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PhilU

4 days ago

Straight Male

0 miles · Sydney

Profile Stories

Forum

17 Mar 2018

Greetings everyone! Happy St Patrick's Day to all, especially those with actual Irish blood (just about all Australians claim some on this day... so I'll join in too). And a big "Happy Birthday!" to the regular bartender, who is hopefully putting his feet up and getting some special treatment from some of his young female fans on this special day.

If there's anyone behind the bar, I'll try a Guinness... (once a year can't hurt too much)

Pint Drunk

Pint Drunk

16 Mar 2018

We can dance if we want to!!!

11 Mar 2018

Right... I will pay full attention. Oooh... funny cat video. Um, what was I doing again?

Uh-oh. I guess I'd better go and line up for my punishment again. Oh, what a terrible fate...

dancenude

dancenude

8 Mar 2018

Quote by RumpleForeskin

Phil has a story posted that you'll thank me for recommending...that is if you smarten up enough to take my advice and click on this link:

https://#scorebottom

No doubt it's one of those roaming cliff autobio type tales. You know, one clueless but well-hung and hunky guy and two hot ladies. Anyway, check it out.

Anyone need a drink before they start reading?

Ah Bill, truly awesome at tending a virtual bar and at supporting people who post their scribbles on this site (and he has a badge to prove it). But maybe just slightly less than awesome at posting links. icon_smile

icon_smile

Anyway, my story's at https://www.lushstories.com/stories/group-sex/do-friends-do-that.aspx for those that want to check it out. Any resemblance to persons living, dead and/or with kangaroos as avatars is purely coincidental...

I'm probably going to sit out the comp on the grounds that I know so little about poetry that I don't even know what to say about friends' entries. So maybe I'll just say, "Well done all those who have been braver than me and entered, and good luck!"

And now, I think it's beer time.

8 Mar 2018

Hmm. I realize now that, in my undercaffeinated state earlier, I answered an entirely different question than that which was asked (and probably led Buz astray as well). You mean when you click on the little magnifying glass and search stories for a specific word? Then, I _think_ the search results are based on some estimate of 'relevance' (having the word in the title or tags seems to count for a lot) and it doesn't look at popularity of the story at all. Again, just a guess. No inside knowledge on what's really happening.

7 Mar 2018

Quote by Jimwillhavefun
As a techie, I am confused about the algorithms used to determine where in the pecking order the stories fall. By this I mean. When I do a search for a keyword in a specific category by Rank, the stories are all over the place. Some will have high votes, low votes, no votes, high average scores, low average scores and so on all on the first page. Usually the first page is the highest and then goes down from there. Not true here. Same goes for searching by votes. The votes will be high at first then go down and then jump back up or be out of order. At first I thought it was ranking by number of views. This is not true either. Some stories that have only a few hundred views rank higher than ones in the thousands. This is very confusing to me. Can someone help me understand this? Thanks.

Disclaimer: I haven't spoken to Gav about this, and he's probably the only one who knows exactly.

That said, having pondered it a bit myself, when you choose a story category it starts with the most recently posted stories first. If you click on 'Popular', it seems to list all those with average vote 5 in descending order of number of votes, then all those with average score 4.99 etc. Obviously, not perfect since a single '4' vote can push a story down quite a long way, but we'll never get a perfect ranking.

As for the Top Authors list... um, yeah. Some combination of average score, number of votes and number of views, with a high bias towards recent history (it changes pretty frequently). Or possibly just a random number generator. evil4

evil4

1 Mar 2018

Quote by seeker4
Hi, all. Hope all is well. The company car is back in its parking spot, mostly intact . PhilU, remember that this is a North American car so left hand drive, right side of the road.

Beer, please.

Ah, you North Americans are all the same - trying to tell other people how to lead their lives. I'll drive on whichever side of the road I like, coz I'm a rebel (without a clue).

Quote by Lauradj

*Lips get all pouty, eyelashes flutter, I look at you with my gorgeous green eyes.* "But I want it nooooooooooooow," I say in my most sultry, sexy kiwi voice.

