Quote by notown_nv
how do you add a pic, i cant get it to work
You need to have posted 20 times before it will work.
Now, back to the matter at hand (see what I did there?)
BDSM furniture
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Sensei
5 days ago
Straight Male, 58
0 miles · California
Forum
Active Ink Slinger
I read "Snake Charmer," and loved it. The only criticism I could come up with is a little bit of a nitpick. At one point, you needed to describe the effect of a drug on the patient, but the POV was of the woman who administered it. It was a little bit of a detour the way the effect was described. I am not sure whether there's a better way to achieve it or not - or perhaps if it was necessary (perhaps it might simply have either sufficed for her to simply say why she had to restrain him).
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Quote by abp013
im pretty much brand new to this whole thing, but it seems like somthing I would Like to get into,
Stop right there.
Why do you say that? What do you feel that makes you think you want whatever you think this is about?
I'm basically trying to get you to be more specific. BDSM is a very, very big tent.
You said you want a sub. Why? What would you propose doing with one? More importantly, why would anyone give him or herself to you? That's really the crux of the biscuit here. Many people forget that a dominant has a tremendous duty to fulfill. It's not just about being able to have your way with them. Because if you selfishly ignore their needs, then they won't stay.
Active Ink Slinger
As difficult situations go, that doesn't sound like it's half bad. You both are free, you both have feelings for each other, and you both want to try something new. No problem!
Step 1 is open communication. BDSM in and of itself is not terribly specific. Talk with her about the sorts of fantasies you have and she has. Where there's overlap is where you should begin. Use the tag search here to find stories that contain the elements you both agree on. Use them for inspiration (don't try to act them out word for word - use them to see if those sorts of things spark a fire in you both).
If you find there's a specific kink that you both want to explore, but that you've had no experience with, then do some google searching first. The Internet is full of all sorts of helpful advice on damn near everything.
I'll throw two freebies out to start with: The kind of handcuffs that the cops use are not the kind of handcuffs you want to use for bondage. Don't use them. You want wide, leather cuffs. They don't tighten on their own, they spread their force over a wide area, they're flexible and pliable and don't (in and of themselves) need a key to open them.
Speaking of keys, that's number 2: Latches, not locks. It is sufficient that your sub not be able to easily free themselves without help. Locks and keys don't make that significantly more effective in many cases. But they do make embarrassing or perhaps dangerous situations possible if the key gets misplaced.
Step 1 is open communication. BDSM in and of itself is not terribly specific. Talk with her about the sorts of fantasies you have and she has. Where there's overlap is where you should begin. Use the tag search here to find stories that contain the elements you both agree on. Use them for inspiration (don't try to act them out word for word - use them to see if those sorts of things spark a fire in you both).
If you find there's a specific kink that you both want to explore, but that you've had no experience with, then do some google searching first. The Internet is full of all sorts of helpful advice on damn near everything.
I'll throw two freebies out to start with: The kind of handcuffs that the cops use are not the kind of handcuffs you want to use for bondage. Don't use them. You want wide, leather cuffs. They don't tighten on their own, they spread their force over a wide area, they're flexible and pliable and don't (in and of themselves) need a key to open them.
Speaking of keys, that's number 2: Latches, not locks. It is sufficient that your sub not be able to easily free themselves without help. Locks and keys don't make that significantly more effective in many cases. But they do make embarrassing or perhaps dangerous situations possible if the key gets misplaced.
Active Ink Slinger
Passed out? No. But I have woken her up and started in on her before she quite knew what was going on.
Now, BDSM relationships often incorporate behaviors that in other relationships would be totally out of bounds. I have never engaged in any behavior that I did not have complete confidence was consensual, even if not all of that consent is expressed in advance.
Now, BDSM relationships often incorporate behaviors that in other relationships would be totally out of bounds. I have never engaged in any behavior that I did not have complete confidence was consensual, even if not all of that consent is expressed in advance.
