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women only please: confidence?
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Artistic Tart
This may sound strange, but stop thinking so much. Assuming these questions are sincere (which I give you the benefit of the doubt on), you're so far inside your own head that it's no wonder you're not having much luck. I agree that it's hard to convincingly fake confidence, but what you can do is focus on whoever you're interacting with, and not on your own performance. So maybe you'll never be the big swinging dick that walks into the room with all the right body language, all the right moves, and a knack for making a girl smile- so what? You're not that guy, but it doesn't mean you won't find people to connect with. Not every girl responds to 'that guy' anyway, and you're probably not a good match for most that do.
Be yourself, but don't use that as an excuse for being socially inept. You seem reasonably smart, which means you can watch others and learn, even if your social instincts aren't good. It probably will take practice, but learn how to relax around girls. We are just people, and aren't looking to judge you at every move. Once you relax a little, you'll find that just that bit of progress means you're allowing yourself to have confidence in who you are.
Be yourself, but don't use that as an excuse for being socially inept. You seem reasonably smart, which means you can watch others and learn, even if your social instincts aren't good. It probably will take practice, but learn how to relax around girls. We are just people, and aren't looking to judge you at every move. Once you relax a little, you'll find that just that bit of progress means you're allowing yourself to have confidence in who you are.
Active Ink Slinger
Quote by LadyX
This may sound strange, but stop thinking so much. Assuming these questions are sincere (which I give you the benefit of the doubt on), you're so far inside your own head that it's no wonder you're not having much luck. I agree that it's hard to convincingly fake confidence, but what you can do is focus on whoever you're interacting with, and not on your own performance. So maybe you'll never be the big swinging dick that walks into the room with all the right body language, all the right moves, and a knack for making a girl smile- so what? You're not that guy, but it doesn't mean you won't find people to connect with. Not every girl responds to 'that guy' anyway, and you're probably not a good match for most that do.
Be yourself, but don't use that as an excuse for being socially inept. You seem reasonably smart, which means you can watch others and learn, even if your social instincts aren't good. It probably will take practice, but learn how to relax around girls. We are just people, and aren't looking to judge you at every move. Once you relax a little, you'll find that just that bit of progress means you're allowing yourself to have confidence in who you are.
Is there a difference between a big swinging dick and big dick swinging? I think I'd rather be the former of the two.
Dude, all it's going to take is to find that one girl who digs you. That one girl who thinks you hung the moon. Even if it is a short lived romance, one girl that thinks your morning breath is a turn on and you'll get a little bit of confidence and swagger. If you are one of those guys that constantly gets put in the "friend" category, don't let that happen. If you meet a/some women keep your distance. If you become their best buddy then she won't see you as a sexual being. You don't have to be the cock of the walk to get a girl. Very few of us are THAT guy that can have any woman he wants. Take you time, find your niche. It will happen. But women (and men) can smell the desperation/fear on someone from a mile away. Even if they don't realize it. Chill out and let it come to you. It's kinda like the Force.. you just have to let it be what it is.
Sorry, I know this is for the women to answer.
When the debate is lost, slander becomes the tool of the loser. Socrates
Quote by lafayettemisterQuote by LadyX
This may sound strange, but stop thinking so much. Assuming these questions are sincere (which I give you the benefit of the doubt on), you're so far inside your own head that it's no wonder you're not having much luck. I agree that it's hard to convincingly fake confidence, but what you can do is focus on whoever you're interacting with, and not on your own performance. So maybe you'll never be the big swinging dick that walks into the room with all the right body language, all the right moves, and a knack for making a girl smile- so what? You're not that guy, but it doesn't mean you won't find people to connect with. Not every girl responds to 'that guy' anyway, and you're probably not a good match for most that do.
Be yourself, but don't use that as an excuse for being socially inept. You seem reasonably smart, which means you can watch others and learn, even if your social instincts aren't good. It probably will take practice, but learn how to relax around girls. We are just people, and aren't looking to judge you at every move. Once you relax a little, you'll find that just that bit of progress means you're allowing yourself to have confidence in who you are.
Is there a difference between a big swinging dick and big dick swinging? I think I'd rather be the former of the two.
Dude, all it's going to take is to find that one girl who digs you. That one girl who thinks you hung the moon. Even if it is a short lived romance, one girl that thinks your morning breath is a turn on and you'll get a little bit of confidence and swagger. If you are one of those guys that constantly gets put in the "friend" category, don't let that happen. If you meet a/some women keep your distance. If you become their best buddy then the won't see you as a sexual being. You don't have to be the cock of the walk to get a girl. Very few of us are THAT guy that can have any woman he wants. Take you time, find your niche. It will happen. But women (and men) can smell the desperation/fear on someone from a mile away. Even if they don't realize it. Chill out and let it come to you. It's kinda like the Force.. you just have to let it be what it is.
