth, etc. where you'd like them.
While you're in the act of making sex, say things like 'I wish you'd do this...' or 'I wish you'd do it this way...' or 'I wish you'd do this a bit longer.'
If she has other hangups about certain sex-making acts with you, explore the reasons why and go from there.
Is she aware that she's not all that great at sex-making? Most people are oblivious until someone tells them.
So communicate to her where she needs improvement (delicately, of course). Or better yet, show her. Put her hands, mouth, etc. where you'd like them.
While you're in the act of making sex, say things like 'I wish you'd do this...' or 'I wish you'd do it this way...' or 'I wish you'd do this a bit longer.'
If she has other hangups about certain sex-making acts with you, explore the reasons why and go from there.
"What is the quality of your intent?" - Thurgood Marshall
Her Royal Spriteness
you need to have a very long, very difficult, and very candid conversation about the reasons why she isn't comfortable or willing to do certain things. good luck. and seriously, this does need to be resolved before you do the "i do's".
You can’t truly call yourself peaceful unless you are capable of violence. If you’re not capable of violence, you’re not peaceful. You’re harmless.
Wild at Heart
What you gotta do is find a sluttier chick and then make her your fiance. I'm not even joking.
Active Ink Slinger
A very serious conversation. Statistics show if y'all are not comparable sexually it will be a rough relationship to keep together. I have seen many couples split because they are miles apart sexually.
Madam Carol
The biggest sex organ is the brain. If you assume she knows what you want without you telling her, then you are either an optimist to delusional. Tell her.
Active Ink Slinger
Listen to all the posts from the women here. They're right. It wont be an easy conversation but I think you need to have that talk before anything else happens. Open up the lines of communication. Good luck!
I think you should seek therapy together and that may reveal the root of the problem.
Best of luck and I hope you get you want to, whether it's answers or anything else.
Going to therapy may be the best route. My
You don't know why she isn't into giving head. There could be many reasons.
Does she give you any reason why she doesn't like to?
I hope Olivia can help you here as well.
Best of luck and I hope you get you want to, whether it's answers or anything else.
Going to therapy may be the best route. My
You don't know why she isn't into giving head. There could be many reasons.
Does she give you any reason why she doesn't like to?
I hope Olivia can help you here as well.
This rings a few bells!
(With TWO of my most beloved partners, the sex was AWFUL!!! In the most serious case, we had EVERYTHING ELSE going for us, communication, humor, tenderness, shared interests etc... We lived together for three years.)
Now, when I say awful, I mean WE KNEW WE'D BOTH HAD BETTER!!! It wasn't something we vocalized, BUT WE KNEW!!! In hindsight, I can SEE PERHAPS what the problems were... I was ALWAYS very gentle with her, overprotective, even. I THINK she found that at once LOVING but also FRUSTRATING!!! It was something we ALLUDED to, but neither of us felt comfortable PROPERLY discussing it, (mostly for fear of hurting the other...) We could talk about ANYTHING else, but the discussion of WHY our sex life wasn't as fulfilling as it MIGHT have been was something that both of us, I truly feel, were too AFRAID to honestly bring into the open.
In time, of course, it ended. (Both of us loved each other very deeply, I'm convinced, and THAT did not change, but the inability to involve a RECKLESS PASSION into that element of our relationship meant that something vital was missing. Sex is NOT a sacrament!)
COULD we have solved the issue? I will never know! I DO KNOW that I have NEVER loved a woman more, BUT IN THAT, I rather think I put her on a pedestal that, in hindsight, must have put her under a degree of pressure.
I've maintained since that it is probably advisable to love somebody when there's something about her you REALLY DON'T FUCKING LIKE!!! (I'm only half-joking!!!)
To be specific in regard to your own issue, relating it to my experience, I think my then partner and I were STYMIED by a loving closeness that bordered on adoration. NEITHER OF US could get over that enough to JUST FUCK!!!
(And do you know, were it all to happen again with HER, I'm not sure I could even now!)
xx SF
(She's married now, very happily, to a guy she met at a party when we were still SORT OF dating. They were married within months. I sometimes think that I was the guy she LEARNED HOW TO LOVE with... If that is true, (?) I think SHE might have been the girl who taught me how NOT to love a lady!!!) We don't talk now, at all. (Why would we?) But RATHER AMUSINGLY, she, (more than a year ago...) msg'sd me to advise me that a favorite actor of mine, JOE PANTOLIANO, was lecturing in Dublin on the subject of his experience of Manic Depression...