Hey there, little lady, want to go for a spin? We might have to drive a bit fast because I think I may have just insulted Canadians everywhere... evil4

evil4

28 Feb 2018

Quote by Lauradj

It is the last official day of summer here in New Zealand, but our proper autumn weather doesn't kick in until April or sometimes May, so we've got another solid month of heat and good temperatures.

Has anyone seen my ANZAC bud, PhilU, around? I'm still waiting for my punishment, and I hate a tardy spanker. So it better bloody be the best spanking I have ever received.

Hi!

Still around, although it has been ages since I dropped in here for a drink. You know that the anticipation is part of the fun, don't you Laura? evil4

evil4

Been a bit busy, with real life and stuff, and kinda signed up for a job around here. As Her Royal Spriteness mentioned in another forum, she's signing my pay cheques now. I do kinda need to discuss that with her though - when she said that there would be a few zeroes on the weekly cheque, I wasn't exactly expecting $0.00.

Autumn weather kicked in the other day around here, although it didn't hang around for long so it's definitely still beer weather. So if the round's still on Buz, I'll have a glass of your finest, thanks Bill.

occasion5

occasion5

27 Feb 2018

Quote by sprite
anyone who even thinks of unfollowing me will meet an untimely demise... you have been warned.

Thankfully, I haven't got around to following you yet... narrow escape there. evil4

evil4

hiding

18 Feb 2018

Hello.

I just thought I'd revive this thread because I like it when people discuss writing around here. So I'm going to pretend that I know something about writing for a bit. I can't use the excuse that I don't save different versions, since I do that all the time, just in case there's something worth salvaging from the old versions (even though I seldom even look at them). I do it at work too... should probably delete some of the 72 versions of one spreadsheet sometime...

Having actually dug into a few old stories, I'm a bit surprised at how little the beginnings change, but I still wonder about this one - https://www.lushstories.com/stories/spanking/fancy-dress-or-undressed.aspx . I won't put the date of the first version - suffice to say, it was a long, long time ago.

First
"Well, there's a fantasy that I didn't know that I had."

I shocked myself a bit when I said it out loud. Just for a moment, I hoped that Sarah hadn't heard, but she turned and approached me. I expected to be slapped in response. I certainly didn't expect what the night would hold.

Final
I shocked myself a bit when I said it out loud. Mostly I’d been attempting to amuse my friend Rob. He had a huge talent for, and interest in, inappropriate comments. But he had perhaps mastered the art of making such comments sotto voce, or at least quietly enough to not be heard by the person referred to.

***
I'm not quite sure that I improved it - I was trying to figure out how to get people to read past the backstory, but maybe it's just annoyingly contrived to hold back what the narrator said? And "Rob" is kind of a Chekhov gun that doesn't go off... he just disappears stage right and is never heard from again hiding

hiding

And 'Fantasy I Didn't Know That I Had' might be a stronger title.

Hmm, I think I know why I don't look back at the old versions much - too much confusion!

Ah well, hopefully this will encourage a few more to show their 'mucky underbelly'...

14 Feb 2018

Congratulations to Verbal, Delphi and browncoffee and all of the top 10! No idea how the judges split such great stories (with difficulty, by the sounds). And also to all the others who provided such a varied, imaginative collection of entries across a huge range of new categories.

12 Feb 2018

Quote by Lauradj

That, my Australian friend, is the smell of sex sweat and vodka mixed in together. Go to any club and it will smell exactly the same. Do you still go to clubs, or are you too old?

Hey look, I'm sorry, I'll wait in the stockroom for you so I can take my punishment. ;)

I think I might have been born too old for clubs. But I used to be quick enough to catch up with young women clearly seeking a spanking. Alas, now I think I'm just too slow crybaby

crybaby

Part of the problem is that, despite thinking that I know nothing about Winter Olympics events, I found myself glued to the TV watching snowboarding, speed skating and attempted murder on ice (hang on, I think they call that 'hockey').

Anyway, it's beer o'clock, so fill a (cleanish) glass for me please Bill!

