So you’ve just taken that big step from dating to actually moving in together. Congratulations! Maybe you recently got married, or maybe you’ve just decided to live in sin. The pitfalls to avoid are the same. Here are my Top Ten lists of mistakes that women and men make when they decide to move in together. Feel free to post your own suggestions in this thread or comment on the ones made!
The Top Ten List of Mistakes That Girls Make
Do Not be high maintenance. If you are high maintenance, he probably knows it already. But part of living together is being open to spontaneous activities like ‘hey, let’s go grab some breakfast’ or ‘want to catch the 8pm flick at the movie theatre?’ If suggestions like this tend to throw you into a panic because you can’t get ready in a reasonable amount of time, then you need to reassess your beauty routine. Every woman should be able to prepare for random activities in 15 minutes or less. This might involve jeans, a ball-cap, lip-gloss and mascara. You will look sexy, casual and carefree to your man. He does not expect to be walking around with a glamour goddess 24/7. Unless you are a celebrity with your own legitimate paparazzi stalking you at all times, then dial-down the perfectionist tendencies and learn to roll with being spontaneous.
Do Not stop being the kinky girl you were before you moved in together. If you enthusiastically claimed to love anal sex, watersports or threesomes just to win him over during the early stages of dating, then rest assured he actually believed you! This means that after pretending to be Sasha Grey to seal the deal, you can’t just breath a sigh of relief and suddenly switch back to your usual bedroom persona of a Catholic nun and expect him not to feel like he was totally duped. Stopping all the kinky fun once you’ve achieved the commitment of cohabitation is not a wise idea. It’s called false advertising and be prepared for repercussions.
Do Not overly feminize the place. I know you used to sleep in pink sheets and that you kept your assorted bath bubbles and raspberry-mango body lotions scattered all over your bathroom counter when you lived alone. Maybe you have an attachment to that portrait of your cat(s) that you had an artist hand-paint for you that used to hang in your living room. Take the smarter option and tuck your girly things into drawers and store the feminine artwork, your Hello Kitty lamp and those adorable embroidered pillows at your mum’s house. Women often excel at decorating, but if you have a tendency towards things that are pink, frilly or involve cute, furry animals, then please scale it all back. Your place should appear as gender neutral as possible to ensure peaceful cohabitation. That also means that you can veto the Darth Vadar mask that he’s been trying to pass off as an artistic sculpture.
Do Not roll over with zit cream, with your hair in a bun while wearing flannel pajamas and expect him to find you desirable just because there is a willing woman in the bed. If you wore lingerie and a bit of gloss to bed while you were dating and now you wear a full body suit of clothing (deduct extra points if the flannel you wear contains designs of flowers or barnyard animals) then don’t be surprised if you’re only having sex twice a month. That’s not to say that you have to look like a Victoria’s Secret vixen at all times. It just means that if you have the urge to be intimate, put a little bit of effort into the seduction. Don’t forget, he’s not a sex toy with an on-off switch. Guy’s need a bit of attention and enticement too.
Do Not bore him with gossipy issues about your girlfriends that nobody cares about except for you. Some women have the tendency to tell their men everything. That includes secrets and details about their friend’s lives that he should never hear, especially if you enjoy couples activities and combined group get-togethers. Spilling petty gossip because it’s exciting or to make you look better to him by revealing how evil “other women” can be is not cool. It runs the risk of backfiring in your face if he spreads the word in your social group, or causing him to dislike these girls and wanting you to avoid them, or just plain boring him to tears in general. Keep the excessive girly gossip for your girly friends and spare him the drama.
Do Not attempt to lock down his freedom by trying to veto Guy’s Night Out. This also doesn’t mean that he should be out with the guys every single night either, but try to create a reasonable balance. You may hate his friends or think they are all man-whores, but they are part of the social network that existed long before you came into the picture. If you try to turn him against his friends and become unreasonably jealous and suspicious every time he goes out to the bar, you are going to alienate him and even worse make his buddies dislike you. When the bro-code really kicks in and they start convincing him that you are crazy and clingy, this could spell disaster for you. You’d be far smarter to have his friends like and respect you as a ‘cool girl’ because they might have your back when you’re not around or when he’s second-guessing your relationship down the road.
Do Not let him see you partaking in embarrassing female-behavior. If your regular maintenance involves bleaching your upper lip, plucking your chin hair or squeezing pus-filled bumps on your face, please do not half-hazardly allow him to witness these things by leaving the bathroom door open or doing it in front of him. He knows that you aren’t perfect and that strange grooming rituals go on, but he doesn’t need to watch it all go down and have those images burned into his psyche forever. Nor does he need to secretly worry that you might be sprouting a full femme-beard in 30 years just like your Aunt Edna.
Do Not start snooping for evidence that he is a cheating asshole. And if you do, be prepared that you might find it. Most girls don’t start digging for evidence unless they already have strong suspicions. But if you are one of those girls that is carrying a lot of ‘cheating’ and ‘evil-boyfriend’ baggage from the past, please don’t instantly project it onto the new guy. If you feel the need to constantly check up on him after you’ve moved in together, then you probably shouldn’t have moved in with this guy in the first place, right? If he finds you going through his computer history or scanning his text messages, you are going to look unstable and like you have major trust issues. You may legitimately have trust issues, but the key is to hide them and not let them rule and wreck your relationship.
