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DirtyMartini

Over 90 days ago

Male, 64

United States

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20 Oct 2011

Quote by cupid69

I am 50. Am I too old for you? Would you be seen out with me?

Cupid x

Nah, you're not too old for me...oh wait, I'm 50 too...never mind... happy8

happy8

20 Oct 2011

Quote by nicola
The same 3 people kept posting sexist / bigoted / racist jokes that hardly anyone found funny. It was an embarrassment, so I removed it.

Glad to see you put the humor section back though...I'd hate for anyone to say Lush lost its sense of humor...

I do agree though that people should exercise a bit of common sense when posting jokes, or posting anything for that matter...hey, even I can manage a bit of common sense...

Let me go back over to Stories Space and see what problems I can find...it's nice and quiet over there, not like the rowdy riff-raff over here... happy8

happy8

20 Oct 2011

Quote by bigguns

i see now what you mean about the code base being the same LOL. i feel right at home over on stories space i even now may way around what i have now deemed the signature gav site layout. very refreshing!

You'd feel right at home over on Historias too...even if you don't speak a word of Spanish...it's really the same as here, even the color is the same...

About the only difference is you don't send friend requests, you "Agregue Como Amigo"...or something like that...

20 Oct 2011

Good Evening Lushkins...ah yes, Sams Club absinthe...nothing like top shelf...what do they say "Absinthe makes the heart grow fonder?"

Makes something grow I'm sure...yeah, I'll take a nice tall glass of that...

Did we get a new patron to wander through these hallowed doors? Lured another one in, eh Rev? Hmmm...did you find out yet if she has money in her pocket Rump?

I mean, um, let me be polite and introduce myself...I'm Alan, and nice to meet you Blaze...

Btw, you wouldn't by any chance want to buy a couple of tickets to the Policemen's Ball? I got a couple in my pocket here for sale for the special price of just twenty bucks...

Did I happen to mention it was the hottest ticket in town? Let me know...

Cheers,
Alan.
occasion5

occasion5

20 Oct 2011

Quote by gav
Thanks everyone. It has been rather an epic release, but its been really enjoyable tinkering with new toys.

Lol, 24 hours is good! Original estimations had it at a couple of days. You could always try your hand at our Spanish site during the outage

Did you say epic release? Lol...and be careful what you say about toys around here...

I noticed you mentioned Historias Lush, that fine Spanish sister site...but, I thought for sure you would want to show off the new, improved version of ss...which, of course, has already gone through all these epic improvements...and survived, I might add...

Great place to hang out...and I've heard nothing but good things about the moderator team over there... happy8

happy8

18 Oct 2011

Good Evening there Lushketeers...ah yeah, I see Miss Top borrowed the car again...just don't let the llamas get into the liquor supply again, we don't want a bunch of drunken llamas running around again...

We got enough drama around here...

I will say I think that's a great business idea...I mean, "Dial A Llama?"...who would have thunk it?

And they deliver too...actually, those llamas facing the wrong direction sort of remind me of that horse I bet on the other day, but that's another story...

Hi Chef...Hi Coco...I heard a rumor somebody walked in the bar with real money...wow, mark this day on the calendar Rump...

Is there any change left from that fifty cent piece Coco? If you could spare it I wouldn't mind a double shot of Sams Club VSOP...

Just a thought...
Cheers,
Alan.
occasion5

occasion5

17 Oct 2011

Quote by nicola

If that doesn't work (highly likely), write to juicyads (one of their sponsors), and tell them that one of the sites in their network is stealing content, that should do the trick.

Now that is interesting...hadn't thought about that, but brilliant idea Nic...

Yeah, if they lose their advertising dollars they'll think twice about hosting stolen stories... happy8

happy8

Btw, I think just about everyone on here has had stories end up on that site...

17 Oct 2011

Thanks Evio for the Joni...she's always cool to watch, she gets so expressive and sort of bares her soul...I was trying to find that scene from the Isle of Wight movie where she sort of gets a bit bent out of shape...she mentions Isle of Wight on her site, btw...don't think she was too happy there...
http://jonimitchell.com/library/view.cfm?id=806

Anyway...do have a really cool Jimi three for one...a bit of "Hear My Train A Coming" which is maybe my fave Hendrix song, "Izabella" and a bit of "Machine Gun"...