12 Feb 2018

What the? That test suggested I was borderline INFP instead of pure INTP like the other times I've taken the Myer-Briggs test.

Regardless, I might have to just form a club by myself. That's actually just fine with me, because I'm an introvert. icon_smile

icon_smile

8 Feb 2018

I think this is my first double post on lush... I guess everyone has a first time sometime...

8 Feb 2018

Hi everyone. Right, just had a power nap in the stockroom. Last thing I remember, we were just having a few drinks to celebrate thinking up a brilliant plan to rescue Jen. What's that? She's free? I always had faith in you guys. Let's drink to celebrate. Oh, and Buz, you can probably stop shaking that booty now.

By the way, Bill, it smells a little odd in the stockroom. No worse than usual; just odd...

7 Feb 2018

Quote by Jen

She let me out to pee. I stole her phone and am hiding in the cookie cupboard. There are 3 boxes of chocolate chip in here so I have enough rations for an hour, maybe an hour and a half...

Okay, gather around, crack commando squad. Um, okay, well you lot will have to do. Time is of the essence - if we don't break into Hannah's place soon then Jen will eat all the choc chip cookies and then... Well, it's almost too horrible to contemplate. But I'll say it - there will be no cookies for us!

So who volunteers to distract Hannah? Come on - we can't all distract Hannah...

Sigh, all this planning is making me thirsty... maybe I'll just grab one beer while we're sorting it out... Hang in there, Jen!

6 Feb 2018

Here's a photo of Wall Street traders going crazy with excitement in the last hour of trade today:

5 Feb 2018

More minutiae which is probably related. My Timeline is still reporting when I get quoted in the forums but no longer giving the topic and link e.g. "sprite has quoted you on the forum topic ." It still gives the full post, so it's easy enough to track down the topic.

Much more importantly - haven't noticed any crashes in a while - thanks Gav!

5 Feb 2018

Quote by sprite

YOU ARE NOT A TRUE AMERICAN! GO BACK TO WHERE EVER YOU CAME FROM, COMMIE!

That might be the nicest thing you've ever said to me. Thanks. hiding

hiding

Could I have a quick beer before I get thrown out of this place?

4 Feb 2018

Quote by Verbal
Forgive me for sounding grumpy, but I have finally reached an age where I no longer care to feign enthusiasm for the Stupor Bowl. Oh I'll watch - last year was a great game, and the halftime show can occasionally rock (Prince 2007!). But mostly I see the game as a marker: when it's over we can finally focus on what is really important, which is Spring Training for baseball season!

Koffee please. Enjoy the game everyone.

I've reached an age where I'm starting to care a little about the Super Bowl. At least, I feel less of a need to make snarky comments about all the padding and the whole 'oh no, we lost the ball, better have a break for a couple of minutes and put an entirely different team out there' thing. Now, to read up on who's actually playing this year...

Coffee for me too please, with or without an added umlaut.

29 Jan 2018

Hmm, I think maybe the comp deadline is actually a time stamp. It says the 31st for me, but I guess that means it will be the 31st here by the time it closes, but still the 30th for most of you.

Regardless it's really effing soon. But after pounding away late into the night, I managed to slip it in just in time (I know, that sounds a little back-to-front) and thanks to the effort of a kind mod (who shall remain nameless as I'm not sure that matches the image she's trying to project), my comp entry is up - https://www.lushstories.com/stories/money/dinner-and-a-show.aspx

Thanks to the kind folks who sprang into action and have voted already... just need a couple more votes to avoid falling at the first competition hurdle.

And thanks for the Jolter Bill. Maybe I'll have that and some coffee to get me through the day...

29 Jan 2018

Phil wanders into the bar and casts a sideways glance at Hannah, and not because he has a fantasy involving Hannah, a large whip and the fine line between pleasure and pain. Okay, not JUST because he has that fantasy. But because he has, presumably to Hannah's surprise (since it's largely to his own surprise), submitted a comp entry. He has also been experimenting with third person, and is finding it hard to stop...