Do Not withhold sex because he pissed you off. First, this game actually implies that you don’t like sex, and therefore the avoidance or denial of it doesn’t bother you one bit. This is not a good thing to suggest to your mate. This makes it seem like sex is a chore and he only gets it if he’s a ‘good boy.’ It might sound clever now, but if he ever needed that extra push to get him to hook up with that buxom female coworker who is always lingering at his desk at work, then this would be it. Creating a sex-starved male partner is like creating a cheating time-bomb. You don’t want to foster this kind of resentment and blue-balls frustration simply because he forgot to put the trash out or he shrank your favorite cashmere sweater in the wash.
Do Not make him your entire life just because you are living together. Yes, I know you’re in love and maybe have been waiting forever to get to finally play house with the guy all your girlfriends swore to you would never commit. Do not take this to mean that you now get to do everything together, like symbiotic twins that are attached together by the chains of cohabitation. You should have some weekend activities that you do on your own. In the past when you were dating, all your time spent together was condensed quality-couples time. Well, now you will have lots of time-fillers when you are supposed to operate as separate individuals, even though you may still be in visual proximity of each other. You used to be your own person with your own interests before you met him, so please don’t lose sight of that and become clingy and dependent on him for all your entertainment needs.
The Top Ten List of Mistakes That Guys Make:
Do Not assume that you now have a live-in maid. Just because a bonafide female is living with you does not mean that you can now become a total sloth and expect that your new happy home-maker will relish the opportunity to take care of you. Even if she initially appears happy to make extravagant dinners, wash the dishes and fold your underwear, the honeymoon period of nurturing you will wear thin after a while. Make an effort to help cook, do the grocery shopping and scrub the tub now and then. The more you do to help out or at least acknowledge her efforts, the more she will want to please and reward you later (hint hint!).
Do Not criticize her outfit choices for various occasions. If you think she is dressing too slutty for work or that her ass looks too fat in those yoga-pants that she wears to the gym, keep your mouth shut. If she didn’t ask for your honest opinion (and exercise caution with this one even if she does), then the only comments you make should be positive ones. Don't be controlling about her image or think that her low-cut top and mini-skirt means that she's prowling for an upgrade every time she goes somewhere without you.
Do Not start trying to keep her away from her single, wild girlfriends for fear that they will be bad influences on your newly committed girl. I know you think that ‘Kelly the Cokehead’ and ‘Trisha the Drunken Hoe’ are secretly trying to get their girlfriend back into their ‘single-girl’ fold. They are not. And even if they were, trust your girlfriend to understand her commitment to you and to be able to resist the temptations that come along with consorting with those kinds of friends.
Do Not… leave skidmarks! If you used to do the laundry and clean the bathroom sink only on the occasions she was coming over to your place before moving in, you need to continue to hide your unhygienic slip-ups. Now that you are living together this will potentially require greater effort. If you routinely leave gravy on your tighty-whities, do your own small batches of laundry when she’s not around (or better acquaint yourself with the miracle of toilet-paper).
Do Not make her feel like an idiot for watching reality-TV like The Bachelor, or MTV spin-offs about Hollywood socialites. It’s just mindless release, no different than your enjoyment of playing video games or surfing porn online.
Do Not continue to act like the single ‘playa’ that you used to be. Don’t worry, you are still allowed to go out on Boy’s Night and fly to Vegas for your buddy’s bachelor party. But if you find yourself still spending more time with your friends than you do with her and you know that she’s sitting at home and pouting or fretting about it, be considerate. This is not your roommate; this is your girlfriend/wife. That means letting her have priority sometimes and sending her a text if you’re going to get home from the bar later than 3am.
Do not think that romance can go out the window just because you expect to get laid every night. It's a wonderful thing to have a woman in your bed every night, however many men say that the sex goes downhill after they move in together? Is it because the availability of it makes it less desirable or exciting, or is because you feel like you can officially stop trying to seduce each other. Now since most men will take sex whenever they can get it, this means that women probably need a bit of romance or seduction to want to get kinky. Nothing works better than making a woman feel wanted. This doesn't mean you need to go the traditional route of flowers and expensive candle-lit dinners. It just means that she has to feel like you need and desire her on a greater spiritual and psychological level than when you already have a boner. Keep the sexual interplay alive, a little sexy growl in her ear, physical contact that doesn't immediately lead to something sexual, and a bit of creativity will keep her in the mood to be the sex-kitten you originally fell in love with.
Do Not compare her to other women that you used to live with such as ex-girlfriends or your mother. Unless you are Vinnie or Pauly D from Jersey Shore, the words “that’s not how my mother does it…” should not come out of your mouth when referring to cooking, cleaning or decorating.
Do Not invite all your buddies over for sports night or poker and expect her to serve everyone all night and still be game for an enthusiastic blow job to celebrate your bet wins after they leave. Schedule these nights for when she’s planning to be out of the house and be your own host. Don’t forget to clean up afterwards.
Do Not leave remnants of other women around your place. If you’ve been secretly storing a stash of sexy panties from your previous conquests, or you still have naked photos of your ex-girlfriend tucked into drawers that she might access… put them away into a lock-box (you can buy one cheaply from the hardware store) until you feel like you want to get rid of them, or until the demise of your current live-in relationship. Whichever comes first.
