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DirtyMartini

Over 90 days ago

Male, 64

United States

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10 Oct 2011

Is that Miss Mazza gracing us with her presence? I thought I could feel the heat when you walked in girl...you are like fire on legs...well, something like that...

Did you say you had a glass of liberation in your hands? Hmmm...I take it that's a good thing...

Thanks for the kind words Reverend...yeah, so far that story hasn't been rejected anywhere...should be coming out in Zouch Magazine soon, btw...

Paint thinner, eh? Let's see...that might be just what we need to make that kosher wine drinkable...

Give me a tall glass of kosher wine and toss in a couple of shots of paint thinner...yeah, I'm in a daring mood today...one of those days...one of those weeks actually...come to think of it, one of those months...

Oh Hell...it's been one of those years...pass the paint thinner... happy8

happy8

10 Oct 2011

J Federico Martin, an active member of the LinkedIn Poets group just shared this video in one of the more active discussion threads...

Nothing Earth shattering here...but, a fun little three minute video nonetheless... happy8

happy8

And here is an article on Poetic Devices In Lyrics...

Poetic Devices in Lyrics
http://www.musiclyricsfyi.com/poetic-devices-in-lyrics.html

9 Oct 2011

Good Evening my fine friends of Lush...Amen there Right Rev. Rump...that was an impressive sermon...you write that yourself? I knew you could do it...

Let's see...what we have in the way of consumable liquid intoxicants of the alcoholic variety?

Hmmm...just pour me a shot of something strong, better yet...make it a double...

Cheers,
Alan.
occasion5

occasion5

9 Oct 2011

Quote by Mistress_of_words

Basically I have a badge on my profile from my publisher. I'd like to put one for Lush too.

I have a feeling Miss Fugsly can sell you a custom badge if you're interested...

The banners are nice...forgot about those...

Does Stories Space have banners? We could use something like that... happy8

happy8

9 Oct 2011

A little Traffic for your morning commute...something like that... happy8

happy8

9 Oct 2011

Quote by scooter

My mom always said: bigGuns, count your blessings.

Your mom always said "BigGuns, count your blessings?"...

That's bad when your own mom can't remember your name...just saying Scooter... happy8

happy8

9 Oct 2011

Quote by ArtAngel
I'd like to be able to add images to my profile from my IPhone ..is that possible..?

Like what...naked pictures of yourself? Just send them to me, and I'll add them to your profile for you...I promise... happy8

happy8

Just trying to be helpful, btw...

9 Oct 2011

Thanks there Mr. Rumpster...I think...

And Scootie...nice to see you stop by this fine establishment...btw, I thought it very admirable of you to be helping out those fine ladies of Lush over in the vibrator thread by suggesting some heavier duty toys...

Perhaps maybe you should consider starting a business making heavy duty vibrators with motors those gals can't burn out...you know, maybe something with a Cummings 350 Diesel engine in it might do the trick...

Don't tell anyone you got that idea from me...whatever you do, btw...we'll try to keep that our little secret...

Barkeep...pour a couple of shots for me and Scooter...

Let's see, whose tab can we put it on? Hmmm...have to think about that one...in the meantime, pour the shots Mr. Rump...

8 Oct 2011

Anyone here today for real? Did this place get condemned again by the Board of Health and nobody told me? It's always hard to tell whether or not this place has been condemned or not...just saying...

Btw Mr. Rumpskin...you asked me to mention when the October issue of Muscatel Lines with my story in it got published, well the October issue is now out...I know they move a bit slower down south and all, but it did make it...

Here be the link Y'all...got to talk like that now that I'm in a real Southern Journal, if Y'all know what I mean...
http://www.asouthernjournal.com/index.htm

That's the second journal/e-Zine I got my contest winning story in...it was in the August issue of eFiction Magazine, which is a really nice publication btw...over a hundred pages and real color ads and stuff...looks like a real high class type magazine actually...

The same story is coming out in Zouch someday soon I am told...so, that will make three e-Zines for one story...besides the contest win over on that fine site known as Stories Space...

I'm a firm believer in getting a lot of mileage out of a story...what the heck, right?

Now give me drink in honor of all this excess, I mean, um, success...fine line between the two I say...how about a couple of Dirty Martinis? Yeah, why not...line 'em up...
Pour Wine

Pour Wine

Pour Wine

Pour Wine

Pour Wine

Pour Wine

Pour Wine

Pour Wine

Pour Wine

Thanks Y'all...

Oh, and btw...read my bio over on Muscatel...says something about me spending time in the South...or was that doing time in the South? Damn, can't recall at the moment...again, there's a fine line between the two... happy8

happy8

8 Oct 2011

Good Afternoon Lushkins (looking around at empty bar)...anyone here today? They must be giving away something down the street...either that, or the police raided the place again...glad I missed that one...

