I've always been into BDSM, this is something I always wanted to experience. Deep down though, I will admit, I feel shameful and get upset at myself. This is what I want, but it seems like anytime I try to find an online relationship with a Dom, they seem to push sex almost immediately. Is this how it is? I thought trust would be have to be developed overtime for you to feel comfortable with them. I've chatted with a few of them online and I noticed how angry they get when it's not about sex. I don't think it's completely about sex, it has to be more than that right? Or am I mistaken?
To tell them your secrets, things your afraid of, things you enjoy to do. Don't they want to get to know there sub? Isn't there tasks given to them daily and rules to be followed? Or is it different for everyone? I am new to all of this and asking questions because it's something I do want to experience, but I know I have to look after myself too. So I'd love to hear your opinions and thoughts on this, because this is all new to me and I'm trying to understand it in depth. Thank you.
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BDSM and question I have
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The Horrors Persist
A good Dom won't be pushing sex immediately, they'll want to build a relationship with you, gain trust etc. No-one in their right mind will allow a stranger to tie them up or do things they may not necessarily enjoy straight away. These "Doms" are probably fuckboys so if you're looking for something long-term it's probably not going to happen with one of them.
There's likely to be someone suitable on the websites though. It's just treating it like you would with regular, online dating. If they give you a bad vibe then it's best to move on.
There's likely to be someone suitable on the websites though. It's just treating it like you would with regular, online dating. If they give you a bad vibe then it's best to move on.
Her Royal Spriteness
hi Sam. What UtterChaos said is 100% on. just going to add a little too it.
D/s relationships require trust. on both the part of the Dom/me and the sub. any good Dom/me and sub should take time getting to know each other both as sexual beings and as people. and it's not just about the sex. sex is only part of it. sometimes a huge part, but also, sometimes a much smaller part. and yeah. there are going to be guys online who really just want to jump in and tie someone up (virtually, of course) and cyber and get off - if that's what someone is looking for, than fine - it sounds to me, though, that you are looking for something more than that to explore.
my advice, just keep looking around, meet new people, and if you find someone you click with, someone willing to chat, to get to know you, that doesn't want to just jump into the sex, than just let it develop naturally, just like any relationship and, when you're both ready, take it to another level, one you are comfortable with. by then, btw, they should have a very good idea what you are comfortable with and you should have developed a bond of trust. otherwise, yeah, it's just kind of a fuck session.
i've done the online thing a couple of times, and both time it was with people i considered good friends before we became a D/s couple. i'm also currently involved with a Domme IRL (2.5 years now) and it is not all about sex all the time and we took it nice and slow and talked a lot of things through before trying them...
in either situation, communication and honesty are key - and that goes for the sub too - if something bothers you, if you don't like something, stop, and talk it through and explain your feelings. also, if there's something you really want to try and are embarrassed, you need to trust your Dom/me enough to be able to talk to them about it.
hope that helps. and my PM box is always open if you have questions you don't want to put out in public. no pressure, but just an option.
Rachel
D/s relationships require trust. on both the part of the Dom/me and the sub. any good Dom/me and sub should take time getting to know each other both as sexual beings and as people. and it's not just about the sex. sex is only part of it. sometimes a huge part, but also, sometimes a much smaller part. and yeah. there are going to be guys online who really just want to jump in and tie someone up (virtually, of course) and cyber and get off - if that's what someone is looking for, than fine - it sounds to me, though, that you are looking for something more than that to explore.
my advice, just keep looking around, meet new people, and if you find someone you click with, someone willing to chat, to get to know you, that doesn't want to just jump into the sex, than just let it develop naturally, just like any relationship and, when you're both ready, take it to another level, one you are comfortable with. by then, btw, they should have a very good idea what you are comfortable with and you should have developed a bond of trust. otherwise, yeah, it's just kind of a fuck session.
i've done the online thing a couple of times, and both time it was with people i considered good friends before we became a D/s couple. i'm also currently involved with a Domme IRL (2.5 years now) and it is not all about sex all the time and we took it nice and slow and talked a lot of things through before trying them...
in either situation, communication and honesty are key - and that goes for the sub too - if something bothers you, if you don't like something, stop, and talk it through and explain your feelings. also, if there's something you really want to try and are embarrassed, you need to trust your Dom/me enough to be able to talk to them about it.
hope that helps. and my PM box is always open if you have questions you don't want to put out in public. no pressure, but just an option.
Rachel
You can’t truly call yourself peaceful unless you are capable of violence. If you’re not capable of violence, you’re not peaceful. You’re harmless.
Wild at Heart
Quote by Enchanted_DreamSam
I've always been into BDSM, this is something I always wanted to experience. Deep down though, I will admit, I feel shameful and get upset at myself. This is what I want, but it seems like anytime I try to find an online relationship with a Dom, they seem to push sex almost immediately. Is this how it is? I thought trust would be have to be developed overtime for you to feel comfortable with them. I've chatted with a few of them online and I noticed how angry they get when it's not about sex. I don't think it's completely about sex, it has to be more than that right? Or am I mistaken?
To tell them your secrets, things your afraid of, things you enjoy to do. Don't they want to get to know there sub? Isn't there tasks given to them daily and rules to be followed? Or is it different for everyone? I am new to all of this and asking questions because it's something I do want to experience, but I know I have to look after myself too. So I'd love to hear your opinions and thoughts on this, because this is all new to me and I'm trying to understand it in depth. Thank you.
Here's a free peak into the male mind.
If there is a guy online pursuing something like this? Those options out there in the real world? Slim pickin's... Or he could be married... Both lead to a very horny repressed bunch that want/need to cut to the chase already. They don't have time for your favorite movie, excuse me, film, or if Scorpio is compatible with Uranus or anything else like that.
Then you have the ones that put in the time and all that then.. they put in more time... and more time... more time. And now they are like, look, do you like to be choked slammed or what right away to not waste time.
Honesty? Communication? "Yeah.. You're so right babe..." while thinking but does she like to get choke slammed... That's about as honest as guys are going to be online. Dial it down by 20% in person.
So... put in the time... See who is the least boldest dom of them all that will outlast the rest and then gently allow him to explore the BDSM lifestyle with you I guess.
I'm holding back a tear.
Have fun you crazy kid.
The Horrors Persist
Quote by Magical_felix
oops..
Your advice made sense. I don't understand why someone would leave over the responses given here so it must have been something else.
Wild at Heart
Quote by utterchaos
Your advice made sense. I don't understand why someone would leave over the responses given here so it must have been something else.
I could have been less sarcastic about it but I mean... BDSM? Gotta have tougher skin than that if it was over this thread.
But like you say, must have been something else.
Her Royal Spriteness
Quote by Magical_felix
I could have been less sarcastic about it but I mean... BDSM? Gotta have tougher skin than that if it was over this thread.
But like you say, must have been something else.
i dunno. i once almost left cause you called me a chick. that still gives me bad feelings. and yeah, i doubt very much your post was reason to flee - sad, though, cause i like her and thought she would fit in well. happens, though. even with people who have been around for a while. lost a few people that i considered friends who just went 'poof' one day.
You can’t truly call yourself peaceful unless you are capable of violence. If you’re not capable of violence, you’re not peaceful. You’re harmless.