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Dani
3 days ago
Moderator
Bisexual Cis Female
United States
Forum
Big-haired Bitch/Personality Hire
Quote by Dancing_Doll
You need a lot of jelly in the trunk to do tricks like these.
My little white girl booty was not designed for twerking so I'll have to stick to stationary 'tooching' and maybe a bit of grinding (situation appropriate). If I tried to pull off these moves, I would just look ultra lame.
Actually, the size of the ass doesn't matter. As long as you can make those muscles twitch properly, a twerk is a twerk. And twerking takes about the same amount of effort as kegels your first time learning,...it's just the attention is focused on your ass. After that it comes naturally, and you can do it without much effort...unless you're going for the whole one cheek at a time thing. Not that I know from experience...
Big-haired Bitch/Personality Hire
Quote by DikDango
Thats my sentiments exactly was just asking because recently me partner cheated on me with another woman and she says its different because it was with another woman and its something that i can't offer her
So she's justifying her cheating by making it your fault somehow? As if it's your fault you were born with a penis? As if she didn't know you had a penis going into the relationship? As if she weren't aware of the limited (no offense) abilities of said penis? Seems like she's just trying to get into your head and make you blame yourself, which is one of the most vile forms of manipulation. If she can feel justified in her cheating, then you should know where you stand. She wants to have her cake and eat it too. Know your worth, and do what you need to do in order for you to be happy, because it seems as if her only concern is herself.
Big-haired Bitch/Personality Hire
Quote by DikDango
How would you feel if your partner cheated on you with someone of the same sex?
That has nothing to do with it. Cheating is cheating, in my book. It wouldn't make a difference to me if my boyfriend got pounded by a dick or slammed his dick into a vagina. The fact remains that he cheated.
Big-haired Bitch/Personality Hire
Quote by Milly
I can't speak for all couples - we're all different. What some can forgive and forget, others cannot.
Personally though, if someone has an affair/cheats, that's it. Finished.
I know I would always hold that against them if I were to "forgive them".
Exactly this!!! Trust is everything to me, and once that's been violated/betrayed, there's no going back for me. I've been cheated on and tried to make things work, but all it did was add resentfulness and bitterness on top of the hurt and betrayal I felt. I guess it varies from relationship to relationship...especially if there's marriage and kids involved. But if you can make a conscious decision to physically or even emotionally give away something that was meant for us and us alone, in my book there's nothing to salvage.
Big-haired Bitch/Personality Hire
Quote by BlackTalon
My point is that you are adding things you implied yourself and saying that is what I meant. You obviously haven't grasped yet what I intended and continue harping on something I never said or implied to begin with. ...but ....have fun
I have neither added nor taken away anything from your words. In fact, all of my responses have simply been a rehash of things you've said. The following are YOUR words:
Seems every time I've used this term, at least one person asks 'What's a SAM?' so I will attempt to cover this here. SAM means Smart-Ass Masochist, many consider them subbies, but I will attempt to dispel that thought.
IMO a SAM does not fit in the sub category, they use manipulation to get what they desire, which in turn means they are taking control.
'What is it they desire?' They WANT to be punished, their main goal is to push their Dom/me into punishing them by any means necessary. Some may refer to them as "pain sluts"(I disagree and will expound on this later) as their desire is to be physically punished. They feel no remorse for causing their Dom/me to punish them. They may not behave this way all the time. They may behave as a sub most of the time even. The instant they let the SAM in them out they are no longer a sub until such behavior is gone, they are now "topping from the bottom". They have assumed control by forcing their Dom/me to take action, which if analyzed properly - Is non-consensual!
This behavior can be very hard to break, as physical means of punishment will only fuel the fire. If they realize that they can get the spanking, flogging, etc. they want in this manner without feeling badly for behaving that way it becomes second nature.
I won't even go into methods of breaking this behavior because it is different for everyone. Well, maybe a few pointers.
1) Try sitting them down and explaining how it makes you feel as a Dom/me to have to punish them. Them understanding that it hurts You to have to do so may change their outlook.
2) Let them know if that is what they want/need that they can come ask for/hint toward what they want.
3) Instead of physical punishment take away their 2nd favorite thing (their first favorite being punishment, is already gone lol) for a period of time -- internet access -- phone time with friends -- as I said different for everyone.
The difference between a SAM and a "pain slut" sub -- both are masochistic, but a pain slut will get what they desire in a positive manner. The mere idea of punishment for a pain slut kills their mood entirely, they go to a state of guilt for disappointing their Dom/me. They may find subtle ways to let their Dom/me know what it is they want -- Laying their favorite flogger on the bed so it can be seen by their Dom/me. They may come whisper erotically "i need it rough tonight Master", or even come out and beg for what they want -- and who would turn down such an offer? ;) It is their approach to getting what they want that makes the two different.
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Seems the focus here has shifted....If the Dom/me in this situation liked it - it would not be an issue. I in no way have said or will say that it's wrong or inappropriate if both people enjoy it. It then becomes a little consensual game between the two.
Though this should be widely known, I think it may be time for a refresher course about what acceptance of "1-party consent" means. It effectively places us in a class about equal to a virus, not requiring the host's permission to take over. It sets forth the acceptance of forced slavery, releases all rapists, wife beaters, child molesters, thieves; as because that person wanted something, it was their right to take it if they could. I refuse to live in a world where 1-party consent is accepted.
Now that we all understand that the situation described is non-consensual. Should we accept/defend it?
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what a SAM is seeking is a spanking...there ARE other ways to get that.
You've got to be kidding.. "mindfuck"?... "borders on abuse"??
In that case every parent in the world should be serving consecutive life sentences. These are basic things for dealing with disruptive child behavior. Not that we're talking about children...but the same principles apply in nearly any relationship...first you let the person know that their actions are creating problems in the relationship--then find solutions to fix it.
As stated in an earlier post..ya...you could just dump em and be done with it...but it isn't so big a problem that it can't be fixed instead...IF it's causing problems in the relationship.
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Now lump all of that together and tell me how it was supposed to be interpreted. Because in the grand scheme of things, it all seems very arrogant and immature and it makes everything about the dom in the situation, not once acknowledging or accepting what the sub may need. So don't you dare attempt to write me off or question my credibility and thought processes simply because I have the ability to see things as they are.
Big-haired Bitch/Personality Hire
Quote by BlackTalon
didn't ask you to "buy" anything Dani ....just quit twisting what's said to fit how you chose to understand it
I'm not choosing to understand it in any particular way, I just look at what's presented to me, and I interpret it as such. Excuse me for possessing a modicum of intelligence...enough to question things and and not simply take them as is. It's not my fault it's something that makes you feel threatened.
*** Disclaimer ***
My way of thinking doesn't fit everyone, nor does anyone elses, it is not My intention to tell anyone else here how they must see or do things, as there are as many views of what "the life" means to people as there are people in it.
Looks like someone should take his own advice.
Big-haired Bitch/Personality Hire
Now it just seems like you're back pedaling. Sure issues may arise in a relationship out of no where that may need to be worked out. That had nothing to do with your original point. The way you describe it now, you make it sound as if you were having a happy, blissful dom/sub relationship up until your sub suddenly decided to be a masochist. I highly doubt that's the case with the "SAM" you discussed in your original post or any sub in general, for that matter. I don't buy that it's not something the dom hasn't known all along. There's no way a masochist would enter a BDSM relationship without making it known that they were a masochist that craved punishment and pain in a relationship. And if it's not something you recognized early on, I believe it says everything about the skills and perceptiveness of the dom. As I said before, masochism is a psychological as well as a physical need, and instead of breaking it, you should embrace it. If it threatens you as a dom or it's something you're not willing to accept, then, as I've been saying all along, it's time to let go. The ONLY time it's acceptable to break said behavior is if the masochism is something the sub no longer desires.
While MistressS makes an excellent point, I don't think it's applicable to the situation that you previously described. I think it sounded good so now you're standing behind it. Which is fine....I guess. When you first described "SAMs" in general, you said nothing of them willingly wanting to change, but of how to break/change/curb said behavior should you come across it. Instead of recognizing it as something they needed and desired, you immediately set out to encourage others to stop it. Not once did you acknowledge the fact that this is something they NEED. Instead you put a funky label on it, made it sound as negative as possible, and made it known that it MUST be stopped as it is challenge to the domhood of all doms everywhere.
So, as I've been saying all this time (because my opinions don't falter when challenged) if the "SAM" has expressed a desire to change, they'll show you, because change will take place. They'll recognize the fact that it bothers you and ALLOW you to put a stop to this behavior. But it doesn't occur overnight. No one wakes up and decides to be a masochist or a "pain slut" as you so eloquently put it in your original post. It's something they've known all along and something you've known all along but perhaps ignored because you figured you could break it. But making someone deny the very essence of who they are as a submissive is definitely NOT the way to go. And if putting a stop to it seems to be the only plausible action for you as a dom, then perhaps it's time to let go and move on and let your "SAM" find someone willing to cater to this need and desire and this huge part of who they are.
