Active Ink Slinger
I completely agree - online friendships can be wonderful if you choose carefully and thankfully, I've chosen well.
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BelleduJour
Over 90 days ago
Straight Female, 57
Canada
Forum
Active Ink Slinger
YES! Already posted this before in another thread - have orgasmed many times whilst having my my feet massaged during a reflexology treatment and when I have my head vigoursly washed by the shampoo guy/girl at my salon.
Active Ink Slinger
First, I'm sorry to hear of your situation. It's always difficult when something like sex is taken off the menu without your input or consideration.
I was in a pretty similar situation when I was married. I've touched on it a few times in other threads but perhaps this thread seems most appropriate. I was married to a wonderful man who, by all accounts, was my perfect match. We were on fire when we were dating as well as during the first 4 years of our marriage. After about 5 years, I started to notice his interest in sex dimish significantly. At first, I didn't know how to talk about it with him and instead chalked it up to a phase we were going through based on what my friends would tell me. Fast forward to 16 years later and I ended up spending a good part of those years completely celibate because sex apparently just wasn't important to him anymore, period. Like any good catholic wife, I blamed myself for his lack of interest and spent years trying to be the 'perfect' woman to no avail. I eventually found out that he was having some erectile problems that he was embarassed about. Secretly, I was relieved and encouraged him to visit his doctor to enquire about Viagra and was once again so excited at the thought that I would once again have a sex life. He refused which not only confused me but wounded me deeply which then turned into anger and resentment. Basically, he pulled sex off the table without even considering MY feelings in all of this.
Needless to say, the lack of intimacy between us was taking it's toll and spilling over into everything else. I was so angry with him for being unbelievably selfish and resentment grew like cancer to the point where I started to get physically sick. Here I was, married to the love of my life, the father to our beautiful son, my soulmate, with whom I vowed to be married to till death do us part, through good times and bad, through sickness and health but I was absolutely miserable and slowly dying a little bit inside with every passing day. I was WAY too young to give up sex for rest of my life and yet he was not willing to meet me half way despite his claims of loving me more than life and not wanting me to leave him. I struggled for YEARS with what to do, what was the right thing to do for me, for my family, struggled with with what I was willing to live with or live without. Thanks to some amazing individual counselling, I came to very difficult decision to leave my husband after 20 years together. That decision took a good 3 years and it took another 4 years from the time I announced I wanted a separation to finally living on my own again. I still mourn the death of my marriage and family and feel like a failure BUT I am so much happier on my own and have absolutely no regrets - I know it was the best decision for everyone. Thankfully, my ex and I have worked through many of our problems and have come out the best of friends which definitely helped with the healing process.
Bottom line, marriage or any relationship is a two way street and life is too short to be unhappy or unfulfilled and especially sexless (unless that is something you both want). It's admirable that you are committed to your wife despite the situation but you may have to ask yourself how long can you continue on before that love and patience and understanding turns into deep resentment and anger? Because it will, trust me on this. Unfortunately, I don't have any answers for you, only my own experience. Your wife is a very lucky woman but you deserve to be happy and fulfilled as well. Whatever you decide, I wish you only the very best life has to offer you
I was in a pretty similar situation when I was married. I've touched on it a few times in other threads but perhaps this thread seems most appropriate. I was married to a wonderful man who, by all accounts, was my perfect match. We were on fire when we were dating as well as during the first 4 years of our marriage. After about 5 years, I started to notice his interest in sex dimish significantly. At first, I didn't know how to talk about it with him and instead chalked it up to a phase we were going through based on what my friends would tell me. Fast forward to 16 years later and I ended up spending a good part of those years completely celibate because sex apparently just wasn't important to him anymore, period. Like any good catholic wife, I blamed myself for his lack of interest and spent years trying to be the 'perfect' woman to no avail. I eventually found out that he was having some erectile problems that he was embarassed about. Secretly, I was relieved and encouraged him to visit his doctor to enquire about Viagra and was once again so excited at the thought that I would once again have a sex life. He refused which not only confused me but wounded me deeply which then turned into anger and resentment. Basically, he pulled sex off the table without even considering MY feelings in all of this.
