It's Halloween, and I stand in front of my mirror, considering my physique as I button up my black shirt, dressing to impress. It's been three weeks since I broke up with Ruth, and after much agonising, I'm finally ready to make my move. Tonight I plan to be honest about my feelings and tell Justin exactly what I think about him.

I've practised what I want to say repeatedly in my head for years, trying to work out the best way to get it out, but I'm nervous knowing our friendship is on the line by doing this. All I know is that I can't live this lie any longer and waste my time with those I don't like. It's becoming tougher to maintain this pretence, and watching him with others is killing me. The sooner this is out in the open, the better.

I finish dressing, put on my skull mask, then go downstairs to where the party has already started. My brother John has gone all-out tonight, draping fake cobweb over the bannister, ceilings and doorways. There are easily over eighty people crammed in here, and music is blaring from the living room where the DJ has set up. Squeezing past a group of girls from my year, I head inside the kitchen to grab a drink and spot Justin with his back to me, talking with Shaun.

"Hi, guys!"

"Oh, you've finally decided to join us," Justin says, turning to give me a wide, lopsided grin. "I was expecting something better with how long you've kept us, but that is the laziest outfit I've ever seen."

"I tried facepaint, but it looked shit. You want a drink?" I ask, holding out a beer. 

"Not for me, I'm driving tonight," Shaun responds, patting me on the shoulder as he passes by. "I need to find Kayleigh. See you both later, okay?"

Justin, as usual, looks gorgeous, with his mussed-up jet black hair and easy-going smile reaching his warm, earthy-hued eyes. Taking the bottle from my hand, our fingers briefly touch, and the familiar sensation of butterflies flutters within my stomach.

"Hey, you got the ones I like? Thanks!"

"Of course," I smile, my gaze dropping to his doctor's outfit and the stethoscope draped over his shoulders. "I like your costume. So, does the stethoscope work?"

"Want me to try it out on you?"

"Sure. I guess we could..."

With him putting on the earpieces and me unbuttoning the top of my shirt, he places the cold resonator against my chest. Close enough that I can feel his breath on my neck, his expression turns thoughtful as he listens to my racing heart.

Should I tell him now?

"Hm, I think you may be sick," he laughs, oblivious to my turmoil as he steps back. "Or I'm just doing it wrong. You may want to get a second opinion."

With the opportunity slipping away, I fold my arms across my chest. "It's good you don't plan to be a doctor, then."

"Well, not officially," he winks, nudging me in the bicep. "I heard Rachel has a thing for roleplay."

"Rachel from our science class? I don't understand why you bother... She's turned you down six times already!"

"She had plans last time."

"Plans? She was getting off with David on my birthday," I scoff, irritated by the mention of her. "You need to learn when to quit because she clearly sees herself as out of your league."

Momentarily, Justin appears hurt by my snippy remark with his natural, easy-going smile dropping. 

"You think she's out of my league? I bet you twenty quid I'll fuck her tonight."

"That's not what I meant... I just think you deserve better than that," I try to explain, backtracking slightly. "I hate seeing you pretend that you're okay when she turns you down."

Acknowledging my better phrasing, he nods. "Alright. If she turns me down tonight, I'll walk away. So, you want to go outside for a smoke? Grab your guitar or something?"

Deciding we have nothing better to do, we go out into the garden with my acoustic then find my brother John getting high with some of his friends and a couple of girls I invited. Joining them, we sit down on the patio steps, and I roll out two joints, handing one to Justin. 

"Fuck, it's cold tonight! I should have brought a jacket," Justin complains, shivering beside me. "Give me your lighter."

"Do you want to borrow one of my hoodies?"

"Nah, it's fine. Just get close and let me steal your body heat," he grins, moving nearer.

Beside me, with his thigh pressed against mine, my heart starts thumping rapidly again, and my hands turn clammy. I wish I could put an arm around him to warm him up, but I'm not ready to tell him how I feel yet. I need more alcohol to take the edge off, so I take a swig from my beer and decide to put it off until we're alone.

After a few hours of smoking and drinking, while we sing along to my guitar, I become fuzzy around the edges, growing in confidence. We haven't sipped beers and messed around like this since the summer, and I've missed it. With John heading indoors with Sadie from my English class, latched to his arm, I know this is the best chance I'm going to get tonight.

"Give me a song, Justin. Hit me with anything you can think of, and I'll try to play it," I say, hoping to impress him.

"That Evanescence one! My Immortal," Rachel practically shrieks as she joins us, dressed as an angel, sitting down on a deck chair near Justin.

Peeved by her arrival, my tone becomes snarky in my response. "Since when was your name, Justin? Are you seriously trying to depress us, Rachel?"

"It's a good song. I bet you're just one of those posers who can't actually play," she says, reaching over to lay her hand on Justin's knee.

"Just play it for her, Matt."

"Fuck you," I mutter under my breath, beginning to play Weezer's 'Tired of sex' to ruin the mood.

"...Or just play whatever you want," he shrugs, moving to sit next to her. "So, have I died and gone to heaven because I swear I'm looking at an angel right now?"