What do we have here today that's both drinkable and affordable? And don't try to talk me into that kosher wine...

Give me a bottle of bourbon...that should work for now...

Cheers,
Alan.
occasion5

occasion5

6 Oct 2011

Quote by chefkathleen
How in the world do you break a vibrator?

Come on Chef...you know...

Does this answer your question?

6 Oct 2011

Funny, but a couple of years ago when I was doing a lot of humor based stories I had an idea for a story about a vibrator repairman that made house calls...but, at the time it seemed a bit too far fetched...

This thread's making me re-think it...
coffee

coffee

6 Oct 2011

Quote by WellMadeMale
Way too many of the smart phones are too expensive for what they can and cannot do. Screens too small, eat too much juice too quickly, too many damned functions and does nothing very well...just everything - meh, okay.

I tend to agree with you here, especially about eating too much juice too quickly...a couple of years ago I had a phone that had a little of everything in it, until I left it in a restaurant one day and went back for it 20 minutes later, but that's another story...anyway, it seemed whenever I used it for anything like listening to music, the battery life degraded sort of exponentially, so when I wanted to use it for, say, making a phone call it was a no-go...

Now I have some cheap little Samsung that doesn't do much more than make phone calls, but it works well for that...and if I think I might be hanging out somewhere where I might want to be hanging out on the net, I just take along my Toshiba netbook with its nine hour battery life...

I never could figure out how people can surf the net on a two inch phone screen...and I've had people show me with their special apps, and "smart" phones...

It just seems like more work than it's worth to me...

6 Oct 2011

Quote by Dudealicious
For all you know she could be a 400 pound 40 year old and she doesn't want you to find that out.

Dude you are young like WMM said go out and rail a few chicks in your area. You'll forget this broad in no time!

Dude...I think we need to put you in charge of relationship advice...you have an undeniable way with words that could only come with years of sensitivity training... happy8

happy8

And Miss Mazza...did I hear you say something about the first round is on you?

I could hang out for this trainwreck if someone is pouring drinks...just saying...

6 Oct 2011

Good Afternoon Lushkins...nice to see everyone here...where's the head honcho, btw? His absence is rather conspicuous...hope he's not up to no good...and if he is, I hope he don't get caught...

Um, damn Mr. Algol...you gave me fifty cents to put in the collection plate? I recall you saying something about giving it to a good cause...so I, um, never mind...

Maybe if you give me another fifty I'll try to remember better this time where it supposed to go...

Nice to see you Miss Holly Sass...Y'all be lookin' mighty fine there...

How's that for Southern charm? I be practicing...I know, you can tell...

Let me get something to sip on while I'm here...let's bring out the good stuff...somebody be so kind as to pour some shots from that jug of Walgreens Kentucky Straight Bourbon Whiskey...I heard that goes down nice and smooth...

I be back...
Cheers,
Alan.
occasion5

occasion5

6 Oct 2011

He really was a true visionary, at a time certainly when personal computers were in their infancy...and he will be missed...

And jeez Mandy...that video is funny, and brings back memories...I remember those early Macs and the Apple II's with their little built-in 10 inch B & W monitors...high tech stuff back then...

6 Oct 2011

Quote by nicola

"Eyes, ears, nose and throat" sounds like a trip to the specialist at a hospital!

Lol...I thought that myself when I read it... happy8

happy8

5 Oct 2011

Lol...something is swimming in the North Dakota vodka? I'm surprised it's still alive...give it a few more seconds, it won't be swimming anymore...

Nice to see you here Miss Sharon...and why would anyone want to try to escape if they were with you?

Just saying... happy8

happy8

5 Oct 2011

Hey Mazza...looks like you done good there girl...yeah, that should keep me occupied for a few minutes at least...

What was that Chef your aunt used to say about drinking 151? Yeah, that'll do the trick...

Y'all have a good day now...ya' hear?

5 Oct 2011

Good Afternoon Lushketeers...what's this I hear about a bottle of Sams Club finest brandy? OK, maybe the word "finest" is not appropriate in this case...but give me a large cup of Special Blend and pour a tall glass of Sams Club on the side...

Hey Rump...I'd be careful about any half-full bottles I found lying next to Coma or Tose...I think vodka is supposed to be clear, if you get my drift...

Nice to see everyone here today...whenever this crew makes it through another day alive and not being led out in hand cuffs, it's a good day...

Though, being in hand cuffs can sometimes be a good thing...from what I hear...

Anyway...let me chug this drink and pour me another one...the brandy that is, and I'll try to stop back later...

Cheers,
Alan.
occasion5

occasion5

4 Oct 2011

Yeah, thanks Reverend...seems like we're both doing good lately in spite of ourselves... happy8

happy8

We both managed to con an e-Zine or two into actually paying money for our stuff...and get into print...not too shabby for a couple of drunks who hang out in this joint...