Needless to say, the lack of intimacy between us was taking it's toll and spilling over into everything else. I was so angry with him for being unbelievably selfish and resentment grew like cancer to the point where I started to get physically sick. Here I was, married to the love of my life, the father to our beautiful son, my soulmate, with whom I vowed to be married to till death do us part, through good times and bad, through sickness and health but I was absolutely miserable and slowly dying a little bit inside with every passing day. I was WAY too young to give up sex for rest of my life and yet he was not willing to meet me half way despite his claims of loving me more than life and not wanting me to leave him. I struggled for YEARS with what to do, what was the right thing to do for me, for my family, struggled with with what I was willing to live with or live without. Thanks to some amazing individual counselling, I came to very difficult decision to leave my husband after 20 years together. That decision took a good 3 years and it took another 4 years from the time I announced I wanted a separation to finally living on my own again. I still mourn the death of my marriage and family and feel like a failure BUT I am so much happier on my own and have absolutely no regrets - I know it was the best decision for everyone. Thankfully, my ex and I have worked through many of our problems and have come out the best of friends which definitely helped with the healing process.
Bottom line, marriage or any relationship is a two way street and life is too short to be unhappy or unfulfilled and especially sexless (unless that is something you both want). It's admirable that you are committed to your wife despite the situation but you may have to ask yourself how long can you continue on before that love and patience and understanding turns into deep resentment and anger? Because it will, trust me on this. Unfortunately, I don't have any answers for you, only my own experience. Your wife is a very lucky woman but you deserve to be happy and fulfilled as well. Whatever you decide, I wish you only the very best life has to offer you
Active Ink Slinger
It's irrelevant to me. I care more about the man himself then whether or not his hands are soft or not BUT if he knows how to use them, he'll definitely earn some bonus points 
Active Ink Slinger
Honestly, I find this thread ridiculously pathetic not to mention insulting. What is it with men (especially) and cold, random and faceless wank encounters over ??? I guess I can understand that some men (and women) like the idea of being watched but is it really that enjoyable when you have NO IDEA who the person is at the other end? I don't get it but then again, I may be a bit more old fashioned than most on here.
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I'm guilty of having had many 'rules' before I re-entered singledom but having done my fair share of dating men of all different ages over the last three years, any 'rules' I had regarding younger men especially have gone out the window (apart from anything illegal of course). The only barriers are the ones you place on yourself and how you feel about whatever age you're attracting or attracted to otherwise, my new rule is just have fun and enjoy it while I still got it.
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Apart from sex, big breasts serve no real purpose other than to make shopping for well fitted clothing a nightmare, cause back and shoulder pain AND, depending on the situation, more often than not, can be responsible for attracting unwanted attention. I'd be just as happy if not happier with smaller breasts but I just learn to live with what I've been blessed with and life goes on.
Active Ink Slinger
I've watch someone do this and it was very intriguing at first but it got old pretty quickly - after a while it felt more like he enjoyed giving himself head far too much to involve anyone else.
Active Ink Slinger
Done the Hooters thing when I was younger - don't think I need to elaborate, lol. I also entered a wet t-shirt contest at a very popular night club. I won first place and my prize was a $200 bar tab for the night. Needless to say, I made A LOT of new friends that night 
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I don't think I'd have any issues with it provided it was something from his past and not something he's engaging whilst with me - that goes for male or female. The past is the past and to each their own.
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Well, I'm not sure if you're talking BDSM and if you are, I'm really not into that kind of sub/dom sex HOWEVER if you're asking about being sub/dom in terms of taking over in the bedroom and taking the initiative, I am very comfortable playing either role. It just depends on my man and the moment. Most of the time, it will start off one way and end up the other and that is just fine by me - a little tit for tat is always good.
Active Ink Slinger
I LOVE a bit of chest hair. I'm not into uber metrosexuals that are overly coiffed so facial hair and chest hair are always a huge turn on for me.
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Quote by playsit
Lots of foreplay for sure... touching, massaging, kissing, nibbling, tasting. Watching her busy day float away, being replaced with goose pimples and an arched back as she opens up to my touch is amazing. Even when things are hot and we can't wait to get after each other, it's because we spent all day teasing with sexy texts or emails, which is just another form of foreplay.
Couldn't have said it better myself. Foreplay is an all day thing and is in the details, the small stuff that lets the other one know they are on your mind. A slow, consistent build up to a glorious finale. Foreplay all the way.
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Quote by Bluez
TRUER WORDS HAVE NEVER BEEN SPOKEN! having just gone though a divorce myself dealing with the hurt and pain of it all.... it helps no one to trash your Ex! The pain will subside in time as will the bitterness. Blaming your Ex.... will only allow resentment to grow in yourself and the bitterness will keep you from being able to truely give yourself to another person if your are ever so blessed to find someone again!
