To Say or not to say.

Quote by MMonroe
If you dont ask her out, soon someone else well and you'll spend forever wondering what would have happened if you had just told her.

Quote by clum


Boom! Bang on, MMonroe.

Done right, there's no reason the friendship has to suffer as a consequence of her saying no (speaking from experience). Strap on a pair and go to it!

Best of luck.

Quote by Milik_The_Red
I think Doll makes some excellent points. Once you cross that line there is no going back. She will know you have desires for her and if she doesn't share them she will probably feel uncomfortable and shy away from you.

I'd think hard on this. Do you think you love her or has she merly become your sexual fantasy? Nothing wrong with that. Guys, especially young guys do that with almost every woman they meet, but be aware how she might feel when she realizes that you basically just had a need to get into her pants. Don't do this unless you are sure you want a dedicated long term sexual and emotional relationship with her. The friends with benefits thing never works long.

If though you do feel this then carefully let her know how you feel. You will have to be able to hear the messages she sends you to know when the time is right. Listen to her words. Listen to her body language around you. Believe me if she wants you she is telling you, you just need to know how to listen.

Quote by Dancing_Doll
If you tell her, you have to be willing to accept "no" for an answer and be willing to let the situation go and not continue to fixate on her if it doesn't turn out the way you want it to.

If you're uncertain if you're able to do this, or if you sense that if she rejects you that it'll be impossible for you to just act like her friend when you see her with another guy, then yeah... you risk blowing up the friendship.

Most people will say "just tell her" but to be honest... of the three male friends that confessed their feelings for me over the years, the friendship pretty much trainwrecked or blew up within the months following. The reasons for this involved various factors: either they kept trying to win me over, there was major awkwardness, the main intention of the 'so-called' friendship was to get with me, or they were just unable to handle seeing me with another guy.

You should be able to get a decent 'vibe' from this girl as to whether or not she's into you at all. It's one thing to ask if you genuinely don't know, but if you have a strong suspicion that she has no desire for you, then I would actually question telling her all this just for the sake of sharing... especially if you think it might ruin things and the friendship has value to you.

Quote by hornyboy77619


She is not my sexual fantasy . i really love her and it makes me really happy to see her happy. we talk and chat for hours and she said two days back that she wants to tell me something but only when we meet.

Quote by Dancing_Doll
Most people will say "just tell her" but to be honest... of the three male friends that confessed their feelings for me over the years, the friendship pretty much trainwrecked or blew up within the months following. The reasons for this involved various factors: either they kept trying to win me over, there was major awkwardness, the main intention of the 'so-called' friendship was to get with me, or they were just unable to handle seeing me with another guy.

Quote by Milik_The_Red


It appears then that the table is set. Be honest. Look her in the eye and tell her. Do it someplace that you can be alone but still in public. I'd chose a walk on a hiking path or at the beach. Something that will bring a strong memory. Hold her hand while you tell her how much you care.

Good luck to you and I hope it works out. Don't hesitate to come back and let's us know what she says!

Quote by clum


Surely if the friendship is doomed to "blow up" after he tells her then it will happen even if he doesn't tell her; he still feels the same way. Is it really preferable to maintain a friendship where he suffers in silence while she, blissfully unaware, gets on with her life and inadvertently taunts the poor boy?

I agree he has to be prepared to hear no but if he really loves this girl like he says he does then I don't see that he has any viable option but to tell her.

Quote by hornyboy77619
I've been knowing this girl since few months and i really like her.She shares alot of stuff with me even things about her ex's . i'm afraid if i tell her my feelings i would loose her as a friend but i really like her and don't want her to be someone else's . What should i do ? Please help

Quote by Magical_felix


This situation seems more complicated than it is. It's pretty simple really. I'm not sure what kind of things she shares with you but you mention that she talks (complains) about her ex with you. Not exactly the kind of stuff women talk about with guys they are interested in, not in the first couple months anyway. Most of them want to paint themselves in the best light. How did you meet and how did you maintain this friendship at the beginning? I think this bit of information would be helpful to really access what she feels.

From my experience, most women that are interested in me, give me some kind of sign that they are early on in our communication. Touches when you hang out, compliments, wanting to have dinner on a friday night and she is dressing to impress and is receptive to your compliments, NOT talking about other guys they like or flirting with other men while you are hanging out (if she is courting you she wont do this) sometimes they will just say, "hey, I like you you know.." shit like that. Not all women are that confident, and I get that, but you should be able to tell from the general "vibe" you get, like others have mentioned. Sometimes women that are shy and play the friend card will try to set you up to declare your feelings. These set ups are pretty obvious.

Also, most women have incredible intuition and KNOW when guys like them. If she hasn't made a move because she realizes that you are too shy to, then she is probably not interested like that. Some women like to have male friends and will ignore the fact that you like them because it is still good to have a male's point of view for her as it should be for you too.

So simply, in my opinion, she is not interested. Believe me, if she liked you, you would know.

One little thing you can do to get more information though, is this... You can buy her a little gift. Nothing too romantic like flowers or jewelry or anything like. Just something little that is still friendly but also lets her know that you are in tune to what is important to her. Like say she always complains about her cell phone dying when you hang out. Get her a car charger for it. Its nothing romantic and but it IS thoughtful. In the instant you give it to her you will have to really pay attention to her reaction. You know her so you can see how bullshitty her reaction is. If she cant accept it, if she gets a worried look on her face, if she leaves it at your house, if she overly stresses that you should not of done that, then your answer is pretty clear. You can see if she uses it and if she one day surprises you with something in return. If she does you can see how romantic HER gift to you is. By doing something like this you can try and see what her feelings are and still not ruin your friendship. All that said, it IS a bit sneaky but women are complicated creatures and they are all different. Sometimes playing this kind of relationship chess is needed.

Good luck!

Quote by hornyboy77619


i liked what you said. We were talking yesterday and she told me things that she said she has never told anyone before. And all college friends are gonna go out for a trip she asked me if i am coming and when i said i am not sure she said "if i am going you are coming too..". What u think buddy?

Quote by Magical_felix


I think she sounds like a nice girl... "if i am going you are coming too.." <--I don't know man. That sounds awfully friendly. She didn't follow that up with, "there will be lots of single girls there." Did she?

I think you may be in the friend zone.. Kinda hard getting out of it. Like really hard. Gonna be weird making a move on a trip too... She can get freaked and now you'll be stuck somewhere in a really awkward situation. Good luck dude.