16 Oct 2011

Good Evening my fellow Lushkins...wow, that was indeed a moving sermon Reverend...I feel moved to have another drink...once again we are out of communion wine, the darn stuff just seems to evaporate...

Let me get a tall glass of bourbon or the closest reasonably drinkable equivalent...

I'm trying to ponder this whole camping trip deal with Miss Mazza...build any good campfires yet?

I'll be back...
Cheers,
Alan.
occasion5

occasion5

16 Oct 2011

Quote by flytoomuch
So in summary, according to Rachel I am too prolific a writer and according to DirtyMartini the situation is hopeless in any browser. Time to pour myself a Dirty Martini, chill out, forget about re-ordering my scribbles and read one of Rachel's un-re-ordered stories.......and relax!!!

That might be smart advice...

Btw, Stories Space...Lush's non-erotic sister site just went through an upgrade, which will follow here on Lush soon I'm told...

If the same thing happens here after the upgrade as over on Stories Space, there is little point in making any attempt at changing the order at the moment when they are just going to scatter around like a dropped deck of cards after the upgrade...

Just saying... happy8

happy8

16 Oct 2011

The Who...btw, I know Roger is relatively short...and it really was probably not a good idea to put John and Pete on the platforms here... happy8

happy8

16 Oct 2011

I wouldn't forgive her...there are a couple of guys I know that I might try to hook her up with...

Just saying...

15 Oct 2011

Good post there Professor Fugsly...I'm actually pretty impressed that you typed that all out... 3601

3601

Did you really see a story that was one run on sentence? Wow, I guess my moderating experience tales pale in comparison over on SS...

I do like Jeff's suggestion about the two boxes of wine though...whether reading and verifying stories or not...just saying...

15 Oct 2011

Good Evening my Lushketeer friends...ah yeah, if there were any real tomato juice in this place Chef we could make real mixed drinks...and sorry to hear about those old people out on the roads down there, they should be safely perched on bar stools like the rest of us...I mean, what's wrong with these people anyway?

Is that Elaine who wandered into this fine, classy establishment? Poor girl got lost on the highway again and pulled over into a bad neighborhood I take it...

Um, Chef...yeah, well...that five bucks you gave me to bet the ponies...well, the horse didn't quite come in first...let's leave it at that...

I'll make it up to you somehow...let me help you clean off that plate of ribs...I wouldn't want to see you have to lug all that back home...really, it's the least I can do...

Hey Reverend...let me get a drink...I need one, I had a rough day at the track...

Any of that K-Mart sour mash left? That should do for now...

Cheers,
Alan.
occasion5

occasion5

14 Oct 2011

I'm sorry Miss Mazza...you know, when the economy is bad, you got to use the re-chargeable batteries to save money...it's just common knowledge... happy8

happy8

Btw, where is this big whorish pool you mentioned? Is there a diving board? I hope the life guards let us swim in the deep end...

14 Oct 2011

Hey Mr. Rump...did you by any chance say that Miss Mazza was re-charging the batteries? You know there's a joke in there somewhere, but I think I'll pass on that one... happy8

happy8

Hi Miss Coco...you're looking hot tonight, can we call you Hot Coco? Alright, alright...and yes, I write my own material...

So anyway, I take it the good news is that if Chef don't show with the ribs, we have the usual deep fried roadkill special around here...no big surprise there, but it would be nice to have something different for a change...

And you made Busty get out of the jeep? You just wanted to see her bend over and pick up the dead road hog...I know that trick...

Let me get a drink while I'm here waiting on these ribs to show...in fact, get everyone a drink...just put it on my tab...

Btw Rump, I think I figured out a sure fire way to pay off my tab this time...I got a tip on a horse that just might make it across the finish line...

I just need a ride to the track...is Busty around?

14 Oct 2011

Quote by flytoomuch
Thanks Rachel, I'll try it in Firefox tomorrow and see how it goes. I don't use Explorer, but I guess if necessary I'll download it.

You do realize she's lying to you...I just tried it again in IE, and no go...