I said, "Did you send this message to ALL your crazy ex-BFs?"
She replied. "No. Just You. x"
(With TWO of my most beloved partners, the sex was AWFUL!!! In the most serious case, we had EVERYTHING ELSE going for us, communication, humor, tenderness, shared interests etc... We lived together for three years.)
Now, when I say awful, I mean WE KNEW WE'D BOTH HAD BETTER!!! It wasn't something we vocalized, BUT WE KNEW!!! In hindsight, I can SEE PERHAPS what the problems were... I was ALWAYS very gentle with her, overprotective, even. I THINK she found that at once LOVING but also FRUSTRATING!!! It was something we ALLUDED to, but neither of us felt comfortable PROPERLY discussing it, (mostly for fear of hurting the other...) We could talk about ANYTHING else, but the discussion of WHY our sex life wasn't as fulfilling as it MIGHT have been was something that both of us, I truly feel, were too AFRAID to honestly bring into the open.
In time, of course, it ended. (Both of us loved each other very deeply, I'm convinced, and THAT did not change, but the inability to involve a RECKLESS PASSION into that element of our relationship meant that something vital was missing. Sex is NOT a sacrament!)
COULD we have solved the issue? I will never know! I DO KNOW that I have NEVER loved a woman more, BUT IN THAT, I rather think I put her on a pedestal that, in hindsight, must have put her under a degree of pressure.
I've maintained since that it is probably advisable to love somebody when there's something about her you REALLY DON'T FUCKING LIKE!!! (I'm only half-joking!!!)
To be specific in regard to your own issue, relating it to my experience, I think my then partner and I were STYMIED by a loving closeness that bordered on adoration. NEITHER OF US could get over that enough to JUST FUCK!!!
(And do you know, were it all to happen again with HER, I'm not sure I could even now!)
xx SF
(She's married now, very happily, to a guy she met at a party when we were still SORT OF dating. They were married within months. I sometimes think that I was the guy she LEARNED HOW TO LOVE with... If that is true, (?) I think SHE might have been the girl who taught me how NOT to love a lady!!!) We don't talk now, at all. (Why would we?) But RATHER AMUSINGLY, she, (more than a year ago...) msg'sd me to advise me that a favorite actor of mine, JOE PANTOLIANO, was lecturing in Dublin on the subject of his experience of Manic Depression...
I said, "Did you send this message to ALL your crazy ex-BFs?"
She replied. "No. Just You. x"
Princess Popsicle
You need to have a very open and honest conversation with her about it. It may be that she is happy with how things are and is unwilling to change or she may have no idea she isn't fulfilling your needs and will immediately want to be a better lover for you.
You NEED to do this before you get married. Seriously. My ex fiancé was crap in the sack and after I tried to have a chat with him about it I realised it was never going to change- he was getting his fill of mundane nilla nookie and that was all that mattered to him. We broke up very shortly afterwards and, honestly, the sex was about 60% of the reason why. Personally I couldn't spend the rest of my life with someone who didn't meet my needs- be it sexual, emotional, physical or so on- and didn't care that it was an issue for me.
Magical Felix really does have a point.
You NEED to do this before you get married. Seriously. My ex fiancé was crap in the sack and after I tried to have a chat with him about it I realised it was never going to change- he was getting his fill of mundane nilla nookie and that was all that mattered to him. We broke up very shortly afterwards and, honestly, the sex was about 60% of the reason why. Personally I couldn't spend the rest of my life with someone who didn't meet my needs- be it sexual, emotional, physical or so on- and didn't care that it was an issue for me.
Magical Felix really does have a point.
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Quote by sprite
you need to have a very long, very difficult, and very candid conversation about the reasons why she isn't comfortable or willing to do certain things. good luck. and seriously, this does need to be resolved before you do the "i do's".
This is GREAT advise. Short and to the point.
Talk to her, honestly and lovingly. In sex no one 'owes' anyone anything. So find out why. In many cases like this there can be terrible secrets buried in the past so be prepared and don't be surprised at any skeletons you might dig up. If she does have a past interfering in any way, by patient and understanding. Regardless, if you can't work it out then ask for help. There are many professionals that can help depending on the underlying difficulty.
Good luck.