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Quote by MoonlightSerenity
I must say that I am a pet who is guilty of that. I have tried to understand why not. But often it comes down to being told to shut the fuck up in the past.
What would you say to those of us who have in the past been forced to keep our mouths shut and to just get on with it no matter what?
Sometimes it can also be hard picking the right moment or gaining courage to talk over some things.
In all things, there is a time and a place. If I demand my slave do something that I know is well inside her limits, then back-talk at that moment is, in my view, actionable. There are certainly times when the acceptable response is either "Yes, sir" or a safe-word (I say that because dom's are human and make mistakes). That said, I think I prefer more a paternal expression of disapproval than a gruff or rude one. Perhaps that's just me - I'm a sensei, not a drill sergeant. But that's me and my dynamic - that doesn't suggest that "shut the fuck up!" is not an expected response for some. It's conceivable that this is a difference between your expectations and your dom's - one that's worthy of a frank discussion.
If your current dom is not the "STFU!" one, then I encourage you even more to bring this up with your dom. Talking about that will help bring down the barriers that may be preventing you from talking about more important things.
You might consider journaling. This means keeping a diary of your thoughts. This diary should be available for your dom's inspection at any time, and he should read it periodically. Journaling allows you a disconnect - you can open yourself up outside of his immediate presence.
It's extremely important for a master to be well and truly and completely inside his slave's head. The more he knows her, the better he can craft his leadership to fill her needs. The more open she is with him, the more it will encourage her to open up, as she will see he is trustworthy as he wisely uses what he learns from her.
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Everyone has limits. When I, on occasion, see personal ads speaking of "no limit slave," I smirk a little. Violating limits - whatever they are - is the one thing a dom must never do. The penalty for doing so is losing his sub's trust, and without that trust, there is no relationship at all.
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Quote by sprite
this. when something bothers me, in fact, my Mistress insists that i talk about it - she's more likely to punish me if i don't say something, and that goes for rules as well, not that i've had any issues with any rules... yet...
A slave cannot be truly owned by her master if she doesn't give everything without holding back. At the same time, a master must know everything in his slave's head so that he can fully carry out his responsibility to provide exactly the environment his slave needs to thrive. While I'm not sure I would go so far as to punish for a lack of communication, I would encourage you to look within on those occasions that you don't wish to share something and ask yourself why not. If there are deeper issues, then you should try to understand them - with the help of your master.
Rules violations that require punishment should always be accompanied by a lecture punctuated by lots of Q&A. A master will often find that rebellion likely has roots in some dissatisfaction with the environment he has created. If a master completely ignores mitigating circumstances, then the punishment will be less likely to be accepted and instead will build resentment, which is counterproductive to the goal of having your slave be happy in her gilded cage.
That's not to say that a master cannot engage in sadistic and even brutal play with his slave if he chooses (assuming that their dynamic includes that sort of thing). But there should be a distinction between (ab)using his slave for his own amusement and punishing her for a transgression.
EDIT: I use 'his' and 'he' to refer to the dom and 'she' and 'her' for the sub just because it's how I roll. Please feel free to substitute the appropriate gender for you and know that I meant in no way to slight alternative pairings.
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Quote by SlavePrincess
If its something that really bothers you, have you been able to use an opportunity to talk to your Master and see if a compromise could be met?
Open communication is critical in D/s lifestyles. Even if you have a speaking protocol, there must be some way within that protocol to ask the equivalent of, "Master, may I speak to you about something?" And that should be the opening to a period where the two parties can speak as equals.
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If you are right, and this was involuntary, then you were witnessing a felony.
Certainly by default "no" means "no." But that default can be overridden when people know their partners well enough or have negotiated otherwise.
Do you know absolutely that this slave had no safe-word? "no," "stop" or "please" almost certainly would not be it, btw.
Certainly by default "no" means "no." But that default can be overridden when people know their partners well enough or have negotiated otherwise.
Do you know absolutely that this slave had no safe-word? "no," "stop" or "please" almost certainly would not be it, btw.