Just saying, don't spend a lot of time reordering your stories and thinking it might actually work...I've tried it in Chrome, Firefox and IE...and it's still pretty darn hopeless...

14 Oct 2011

Good Morning Lushkins...actually, I think it might be afternoon...but, who notices anyway?

Ahhh Chef...ribs, now you're speaking my language...what time should we all be over?

And Rump...I'll take the Baileys and Brandy...but I think the smart thing to do might be to pass on the coffee and donuts, if you know what I mean...

What time should we all be back here for the ribs Chef?

Just asking...
Cheers,
Alan.
occasion5

occasion5

14 Oct 2011

Good Evening People of Lush...Hey Coco, heard you were looking for a martini...here I am...

OK, too late I guess...what's going on here? I been over on that fine sister site known as Stories Space trying to figure out if everything is still there...so far it looks like everything is pretty well accounted for except Mr. Scooter claims he is missing a sandwich...

Hmmm...I hope Mr. Scooter isn't trying anything shady here by putting in a false claim for a missing sandwich he already ate...

Anyway, not my problem...I'll let upper management deal with that...

How about a drink while I'm here? Don't think it's last call yet...give me a couple of Dirty Martinis...
Pour Wine

Pour Wine

Pour Wine

Pour Wine

Pour Wine

Let me go back over to the other site and see what's missing...what kind of sandwich was it anyway Scooter?

Cheers,
Alan.
occasion5

occasion5

11 Oct 2011

Oh hey, thanks there Mr. Rump...yeah I'll take one of those Pina things...and I'll be sure to pay you back when the big time royalty checks come in...

In other words, don't go out and make any big plans for that money yet...

Yeah, I tend to agree the thought of having a bad opening contest here on Lush would drive a person to drink...heck, they don't even have the contest yet and I feel like drinking...funny how that works...

11 Oct 2011

Good Afternoon Lushkins...I think it's just about five o'clock...is it Happy Hour here yet? Any free drink specials today? Whatever it is I'll take two...

Hey Sharon...what good is a phone where you can't see videos or get on Lush? What are you supposed to do with it anyway...make phone calls? Nobody uses their phone for that anymore...that's so 20th Century...

Anyway...Yeah Chef, the contest is just to come up with a bad opening line...we don't need a whole bad novel...that would be a bit much on the poor judges...
Well, you've been a mod here for a number of years...I'm sure you can understand...

Cheers,
Alan.
occasion5

occasion5

11 Oct 2011

No...if you find one of those gals I would like to meet her though...

Just saying... happy8

happy8

I mean don't get me wrong...the touching is usually the best part anyway...just think it could open up some interesting possibilities...

Though if she did actually have some sort of Vulcan mind control thing going on where she could just think and make you cum...well, you better not piss her off...I mean, next thing you know you'd be talking to your mom and...

Oh heck...I don't even want to think about it... dontknow

dontknow

11 Oct 2011

Quote by Curlygirly
Dear Death:

I'm not writing this to be mean or hurtful, but I wanted to point out a few things I noticed after reading your post/bio. I think it's great you've put yourself out there to meet Lushies, but HOLY CRAP!! Your life is not normal? Please point me the fuck in someone's direction whose life is normal! Also, I don't come to Lush to be depressed and reading the information you've given about yourself did just that. You've described yourself as lacking confidence, not that handsome, not muscular, and not fun per say. Not to mention the permanent stress, exhaustion, and migraines. Again, HOLY CRAP!! So, why exactly would people want to get to know you?

Yeah, like CG so very correctly pointed out...selling yourself to the general populous here is obviously not one of your strong points...I would definitely not use that same write-up in a personal ad if I were you...just a word of advice...

And I tend to agree with Jeff here...I think we all could use a beer after reading that...or two...
Pint Drunk

Pint Drunk

Pint Drunk

Pint Drunk

Pint Drunk

11 Oct 2011

You mean they're not trying to write bad? Damn, that's news to me...and I bet there's a few moderators who might be surprised to hear that as well...

Just saying...

And thanks for the suggestion that I may in fact be a real human being...I feel better already just knowing the possibility exists...