Is that all you can muster is more coffee? I think I'll just take the shot of Baileys on the side...

If I drink any more of that coffee, I'll have to use the bathroom in this place...and that's something I like to avoid at all costs...

4 Oct 2011

Good Afternoon my Lushketeer Friends...yeah Mr. Rump I see everything looks normal around here...so sorry to hear about that, btw...

Are the margaritas ready? I could use a few...and then maybe a few more...

Yeah, wasn't sure if you got that message I sent back to you...but, I take it you did...the October issue of the Muscatel Journal don't appear to be out yet...any day now, one would tend to assume...waiting on that to come out, and some upcoming issue of Zouch will have my same story...that will make three journal/e-Zine thingys I got the same story in...

Also, I'm sure you are well aware...the lovely Sharon and myself both have poems coming out in the same book next month, a real print book btw...so, lots of stuff coming up...

Not sure what this all says about the state of literature these days...but, I'm sure it says something...

Anyway...pass the drinks while I ponder the meaning of life and other assorted minutia...

Cheers,
Alan.
occasion5

occasion5

4 Oct 2011

Quote by magnificent1rascal
I thought it was hilarious...just as you predicted I would.

I just want to note Miss Rascal that Lee is now officially the latest member of Lush's fine non-erotic site known throughout the free world as Stories Space...

I noticed that his mom had packed him a sizable lunch when she dropped him off this morning, so I expect he'll be staying a while...

I just have a sneaking suspicion that this represents the dawning of a new age in the history of the written word...but, it's just a hunch... happy8

happy8

4 Oct 2011

I can certainly appreciate Plus Size Ladies...

Especially when they look like this...

4 Oct 2011

Classic Temptations...

4 Oct 2011

Quote by magnificent1rascal

Congrats on your immortalization. It's better than mortification, at any rate.

Thanks for your congrats Miss Rascallness...and I love that slogan "Immortalization...it's better than mortification"...I might have to adopt that and post it somewhere...

And btw...I found out this morning that I won Poetry Craze's little monthly contest they hold, um, every month...they no longer give out a cash prize, but I've been wanting to win it for a while now...

Certain bragging rights, you know? Sort of like an Editor Pick here on Lush or something...

Here be the link...
http://www.poetrycraze.com/contest-winners.html

I have to say it's even more of an honor since I beat out "The Greatest Poem Ever Written"...sorry Lee... happy8

happy8

3 Oct 2011

Actually, with that phrase "Purveyor of Poetry and Porn" I was trying to come up with a semi-worthy alliteration to compete with your choice of "Right Reverend of Lush" if you recall...I know it was a while ago, but maybe it will all come back...like a bad dream...

And what slug? I didn't see any slug?

Btw, you're lucky that machine is still here...once Scooter gets here and realizes there's a few pounds of scrap metal lying around that hasn't been removed from this place yet...um, just saying...

I think maybe you should get a chain and maybe somehow lock it to that old drain pipe...that don't look like it's going anywhere...

Again...just saying...

3 Oct 2011

Quote by Paddler
Dirty Martini,

Congratulations of pushing those folks over the edge. If pornography doesn't push the limits of the acceptable or the personal buttons of some, what good is it? Besides getting people off and giving them new ideas, I mean.

Paddler

Oh, I've been known to push a few folks over the edge alright...in fact, one of my poems "I Woke Up With A Fat Chick" set the record on one site for number of comments...134 to be exact, discussing everything from the rights of fat people, to first amendment issues, the concept of humor, political correctness, and perhaps a few other things I can't recall...

Apparently not everyone saw the humor in it, though almost all did...I'd post those comments, but it would fill up a page...or two...

3 Oct 2011

Quote by chefkathleen
Ewww bugs in nuts? I've never seen that.

Bugs in your nuts? Sounds like a serious problem, though I have a feeling they make some sort of cream for that...

Nice to see you here, btw...

And sorry about the poor bird of poetry there Rump...he didn't stand a chance around here anyway...flying through this joint, he had about as much chance as a plump turkey on Thanksgiving Eve...

Let me get a refill while I'm sitting here thinking of my next rhyme...maybe if I drink enough my poetic skills will improve...heck, they can't get much worse...
Pour Wine

Pour Wine

Pour Wine

Pour Wine

Pour Wine

3 Oct 2011

Quote by mazza

Can you please promise that they won't have bugs in them?

Every damn time I get pistachio nuts, I always find a cooked bug in at least one nut...

Oh damn...I didn't want to hear that...I have a big bag of pistachios sitting here btw...

Can't say I've ever seen any bugs in them though, not that I've really looked...now you're going to get me all paranoid and drive me to drink...

Put that down as Drinking Excuse No. 2741...Bugs in the Pistachios...

Pour me another couple of drinks, will ya?
Pour Wine

Pour Wine

Pour Wine

Pour Wine

Pour Wine