Anyway, I (ah, that's better) really, really hope that the comp page which gives the deadline as 31 Jan 2018 is actually right, because that gives me so much more time to get 10 votes (ideally not all 1s). And maybe even time to read at least a few of the other entries...

But right now, I think I need a nightcap of something strong...

13 Jan 2018

Quote by browncoffee

SHOULD ENTER (c'mon you guys! if you're not entering, i wanna know why. 2,000 word essay minimum on why you feel entitled to let me down so brutally.)

Hmm, I haven't written an essay in so long... do you think "Don't wanna! You can't make me bootyshake

bootyshake

" repeated enough times would count? And how many words is a booty shake emoji worth anyway?

I actually have a couple of ideas... it's just translating them into actual words on a screen is not really happening...

Anyway, greetings to all, including those who have arrived in this wonderf... um, not too bad a place since I last visited. It's still beer-drinking weather here (but at least not 43C ~= 110F this weekend), so a glass of your finest please barkeep.

27 Dec 2017

Quote by browncoffee

Aaaaarrrrggghhh!!! hiding

hiding

Actually, I did just have an idea for a comp entry in the Monster Sex category. All about a sweet young thing called Hannah who changes into a horrible monster called Tracy at irregular intervals.

Or maybe a similar story in the Femdom category, where Tracy's victims actually secretly enjoy it.

Anyone who wants to should feel free to steal these ideas, since I doubt I'll get around to actually finishing a story. Instead, I guess I'll just take my punishment... a1089

a1089

Umm... hi Hannah! Anxious

Anxious

27 Dec 2017

Quote by Ping

- 40 degrees Kelvin, no relation, is another story.

Yes, a science fiction story. icon_smile

icon_smile

We had weird weather for Christmas, with 22C (70ish F) at midnight, and the mercury not getting quite that high again for the day. Way too chilly for Christmas really. Still, the day before was 37C (nigh on 100F), so at least we got some beach weather and beer-drinking weather. Ah, who am I kidding? It's all beer-drinking weather. Wish my phone would stop auto-correcting 'drinking' to 'dribbling'. Perhaps it knows me too well. Anyway, beer please Bill! And stay warm all of you with minus signs in your weather reports...

24 Dec 2017

Greetings all. Thought I'd pop in and be a few hours (or maybe a little more) early on wishing everyone a very happy Christmas. Still been busy as someone really quite busy, so not much reading or writing going on around here. I did have an idea for a competition entry a few days ago... unfortunately that was for the Boobies competition... But hey, maybe I'll take whatever inspiration I can when and if I get some writing time. Might even get better at similes.

And being December, it's definitely time for an ice cold beer. Thanks!

16 Dec 2017

And one more from a guy who's mostly a writer of comic songs, but this one is more serious, and really captures the spirit of a non-religious, summer holiday like Christmas is (for some of us).

16 Dec 2017

Well, this may count as unusual... or at least a bit wrong. But I like the song (less sure about the fan-made video).

4 Dec 2017

Quote by WellMadeMale
I'd never seen this video before. Am loving the use of the bagpipes.

I've seen it a lot of times...although we sang "It's a long way to the shop when you want a Chiko roll" at school (a Chiko roll is a savoury snack containing... um, never been quite sure, but probably best not to know). But I'm loving the footage of Swanston St (they're rolling down one of the main streets in central Melbourne which, 40+ years later, doesn't look like that any more, but does at least connect to a lane which is now called ACDC Lane).

And RIP Malcolm Young. Apparently at his funeral last week, the pipe band played Waltzing Matilda... with a little bit of It's a Long Way thrown in.

Anyway, greetings everyone, and hearty congratulations to those who did so well with Boobies. Bit sad that I missed out on competing, but haven't even found the time to read the entries... will have some catching up to do when life gets less busy!

And a coffee please Bill.

blah5

blah5

Oops, sorry Hannah... I meant

25 Nov 2017

And this one is probably just meaningful to me, but since it's also over 10 years since Syd Barrett (who wrote this song... Pink Floyd's first single) died and almost 10 since Richard Wright (on keyboards here) died, here's some rock royalty together: