Quote by shadowrider95
i ended up with deep repressed feelings of humiliation and emasculation that still plague me even today and we have not played or even had sex in a very long time now. i struggle with my ability to satisfy her after watching her with him, it changed me somehow, it seems as if it affected my Alpha status as a male.
I’m sorry to hear the effect it had on you, and I hope that it gets better. In my opinion, cuckolding is a far more dangerous game, emotionally, than hotwife play, even though the mechanics are often the same. Can’t fully psychoanalyze why she put you through this so early in your marriage, or kept seeing her secret FWB when you got married, but there are several plausible possibilities, all with implications for your relationship.
Do you think that to this day, SHE thinks less of you as a man as a result of this, or is this mostly in your head and she has no idea? The former would be a very serious marital problem. If the latter, could you trust her to share your feelings and have her, as your beloved life partner, lift you up as a man instead of tear you down? Opening up carries further risks for your well-being, if she isn’t careful with your trust, but if you think that’s a possibility, the potential upside would be not only restoring intimacy in your marriage, but taking it to a new level.
I wouldn’t often suggest this, but if (and only if) the level of trust isn’t what you need for your emotional health (or never was - a tough question to ask yourself), AND for legitimate reasons (kids, financial, social) you need or want to stay married, there is another way to restore your sense of manliness.
Cheat.
Be careful not to do this out of revenge, though. You already know how that feels, so do it secretly and do it for yourself, not out of spite. Doing it in a way that makes you feel more of a man but also more of an asshole is no solution. You also should not do this if you think you might feel guilty and confess later, which she might later use against you, also leaving you worse off
The path to doing this right is fairly narrow; but if you can find another woman who DOES find you sexy (and isn’t looking to drain you financially*, which also would leave you feeling even worse about yourself), even if you only get together a few times, it might leave you feeling a whole lot better about yourself and your masculinity. I wish you well.
* Be really, really, really careful about this, especially online. Long-con romance scams are everywhere, with both men and women losing their life savings left and right. Beware even meeting someone on Lush unless they’ve been an active member for a long time. A lot of short-time female members seem way too good to be true, IMO. If you meet someone and she or a relative has some financial crisis before you’ve even met (or had sex), RUN AWAY. Under NO circumstances should you spend more on your potential mistress than the cost of actual dates, hotel rooms or the occasional box of chocolates. NO jewelry! If the relationship is transactional, that won’t help your sense of sexual self-worth either.