As I watch him flirting badly with his latest fascination, my chest pangs as I miss my moment yet again. I'm usually sure of myself until it comes down to who I actually love. Then I clam up, uncertain of how to act or what I should say, like now because someone else has grabbed his attention.

I wish he could see me as something more.

Flicking his fringe out of his eyes, he glances over at me, giving me a carefree, broad grin as he notices me watching. Caught staring, unable to find the courage to express my feelings, I return the smile like I always do. Justin will never see me as anything other than a friend.

As Rachel climbs on his lap, I decide to leave, opposed to being the third wheel while they get off. "I'm going to the off-license."

In the bathroom, with my hands trembling in anger, I grip the sink and glare at myself in the mirror. I can't do this to myself anymore. I need to stop being a fucking wimp and worrying about the fallout if I'm rejected. This is my own fault for hiding everything for all of these years, and if he knows how I feel, perhaps he would be discrete rather than blatantly shoving it in my face.

I need to tell him.

Sick with the anxiety of knowing what I have to do, I splash my face to freshen up. I'm going to be outed and likely rebuffed at once, but at least, I'll be able to work on moving forward with my life. If anyone treats me differently over my sexuality, then that's their problem, not mine.

Stepping out of the bathroom, I grab my guitar leaning against the wall to return it first to my bedroom. However, before I've even turned the handle on my door, I hear whispering and giggling on the other side, so in a fury, I swing it open.

Like a deer in headlights, in reverse cowgirl in the middle of my bed, Rachel stops fucking Justin. Seething in rage at their audacity, I want to rip them apart, but I just stand there like a lemon, speechless as I survey the sight of them naked together.

Smiling, sweetly, Rachel brushes her touselled hair over a shoulder, beckoning me over. "You're back, finally. Come play with us."

I'm crestfallen at her words, realising that the threesome we'd promised to not speak about has been revealed by him. 

"Justin, I need to talk to you," I reply, tearing my eyes away. "In private."

Shutting the door behind us, Justin, still undressed and in a dishevelled state, props himself up against my wall. He doesn't seem to be himself as he sniggers with laughter, entirely unashamed by his behaviour, half-cut and buzzing from whatever he's had in the past twenty minutes.

"So, you're joining us, yeah? Come on, I told Rach that you would."

"What exactly did you tell Rachel? That we had a threesome with Ruth? Have you forgotten about the chat we had in the car?"

"About pretending it never happened? Was it really that bad? It's not like we fucked each other," he scoffs, rolling his eyes at me. "Mate, I didn't think it would be a big deal, and she's well up for it. I don't want to let her down."

"It's a huge fucking deal! I felt like shit after! How could you promise something like that after how awkward it was last time? You haven't even spoken to me about it. I'm your friend, and you're planning things like this behind my back, thinking you can just spring it on me? Did you even consider how I would feel?"

"Come on, Matt, don't be like that. It's only meant to be a bit of fun. It's not like it will mean anything, and no one else has to know if you're worried someone will think you're gay."

"Is that supposed to be a joke? Fuck you, Justin, and get the fuck out of my house."

I'm livid as I step away, turning my back on him. There's no way I can consider talking to him when he only wants to use me to impress a girl. I don't understand why I even like him as a friend with how self-centred he is. The urge to find someone to release my frustrations with is surfacing, but I know it wouldn't be fair, and I'll be just as selfish as Justin to use them in that way. I'll grin and bear it, pretending everything is okay like I always fucking do because nothing will ever change.

With my mouth feeling dry and unable to return to my room, I head downstairs for water. From a quick scan of the house, most of the others seem to have left with how late it is, but I notice a girl dressed like a cat downing a drink near the sink when I walk into the kitchen.

"You'll make yourself sick," I warn as I open the cupboard for a cup, dreading my restless night on the couch.

Spinning around, she answers defiantly, "I'll be fine."

"If you say so," I shrug before turning on the tap.

"Don't you want anything stronger? I have Jack Daniels if you'd like to share with me?" 

Her chestnut curls weaved with strands of copper frame brilliant green eyes that boldly challenge me. Warily, I skim over her black lace dress then realise she's absolutely tiny, barely reaching chest height. 

"No, thanks."

"I'm not trying to get you drunk, you know?"

Does she think I'm shy of her?

However, no one has ever spoken to me that way, and inexplicably, I can feel my cheeks burn red. Without a word, I slide my cup across the kitchen island towards her and watch as she pours out an overly generous measure of half a pint, which she hands back to me. 

"... Not trying to get me drunk... Jeez! How long have you been here?" I ask, wondering why I hadn't seen her earlier.

"Most of the night," she says, pushing an errant lock behind her ear. "I saw you outside with your friend earlier. I didn't know you were good at playing the guitar, Matt."

"Ah, we were just messing around," I reply, surprised by her familiarity. I don't recall having met. "Maybe next time, you could join us?"

I gulp back some of my drink as I search her face, trying to work out who she is. She reminds me of someone, but I cannot place her, although she must be from my sixth form to know about the party. I should ask for her name, but then she might be hurt when she clearly knows mine.

"I doubt your friend would like me around," she says, wrinkling her painted-on nose and whiskers.

"What makes you say that? He can be a massive jerk at times towards me, but he's never mean to women, especially when they're as pretty as you... Or has he already hit on you?"

"You think I'm pretty? I bet you tell all women that."

I've put my foot in it and opened my mouth without thinking. I wasn't even meaning to flirt. "Well, you are, but I'll shut up if you'd prefer?"

"No!" she suddenly yells, startling me as she grabs my forearm, sloshing drink down the front of my shirt. "I mean, I've never heard anyone call me pretty before, and I kinda like it." 

"That's hard to believe. I'm sure you've had plenty of admirers tonight, especially with those adorable cat ears," I say, grinning as I give them a playful tug. "You're very cute."

Self-conscious from the attention, she starts touching her hair, smiling in shyness. "I may have had a few comments, but I had been hoping to talk to you."

"Me? That's... unexpected. Why didn't you speak to me earlier?"

"I was hoping that you'd approach me. I wasn't sure if you would, with you never noticing me before. I doubt you even remember my name."

"Oh, I'm sure I have. I'm terrible with names, but I recognise your face. You go to my sixth form, right?" I lie, hoping to stumble upon the truth. "You used to be in my class? I'm one hundred percent certain you're not in my science or mathematics class. Fuck, it's gonna be something like drama or media a few years ago. Yeah?"

"You're studying A-level mathematics and science?"

"Yes, why do you look surprised?"

"I just thought you'd pick easy subjects."

"I'm not sure if I should be offended by that?"

"You just seem the type. Scruffy, and artistic rather than-"

"Intelligent? You waited all night to tell me that? Ouch! Well, this is a definite first for me," I laugh, amused by her bizarre method of flirting. "So, have you ever managed to pick anyone up with these backhanded compliments? It seems like a risky tactic to insinuate that someone is stupid."

"I didn't mean it like that," she mutters, appearing annoyed, almost angry with herself. "Look, I'm not used to talking to guys..."

"I can tell," I tease, hoping to lighten the mood as I glimpse at the remaining alcohol in my cup. "So, were you lying and attempting to get me drunk? Because you're doing an outstanding job if you are. What is it that you want from me?"

"I was just trying to get you to open up. I heard you're hard to talk to and closed off, almost unapproachable."

"Open up? You sound like you could be dangerous if you're trying to get me to spill all of my secrets. Maybe I shouldn't drink the rest, and you can just ask me what it is you want to know?"

"Why were you arguing with your friend?" she blurts out without consideration.

I hadn't realised we'd been that loud, but we hadn't exactly been discrete about it. How much of our argument did she hear? 

"You heard that, huh? He was asking me to do something I didn't wanna, but it's no big deal."

"I heard something about a threesome with some girl. How does that work? Did you have sex with your friend?"

"Definitely not!" I respond, stunned by her forwardness. "Are you asking me about the logistics of a threesome? Do you need sex advice, or did Shaun set you up for this? I wouldn't be surprised..."

"No, I was just curious about your friendship," she says, smiling at me as our eyes meet. "So, did you want to do it and make love?"

"Make love? Wow, you're just going straight for it. I admire your confidence, but it's best we don't. I'm not in the greatest of moods, so I'll only be using you if we fuck, and then you'll think I'm a jerk because I won't call you after."

"Please? It's impossible to speak to you at lunch, so I came here, tonight specifically, to see you. Whenever I think about you, my chest gets tight, and I feel sick. I just hope you will give me a chance. I love you, Matthew."

It takes a moment to sink in that this stranger is confessing to me. "Wait. You actually like me?"

With a nod, she moves nearer, and her arms wrap around me, her head sinking against my chest. I can't remember a single moment where I've been hugged since I lost my mother, but hesitantly, my arms coil around, and I crush her body against mine, needing the comfort. I didn't envision my night ending like this. I highly suspected an end to my friendship with Justin, maybe even a fight, but then I'd predictably chickened out. This girl, on the other hand, has put aside her fears and acted with the courage I've never been able to muster in an attempt to get what she wants.

Perhaps only one of us has to be left broken-hearted tonight?

My hand strokes her cheek, and I tilt her up to face me, with a desperate wish to recognise her, wondering what she sees in me. She's an absolute mystery, but from her story, it seems she's been admiring me for some time, right beneath my nose. How have I never noticed her before? Clear complexioned, with a voluptuous, natural pout, and mesmerising Eden-green eyes that I could get lost in. I feel like I need to know her further.

Chastely, my lips press against hers, and the sweetness of vanilla from her exposed neck hits me with a sense of familiarity again. I feel like I should find this unsettling, but instead, I find myself being drawn further into this enigma and becoming hungrier for the knowledge of what lies beneath.

With my hands running over the curve of her hips, our bodies instinctively mould to each other as I push her legs apart and lift her up on the countertop. My need to know her intimately is fuelled as she surrenders to my prying tongue, then in shyness at feeling me firm between her thighs, she breathlessly breaks our kiss.

"I've been dreaming about this moment for what feels like forever," she sighs before smiling wistfully and wrapping her arms around my neck. "Take me to your bed?"