Very true! I too have been there and am proof that anyone can rise above the pain and hurt and resentment and still come out great friends and better people as a result. I have said it a million times on here and in my real life, it takes two people to make or break a relationship. If you took a moment to rewind your past relationships to see what part you played in the fail of it, you might have second thoughts about saying anything hurtful or cruel about your ex. Trashing an ex only hurts you, not them. Life is just too short to live with such negative feelings so trying to look at each relationship as a means to learn more about yourself so you can be the best you can be, you will always come out a winner.
Active Ink Slinger
Okay, so many things to address here...
First, I will agree completely with blazestcyr about birth control. We live in an age where birth control has never been easier, more accessible and more reliable to prevent unwanted pregnancies. Add to that the many permanent options to ensure you NEVER have an 'accident' again. If those options frighten you or perhaps they don't appeal to you because you might like a family someday, then DOUBLE UP on the more conventional methods! Honestly, it's not rocket science!! I am continually dumbfounded by the lack of 'smarts' with teens and young adults when it comes to safe sex and unwanted pregnancies and therefore leaving behind innocent children stuck in the middle and in their wake - children, no matter how or why they are conceived are indeed gifts, PERIOD.
Getting pregnant takes two people. If she didn't trick you into getting pregnant, you shouldn't harbour any resentment with her just because she changed her mind. It's so easy to talk in theory and hypotheticals about what you want or don't want in life but sometimes it's a totally different story when you wind up eyeball deep in the thick of things where you're being forced to make that hard decision one way or another. Perhaps men will never truly understand this, just how hard it is for women to disconnect themsevles from the child they now find themselves carrying despite any strong feelings against it before. Her decision to keep your child probably had more to do with the baby than you and your silly pact. I think you should spend more time thinking about THAT rather than feeling like she betrayed you - sounds incredibly selfish and immature. You should learn to be grateful and thankful and perhaps try to look at her with a different set of eyes and see the amount of courage it must have taken to bring your son into this world, a child that was conceived out of love. Yes, I get it that life may not be easy or the timing suck or you may not be in the perfect situation to have the family you dreamed of but that doesn't make it right to treat her the way you have or place all the blame on her.
Everything happens for a reason and the minute you learn to accept this and believe it, your world will open up and change for the better.
As for sleeping with her but not actually being with her, this infuriates me actually. You say she's the love of your life but you can't marry her? It sounds like another classic case of 'having your cake and eating it too'. Seriously??? I'm very happy to hear that you now see your son for the beautiful and precious gift that he is despite your original wish to have him terminated. It also sounds like you also have come to appreciate your girlfriend as the wonderful vessel with which all of that was possible. AMEN! At the same time, your actions at this moment appear to be more like you're just taking advantage of her and the situation and not making any kind of real commitment to her and your son. You said you wanted your child to have more of a family than you did and yet I don't hear you doing much to ensure he has a better childhood than you did.
YES, go to counselling and work on yourself - I'm a HUGE fan of therapists and counselling to help better oneself BUT be sure to make a point of taking a very hard and serious look at your life, your child's life, what you want for him and what will be best for him and step up to the plate in whatever way(s) necessary.
Good luck.
First, I will agree completely with blazestcyr about birth control. We live in an age where birth control has never been easier, more accessible and more reliable to prevent unwanted pregnancies. Add to that the many permanent options to ensure you NEVER have an 'accident' again. If those options frighten you or perhaps they don't appeal to you because you might like a family someday, then DOUBLE UP on the more conventional methods! Honestly, it's not rocket science!! I am continually dumbfounded by the lack of 'smarts' with teens and young adults when it comes to safe sex and unwanted pregnancies and therefore leaving behind innocent children stuck in the middle and in their wake - children, no matter how or why they are conceived are indeed gifts, PERIOD.
Getting pregnant takes two people. If she didn't trick you into getting pregnant, you shouldn't harbour any resentment with her just because she changed her mind. It's so easy to talk in theory and hypotheticals about what you want or don't want in life but sometimes it's a totally different story when you wind up eyeball deep in the thick of things where you're being forced to make that hard decision one way or another. Perhaps men will never truly understand this, just how hard it is for women to disconnect themsevles from the child they now find themselves carrying despite any strong feelings against it before. Her decision to keep your child probably had more to do with the baby than you and your silly pact. I think you should spend more time thinking about THAT rather than feeling like she betrayed you - sounds incredibly selfish and immature. You should learn to be grateful and thankful and perhaps try to look at her with a different set of eyes and see the amount of courage it must have taken to bring your son into this world, a child that was conceived out of love. Yes, I get it that life may not be easy or the timing suck or you may not be in the perfect situation to have the family you dreamed of but that doesn't make it right to treat her the way you have or place all the blame on her.