I'd feel even better if I had another drink...um, speaking of which...give me a refill while you're standing there pondering the meaning of life and other assorted minutia...
Pour Wine

Pour Wine

Pour Wine

Pour Wine

Pour Wine

10 Oct 2011

Good Evening My Lushkin Friends...I heard that last remark there btw Mr. Rump...and I must say, something tells me that if I had any feelings they'd be hurt, or that I should be quite offended, or something to that effect...the whole implication that I might not pay my tab...

I'll have you know I've been working on a solution to the paying my tab all afternoon...got a call from an old drinking buddy who got a tip on a horse that's a sure winner...as matter of fact, I have the racing form right here...

Yes Sir...Deaths Door in the sixth is a sure thing this time, you'll see Mr. Rump...in the meantime, let me get one of those fancy 151 drinks...and, um, just put it on my tab...

Btw Chef, my condolences on your loss...you know what they say "The good die young"...if it's any consolation, we should be here for you for quite some time I would have to assume...

On another note, Mr. Rumpster...I saw a writing contest here and I immediately thought of you..

The Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest

Where “WWW” means “Wretched Writers Welcome”
Here be the link...
http://www.bulwer-lytton.com/

It's that contest where the idea is to come up with the worst possible opening line for a fictitious novel...of course I thought of you...

I mean, um, because you had started a thread about Weally Wretched Writing...well, you know what I mean...

Um, what are my chances of getting that drink now btw? Maybe I shouldn't ask...I'll stop back...
Cheers,
Alan.
occasion5

occasion5

10 Oct 2011

Quote by Dancing_Doll

Oh... and I did get a great email that I won't post here from a professor of a college that teaches psychology and human sexuality asking permission to be able to use my stories for a semester as assigned reading to generate class discussion. That was pretty cool. And yes, I did check it all out, it was totally legit. Wish I could have been a fly on the wall in those classes though.

That's very flattering Doll...I'm sure it felt good to get that note...always flattering when someone chooses to use words you've written for whatever purpose...

I don't think any of my stories have been used in a classroom setting...at least not as a good example anyway...

And your mention of the perfect tag line reminded me that the tag line I use for my story "My Best Friend's Girl (She used to be mine)"...the tag line I use now being "Public sex with an ex"....that tag line came from an early comment someone left on the story...

So, comments can be useful as well...

10 Oct 2011

Quote by scooter

Hey dirtyM,
I have a few X rated pics. of me that I can't seem to post.
Can I send them to you!

Hmmm...sorry Scooter, you're on your own with that...what happened, Playgirl Magazine turn you down again? I hate when that happens...
Just, um, post them on one of the girl's profile page in the comment section...I'm sure, say, Nicola won't mind...
Just don't mention you got the idea from me...I'll deny it to the end... dontknow

dontknow

And btw Miss Mazza...what's this idea with the breathalyzer test...you trying to keep all your friends off Lush? Just saying...

10 Oct 2011

I think the best comment I ever got...well, really the most flattering was over on Writing.com, and I think I can mention that site, it's not really any competition to Lush...this was about a week before I joined Lush btw...it was the first time any of my writing got any outside "acknowledgement"...and it was weeks before the same story got an Editor Pick here on Lush...

Anyway...SoCalScribe is a professional Hollywood screenwriter btw...

# 1. Review of "Your Eyes" (GC) Review ID #3177403
Review By: SinfulScribe (424)
Date and Time: 10-13-09 @ 2:32pm
Public/Private: Private | Hide Review (?)
Reviewer's Rating: (4.5)
Review Length: 319 Characters | 297 w/o WritingML
Great story, Exakta66 . I really enjoyed reading this item and thought you did a good job with both the characters and the storyline. I would be a pleasure to feature this item in this week's issue of the "Unofficial Erotica Newsletter Group" 's weekly newsletter.

Keep up the good work and keep writing!

Best regards,

-SoCalScribe

10 Oct 2011

Quote by Catnip
I always wondered what it was that smelled around the bagged lady.

So, what are you suggesting Miss Chatnip? That she switch to using sealable plastic bags instead of paper?

That's not nice... evil4

evil4

10 Oct 2011

Quote by Yahtzee

It is important that you save your work elsewhere.

Yes...