Sorry, I know this is for the women to answer.
Aaaw, LM, you can be one of the gals anytime!
Seriously Stud, listen to Lady X and LM - they have got it bang on the money...
Just relax, having a relationship shouldn't be the be all and end all..
As far as I can see, you're overthinking it and trying way too hard and yes, we CAN smell that a mile off and it ain't pretty - keep playing it that way and what you will attract towards to will not be good...
Confidence comes with time and from experience - if you don't have it, oyu aren't going to get it overnight... (keep working with the EFT, better still, find a practitioner in your area - PM me if you would like me to put you in touch with someone)
Chill...
Active Ink Slinger
Relax, breathe through it, and don't let a few rejections get you down. Success doesn't mean never failing, it means getting back up after you've failed. And when you're less concerned about being rejected, having more confidence should follow right behind.
Active Ink Slinger
Everyone has been dead on right!! Just relax. Everyone gets rejected from time to time. If they say they have never been rejected, either they are lying or they never tried to get in the game. Remember, even great baseball players fail 7 out of 10 times!! Just be yourself.
Quote by lafayettemisterQuote by LadyX
This may sound strange, but stop thinking so much. Assuming these questions are sincere (which I give you the benefit of the doubt on), you're so far inside your own head that it's no wonder you're not having much luck. I agree that it's hard to convincingly fake confidence, but what you can do is focus on whoever you're interacting with, and not on your own performance. So maybe you'll never be the big swinging dick that walks into the room with all the right body language, all the right moves, and a knack for making a girl smile- so what? You're not that guy, but it doesn't mean you won't find people to connect with. Not every girl responds to 'that guy' anyway, and you're probably not a good match for most that do.
Be yourself, but don't use that as an excuse for being socially inept. You seem reasonably smart, which means you can watch others and learn, even if your social instincts aren't good. It probably will take practice, but learn how to relax around girls. We are just people, and aren't looking to judge you at every move. Once you relax a little, you'll find that just that bit of progress means you're allowing yourself to have confidence in who you are.
Is there a difference between a big swinging dick and big dick swinging? I think I'd rather be the former of the two.
Dude, all it's going to take is to find that one girl who digs you. That one girl who thinks you hung the moon. Even if it is a short lived romance, one girl that thinks your morning breath is a turn on and you'll get a little bit of confidence and swagger. If you are one of those guys that constantly gets put in the "friend" category, don't let that happen. If you meet a/some women keep your distance. If you become their best buddy then she won't see you as a sexual being. You don't have to be the cock of the walk to get a girl. Very few of us are THAT guy that can have any woman he wants. Take you time, find your niche. It will happen. But women (and men) can smell the desperation/fear on someone from a mile away. Even if they don't realize it. Chill out and let it come to you. It's kinda like the Force.. you just have to let it be what it is.
Sorry, I know this is for the women to answer.
I agree with EVERYTHING posted above. FFS!!! Get a grip!! You've done nothing but bitch and moan on the forums, blogging, and to anyone who will listen. Calling yourself a loser makes you seem just that. No one can give you confidence. I'm sorry, they can't. There are things you are good at, so focus on those things. Find women who enjoy those things as well. You need to stop letting this consume you. You are NOT less of a person, because you don't have a GF. which is something you need to realize. Sorry, but the self pity shit is wearing on my last nerve.
Active Ink Slinger
You know all those insecurities in your head? Well they are the same as the insecurities in everyone else's heads. You are not unique and as soon as you stop seeing yourself as different from other people you'll feel better about yourself.
Right now you're looking at girls (or people in general) and assuming they're thinking "who's this guy, what a winey loser." Or some such. But I bet you nine out of ten are thinking. "I wish I hadn't worn this skirt, I hate my legs. I wonder if I can get the neighbour to feed the cat while I'm away. Ooo, that new movie comes out on..." etc etc
ALL people are self centered, insecure and paranoid (okay, most people, not THAT guy). People are not judging you, they actually don't care about you at all! They care about themselves. And that's the trick, as LadyX said, focus on the other person. Ask questions, be interested, give them your attention. People thrive on attention, it makes them feel better about themselves. Dish some out and you'll get some back, don't wait for people to make the first move all the time.