Everything happens for a reason and the minute you learn to accept this and believe it, your world will open up and change for the better.
As for sleeping with her but not actually being with her, this infuriates me actually. You say she's the love of your life but you can't marry her? It sounds like another classic case of 'having your cake and eating it too'. Seriously??? I'm very happy to hear that you now see your son for the beautiful and precious gift that he is despite your original wish to have him terminated. It also sounds like you also have come to appreciate your girlfriend as the wonderful vessel with which all of that was possible. AMEN! At the same time, your actions at this moment appear to be more like you're just taking advantage of her and the situation and not making any kind of real commitment to her and your son. You said you wanted your child to have more of a family than you did and yet I don't hear you doing much to ensure he has a better childhood than you did.
YES, go to counselling and work on yourself - I'm a HUGE fan of therapists and counselling to help better oneself BUT be sure to make a point of taking a very hard and serious look at your life, your child's life, what you want for him and what will be best for him and step up to the plate in whatever way(s) necessary.
Good luck.
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I agree, relationships should remain in the past unless of course, children are involved. In a real and perfect world, that would always be the case but the reality is that we too often carry around far too much baggage from past relationships than should be allowed and most people just aren't very self-aware to be able to move past them and come out at the other end a better and happier person.
I do think it's fine and sometimes important to hear about ex's or past relationships when you're first learning and getting to know more about a new love interest - I think what they have to say about those past relationships (good or bad) can and does reveal so much about their character, how they view relationships and gender roles and conflict etc., and especially if they take any responsibility or accountability for the break-up (THIS is critical in my opinion). That's not to say I want to hear every intimate tale or spend all our free time rehashing past relationships BUT sometimes it's good to get it all out in the open and be done with it so there no surprises.
I do think it's fine and sometimes important to hear about ex's or past relationships when you're first learning and getting to know more about a new love interest - I think what they have to say about those past relationships (good or bad) can and does reveal so much about their character, how they view relationships and gender roles and conflict etc., and especially if they take any responsibility or accountability for the break-up (THIS is critical in my opinion). That's not to say I want to hear every intimate tale or spend all our free time rehashing past relationships BUT sometimes it's good to get it all out in the open and be done with it so there no surprises.
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Anything would be wonderful if it's spent with someone I truly care about and/or love - it's all about the company you keep at the end of the day.
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Quote by MrLosAngeles
Being "in love" is quite different from "loving someone", of course, but I think everyone has a different take on what being "in love" is. Generally, being "in love" changes everything. It can feel like an obsession, a life changer, an ecstatic fullness of self, an incredible longing to be with that person, a need and a hunger to make them happy, to spread Paradise all around them. The agony and the ecstasy, so to speak. It's called passion. You can feel giddy just thinking about the two of you together. When it's unrequited, it's the worst. Unfortunately, there are also the negative things - the old "I love you more" competitiveness and insecurity; the petty jealousy; the empty, hollow feelings, etc. But, have patience -- it may hit you up one day or night
Beautifully expressed! Love is indeed all those things and there is definitely a difference between loving someone and being in love (although you can feel both for some people). Personally, nothing beats being 'in love'. It's a feeling that I miss terribly and very much hope to find it again someday soon.
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Quote by Frank
Been training so hard for you as well!
Oh Frank, for you I just might make the exception
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Usually it's height but then it's all about the eyes and smile (LOVE a beautiful smile) followed by teeth (I'm a bit obsessed with a mouthful of pearly whites) THEN if I'm lucky enough to get a bit closer, I will always go in for a sniff - a good scent is the cherry on top and has been responsible for tipping the scales in either direction.
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I love them all but I will agree with atltennispro and say that the most mind-blowing encounters have usually been whatever position allows for some serious eye contact followed closely with each of us telling one another what we want or how we want it and/or just a simple and sincere "I love you" exchanged - always sends me over the edge in style.
Active Ink Slinger
OMG so many but the one I seem to repeat the most, especially in my line of work is from Jerry McGuire, "Help me, help you..." and if it's a particular bad day, I'll recite the whole monologue, lol! I can't tell you how many times I've used that line
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Tonight it's a well-worn men's oversized pj top and white cotton panties.
Active Ink Slinger
Slippery slope my friend - make sure it's really what you want because there is no coming back from it once you've opened up that Pandora's Box.