I'm not sure what to say to her, with Justin currently occupying my room, but it's probably for the best that we don't take this further. I don't think I've ever bared the better side of me at school, and a small part of me is sceptical that she can actually like me from the way she's probably seen me behave.

"Not tonight, but maybe the next time we meet, we could get to know each other? You haven't even told me your name. Why don't we go on a date first? I'm free next weekend, so we could go to the cinema and have dinner together then see what happens?"

Unexpectedly, tears begin to stream from her eyes, and she jumps off the counter without answering me, fleeing from the kitchen. Have I wrongly assumed something and offended her?

The front door slams shut, so baffled, I chase after her, but I see a double-parked car pull off as I run down the front garden path. With no other sign of her up and down the avenue, I can only suspect that someone has come to pick her up. 

If only she had given me her name.

-----

I arrive at sixth-form on Monday, determined to find the girl who had tried to seduce me, unable to put the thought of her to the back of my mind. For my own peace, I need to make sure she got home safely at the very least, regardless of whatever she thinks of me.

From replaying what happened Friday night, I can't find anything in my actions to have caused her upset other than the fact I technically turned her down. I wasn't in the right place for a start, and I didn't have enough time to process how to react. I doubt it would have been a mind-blowing experience for either of us, but did I wrong her by not fucking her? I'm pretty sure I acted honourably, so I can't understand it. 

Unsurprisingly, when I bump into Justin at our first lesson together in science, he acts awkwardly with me. I suspected it with him disappearing at the crack of dawn the morning after, and from the way he turns away from me, he seems unwilling to discuss it. I definitely made the right call to not get involved, but I cannot concentrate on my lesson with flashbacks of both of them in my bed. 

Every single time I finally work up the nerve to say something, I'm set back by someone coming between us. I was sure that the time was right, but I don't know anymore. Perhaps it isn't meant to be, and I need to learn to accept it once and for all.

Someone pats me on the shoulder, and I raise my head off my folded arms to see that the class is over. I've been so lost in my own thoughts recently that the days are turning into a blur.

"Matthew, is everything alright?" Mrs Robinson says, caressing the back of my hair. "If you're not in a rush, could we talk? I need to speak to you."

"I'm fine, Elaine," I say, shrugging her off me before slamming my textbook closed. "I'm going to be late for English, so if it's that important, then call me later, okay?"

"It won't take a minute, please? Gary is away this weekend, and I miss you..."

"Elaine, we can't keep doing this!" 

"Why not? I thought we had fun together?"

"It stopped being fun when you began turning up at my house and telling me you were going to leave your husband," I snap, without looking at her, knowing I'll be tempted. "I'm not interested in you anymore."

I grab my rucksack then break into a sprint as I leave her behind. As much as I enjoy fucking Elaine, it has only been about the sex, and I have no desire to use anyone again. Outside of our liaisons, we have nothing in common, and I find her personality insipid. I'm craving more than physical intimacy in my life. I need someone who makes me feel alive, who challenges me, and keeps me on my toes. The kind of person who remains in my every waking thought the moment they're away from me.

Someone who isn't unobtainable to me like Justin.

Abruptly, I collide with someone's elbow as I fly around the corner, scattering her art folder and books across the ground. My mates, including Justin, immediately begin to jeer as she scrambles to collect her things, but instead of joining in with them, I help her by gathering up her life drawings, which I study, stunned by her talent.

"I'm so fucking sorry," I begin to apologise, with it being entirely my fault yet again. "I need to look where I'm going and stop running into you. Second time in a month, right?"

Suddenly, Chris throws a packet of crisps which hit her glasses, to further cackles of laughter from my classmates.

"Could you refrain from throwing wrappers at me!" she says, her breath ragged as she holds back her sobs in humiliation.

"Why, what are you going to do about it?" Justin challenges, glancing down at her prefect badge on her navy blazer. "You gonna report us?"

"Fucking arseholes," she grumbles to herself, snatching her artwork away from me as she kneels on the floor to sort through her things. 

"What did you call us?" Chris snarls, using his size to intimidate her by standing over her.

Responding to the rapidly escalating situation, horrified by what I'm witnessing, I shove him back against the wall, caring little for his reaction. "Leave her alone, Chris. I fucking mean it."

His face blazes with fury, nose flaring as he considers retaliating. Then with a clenched fist, he punches the poster board next to him, deciding better than to provoke me, knowing I won't hesitate to beat the living shit out of him.

With him leaving, I extend my hand to help the girl up, but she ignores it and turns her face away, unwilling to acknowledge me at all.

"I really am sorry, you know, and my friends aren't usually like that," I explain, feeling terrible by associating with them. "Well, everyone apart from Chris, but I've never liked him, to be honest."

"Perhaps you should get better friends, who aren't bullies," she says, shooting me daggers from her startling vivid green eyes.

Instantly recognising her, I quickly block off her exit, knowing it has to be her.

"It's you! The girl I constantly bump into because I'm never paying attention to what I'm doing. It was you... I actually found you!"