Right now you're looking at girls (or people in general) and assuming they're thinking "who's this guy, what a winey loser." Or some such. But I bet you nine out of ten are thinking. "I wish I hadn't worn this skirt, I hate my legs. I wonder if I can get the neighbour to feed the cat while I'm away. Ooo, that new movie comes out on..." etc etc
ALL people are self centered, insecure and paranoid (okay, most people, not THAT guy). People are not judging you, they actually don't care about you at all! They care about themselves. And that's the trick, as LadyX said, focus on the other person. Ask questions, be interested, give them your attention. People thrive on attention, it makes them feel better about themselves. Dish some out and you'll get some back, don't wait for people to make the first move all the time.
Wise Ass
Buddy you seem to post everywhere you can, to try to get attention.
Look at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself that you are good enough, smart enough and god donnit people like you. If you can not do that, you will only end up as a train wreck later in life.
Look at yourself in the mirror and tell yourself that you are good enough, smart enough and god donnit people like you. If you can not do that, you will only end up as a train wreck later in life.
The night that changed my life, a four part series of a married man lusting after his co-worker
[URL=http://www.lushstories.com/stories/reluctance/the-night-that-changed-my-life-1.aspx][IMG]http://i.imgur.com/WPPsy.jpg[/IMG][/URL]
[URL=http://www.lushstories.com/stories/reluctance/the-night-that-changed-my-life-1.aspx][IMG]http://i.imgur.com/WPPsy.jpg[/IMG][/URL]
Confidence is the first quality about a man or woman that will attract my attention. What it says to me is that you know who you are and you are ok with that. I suggest taking stock of your assets and liabilities. Realize that when you walk into a room that everyone else has there own list of assets and liablitites. And to help you fake it 'till you make it, try to figure out what kind of underwear everyone is wearing. I do a lot of public speaking and occasionally I will get nervous, the underwear bit helps me everytime.
Active Ink Slinger
Get selfish. Don't let anything or one but yourself get the best of you. You deserve happiness. Start like this and then work on making others happy along the way. Remember yourself. : )
Torture the data long enough and they will confess to anything.
Active Ink Slinger
Quote by CurlygirlyQuote by lafayettemisterQuote by LadyX
This may sound strange, but stop thinking so much. Assuming these questions are sincere (which I give you the benefit of the doubt on), you're so far inside your own head that it's no wonder you're not having much luck. I agree that it's hard to convincingly fake confidence, but what you can do is focus on whoever you're interacting with, and not on your own performance. So maybe you'll never be the big swinging dick that walks into the room with all the right body language, all the right moves, and a knack for making a girl smile- so what? You're not that guy, but it doesn't mean you won't find people to connect with. Not every girl responds to 'that guy' anyway, and you're probably not a good match for most that do.
Be yourself, but don't use that as an excuse for being socially inept. You seem reasonably smart, which means you can watch others and learn, even if your social instincts aren't good. It probably will take practice, but learn how to relax around girls. We are just people, and aren't looking to judge you at every move. Once you relax a little, you'll find that just that bit of progress means you're allowing yourself to have confidence in who you are.
Is there a difference between a big swinging dick and big dick swinging? I think I'd rather be the former of the two.
Dude, all it's going to take is to find that one girl who digs you. That one girl who thinks you hung the moon. Even if it is a short lived romance, one girl that thinks your morning breath is a turn on and you'll get a little bit of confidence and swagger. If you are one of those guys that constantly gets put in the "friend" category, don't let that happen. If you meet a/some women keep your distance. If you become their best buddy then she won't see you as a sexual being. You don't have to be the cock of the walk to get a girl. Very few of us are THAT guy that can have any woman he wants. Take you time, find your niche. It will happen. But women (and men) can smell the desperation/fear on someone from a mile away. Even if they don't realize it. Chill out and let it come to you. It's kinda like the Force.. you just have to let it be what it is.
Sorry, I know this is for the women to answer.
I agree with EVERYTHING posted above. FFS!!! Get a grip!! You've done nothing but bitch and moan on the forums, blogging, and to anyone who will listen. Calling yourself a loser makes you seem just that. No one can give you confidence. I'm sorry, they can't. There are things you are good at, so focus on those things. Find women who enjoy those things as well. You need to stop letting this consume you. You are NOT less of a person, because you don't have a GF. which is something you need to realize. Sorry, but the self pity shit is wearing on my last nerve.
Maybe this is the problem. You come across as desperate, looking for pity. Before others will like you, you have to like yourself, and it seems like you dont. Is this just a problem with girls or is deeper than that?
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