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Ruin a date in 5 words

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can you pay for dinner
I've changed since my exorcism.
 Kissing your lips while straddling your lap. 
Think you peed your pants.
I think my water broke.
 Kissing your lips while straddling your lap. 
This eyeball is glass. See?
I was abducted by aliens.
 Kissing your lips while straddling your lap. 
I am going to fart
Is a leaky penis normal?
(There are some hilarious responses in here!)
I bet our panties match!
I bypassed your alarm system.
 Kissing your lips while straddling your lap. 
Is that a hair transplant?
 Kissing your lips while straddling your lap. 
You almost caught me spying
 Kissing your lips while straddling your lap. 
... these are my twelve cats
I had a lobotomy yesterday.
Double order of kimchi, please.
You'll have to pay tonight
Think, I'm gonna be sick
You smell like my Nana.
My oozing sores aren't contagious
Been to prison last year.
Sorry, I forgot the condoms
Needing other people is STUPID.
Your breath is really gross....
Shut the fuck up woman!!