I lean in to remove her black-rimmed glasses so I can kiss her, but I've clearly misread the situation resulting in a hard slap, which stings. It hasn't deterred me, however, with me bizarrely enjoying the sensation of it.

"Leave me alone."

"You didn't protest when we were making out the other day? Have I done something to wrong you?"

From behind me, Justin begins to laugh, then gestures to her. "So this is the woman I heard threw herself at you? How desperate..."

Before I have the chance to set him straight, the girl shoves past me, flashing me a look of revulsion as she runs off, leaving her artwork behind. Immediately, I pick it up and take off after her, needing to know the sudden change in her attitude towards me.

At the end of the next corridor, I catch up to her and grab her by the arm. "Hold up! Tell me what this is all about. You were really eager only a few days back and trying to get in my bed."

She tries to pull away from me, with her face streaked with tears. "You and your friends are all arseholes!" 

I release my grip, hoping that she won't run again, dismayed she thinks I want to embarrass her.

"I just helped you out. Well, it was my fault, to begin with, but I'm not like them. You came to my party, to speak to me. You must have known who I am and who my friends are already? Are you really not interested in me?"

"Of course, I knew who you were. But you're just a fuck boy, and now you know who I am, so you're just going to tease me like they always do."

Her words cut deep!

"I'm hurt you think so poorly of me!" I protest, reading between the lines. "But, I like to think I'm not that superficial, although you still are pretty, even without your tail and whiskers."

"Your friends are idiots," she sighs, finally looking directly at me. "No one notices me normally, but I wanted things to be different for this final year."

"This is where I should tell you I've noticed you, but I've collided with you three times since September, alone. Perhaps I should say you're hard to miss?" I joke, laughing nervously. "Can I try to make it up to you at least?"

She chews her lip as she considers my proposal.

"You do stop to help me up, and your hands are always so gentle. I would like that..."

I pull my phone from my pocket, then hand it over to her, deciding in that instant that I do want to know more about her. "So may I call you about that date this weekend?" 

"Sure."

Turning crimson red, she types in her details before passing it back to me, and finally, I'm able to know her name. "Louise? Your name is just as beautiful as you."

"You're smooth, just like they said you are..."

"What's with these insults? I guess you listen to the girls a lot, but I'm being sincere. Now, may we try for that kiss? Unless you want to slap me again. I'll take either."

Cautiously, my nose brushes hers before I kiss her, our bodies pressing together against the lockers. Melting in my embrace, Louise's hands run through my hair, so I hold her closer to me, enjoying the comfort. All too soon, the bell rings, and with her shifting uncomfortably in my arms, I'm forced to release her. Late for class, she takes her folder from me with a shy smile, then runs off, leaving me wanting.

Already wishing I had more time to speak with her, I send her a text message, hoping to continue our conversation. I have a feeling that somehow, my life is going to change just by having her in it.

"You've gotta be joking!" Justin says in bewilderment, and I'm suddenly aware he was watching us. "This can't be the girl you were seen with? I was expecting someone hot, not that prefect! What the fuck are you thinking?"

"What am I thinking? I think you're a prick who'll put a one-night stand before his own friend," I say, shoving past him. 

-----

I arrive home, stressed from the realisation that Justin isn't the same person I liked and enjoyed being around. Immediately, I pour myself a large scotch then recline in my high-back desk chair to re-evaluate, knowing I may need to put space between us. He didn't even seem bothered by the idea that I had met someone, just that it wasn't someone he deems attractive to his standards. 

We've known each other since we were at preschool together, with our mum's being friends, but I can feel that we're starting to drift apart. I don't think I can continue standing by, enabling his selfish behaviour, and he hasn't even attempted to apologise. 

My phone begins to ring on my desk, shrilly ripping me away from my thoughts. Finishing the remainder of my drink, I look at the caller ID, then grin as I answer it.

"Louise? I honestly didn't think I was going to hear from you so soon."

"Are you up to anything right now?"

"No, I'm free actually," I reply, softening at her voice. "Why? Did you want to meet up and cash in on my offer of a date early?"

"Maybe, but could I just come over to yours?"

"Here? Are you sure? I guess I have a film we could watch," I reply, rifling through my DVD collection. "Would you like me to pick you up?"

Without answering, she hangs up on me, so not knowing how long she'll be, I quickly strip out of my uniform and shower.

Louise arrives twenty minutes later, and I open the front door to find her wet through, caught out by a sudden downpour. Quickly, I guide her to the living room to get warmed up, then take her thin sodden jacket to hang up to dry. Returning to her, I light the gas fire, then hand her a towel for her hair.

"Here you go, try to get dry while I order pizza," I say, wishing she had let me pick her up in the car. "Pepperoni, okay?"

I dial for the pizza in the hall, glancing over my shoulder while she sits on the rug, warming her bare feet in front of the fire. She's truly stunning and absolutely glowing in the light, demure in a black sweater with a denim skirt.

Justin is blind if he can't recognise natural beauty.

She turns to smile at me, and like a moth to a flame, I'm drawn back to her. Taking my hand, she invites me to sit beside her, and gently I kiss her, continuing where we'd left off until the pizza arrives.

With the doorbell interrupting us, I reluctantly drag myself away and pay for our food. 

"Do you want to come upstairs to my room to eat? My brother will be home soon, and he'll probably pester you."

With a nod, she follows me up the stairs, threading her fingers through mine. I hope she's not uncomfortable being around me alone like this, but I have no ulterior motives tonight. I'm desperate to feel an attachment to someone that transcends sex.

"Your house is huge compared to mine," she exclaims, paying attention to the photographs lining the walls. "Is that your family?"

"Yeah, it is. This used to be my grandparents' until they passed although I've always lived here. My father is never home, so it hasn't changed at all."

"You're lucky to have so much space. I still have to share with my sister."

I bring her into my room, and she slumps down on my bed, glancing around, taking in the sight of my walls plastered in band posters and old gig tickets.

"My room is a bit of a mess," I apologise, noticing her zeroing in on my overflowing washing basket. "Did you want a drink? Coffee, tea?"

"Anything stronger?" she says, pointing to the bottle on my desk that I'd left out. "Tough day for you too?"

"Something like that," I reply sheepishly, handing her the pizza box. "You want ice with it?"

Quickly, I charge downstairs, then return with another glass and pour us both a large measure over ice. I'm much more anxious with her in my bedroom than I had anticipated, knowing there's a possibility of our relationship progressing before the night is through. She's already shown she's keen enough, and I hate to disappoint.

"Could you play something on your guitar again?" she asks me, placing her glasses beside the bed.

"I guess I can, but I make no promises that I'm any good."

Sitting down near her, with my acoustic guitar resting on my lap, I tap the body restlessly as I rack my brain for a song. I've never done this for another before, and with her watching me keenly, cross-legged, I want to impress. I just don't want to pick anything too lovey-dovey with us being practically strangers and weird her out.

I don't know if she's heard it before, but I begin to play 'You've got so far to go' by Alkaline Trio, hoping she likes it. To my relief, her eyes widen in surprise, then she smiles warmly, encouraging me to continue, so I start to sing, my voice wavering with nerves from being put on the spot.

"Thank you," she says as I finish playing. "You're really talented. How come I didn't see you playing in battle of the band's last summer?"

"Well, I've been trying to set up a band with my friend, Justin, but we don't know anyone who can sing."

Picking up a slice of pizza, she hesitates before thoughtfully asking, "Have you thought about doing it yourself? You're good at it."

I've never received a compliment before, and my face begins to burn in embarrassment, unsure how to respond. "I'm actually shy when it comes down to performing. It might not look like it, but it's Justin who's the confident one, and I just go along with what he does."

"That's hard to believe," she scoffs, drawing my covers around herself. "You always seem so... What's the word? Assertive at school."

"I think you mean arrogant," I smile, knowing exactly what she means, wishing she had a better opinion of me. "But, I'm trying to change that by being sincere and respectful towards others."

"Well, you seem honest now, so maybe you could tell me what you think about me? Just so I know where I stand with you inviting me into your room."

"I know I'd like to get to know you better," I say softly, reaching behind her head to let her hair down. "And I think you're stunningly beautiful."

"Do you mean that?" she questions, her eyes scrutinising my face for signs of lying.

At my nod, her delicate hands brush over my cheeks, enticing me closer. With me poised over her, we tentatively kiss, and her inexperience is endearingly revealed by the continued tameness of her soft feathery lips.

"Open up for me," I murmur, stroking her bottom lip with my thumb. "I can't get enough of you."

Reaching for the remote on the bedside table, I switch some music on, hoping to relax her, then pull the covers over us, like a romantic den, as we continue to makeout. Her vanilla scent, with a hint of coconut and jasmine, is just as alluring as I can remember, so I bury my head into her neck, holding her for a moment, hoping my erection will subside.

Suddenly, I hear the front door slam shut, followed by my brother loudly running up the stairs. We're interrupted by him then banging on my door, so annoyed by the distraction, I'm forced to answer it, strategically hiding my arousal with my forearm.

"What's going on?" I demand, struggling to sound casual.

"I just wanted to warn you that I've got someone back with me tonight," John grins. 

I look over to the woman behind him and recognise her as Sadie from my class. It's unusual for him to spend time with someone more than once.

"Fine, just keep it down, and don't bother me," I sigh, attempting to shut my door.

"Why? Have you got someone back?" He smirks, trying to look around me, blocking his view. "Did you want some weed?"

"No." I shush, doubting Louise would approve of the drugs. "Just keep it down. Yeah?"

John shrugs nonchalantly then pulls the woman into his room next to mine. I turn back around to Louise, who is now sitting up.

"Who's that?" she asks, appearing anxious.

"That's just my brother. Sorry about him," I apologise as I lock the door. "He doesn't know you're here, so everything is good."

I pull back the covers to re-join Louise, but we're interrupted by loud thumping against the wall before we can get to where we were. Apologising again for the weird situation we've been put in, I fetch the drinks that I poured out and watch, stunned as Louise downs hers at once. 

"You seem nervous," I chuckle as she grimaces, then finish my own. "We don't have to do anything you don't want to do. I thought we could just talk, watch a film, and maybe cuddle? Nothing more than that."

Carrying the bottle over, I top up our glasses then sit closer to her, feeling less nervous about the proximity.

"I want to lose it," Louise says quietly, fidgeting with the sleeve of her sweater. "I don't want to wait anymore."

The banging against the wall stops. 

"There's no rush," I respond, concerned she suspects that's all I'm interested in. "I can wait. I'm in no hurry to do things that you are not comfortable with."

In truth, I had slept with Ruth most nights at her request, and I'm tired. We've just broken up, and I'm in no rush to return to a sexual relationship. I want to feel connected to Louise first and know her as a person.

"Please? I want to find out what it's like," she pleads at me sadly, tears welling in her eyes. "I think I'm the only one who hasn't lost it yet."

I study her face which blushes from admitting that she is still a virgin, but I cannot read her, even from her body language. She's not giving anything away, and I'm unable to tell what she actually wants from me. I hope she hasn't lied about being interested in me, and this isn't one-sided, with me liking her more than she likes me.

Is she trying to use me? What else could I possibly offer?

The banging against the wall starts up again while I remain silent, not knowing how I can respond to this. Another notch on my bedpost wouldn't be a big deal, and I'll get over the hurt eventually if she ditches me immediately. Still, I don't want to take someone's virginity like this. I've given mine away freely to someone I didn't like, and I've always regretted it. I don't want her to feel the same way several years down the line.

She looks at me, eyes glimmering with intent, waiting for my reply. To delay while I try to think this through, I gulp down my drink, then pour another. I didn't consider being put in this position, and naively, I believed her when she confessed to having feelings about me.

Abruptly, she grabs at my belt in what I guess is her attempt to decide for me. Immediately, my hand surrounds hers, stopping her, knowing I'm only postponing the inevitable.

"I don't think you want to do that," I warn, already struggling to hold back.

"I think I do," she says with defiance, her green eyes flaring with wanton heat, ruining my weak restraint.

She kisses me again, opening her mouth up to mine in complete disregard of my warning. My tongue slips in and tantalises with hers, lustfully tasting alcohol, as my hand roams up the front of her wool sweater to her breasts. As I squeeze her full-bosom beneath her clothing, a moan escapes her, which suddenly freezes me in my tracks, and I sit bolt upright, unsure of whether I'll regret this.

I take another sip of my drink, musing over the thought that this is nothing but sex to her, but I struggle to not respond as her hands move to my waist, then slip beneath my shirt and up to my chest. They're warm as she explores the upper half of my body, and I groan as she playfully tugs at my nipples, turning me on. With my resolve rapidly vanishing, my erection presses painfully against my jeans which she soon notices and giggles at.

"Are you absolutely certain about this?" I whisper, growing weary of trying to be rational in my hazy state.

Gazing up at me, she beams widely. "Yes! I want it to be with you."

Her hands come back down to my belt, which she struggles with. Knowing she hasn't done this before, I help her fumbling hands and undo it for her, which she tugs on in excitement. She doesn't seem shy or inexperienced at all like I expected. It's almost as if she has planned all of this out, although that wouldn't be too unusual if she's been harbouring thoughts about me for a while.

I glance over to my bedside table at the second glass I have poured for her and see that it remains untouched, which I'm thankful for. She's not drunk, and knowing that she definitely wants this, I give up on holding back. My hand pulls her face to mine, and I kiss her forcefully, hoping it will make her realise exactly what she's getting herself into.

Her hands grasp at my shirt, so I unbutton it and shrug it off, exposing my chest to her. Without hesitation, she strokes the small amount of hair I have on my chest then runs her fingers down and under my waistband. Brushing over my trimmed pubic hair, she seeks out my manhood, something she has probably never touched before. Feeling uncomfortable in a confined space, I swiftly undo my flies, and as my erection springs forward, she seizes it firmly, taking me by surprise. 

She's fierce for a virgin!

Quickly, she takes control by pushing me down and removing my remaining clothes until I'm naked. Her eyes greedily sweep over my body, making me shy, and my cheeks flush hotly at my disadvantage, with her still being fully dressed.

"I want to try something first," she murmurs, caressing my member with her fingertips. "Teach me..."

Her head dips down, then warmth engulfs my cock as she takes it into her mouth. My view is blocked with her hair flowing over my stomach and chest, but I don't mind. It's soft, almost like satin, and I twist some around my fingers, becoming enthralled by it, as she begins to lick me in eager clumsiness. 

"Slow down a little," I urge her, sensitive from the focus on the tip. 

Gripping myself, I guide it further into her mouth, and lightly, her tongue tracks down my shaft, then around before she sucks, treating me like a popsicle. Enjoying the gentler attention, I begin to relax, and without putting any pressure down, I caress her gorgeous brunette curls, hoping that I'm wrong about her.

Much quicker than I hoped, she releases my cock, then takes a sip of her drink before handing me the rest, which I drink without protest. My head is swimming, but it's not quite enough to dull my senses, and as I watch her pull off her jumper, I know this is probably my last chance to back out.