While MistressS makes an excellent point, I don't think it's applicable to the situation that you previously described. I think it sounded good so now you're standing behind it. Which is fine....I guess. When you first described "SAMs" in general, you said nothing of them willingly wanting to change, but of how to break/change/curb said behavior should you come across it. Instead of recognizing it as something they needed and desired, you immediately set out to encourage others to stop it. Not once did you acknowledge the fact that this is something they NEED. Instead you put a funky label on it, made it sound as negative as possible, and made it known that it MUST be stopped as it is challenge to the domhood of all doms everywhere.
So, as I've been saying all this time (because my opinions don't falter when challenged) if the "SAM" has expressed a desire to change, they'll show you, because change will take place. They'll recognize the fact that it bothers you and ALLOW you to put a stop to this behavior. But it doesn't occur overnight. No one wakes up and decides to be a masochist or a "pain slut" as you so eloquently put it in your original post. It's something they've known all along and something you've known all along but perhaps ignored because you figured you could break it. But making someone deny the very essence of who they are as a submissive is definitely NOT the way to go. And if putting a stop to it seems to be the only plausible action for you as a dom, then perhaps it's time to let go and move on and let your "SAM" find someone willing to cater to this need and desire and this huge part of who they are.
Big-haired Bitch/Personality Hire
Quote by WellMadeMale
All things in their proper context. Thank you for the insight.
But that's just abnormal (not exceptional) and even in a titty bar, I'd be eye-rolling and declining offers of 1st hand experiencing. Wrong on about 17 different levels.
And I am a Buffet Man!
I admit, the video above is quite intimidating...because it's a naked twerk. Most girls only do the naked twerk in strip clubs or for their lovers in a private setting. Twerking is usually done in short shorts or regular clothing, it really varies. Try looking up a fully clothed twerk...it's less abnormal looking.
Big-haired Bitch/Personality Hire
That's why you have to be careful in the realm of threesomes inside of a relationship. Lines are crossed. Boundaries are tossed to the wind. Limits are really put to the test. It opens up all sorts of cans of worms. Unless of course you're not in a relationship and are just having a bit of fun. If my boyfriend wanted to add another chick to the mix, I won't lie, I'd be more than a little taken aback. There's always that feeling of inadequacy because you're immediately asking yourself "Why am I not enough?" And even if you talk yourself into it and enjoy it, you're still gonna feel apprehension before and after. That being said, no one who indulges in threesomes with someone they're exclusive with will ever want them to be with the other person without their involvement. Because eventually he'll think it's OK to fuck other women as long as you get to sample first or he lets you know beforehand.
Luckily my boyfriend isn't the sharing type, so it's not something I have to worry about. But you have to be careful with threesomes. They're a slippery slope.
Luckily my boyfriend isn't the sharing type, so it's not something I have to worry about. But you have to be careful with threesomes. They're a slippery slope.
Big-haired Bitch/Personality Hire
Quote by trinket
Sorry to interrupt, I know how to shake or wiggle, but could you please tell me how a girl 'pops' her arse? I'm very intrigued.
It's a phenomenon known as 'twerking'. Prepare to be amazed, dear trinket...because I'm about to school you, and your life will no longer be the same from this moment on.
Big-haired Bitch/Personality Hire
I love it. I love waking up the morning after and seeing bite marks on my shoulders. Or discovering bite marks on my inner and upper thighs...being nibbled on the calf...I love his teeth sinking into my bottom lip. I love it all. Being nibbled, nicked...it's all so erotic. Just no drawing blood...bleh.
Big-haired Bitch/Personality Hire
Quote by Hasabrain2
I hope everyone understands that my "statistical" analysis was meant tongue-in-cheek. I've have a couple of college level statistics and know, just for an example that some obese women are African-American, so you just can't add 12 % and 33%. However, like most tongue-in-cheek comments, there is a some truth. Say 12 % of women are too religious for me. Say there is 1/6 chance (it makes the math easier if you make this assumption) that overweight women are more likelyl to be religious or African-American (To be clear I'm making a statistical point, not a racial remark), then you can add
10 % (not religious African American) 5/6 of 33 % for obese, and 12 % too religious and you get nearly 50%.
Step away from the keyboard.