Louise climbs onto my lap, facing me as she removes her t-shirt, revealing an ivory cotton and lace bra that does little for her modesty. With my attention captured by the pinked areola peeking through the sheer material, the rest of my sensibilities desert me. Unclipping her bra, she guides me to suck on her breasts which I do willingly, entirely seduced, relishing how they stiffen to my lapping tongue. 

Brazenly my hands skim over her buttocks, beneath the hem of her skirt and stroke the cotton of her panties. Already desirably damp against my fingers, I trace the contours of her labia, stopping teasingly before I reach her clitoris. Heavily, she breathes, while I taunt her indirectly, and the thin material becomes soaked to my touch as I continue nibbling her nipples. 

"Touch me," she sighs, lifting her skirt up to give me a glimpse of her matching underwear. "Teach me how to enjoy my body."

"You masturbate, don't you, Louise? Tell me if you've ever had an orgasm before?"

Rapidly, she shakes her head. "I'm not sure if I have yet, so be my tutor. I've overheard rumours that you know exactly what you're doing, especially with your mouth. I want to experience it."

"The girls talk a lot, don't they? I hope it's only about good things."

Hooking Louise's panties aside with my thumb, I display her glistening pussy, and spread her labia apart, perversely watching as I explore inside with a finger. With her quietly moaning as I cautiously increase to another, I'm overcome with obscene images of how she'll respond to my thick cock penetrating her.

Tightening my grip around her thighs, I pull her against my mouth to sit on me and lap obediently over her deliciously wet, virgin cunt. My thumbs fully expose her swollen clit which I tenderly kiss as I finger her. Then gently, I begin to suck, ensnaring her between my lips. With her hands threaded through my hair, her breath uneven from the intensity of what she's feeling for the very first time, she writhes, smearing juices for my eagerly awaiting tongue.

"Oh my god," she cries out noisily, grinding into my face as she orgasms, and rides out her wave. "This was better than I ever expected..."

Moving to bury her head against my chest, she drapes her flushed, naked body over mine in exhaustion. Cuddling her to me, my fingers trace over her shoulder blades while I savour the contact for a moment. She seems to have enjoyed it, and I'm hopeful that it's enough to sate her until the next time with me now feeling dizzy. 

With it being late and a Monday night, I get up to try getting dressed but then find myself unsteady on my feet. Struck by the alcohol catching up on me, the room begins to spin, but I'm tugged back to reality by Louise's hand on my wrist and notice the remainder of my drink in her outstretched hand. My stomach retches, and I stumble away, feeling drunk.

"No more," I heave as I open my bedroom door and stagger to the bathroom next to me.

I sink to my knees and throw up in the toilet, disgusted with myself. I haven't been sick from alcohol in years, but I've clearly overdone it tonight. Falling against the wall, with the ground spinning beneath me, I prop myself up with an arm as I brush my teeth and try to recover my wits about me.

The world is still swirling as I attempt to return to my room, and I bump into my brother standing in the hall, saying goodbye to the girl he has been with. Shame flushes through me as they begin to laugh at my naked, stupid state, so I dive through my door and struggle to lock it. I have to try to sober up fast and get Louise safely home by taxi before she ends up staying the night.

Realising my room is dark, I reach out for the switch to turn the light back on, but abruptly, I'm pulled into bed. Louise begins to giggle as she runs her hands over my cock, and my body betrays me by immediately responding. 

Aroused, I turn her over, tugging her hair slightly in my grip. My palms grope her breasts, pinching her nipples with my fingers, then slide between her thighs, lustfully parting her for entry. I thrust into her, less gentle than initially planned, and she cries out in pain as she's deflowered in an instant.

With her body tightening around me as she acclimatises, I know I have to ease up, and my thumb brushes over her fingers as our hands interlock.

"Keep going," she murmurs, panting gently. "I want you!"

"Not as much as I need you. You feel so good," I groan and thrust gentler than before, resting my head against her back.

-----

I wake up at six, much earlier than usual, with a dull throb in my head, squinting through my eyes. My memory of last night is sketchy, either from the alcohol or pure tiredness, and I'm dismayed to find Louise naked, curled into me. It doesn't take a genius to realise that we fucked against my better judgement. 

Louise rolls over in my arms, and her gorgeous eyes flutter open. "Good morning, Matthew."

Gently she plants a kiss on my lips, then sits up in my bed, yawning with the most adorable bed hair.

"We didn't?" I groan, exasperated with myself.

"Yes, we did," she coos, appearing entirely pleased. "Come join me in the shower, my lazy fuck boy."

I cringe at hearing that phrase again. I'm not as bad as that, surely?

"It's too early! Just get back in bed with me..." I say, trailing off as I notice the state of my sheets. "Everything is okay between us, right?"

"Why wouldn't it be? Also, I told my parents I was at my friend's house, so don't worry. I even brought a spare set of clothes, so I don't need to go back first."

"Well, if you're sure," I respond, feeling guilty I can't remember a moment of it. With a need to make it up to her, I mischievously pull the covers back. "Do you mind being late for extracurricular tutoring, Louise?"